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Losing my heart kitty.. devastated.

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  • Losing my heart kitty.. devastated.

    Its been a terrible year for me anyway.. lost my 5yr old OTTB after spending 30K to try and save him. It was horrible and tragic.

    I lost my oldest kitty at 21 due to kidney failure - had him since he was 6 weeks..

    but now my best and most loved kitty ever is losing her battle to kidney failure at 16.

    You know how there are just some animals that some how get into your heart and soul deeper than others? Well she is the ONE for me.

    I rescued her at 5weeks old. She has had me wrapped around her little paws ever since.

    I am always one to do the right thing.. but I just can't bring myself to euthanize her. I know its time - we are past anything the vets can do for her - we give her fluids under her skin daily to keep her hydrated and help eat etc..

    But she is wobbly and sleeps all the time.. just tears my heart apart.. I cannot imagine not having her.

    She slept with me last night and I cried in her fur all night.

    Never faced one this hard and just need support.
    Hickstead 1996-2011 Godspeed
    " Hickstead is simply the best and He lives forever in our hearts"
    Akasha 1992-2012 - I will always love you sweet girl.

  • #2
    I know how you feel... sigh (HUGE HUGS)


    • #3
      {{HUGS}} to you.
      "Beware the hobby that eats."
      Benjamin Franklin


      • #4
        I'm so, so sorry. I have many cats but there is always my one fave who sleeps on top of me every night, I wouldn't know how to sleep without him - when I'm away from home I have insomnia, I think it's because he's not purring on top of me. So I can sure appreciate the pain of losing a "heart kitty".

        You've had a rough year, it sounds. Love your kitty as much as you can, let her go when it's time, then let yourself cry as much as you need after she's gone.

        Your kitty will be looking down from heaven glad you were her earth momma so long, and will be playing happily at the Rainbow Bridge until you come to be with her again.

        May better times be ahead for you!


        • #5
          I am so sorry. I lost a heart dog about a month ago at 16 and 1/2.
          I have been really busy, working out of town a lot. Last night, I went to the grocery store and she would normally be there, carrying on to go with me. I had a hard moment.
          You will be able to do it when you have to.
          Big hugs to you.


          • #6
            I am SO sorry for this tough time!! I lost my once in a lifetime horse last year after having lost another great one two weeks before. It is just heartbreaking to have to let them go. Whenever I doubt myself I watch this video and it really helps:

            RIP Sucha Smooth Whiskey
            May 17,2004 - March 29, 2010
            RIP San Lena Peppy
            May 3, 1991 - March 11, 2010


            • #7
              Oh, so very sorry. It just ... hurts.
              "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

              Spay and neuter. Please.


              • #8

                I completely understand what you are going through.

                My heart kitty just turned 18. He's aged a lot in the last year, right down to the same wobblies. And while he's mostly healthy, I know the number of years together are running out.

                I've had him since he was 5 weeks old so I understand how you feel.

                It's so hard to love 'em so long and then need to say good-bye.

                Take good care and I'm so sorry.
                ~* Be kind to one another *~


                • #9
                  My heart breaks for you because I have been there

                  I got my first 2 kitties, full sisters, (MY first 2 as an adult) when they were 3 weeks old, bottle fed them, etc. One of them turned out to be my soul-kitty. I lost her in April of that awful year, at 16 due to hemangiosarcoma. I lost my first horse to a strangulating lipoma, at 20, 6 months later in October. I lost the sister kitty to cancer right before Christmas that year. All 3 "firsts" as an adult, gone one right after the other.

                  It's horrible watching them wither away. The night my soul-kitty crawled under the covers (which she didn't like to do), I knew it was time, and had my vet out the next day. The day her sister crawled to me from behind and hid her head in the crook of my arm, I knew it was time and the next day...

                  Yesterday I had to say goodbye to a not even 5 month old kitten, FIP, and it was a lot harder to read her, but she was clearly declining, did not feel good, not eating, and she just didn't have to tell me, I knew.

                  It's never easy to make the decision. You keep thinking maybe something magical will happen and they will greet you with a bouncing body the next morning. You think YOUR cat will be the exception. You don't want to go to bed because tomorrow it will be real again. You don't want to wake up because it will be real. You don't want to get out of bed because it will be real.

                  it IS a hard decision to make. But trust me, while you will miss her and cry worse than any baby, you will have some sense of relief that they are not feeling like crap anymore.

                  There's nothing anyone can do to make you feel better about this situation, sadly

                  I'm just so sorry you're having to feel these things. It sucks. The price we pay for having these guys in our lives, however long or short, is a really painful one, but I wouldn't give up the moments or the years of happiness in between for anything
                  The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances. - ET


                  • #10
                    My heart kitty has been gone two years this month. He was 19. I still don't know how I actually went through with it (the euthanasia decision) -- he loved me SO MUCH that all I ever saw was the purring and devotion. How could I continue to assume there wasn't horrible pain as well? I guess that's what made me strong enough to do what needed to be done.

