I think William Fox-Pitt said it best in one of the press conferences last weekend: “Eventing is a mental game in both senses of the word.”
As I was jumping my last jump in show jumping at my first four-star on the nicest of horses, at the best of venues, against the strongest competitors, I was thinking about the jump. Mentally, I had been in control of my thoughts, knowing the importance of what William just said. I’d heard it as, “As mental as this sport may seem at times, we can win when our mental game is strong.”
I galloped through the finish flags, and it was as if the emotional side of me that was not allowed access from the blow of the whistle to the stop of the clock stormed in to be heard… I was flooded with tears of every step that got my beautiful horse and I to those finish flags.
Earlier in the week, I had missed walking the first seven fences on cross-country with Mark Phillips’ original course walk, due to a Land Rover photo shoot with Boyd Martin and Will Coleman. We literally ran late because the photographer wanted Boyd and Will to stop smiling so big. She actually said, “Less smile. Think manly.”
If you’ve met Will and Boyd, you know they’re all boyish smiles and huge teeth! When the photographer said to Will, “I’m envisioning ruggedly handsome,” this led to us all completely losing it—at which point I was led away because I was “not helping.”
Every time the group of us locked eyes, all sense of seriousness was out the window. Eventually we got it together and hopefully provided Land Rover some nice pictures for future campaigns. Then we were whisked away by Jim Wolf to catch up with the already rolling course walk.
After my dressage, I’d called Mark to see if he would mind walking the first water with me quickly. He responded with something along the lines of, “I’ll pick you up round front by the johns.”
To me that meant by the stabling office by the bathrooms. I waited and waited and then started thinking, “Mark is British. He wouldn’t call it a john, he’d call it a loo… Where is he, and what did he actually say?”
I called him back, and eventually we met up, and I told him what I thought he’d said. He just laughed, as he usually does when I say something a little more honest or in detail than necessary…
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But no matter—it broke up the seriousness and the nerves that were slowly setting in knowing cross-country day was merely hours away.
Saturday morning I was sitting in eighth place, which really means nothing going into cross-country… dressage is really far from your mind. I woke up waiting to feel nerves and that sick feeling in the bit of my stomach, and I felt surprisingly fine. I went out for my final walk, and again I felt calm.
Was I too calm?? My ride time was 2:30. By 2:45 I would either be a successful four-star rider or be disappointed or, even worse, a disappointment. I watched Mary King attack the cross-country, and then I left to try to pass the time and not over think my ride.
That was pretty much impossible since, from the beginning of cross-country, all I kept hearing over the loudspeaker was the multiple stops, falls and basic havoc the cross-country was causing… Not exactly easy to find your inner chi.
I rode Tate out to the cross-country calmly, but I knew my emotions were sitting in a house next door, and I would have felt much more comfortable if they were hanging out on the other side of town.
Tate felt great in warm-up, and I just jumped a few fences so as not to tire him. But my confidence was slipping a bit, and I had to continually ask Megan if she thought that was the right decision as I watched some of my peers jumping many more fences than I had.
She supported me, told me he looked great and walked us down to the box. There was a slight hold on the course, but I was already working on going a bit cold and could feel my head getting into the right place, and the world started to go a bit quiet.
Tate felt perfect. Maybe not textbook—there were moments where pure instinct and heart got us to the next fence—but to me that was perfect.
Tate was tired and had us on edge for a few minutes after pulling up but returned to his slightly rude self quickly in the box. Megan got him back to the stall as quickly as she could to get him comfortable and in ice, and I had to stay back a few minutes and talk to some people.
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I walked back to the barn by myself to reflect quietly and only paused to watch Jessica Phoenix jump her amazing Exponential over the last fence. I saw her horse balloon over the jump and the smile on her face, and I started to tear up. I know how that look feels.
Trot-up on Sunday was exciting, as Tate bucked wildly on the way back, which I think helped tip the scales in our favor on getting the best conditioned horse title! I had every intention of watching show jumping and having Megan bring Tate down to the ring, but after watching a few I felt the over-analyzing start.
I went back to the barn to hang out with Tate and Megan. When I was walking down to the stadium, Tate felt tired, but as soon as he heard the crowds cheer for a rider, he lit back up, knowing the crowd was there for him.
It’s an awesome feeling knowing that the crowd and the atmosphere is going to lift your horse up, not make him nervous or worried. In the warm-up I looked at Hannah Sue Burnett and said, “You know, if this is our shining moment, walking around in the warm-up with William Fox-Pitt and Mary King, let it shine!!” Both of us were trying to find our comfort zone with the reality of what was happening.
As I trotted down to the ring, I looked at David, who winked and said, “It’s just like at home—we do this all the time.”
I looked out at the packed stands, the white sand and those jumps and thought, “This does not look like my home!” But with that being said, I felt more at home than I thought I would, and so did Tate.
He jumped a beautiful clear round, finishing in third place overall and earning the national four-star championship.
I know my family, coaches, friends, sponsors, farriers, vets and even my mechanic jumped every jump with me. It’s an amazing feeling to feel like I’ve started to repay the debt of years of knowledge, support, love and belief that people have lent to me over the years. I hope to continue to prove all the investors right in the years to come.
Sinead
