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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2012
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    18

    Default oh vey! I can't believe this happened at the farm today.

    An incident occurred today at the farm where I ride. I'm posting under an alter and and am also somewhat reluctant to describe the incident in too much detail because I wouldn't want to reveal the people or barn in question.

    I'll post a few details in the event that some useful advice can come out of this. If it's too vague, then I understand.

    Most barns will have some rules simply to create a safe environment for all. My barn is slightly relaxed about some of the rules because in most circumstances it is not a problem. However, there is one person who flouts the rules and 90% of the time it hasn't created a problem so everybody ignores it. However, this person did the same kind of stuff today and it created a situation that could have ended very, very badly for a number of horses and riders. I was one of the people who could have ended up seriously hurt so I would like to approach the BO about this.

    Recommendations on what to say to the BO? I don't want to be a hard-@$$ or make it look like a want a draconian environment with 100% adhereance to the rules, but when people do stuff that could hurt others...

    If this is too vague, anyone willing to take a short PM?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
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    3,639

    Default

    Did you confront the person who was breaking the rules and endangering you?



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 8, 2009
    Location
    Montreal, Qc
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    3,093

    Default

    No need to go more in details.

    If this person has done something dangerous/inconsiderate, you should have a talk with your BO about it.

    If it were me, I would have talked directly to the offender and told him/her my point of view on the subject! I don't like when people act stupidly and are potentially dangerous. If they want to do crazy things, they can buy their own place and ride alone.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2012
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    18

    Default

    I did not bring the issue up with the other person yet because I wanted to take time to collect my thoughts instead of saying something too strong and regretting it later.

    I also wasn't sure if I should ask the BO to deal with it since the offender is more likely to listen to them.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2008
    Posts
    781

    Default

    Some people lack the knowledge or common sense to use it. It is the barn owner's place and business, but you pay to have an agreeable environment to conduct your activities.

    Why not describe it to the barn owner and let her/him know how it made you feel and some of the "consequences" that went thorough your mind as the event were unfolding?

    Ultimately, it is up to the barn owner to decide how the "problem" is dealt with and you get to choose if you find that acceptable and stay, or not and leave. If the problem boarder is her Mom or BFF, or boards 1/2+ horses in the barn - well, you may be SOL. If it is another PITA type boarder whom everyone complains about, things may go your way.

    Hope you stay safe despite others' actions.
    Horses should be trained in such a way that they not only love their riders, but look forward to the time they are with them.
    ~ Xenophon, 350 B.C.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
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    33,108

    Default

    if it was that stupid that a bunch of people and horses could have gotten seriously hurt, by all means, do tell the BO. I am sure he/she will appreciate the heads up when something that could potentially cost them their farm happens on the premises...
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
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    3,639

    Default

    Alter, did you have a sense that you should say something to the rule-breaker?

    It always seems like that sort of situation backfires when one approaches someone else to fix the problem. Particularly BOs and Trainers.

    I would be concerned about the rest of the rules being lax...most rules in a barn are directly safety related, even if they don't seem to be.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2012
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    18

    Default

    @Mzm: Well, from what I've heard, other people have complained about this person but for different reasons.

    This person lost serious control of their horse while doing something that is stated clearly in the rules that they should not be doing. Was this person doing something that was completely stupid? Well this "thing" isn't bad in and of itself, but in the specific situation in which it occurred it's not the wisest thing to do. This is probably why the BO says in the rules "X is not to occur under the following circumstances..."

    After the first episode, it happened AGAIN. Had I been in the process of dismounting even a minute later, I could have potentially got dragged when the person lost control again and their horse bolted and ran past mine and spooked it.

    @onegraypony:I keep flip-flopping on whether to say anything to the individual in question. Although I feel comfortable enough with them in general to say something now that I've calmed down a bit, it's the BO who is responsible for telling people to stick to the rules. So I don't know what to do...



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Packing my bags
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    hmm, I know back in the day, back home if somebody would have repeatedly done something endangering, somebody would have told the offender to knock the effing shit off, followed by numerous variables of unpleasant consequences. To the extend of needing either or both, a podiatrist and proctologist. of course, you can phrase it nicer. but you really need to speak up, to the offending person and the BO. And not while they maybe visit you in the hospital!
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    5 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr. 26, 2009
    Location
    Stroudsburg, PA
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    335

    Default

    While I am a very blunt and vocal person and would have definitely said something to the person who caused the problem I don't think it's the right thing to do. I would go to the BO, this is their business and it is something they need to know about and be handling so that the offender understands that it never happens again and if it does they are out (or whatever the agreement is)
    The one good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,446

    Default

    OP, you have vetoed the "Tell offender then and there to stop it... at least while you are in the ring" strategy?

    If so, I'd say the same thing to the BO, as in "Look, I don't want to be a PITA. I don't care what Outlaw does in general. But X happened the other day while I was riding and it shouldn't. Can you speak to outlaw?"

    I was with you until you got to the "What if I had been dismounting and then my horse spooked and then I was dragged?" Meh. Not another horseman's problem. It's your job to keep yourself and your horse safe.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 21, 2009
    Location
    Hunterdon County NJ
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    Default

    Well.... in my personal experience things generally go the way they go. If there are 'rules' that are being ignored 90% of the time, it is unlikely they will be adhered to the 10% when it is important.

