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The holidays...and having a sick dog...and less than understanding relatives.

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  • #41
    My daughter has had similar problems with her in-laws. She has stuck to her guns and they respect her for it. One time when she wasn't going there because of the animals, his grandmother asked if he was still married! When he said yes, she said she didn't want to find out they'd been divorced for 2 yrs and no one had bothered to tell her. LOL

    The dogs stay in their bedroom when they visit and they can't be with her. Now the grandkids love her and her animals so much, because she will play with them, that they are all welcome. She says some times she liked the old days of being unwelcome better!

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    • #42
      Some people just don't understand that animals are family to others of us. They just see them as animals.

      I wasn't sure that I was going to make my parents last Christmas as my old sweet dog was really going downhill. I didn't want to put him in the car and move him. He ended up taking a turn for the worse and I had him PTS on December 23. I went down for Christmas but was not myself at all as I missed the sweet old dog very much.

      My parents kept saying 'He was just a dog and they all die eventually', and 'Any time you lost a pet, it cost you a day off school' - yep, 'heartwarming' things like they always have when I've lost a pet.

      You're doing what's best for a family member who is 100% dependent on you. Your husband should understand, even if his family does not. Sure, he'll be disappointed, but he'll understand.

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      • #43
        Well, alternate view point here. You have posted a lot about your family situation lately. It is husband's first Christmas away, and he is close to his family, you moved so he could finally work after he was unemployed for years, there are money issues and you spent, I believe, 16k in vet work on this dog who is still not well, this is still a young marriage, you have teenaged step kids who don't understand money issues, husband not good with money and resents the 16k you spent on the dog, etc etc.

        Honestly, if you are committed to the marriage (and I am not saying you have to be, reading your other threads has made some alarm bells go off in my head) you need to find a way to go UNLESS husband is prepared to support you in this decision 100% and he is willing to declare to his family that you made the RIGHT decision, no matter what.

        Because if you don't go with him back to his family for his first Christmas away and you have spent 16K on the dog when money was tight and step daughter gets a pair of knock off UGGS for Christmas because money is tight.....you get my drift.

        He will be resentful. Your stepdaughters will probably say less than complimentary things about you and you won't be there to provide an alternate view point. You will be home with a dog who is still sick after 16K of vet work. See where I am going with this?

        I know it would feel good to say "screw it, I am staying home" and I understand that feeling but based on what you have been posting about the whole situation....I would find a way to go, even if that meant getting someone to stay in the house with the dog. UNLESS you have full 100% support from husband which, frankly, I doubt you have.

        I know this will be an unpopular post but I make my comments based on having read about your whole delicate situation. Sorry for your predicament, I know it is gut wrenching.
        Last edited by Mozart; Dec. 6, 2012, 04:25 PM. Reason: typo

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        • #44
          I wouldn't go, but then, I much prefer my dogs to the in-laws.

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          • #45
            Sorry your dog is sick. Do you have a very caring, understanding, animal-person of a friend that you could trust your dog with that lives close to you and could house-sit and stay with the dog for you for a couple of days? If not, I'd stay at home too. I'd worry too much the entire time I was away to even enjoy the holiday. 26 hours is a far drive when you have a sick dog at home.
            *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05

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            • #46
              For the past months when Big Fuzzy Dog was failing, DH and I went on separate trips so one of us could stay home with him. We have great pet-sitters but it was at the point where it was likely that there could be an emergency. Occasionally if we both went to see his parents (3-hour drive) we would take separate cars and one of us would come back the same day. I see no reason why your DH can't go to his parents without you.
              I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry

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              • #47
                Am I the only one impatiently waiting to hear what the vet said???

                ETA: Ooopppps, totally missed the new thread on this! I guess I was too busy reading the PSA thread!

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                • #48
                  Originally posted by BuddyRoo View Post
                  He can (and will) go by himself if it comes down to it. Discussed last night again. But he feels badly to leave me here in a new place over the holidays. I don't mind AT ALL and said so. I'm fine. I've moved around my whole adult life and have not lived close to family in 20 years so I'm totally okay. But it's hard for him to understand having spent 40+ years in the same small town til now. Me? I'm good. I am all good with spending time w/ family when we can and celebrating when we can so a "day" doesn't get me at all.
                  Then the problem is solved!
                  Riding the winds of change

                  Heeling NRG Aussies
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                  • Original Poster

                    #49
                    Originally posted by Mozart View Post
                    Well, alternate view point here. You have posted a lot about your family situation lately. It is husband's first Christmas away, and he is close to his family, you moved so he could finally work after he was unemployed for years, there are money issues and you spent, I believe, 16k in vet work on this dog who is still not well, this is still a young marriage, you have teenaged step kids who don't understand money issues, husband not good with money and resents the 16k you spent on the dog, etc etc.

                    Honestly, if you are committed to the marriage (and I am not saying you have to be, reading your other threads has made some alarm bells go off in my head) you need to find a way to go UNLESS husband is prepared to support you in this decision 100% and he is willing to declare to his family that you made the RIGHT decision, no matter what.

                    Because if you don't go with him back to his family for his first Christmas away and you have spent 16K on the dog when money was tight and step daughter gets a pair of knock off UGGS for Christmas because money is tight.....you get my drift.

                    He will be resentful. Your stepdaughters will probably say less than complimentary things about you and you won't be there to provide an alternate view point. You will be home with a dog who is still sick after 16K of vet work. See where I am going with this?

                    I know it would feel good to say "screw it, I am staying home" and I understand that feeling but based on what you have been posting about the whole situation....I would find a way to go, even if that meant getting someone to stay in the house with the dog. UNLESS you have full 100% support from husband which, frankly, I doubt you have.

                    I know this will be an unpopular post but I make my comments based on having read about your whole delicate situation. Sorry for your predicament, I know it is gut wrenching.

                    I bought her the Uggs she wanted.

                    I bought the other what she wanted.

                    I bought him what he wanted.

                    He's going home. I'm staying.

                    There is so much more...but it's not horse related or dog related and I don't wish to be rude.
                    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                    Might be a reason, never an excuse...

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