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spinoff on kidney disease thread - consumed with guilt

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  • spinoff on kidney disease thread - consumed with guilt

    In reading recent kitty kidney disease/megacolon threads, I have learned things that I did not know when my beloved Simon had problems with both last year that led to me putting him down possibly MUCH earlier than I should have. It is driving me crazy. I did not know about anti-nausea drugs, or drugs you could give to help with the constipation. I don't know why my vet didn't suggest these, I certainly would have tried them if I had known about them.

    My vet is very well respected and has been around for years. He owns a large practice that also has a 24/7 emergency practice. He and I became very close over the past 10 years or so and he actually came to my house to put poor Simon down.

    I am now just kicking myself and am consumed with guilt that I didn't do everything possible for my poor boy.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!

  • #2
    To an animal, today is forever. If they feel like crap today they think they will feel like that forever. You released him from that belief which is a most wonderful gift. Godspeed. Let it go.
    McDowell Racing Stables

    Home Away From Home


    • #3

      We all do the best we can with the information we have. Don't feel guilty or beat yourself up. You did your best - that is all we can hope to do.

      Are there things I feel guilty about - you betcha! On bad days I cry about them, but I try not to let them consume me, which is easier said than done.

      You've learned things which will help you and your kitties in the future if needed.

      I'm not good with words, but the bottom line is that you loved your cat, he loved you and he had a wonderful life with you. There are always going to be things that we wish we could change, but usually they come after the fact and that darn hindsight is always 20/20.

      Big hugs to you!


      • #4
        Oliver Reed, I so know what you are talking about! My old kitty died of renal failure, and I wish I knew then what I know now! The vet also is a nice, well trained person but.....made some choices I regret (and I went along with). They never recommended anti nausea meds, appetite meds, nothing (he did get subq for several years). I will say this though - CRF (Chronic renal failure) for my kitty was not going to get better, regardless of what they did. One way or another, it was going to go downhill. As far as I know, thats still pretty true - the meds just help make them comfortable but its not like there is a "cure", and I even have the Epogen (nooooot cheap, not sure I 'd do that again either)

        My kitty knew he was adored. He was surrounded by love (I know these things are true for your kitty!). He did not linger and suffer (and people talk of their cats going into seizures they can't stop, NOTHING that I would have wanted for my cat). I absolutely know my kitty crossed with love.

        so, even though I would do things differently, in the end the result would have been the same. What is hard is that I just miss him. I wanted him for longer (forever!). I hate renal disease and I hate that they can't fix it. But any cat that is loved, that has an owner who is invested in relieving their discomfort, however that goes, is a very lucky cat. Many many many do not have that.

        Hugs to you and prayers for your sweet kitty (all of our sweet kitties).


        • #5
          I recently lost a very special cat named Simon. He was in early stage renal failure (for almost a year) and had crippling arthritis. Managing his pain was always a balancing act because the meds were going to eventually blow out his organs. I chose to let him go before it was a daily scramble to keep him comfortable. OMG, did I ever regret that the next morning! But… almost two weeks later I can look at this video of him on the “last day”, tweaked out on kitty morphine and feeling better than I’d seen him in a while and understand it was the right choice.


          Don’t beat yourself up. Being loved until the end is more important to a cat than a bunch of medical interventions for the same outcome.


          • #6
            Originally posted by Laurierace View Post
            To an animal, today is forever. If they feel like crap today they think they will feel like that forever. You released him from that belief which is a most wonderful gift. Godspeed. Let it go.
            More of this.

            My current cat is a loyal old lady who has a number of problems that each chip away at her quality of life. None of which, however, has made her obviously say "Uncle."

            I hate the watching/waiting/managing/questioning. Just think: If you had done everything to keep Simon around for a long time, you too could have this ungroovy experience!

            All of us do the best we can with what we have or know at the time. So long as you show up and do that for each animal and "pay forward" to the next one what you learned, you are doing the right thing. Really, we cannot do otherwise. But if you try hard with each one, that's good enough.
            The armchair saddler
            Politically Pro-Cat


            • #7
              Oliverreed - you are not alone. I'm currently in the opposite boat - my boy went to have bladder stones removed & ended up with a surgery to turn him into a her (he had stones in his urethra). I would never do this to a cat, but he was on the table & I had to make a decision & I couldn't let him go. I'm currently beating myself up for putting him through this. Unfortunately we're all faced with these dilemmas as medical advances are made. Vets all have their own opinions based on their experience & you just can't second guess yourself or you'll go crazy. Enjoy the memories that you have & know that your kitty didn't suffer. And know that you were the best Mom Simon could have asked for. Hugs - Kristin


              • #8
                Originally posted by Laurierace View Post
                To an animal, today is forever. If they feel like crap today they think they will feel like that forever. You released him from that belief which is a most wonderful gift. Godspeed. Let it go.
                Amen to this. It is not about the quantity of life, but the quality, and you did what you could. Be kind to yourself.
                There are friends and faces that may be forgotten, but there are horses that never will be. - Andy Adams


                • Original Poster

                  Thank you SO much, everyone. And Ken - I had a friend who had to have that surgery on her cat and he did just fine afterwards.
                  What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


                  • #10
                    Please be kind to yourself ~ ((hugs)) ~

                    oliverreed ~ first ((hugs)) and tears for your loss

                    please be kind to yourself ~ your vet would not have allowed any mistake ```

                    Your vet knew

                    You knew

                    and dear Simon knew it was time

                    for the kindest ending possible ~

                    given more time hopefully you will be refilled with the good memories of Simon ~ and feel some peace ~

                    and when it is time i hope you will be brave enough to throw your heart out to another cat who needs to be loved like Simon was loved ~


                    Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


                    • #11
                      I wouldnt want to live on daily anti-nauseants, receive enemas and laxatives daily. Thats not the way I want to go out.

                      Acute cases with a good long term prognosis, sure. Chronic end stage renal disease? No. You did the right thing, 100%.