    And I hate to say it, but a lot depends upon who is the 'bigger fish.' If the rule breaker is a 'bigger fish,' in some way a more important/wealthy/influential/liked/whatever client, then they are likely to have their way unless something really, really bad happens. And lets face it, really bad things don't happen that often.

    More often, the rule breakers scare the crap out of, annoy, irritate, and inconvenience people. But they don't often kill them. Which is why they generally tend to get away with it.

    So, realistically speaking, sure you can talk to the rule breaker or the barn manager. BUT in all likelihood, things will continue in the future as they have in the past. You will, most likely, have to just take steps to be safe whenever genius "I'll have it my way" is around.

    Does that suck? Yes, but if you are in a situation where the rules are not applied 90% of the time, then that is really where the problem lies.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 23, 2012
    Location
    TN
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    49

    Default

    Safety is safety. If it wasn't safe, they shouldn't do it; if someone gets angry or upset because you are concerned about something that they are doing...then maybe they need to re-evaluate themselves.

    Maybe if you present it that way, they will see it differently. I definitely don't think you should have an issue telling someone you are concerned that they may injure themselves or someone else. You are paying good money (I am assuming) to board there, you should not have to worry about people acting "silly".


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2009
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    1,941

    Default

    A lot of the results depend on how you state the problem. I would first talk to the rider themselves like they were a responsible adult. Not lecturing but pointing out how what they were doing was effecting me and my horse's safety. I would point out that it's against the rules for a reason and if they can't understand that or cop an attitude and continue you will be forced to speak to the BO. That said, I have come to believe that there is a shortage of responsible adults around.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    NY
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    4,411

    Default

    Tell BO and shop for another barn. You don't have to move, but it is always good to have alternatives at hand, even when you love a place. That's just being smart.
    I agree with isabeau, especially her first paragraph.
    If you are the only one who was traumatized, then choose your next barn with safety in the forefront. I have boarded at barns that taught kids how to ride and were definitely in the safety first mode. They unobtrusively "babysat" the adults who needed it as well, not that I ever fell into that group, not me, nope, nudge nudge wink wink.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
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    Default

    If you couch it in terms of rule broken, then absolutely not your place. But I don't see that it's not your place to defend your own safety.

    The reason I asked about your "sense" is that often times your intuition will tell you the right answer, and your brain will talk you out of it.

    So, if, for example, offender is about to longe their horse in the ring while you are riding (and this is the rule being broken) you have a few choices: a. Say nothing b. Say "hey, x, I just want to keep us both safe.... I've noticed that your horse gets a little excited on the longe line while I'm in here riding..I totally get it, but I'm concerned for my safety..mind waiting a few minutes until I'm done riding or is there another way we can both stay safe an get done what we need to get done?" Or C. Say nothing and go complain to the barn owner.

    Only one of those sounds like the mature option to me, and it isn't the last one.

    Now, if you were to say something and the person says something like, "screw you I can do what I want"...then escalation might be in order.

    I can't stand tattletale behavior, and you have every right to stay safe on your horse. If you keep it about safety and not rule breaking you should be fine.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Mar. 23, 2008
    Posts
    331

    Default

    I think what it boils down to is that as adults we tend to feel like we are tattle tales when we go to one adult about another adult. Somewhere in our hearts we know that we should be able to just confront the offending person....but at the same time confontation can be scarey

    This is why I like to see BO or BM who are around OFTEN.....if they are there when the offenses occur then there is no need to "tattle" on someone else.

    If this is the sort of thing that you could see potentially keeing you from riding, such as if you go to ride and this other boarder is there you start to question whether you should even get on your horse....then you absolutly should say something to the BO/BM. Even if you say something like
    "part of the reason I like our barn is that there are rules in place for safety but I have been noticing that some people all not following all the rules, is there a possibility you could adress general rule following with all the boarders, just to remind everyone how things run" This would keep everything general, but may give the offending boarder a hint????


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2012
    Posts
    18

    Default

    There are some excellent comments and suggestions, so thanks everyone so far!

    @mvp: you have a very valid point regarding "have I vetoed speaking directly with this person". In the previous case, I didn't say anything until it became clear there was a potential problem at which point I started talking to the person directly. Since then it hasn't been a problem with that individual. They got the message.


    In the current situation, I first ignored it, then I said something yesterday in an effort to find a mutually acceptable solution to the problem. Person said something that led me to believe the situation would be ok, but it went downhill quickly. So if I spoke to the barn owner, I don't think I would be tattling necessarily since I tried to speak with the person in question. I could speak with them again to say hey, after what happened, Im concerned about safety, yada yada, but I'll likely run into the BO before I run into that person.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
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    If you said something before, then yea, escalate - sorry, didn't get that from your previous posts.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
    Location
    NE TN, USA
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    Default

    By protecting the offender you're not only endangering the BO's livelihood, but the safety of the other boarders and their horses as well.
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams


    1 members found this post helpful.

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