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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May. 31, 2010
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    Default Getting out of a sticky travel situation

    A friend and I vacationed together last year, had a blast, and decided to do an Ireland trip this year. In the early stages of planning, my friend asked if I'd be okay if another friend joined us. The third person is someone I've hung out with some, but isn't really a friend. Said third person seemed generally fun, so I agreed, with some reservation. More people to split bills after all.

    Since then this third person has really shown some true colors, and is NOT a person I want to spend two weeks in Ireland with. Loud and obnoxious when drunk, which is unfortunately too often since they don't seem to understand the meaning of drinking in moderation. I want this to be a fun and active vacation and this person gets "late starts" all the time because of hangovers. Add to that this person really copped an attitude this past weekend (while drunk, shockingly) and called me a nasty name because they thought I was laughing at them when I was laughing at something else...sigh, anyway all this drama from people too old for it.

    So, how do I say to original friend - I don't think the three of us traveling together is a good idea any longer? Nothing is booked yet, so there's not an issue there. I don't want to damage the original friendship, but I don't want my big trip this year to be with this third person. Do I just say that I've changed my mind and am doing something else??

    Advice appreciated.



  2. #2
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    Sep. 7, 2009
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    Default

    I'd be honest, but that's me. No is a complete sentence.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    8 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    Default

    It's no fun to be on a vacay and have to deal with that crap, so you're wise to see it now and take action. (You're actually lucky that you know in advance!!! I was totally gobsmacked the first time it happened to me!)

    I would say exactly what you are saying here to your other friend. "I don't want to have to DEAL with this!"

    You might be surprised that your other friend feels the same way.

    Regardless, just say it. Don't ruin your trip putting up with it. I've done that. THere's nothing fun about apologizing to restaurant staff, tackling someone before they jump off the danged parking garage, or getting berated in public when someone just can't control their liquor.

    Don't do it. Go or don't. But don't take this person.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  4. #4
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    Jan. 30, 2010
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    Default

    If you don't want to damage the original friendship, don't just say you havae changed your mind as she will wonder WHY you changed your mind, and it WILL strain things.

    can you be honest?

    "Jane's a great person most of the time, but I am not comfortable around her when she is drunk, and I don't think we have the same ideas about how to spend a vacation. If the two of you want to do Ireland this year, then perhaps you and I can do something the year after?"
    Freeing worms from cans everywhere!


    6 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 25, 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania
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    Default

    You're grown. Tell the truth.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


    11 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2012
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    Default

    Bite the bullet and tell your friend. This is too big a trip to allow someone to ruin it for you. Aside from the drunken issues, your days might be spent waiting for this person to get ready and you could lose out on so much!!!
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
    Location
    Upstate NY
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    Default

    Yes, like everyone has said, be honest. Trips are too expensive to be annoyed the whole time by someone like this.

    I really like CHT's example.



  8. #8
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Default

    Tell the other friend, and remind her that someone who gets drunk, and then acts up overseas might not enjoy what happens next. And no way would I ever want to go on vacation with someone like that either.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec. 22, 2000
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    NY
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by CHT View Post

    "Jane's a great person most of the time, but I am not comfortable around her when she is drunk, and I don't think we have the same ideas about how to spend a vacation.
    This part sounds perfect.

    If the two of you want to do Ireland this year, then perhaps you and I can do something the year after?"
    This part I would replace with something more along the lines of, "What do you think?" If you were originally supposed to go, why should you offer to bow out in favor of the third party? It may come to that, but why suggest it right off the bat?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Aug. 17, 2004
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    Default

    The key is to tell the truth and don't ask for a choice. Just say you can't go on the trip with Person X. It may be that your friend doesn't want to go with her either, but was too shy to bring it up.

    And whatever happens, go on vacation! One of the best trips I had was a solo trip to England. It's lots of fun not having to answer to anyone else about what you choose to do when traveling.
    Where Norwegian Fjords Rule
    http://www.ironwood-farm.com


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Feb. 4, 2006
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    Picking travel partners is just...CRITICAL. I would be honest with your friend and absolutely do not go if that person is involved. It takes too much money and time, plus the sheer expectation of having fun on a vacation for it to be with people who aren't worth going with.

    I have very limited amounts of time off, and even more limited finances with which to do it. I made the mistake of doing a weekend trip last year with a now-former friend. Let's just say she is "former" because of that trip. Definitely do not go if that person is involved...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
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    I read a long time ago that you should never go on vacation with someone who irritates you. I made the mistake once of going for a few days with a person I wasn't too fond of, and after a few days I really wanted to strangle her. Going alone is so much better than having to put up with someone who is a real pain.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
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    Jul. 8, 2003
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    South of the North pole...... barely
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    Hey if all else fails & your friend bails on your trip due to this, I'll sign up & go with you. I have distant family there & have always wanted to go...lol
    Heck I'm sure there are a few cother's on here that would love to go too



  14. #14
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    May. 31, 2010
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    Thanks all. I've got a couple good scripts to work with, I think. I am a really assertive person at work, but when it comes to stuff like this I go soft! Going to Ireland is expensive, and I really want to enjoy it without baggage or having to stop at every pub we pass. I certainly plan on spending my fair share of time in pubs, but it's not my focus.

    I've been toying with the idea of a solo trip for a bit too. If this doesn't work out, my plan is Scotland solo, maybe partly on a tour. I could use the time for introspection.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Sep. 21, 2010
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    Solo isn't bad at all - I went to London & Edinburgh alone for about 10 days this past summer, and it was one of the best trips I've ever been on.



  16. #16
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    Aug. 15, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by KTRider View Post
    I don't think the three of us traveling together is a good idea any longer?
    This seems like a perfectly honest and appropriate way to do it. Though I'd make sure friend knows is only the 3rd person you are uncomfortable with.

    This is a big trip and is suppose to be a ton of fun. You deserve to enjoy yourself and be comfortable.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."



  17. #17
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    Dec. 22, 2000
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    Quote Originally Posted by KTRider View Post
    I've been toying with the idea of a solo trip for a bit too. If this doesn't work out, my plan is Scotland solo, maybe partly on a tour. I could use the time for introspection.
    Scotland is really beautiful. If you go, I highly recommend Oban, a very pretty, fun town on the west coast of Scotland. I think we stayed at the Manor House Hotel, which was lovely.



  18. #18
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    Tell the truth! I have travelled a lot and there are maybe 2 people outside my family I'd 100% rely on not to screw me over or suddenly turn drama queen after leaving the country. That is a lot of money to spend to be miserable, so make sure you're not.

    If you go to Scotland I could babble on and on about it. Oban is beautiful and if you're going to go there definitely get the ferry over to Mull, which is small enough that you can do it walking/using public transport. My favourite part of Scotland, outside of Edinburgh, the best city in the world, is the NW Highlands - Ullapool and beyond. You'd need either a car or bike for maximum exploring opportunities though.
    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey



  19. #19
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    May. 4, 2003
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    Three is a crowd - and you are not letting her down as she will have a travel partner. Travelling is a test of any friendship, even without warning signs.
    Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique



  20. #20
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    Sep. 4, 2012
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    Default

    Just be honest. And by all means, do back out of the trip. I say this as someone who was once stuck in a foreign country with a travelling companion who was an obnoxious drunk. You do not want to be in that situation.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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