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Help me ease the pain -- How has it been 2 years?!?!

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  • Original Poster

    #81
    Well, it has been about 4.5 months since I had to say goodbye to Tonka. I still cry about her a lot and had to take down her pictures at work so I don't have a daily reminder.

    My boyfriend had a good point last night that really landed a punch with me. He thinks I'm trying so hard not to fall in love with Noodle because I'm so terrified of (ever) having to face that heartache again. He's right. And it makes me sad. I'm not doing it on purpose but.....

    Sorry, no real point to this post, was just sitting getting teary-eyed over my Tonk and it does feel better to get it out to those who understand....
    Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

    Comment


    • #82
      Originally posted by Invested1 View Post
      My boyfriend had a good point last night that really landed a punch with me. He thinks I'm trying so hard not to fall in love with Noodle because I'm so terrified of (ever) having to face that heartache again. He's right. And it makes me sad. I'm not doing it on purpose but.....
      It's okay even if you are doing it on purpose.

      The thing about animals is that as hard as we may try not to love with them, they have a way of thwarting our plans. Ask me how I know.
      Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.

      Comment


      • #83
        I did the same thing you're doing now after losing my *heart* dog. I got Norma about 6-8 weeks after losing Noelle and it was just too soon. I wanted Norma to be Noelle so bad and she just wasn't. And those feelings lasted a good year. I finally had to accept Norma for the great dog she is and not the dog I want her to be. Once I did that she blossomed into a dog that, while different than Noelle, has her own special place in my heart.

        Noelle was a happy excited fun-loving dog. High energy and made me laugh.

        Norma is a sweet old soul who is gentle and kind. She has a slow way of going and is endlessly tolerant of people and pets. She became a model therapy dog and has brought joy to many a sick kid.

        If I didn't change how I looked at her and my expectations for her, I don't know if I ever would have been able to see her for who she was and the amazing gift she had to offer people. I've had Norma 12 years now, and she's 17 this year. This mean's it's been 12 years since I lost my sweet Noelle. And to be honest - I still cry.

        Two years ago I finally ventured back into Cockers, which is what Noelle was. I specifically decided not to get a solid colored cocker so I didn't make any kind of comparison between the new dog and her based on how they look. I got my little boy puppy and fate would have it that his mom needed a home 18 months later. Momma dog is a buff and white parti color while Noelle was a silver. But every time I look into her eyes I see Noelle. Everything she does is like having my sweet happy girl back. It's astonishing and eerie.

        The day after I brought Momma home, I took her over to my parent's farm where I had Noelle as a kid. Momma got out of the truck and just walked in the house and knew just where she was. She ran up to my dad, jumped in his lap and just laid down. That was Noelle's routine in the morning while he watched the news. That day I needed to leave to run to the store and I left her with my dad and my father said she sat by the front door and cried while I was gone. She just waited for me to get back. This is what Noelle did when I went away to college. My mom had to call me and get me to talk to her on the phone because she wouldn't eat. She would lay by my bedroom door and sulk.

        Momma bonded with me in the way I was bonded with Noelle immediately. I'm sad because Momma has some health issues and I know her time is limited, but in a way, I feel like I am going to be better with this loss because I know she'll find her way back to me.

        Comment


        • #84
          I don't have that problem bonding with an animal - they are all so individual, and just like with people, we have enough room in our hearts for more than one. I never think of it as replacing another loved one - to me it is a tribute to that lost pet that life just does not seem the same without a great dog, cat horse or person to love.

          What a nice tribute to Tonka. Our Chessie, Maggie, is starting to really show her age and signs of trouble that tell us to cherish every day with her. This farm will never be the same without her - she is the most loyal of all of our dogs and has been a great hunter and protector as well. I really dread the day we lose her - she is the heart of our farm and all of the other animals will miss her too. My husband will be inconsolable...

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #85
            Originally posted by Windsor1 View Post
            It's okay even if you are doing it on purpose.

            The thing about animals is that as hard as we may try not to love with them, they have a way of thwarting our plans. Ask me how I know.
            I'm sure she'll worm her way in some day. It's just such a different dynamic than I've been used to, ya know?

            She's very cute and a sweet girl.
            Some day....
            Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #86
              Originally posted by Snowflake View Post
              I did the same thing you're doing now after losing my *heart* dog. I got Norma about 6-8 weeks after losing Noelle and it was just too soon.
              Same. I definitely wasn't ready but our other dog completely lost his little mind when Tonka died. He became destructive and developed some severe separation anxiety. I wasn't ready but we had to get a new friend for Toby.
              Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #87
                Originally posted by witherbee View Post
                What a nice tribute to Tonka.
                Thank you. She was an amazing soul. I can't read that tribute without totally losing it. I still miss her so...
                Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                Comment


                • #88
                  Invested1: My heart goes out to you. I unexpectedly lost my 3 year old in mid December. A month later I brought home another schnauzer (his biological cousin). Now six months later I am finally at the point I can say that I love my little guy. Murphy and I had a wonderful bond and every little mistake the puppy made was a painful reminder that he was not and could never be Murphy.

