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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 2006
    Posts
    615

    Question Best way to tell BO I'm leaving?

    So, after confirming with the new BO that my horse will be moved into the winter paddocks straight away (no barbed wire and more trees for sheltering shelters from wind), I've decided I'm moving my horse within the next 2-3 weeks. But I haven't told the current BO yet and not sure how to go about doing so. In the 12 years I've owned my horse, I've only moved him once...which is to the place he's at now. The first time I moved was sad - I'd been there since I was 14 taking lessons - but the BO's 16 yr granddaughter hated me and was taking it out on my horse. Hitting him when she went to get the horse in his paddock and then chasing him around the paddock until he was sweating. I told the BO about those incidents and it was more of a "she's going through a bad stage" response. So I said I was moving him to a retirement barn which would be a little quieter for him. I still keep in touch with that BO.

    But now...? The current BO is incredibly nice and I just found 5 other horses are leaving. This is her first time running a barn and she had close to 30 horses last year...and now it's down to 12. 11, once I leave. There's a variety of reasons WHY I'm leaving, all having to do with horse care. Last feeding at 4:30. No one on the property at night. My horse got into a skeletal condition. There's no hay or grass for the horses after they're done last feeding until, breakfast...which is about 12 hours. Horses no longer are quarantined when they come to the barn. The deworming schedule is everyone buys whatever and deworms in a span of 2-3 days. My horse gets a different horse in with him every month and there's no logic behind it. He now has an obese pony in with him so there's less hay being fed. In 2 weeks, he's getting a dominant horse put in with him...when HE is dominant. Basically, there's not a whole lot of logic behind these decisions. Not to mention I'm going out there every night at 8pm or later to feed him a bucket of alfalfa cubes and his grain to help put weight on him AND ensure he at least has something in his stomach before the 12 hour wait for breakfast.

    But...I can't say all that to the BO. So what do I say? I want to give her notice ASAP, then I'm planning on paying his Oct board and essentially eating the money because I'll be leaving with him in the first week of Oct (before the dominant horse gets put in with him.) Thoughts?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
    Location
    East Longmeadow, MA
    Posts
    3,834

    Default

    Even though she's incredibly nice I'd tell her why I was leaving. These issues are probably why she's lost so many boarders. And why do you have to pay a whole month board for one week? Can't you pro-rate it?



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2010
    Location
    Earlysville, Virginia
    Posts
    3,271

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    If you dont feel comfortable telling her why, then just give her your notice. When I left my last boarding barn due to lack of care, I checked my contract, which required 30 days notice, in WRITING.

    I emailed my BM and said something along the lines of "I will be moving my horse, insert name here, on September ___ 2011. I have left a check for October board on the tack room desk. Please confirm that you have recieved this as my 30 days notice."
    She emailed back that she had recieved it, wished me luck and that was that. Easy as pie. I picked my horse up the next day, so I ate a month's board also, but sometimes its worth it. Gotta go by what the contract says.
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
    Posts
    4,424

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    I think AliCat's way is best. You don't have to give a reason! And if you can, I think taking the high road and paying the month's board is the way to go.

    If she asks you why, then if you like her you can tell her, kindly, just what you've said here. The fact that she's had a lot of boarders leave is NOT your problem. (It is hers, but if she can't see it there's nothing you can do).



  5. #5
    Join Date
    May. 5, 2009
    Location
    Location: Indiana, but my heart is in Zone II
    Posts
    3,074

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    Quote Originally Posted by SMF11 View Post
    I think AliCat's way is best. You don't have to give a reason! And if you can, I think taking the high road and paying the month's board is the way to go.

    If she asks you why, then if you like her you can tell her, kindly, just what you've said here. The fact that she's had a lot of boarders leave is NOT your problem. (It is hers, but if she can't see it there's nothing you can do).
    Agree.
    Come to the dark side, we have cookies



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 2006
    Posts
    615

    Default

    Really, I don't need to give a reason? I'm going to have to tell her face-to-face and I can't see myself being savvy enough to not mention something. Just, "I'm sorry to tell you this but I'm moving my horse. Here's the October board, we'll be out by Oct 7?" I've known this lady for the last 8 years (though I've only boarded with her for the last 2).



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2008
    Posts
    1,808

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    You don't need to give a reason. Since people are flocking to leave though, I hope that you do, even if it's after the fact and you need to type it out and mail it to her. Because if you don't want to give a reason, how many others don't? She needs a wake-up call as to why people are leaving it sounds like.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 2006
    Posts
    615

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    The worst part is that I already talked to her multiple times about my concerns. I'm sure they are the same concerns as everyone else. In fact, I know 2 people who left because of exactly what I tried to talk to the BO about. But the BO only replies that her system "seems to be working." Well, it isn't if people are leaving and horses are unhappy. Or in the case of my horse, skeletal.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 9, 2000
    Location
    Weeks Poultry Colony - West
    Posts
    1,265

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    Quote Originally Posted by smokygirl View Post
    You don't need to give a reason. Since people are flocking to leave though, I hope that you do, even if it's after the fact and you need to type it out and mail it to her. Because if you don't want to give a reason, how many others don't? She needs a wake-up call as to why people are leaving it sounds like.
    Providing the wake-up call can be delivered with diplomacy I agree.
    Libby

    There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness". - DAVE BARRY



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
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    East Longmeadow, MA
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    Yes - diplomatically. That's what I meant. No need to get in her face about it but you'd be doing her a service.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr. 28, 2008
    Posts
    7,879

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    Gosh, doesn't seem to be working all that well to me. Skeletal horses = epic fail in my world.

    I would probably tell her the truth if she asks for a reason, including that you talk to her about the issues but you felt she didn't take them seriously/do anything to fix them so you had to seek another situation. Done nicely it might help the remaining horses a little, otherwise I'd keep my mouth shut but I'd say something here on the off chance it might push her to start feeding the remaining ones.

    Or I might not, depending on how I felt she'd react. I don't know, one of those things I'd play off the cuff probably. Depends on how interested she seemed on honest feedback in the "exit interview."
    Last edited by fordtraktor; Sep. 27, 2011 at 04:00 PM.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    10,458

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    I wouldn't tell her the reason; obviously the concerns have been brought up to her by other people and yourself, and are falling on deaf ears. Rehashing might just make her defensive and create a scene.

    Just tell her you are moving, in person or whatever, and then do so.
    COTH's official mini-donk enabler

    "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 30, 2008
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    400

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    i was going to ask this same question

    I have been at my fair share of barns (but forgetting to water and running out of water is a MAJOR nono)

    I always in some way. offend the BO/BM...it doesn't matter how nice i say it. they usually get huffy when you don't like the way they do things...or if you think your horse needs something different

    I regret some moves because I gave notice but i was so frightened for my horse I moved him ASAP without proper length of stay. (however i was already payed up)

    look in your contract give whatever notice you agreed to in the contract and no you don't have to tell why (everytime i did they got upset) if she asks...tell her the truth. the horse world is a small world.

    i am pretty sure i built a reputation. however most all of the reasons you mentioned in your OP were the same reasons i left.

    good luck



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2000
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    If you are not under contract to give a written notice, then go ahead and give it anyway, tack up the check where she will find it and move on. Gets you out of the drama and on to a better life.

    When barns lose that many boarders the BO's pretty much figure out why, whether or not they let on they know to anyone else. You've stated your concerns, you've tried to work it out, but it is time for for something that is a better fit for you and your horse.
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

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  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
    Posts
    14,090

    Default

    You could just tell her that you are leaving, even though you really like her and the facility, due to some of the feed/turnout issues you've mentioned in the past that haven't been resolved, so you think the move would be best for your horse and peace of mind.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
    Location
    Dutchess County, New York
    Posts
    4,424

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    If you must give a reason, you can always say "It's not a good fit for me". You don't have to say, "It's not a good fit for me because you are starving my horse". You can say, "I really like you, but I've decided it is not a good fit for me". If she asks why, you can provide more details, if you want.

    But -- this is a life lesson: you usually do not have to give reasons if you decide something and are making some kind of change in these types of situations.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 7, 2007
    Location
    east coast
    Posts
    245

    Default

    If you have a good relationship I would say tell her face to face and be ready for her to possibly bristle a bit. This is her business and many take leaving as a personal insult.
    I would have a plan in place to move sooner than you planned if things go sour. I have personally had it taken out on my horse and others here have, too. Some people can't deal with the "rejection".



  18. #18
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    22,940

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SMF11 View Post
    If you must give a reason, you can always say "It's not a good fit for me". You don't have to say, "It's not a good fit for me because you are starving my horse". You can say, "I really like you, but I've decided it is not a good fit for me". If she asks why, you can provide more details, if you want.

    But -- this is a life lesson: you usually do not have to give reasons if you decide something and are making some kind of change in these types of situations.

    Second this. Leave with your head high and your mouth shut. You've already told BO the problems, if she's not getting it, I wouldn't explain it again. The horse world is small...you never know when or how you'll meet her again.
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  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2002
    Location
    West Coast of Michigan
    Posts
    36,321

    Default

    If the care is so bad that your horse was SKELETAL, why on EARTH can't you say that to the BO?

    If you have specific requests that, if accomodated, would allow you to happily stay there, then SPEAK UP.

    Deworming over several days with boarders providing their own is not that unusual. Moving horses to different paddocks is not that unusual. Maybe there IS logic to it--did you ask?

    I will *never* understand why horse owners become so tongue-tied when trying to bring up issues with boarding farms. How is this BO to know you are unhappy, or what she could do to MAKE you happy, if you can't even speak to her?

    If you've addressed the precise issues YOU ARE HAVING and gotten brushed off or unsatisfactory solutions, well, off you go. Tell her that this is why you're leaving. It's called CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM and it does not kill anyone, nor even leave a mark. Maybe the next boarder will benefit from the feedback you give. Stiffen your backbone, speak up on behalf of your horse and the next horse to come to this barn. Address the issues precisely, one by one, ask for a solution that is satisfactory, set a time frame for the solution to be provided, and if it is not, then leave.
    Click here before you buy.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Feb. 9, 2005
    Location
    Upper Midwest
    Posts
    6,311

    Default

    Just do whatever your contract specifies and leave it at that. Personally, if you are going to eat a month of board, and that is 30 days, then I would plan to move ASAP after giving notice in case things head south. Make sure you give written notice too if the contract calls for written notice! Even if you verbally give notice as well.

    Only give a reason if you are asked for one. I mean it seems obvious that if a horse is thin that's why the boarder is leaving...you shouldn't have to spell it out.

    Be prepared for the BO to offer to fix things if you do give a reason. Know what you are going to say so you aren't caught off guard and made to feel like a bad guy if the BO goes into a woe is me routine.

    Just keep it short and polite and stick to the facts and you should be good to go.
    Siouxland Sporthorses: http://slsfarm.blogspot.com/

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