                  I don't think it is anyones place to say what time frame is normal or healthy for healing. We all do things at our own rates. Noodle doesn't know that there is any comparison going on. Give yourself as much time as you need. One day you'll wake up and realize that he wiggled his way into your heart but until then please don't feel guilty.

                  Comment


                  • #89
                    its ok,
                    when we got Remy we had planned on waiting longer but we felt so empty without Whiskey that we got a puppy sooner rather than later

                    the fun thing is that Remy is a german shorthaired and Whiskey was 1/2 german shorthaired and 1/2 heeler so when Remy does something that reminds us of Whiskey we look at eachother and laugh and say it must be the pointer

                    Noodle will worm her way into a separate part of your heart, Tonka will always live where she originaly staked out

                    Comment


                    • #90
                      So appropriate that today of all days I rediscovered this thread....

                      A year ago today I put down my heart girl, Siren, just a 12 short days after putting down my other heart girl. Last June just plain sucked.

                      I had four other Jack Russells to take up the slack, and one, Siren's son, was also a heart dog. I love the other 3 but, if I'm honest, not in the same way as Pinch, Siren and Dare.

                      Life was too sad, so last October, we got Puffin. In some ways she's Siren reincarnated, in other ways she is nothing like her. Life is definitely better with her and I love her, and I'm sure as she gets more mature she will become my partner as Pinch and Siren were.

                      That said, let me say this to maybe address something you maybe feeling but don't want to admit. You may NEVER love Noodle like Tonka. AND THAT'S OKAY. Noodle is NOT Tonka, so why would you force yourself to love her that way? After all, you don't love Toby like Tonka, so why would you feel bad for not loving Noodle like Tonka?

                      Most people only have one dog at a time, and maybe those dogs are not wonderful. Maybe they are just average dogs. Maybe the one/one bond makes them better dogs, maybe not. I would never take a dog in and then rehome them just because they weren't a heart dog. UNLESS I found a home that seemed to be a better match. After all, you met a lot of men but you only married your husband. I'm sure most of the men you dated were...nice... but you chose your husband for a reason.

                      So don't feel you must force affection for Noodle. What ever level of affection you feel will be fine. You will always provide shelter, food, and vet care and affection. Noodle will be thrilled to be there and love you regardless.

                      One day you may find another dog. You will look into their eyes and you will recognize the soul behind them. Doesn't matter where or when, you will know them and know you are meant for each other. Hugs to you.
                      ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                      Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                      "Life is merrier with a terrier!"

                      Comment


                      • #91
                        Originally posted by irkenequine View Post
                        Working in a clinic I can say this as an outside observer... there are few dogs more deeply BELOVED by their people than an aged Golden Retriever. Something always hits me deep and to the core when it comes to this breed and their loving people. I have never owned one but this alone has taught me they all must be as stellar as they seem.


                        SO SO happy your heart is on the mend and a new family member is on the way!
                        I am late catching up on this post. I am sorry for your loss but am happy you are able to open up your heart and home to a new friend!

                        I agree with the above. I work at a clinic too and something about the aged Goldens. We had one that I sobbed before the euth, durning and after. He was so loved and his "boy" came home from college to be with them...however sad and what we have all been through, I always try to remind myself that these were the lucky ones. The ones who had someone who loved them and didn't die alone in a shelter...these pets have had the good life.

                        Comment

                        • Original Poster

                          #92
                          Originally posted by GraceLikeRain View Post
                          Invested1: My heart goes out to you. I unexpectedly lost my 3 year old in mid December. A month later I brought home another schnauzer (his biological cousin). Now six months later I am finally at the point I can say that I love my little guy. Murphy and I had a wonderful bond and every little mistake the puppy made was a painful reminder that he was not and could never be Murphy.

                          I don't think it is anyones place to say what time frame is normal or healthy for healing. We all do things at our own rates. Noodle doesn't know that there is any comparison going on. Give yourself as much time as you need. One day you'll wake up and realize that he wiggled his way into your heart but until then please don't feel guilty.
                          I'm so sory for your loss too. Geesh, we are all just gluttons for punishment!
                          Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #93
                            Originally posted by Burbank View Post
                            Noodle will worm her way into a separate part of your heart, Tonka will always live where she originaly staked out
                            I know you're right, I just want to be there already.
                            But on the flip side, I know I'm scared to let her in knowing that one day I will feel that incredible heartbreak again.....
                            Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #94
                              Originally posted by Kryswyn View Post
                              So appropriate that today of all days I rediscovered this thread....

                              A year ago today I put down my heart girl, Siren, just a 12 short days after putting down my other heart girl. Last June just plain sucked.

                              I had four other Jack Russells to take up the slack, and one, Siren's son, was also a heart dog. I love the other 3 but, if I'm honest, not in the same way as Pinch, Siren and Dare.

                              Life was too sad, so last October, we got Puffin. In some ways she's Siren reincarnated, in other ways she is nothing like her. Life is definitely better with her and I love her, and I'm sure as she gets more mature she will become my partner as Pinch and Siren were.

                              That said, let me say this to maybe address something you maybe feeling but don't want to admit. You may NEVER love Noodle like Tonka. AND THAT'S OKAY. Noodle is NOT Tonka, so why would you force yourself to love her that way? After all, you don't love Toby like Tonka, so why would you feel bad for not loving Noodle like Tonka?

                              Most people only have one dog at a time, and maybe those dogs are not wonderful. Maybe they are just average dogs. Maybe the one/one bond makes them better dogs, maybe not. I would never take a dog in and then rehome them just because they weren't a heart dog. UNLESS I found a home that seemed to be a better match. After all, you met a lot of men but you only married your husband. I'm sure most of the men you dated were...nice... but you chose your husband for a reason.

                              So don't feel you must force affection for Noodle. What ever level of affection you feel will be fine. You will always provide shelter, food, and vet care and affection. Noodle will be thrilled to be there and love you regardless.

                              One day you may find another dog. You will look into their eyes and you will recognize the soul behind them. Doesn't matter where or when, you will know them and know you are meant for each other. Hugs to you.
                              Wow, so much of that was so totally spot on. Thank you.

                              And you're right, I show Noodle affection and will always provide for her.
                              I think why I feel guilty is that it's not Noodle's fault about Tonka. And that I feel like I'm not giving Noodle the clean slate/fair shake that she deserves.
                              She is a sweet little thing and will be a wonderful dog....
                              Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #95
                                Originally posted by Kryswyn View Post
                                So appropriate that today of all days I rediscovered this thread....

                                A year ago today I put down my heart girl, Siren, just a 12 short days after putting down my other heart girl. Last June just plain sucked..
                                And holy moly, I am so sorry for your June last year. I can't even imagine. Losing just one nearly killed me, but 2? Super big hugs to you....
                                Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #96
                                  Originally posted by Burbank View Post
                                  Noodle will worm her way into a separate part of your heart, Tonka will always live where she originaly staked out
                                  Tonka just took so much of it.
                                  She grew up with me. I got her when I was 22....
                                  Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #97
                                    Originally posted by Beckham03 View Post
                                    I am late catching up on this post. I am sorry for your loss but am happy you are able to open up your heart and home to a new friend!

                                    I agree with the above. I work at a clinic too and something about the aged Goldens. We had one that I sobbed before the euth, durning and after. He was so loved and his "boy" came home from college to be with them...however sad and what we have all been through, I always try to remind myself that these were the lucky ones. The ones who had someone who loved them and didn't die alone in a shelter...these pets have had the good life.
                                    You're right. That Tonk was frickin spoiled rotten and she never knew any different.

                                    When my vet came to the house, she gave me a big hug and wiped tears from her eyes (she didn't do that when she came to my house last year to put down my cat). Everyone who met Tonka just loved her....
                                    Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

                                    Comment


                                    • #98
                                      ((hugs)) just hugs & tears ~

                                      ((hugs)) just hugs ~ I understand completely I'm sorry for your heartbreaking loss ~

                                      Originally posted by Invested1 View Post
                                      Well, it has been about 4.5 months since I had to say goodbye to Tonka. I still cry about her a lot and had to take down her pictures at work so I don't have a daily reminder.

                                      My boyfriend had a good point last night that really landed a punch with me. He thinks I'm trying so hard not to fall in love with Noodle because I'm so terrified of (ever) having to face that heartache again. He's right. And it makes me sad. I'm not doing it on purpose but.....

                                      Sorry, no real point to this post, was just sitting getting teary-eyed over my Tonk and it does feel better to get it out to those who understand....
                                      Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "

                                      Comment


                                      • #99
                                        This is a lovely thread and reminds me of when I lost my greyhound. She was such a special dog to me and the posters on COTH were so supportive I'll never forget how much it helped that others bothered to post. It has taken time, I'll always love her and miss her, but things are good now.

                                        Hugs, and let the process occur. There is no right or wrong, or timeline, or anything.
                                        Proud member of People Who Hate to Kill Wildlife clique

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by Invested1 View Post
                                          And you're right, I show Noodle affection and will always provide for her.
                                          I think why I feel guilty is that it's not Noodle's fault about Tonka. And that I feel like I'm not giving Noodle the clean slate/fair shake that she deserves.
                                          She is a sweet little thing and will be a wonderful dog....
                                          Exactly. Celebrate Noodle for what she is. She will never be Tonka, she is that next great dog to show you how to be a better human.

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