                    I still miss him all the time -- even with 9 other cats (7 of them barn cats, before you call Animal Hoarders). I know just how you feel, though you have the added losses as a greater burden.

                    "We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan..." The Once Again Prince, Separate Lifetimes, by Irving Townsend

                    Remember that... WE STILL WOULD LIVE NO OTHER WAY.
                    Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.


                    • #11
                      I feel for you. I lost my heart cat about 20 years ago and I still miss her.

                      Others have come along and I love them, too, but they aren't that cat. Lost my girl to kidney failure.

                      I'm watching my 21 y.o. gelding short step (arthritis) right now. I know what's coming and it's like watching a slow motion train wreck.
                      "Dogs are man's best friend. Cats are man's adorable little serial killer." -- theoatmeal.com


                      • #12
                        What an awful year you've had, I'm so sorry.

                        We just lost a 20-year-old kitty in exactly the same way. 3 years of fluids, the wobbly, arthritic gait and finally not wanting to eat. Even so, it was impossibly hard to make the decision. It is true, though, that she slipped away so quietly and quickly, I knew that her poor little body was just worn out. 20 years was a good life for a little feral kitten who started out with an inguinal hernia the size of a peach.

                        There was some comfort in knowing that we had done everything we could (but it still didn't seem like enough!), and the weepiness went on for a while until peace started to settle in.

                        You will not be ready for a while maybe, but there is comfort in giving another needy homeless pet a home. My daughter tired of watching me cry and brought me a young kitten, which instantly relieved some of the pain, much to my surprise. And I didn't feel unfaithful to the memory of our Lily. This kitten was dumped on the road in front of the vet's and needed a home.

                        I'm sure the community members here are thinking of you and wishing you the best in this difficult time.


                        • #13
                          My heart goes out to you. I had to go through the same thing (albeit because of lung cancer) nearly 4 years ago. I swore that when she didn't know me, I'd let her go. The day came. I hate that we outlive our beloved heart animals.


                          • Original Poster

                            You all are so great.. I am just so so sad and my heart just aches.. I cant thank you all enough for just listening and being there...
                            Hickstead 1996-2011 Godspeed
                            " Hickstead is simply the best and He lives forever in our hearts"
                            Akasha 1992-2012 - I will always love you sweet girl.


                            • #15
                              It's an ache I wish on no one, not even my worst enemy

                              We went to the shelter a week later, I told hubby I had to have another calico (she was the first to go), and wouldn't you know it, there was a pretty, pretty 2yo calico right there, she'd been there for months I made myself go look at the rest of the kitties, and while the few kittens tugged at me, the cali already had me, so home she came

                              Mizzou is right - there is great comfort in giving a home to another kitty, especially one who doesn't have as good a chance at finding a home, ie an adult cat. But even kittens need homes, as they aren't all suitable for all people, and every one who gets a new home makes room for getting another one off the streets.

                              Somehow you'll find a way to make the decision and be at peace with it
                              The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances. - ET


                              • #16
                                So sorry for the position you're in. Been there too recently myself. Although you're talking cats and I had dogs, I'd never seen the video that's linked above. It's all true. I looked at the pictures and when I saw the credits, I wondered how many of those horses I jingled for, how many owners I sent condolences to.

                                Look inside yourself and you'll find the strength.
                                ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
                                Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

                                "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


                                • #17
                                  I'm so sorry <hugs>

                                  It's been a hell of a year for me, too. Tons of vet bills, two horses euthanized <sigh> It sucks. You have my sympathy.
                                  "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
                                  -Edward Hoagland


                                  • #18
                                    So sorry for your impending loss

                                    I just went thru this with an 18 year old dog and cat. The cat was my beloved Lark. I loved him SO much. I had cereal this morning, and thought, Lark would love to drink the milk. I still have his sister, and she is never going to agree to a kitten or cat. So I have to wait.....
                                    I DID get a foster dog on whom I will finalize this weekend. He is an absolute joy to be around and has lifted the mood, but the dog I got him for doesn't much like him. I think she will come around, he loffs her.
                                    All that to say this. Love her, be brave. Do it for her. get another, Sadly, there will never be a shortage of cats.
                                    Another killer of threads


                                    • #19
                                      My heart goes out to you. When I lost my Siamese, Sol, to cancer in 2008, I was devastated. He'd gone through so much with me, including the death of my mother, and was there for me unfailingly. I thought I'd never be over mourning him... it truly was the same as losing a family member.

                                      You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Many, many hugs to you. I wish I could do more... truly.
                                      I loff my Quarter horse clique

                                      I kill threads dead!


                                      • #20
                                        I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm know exactly what you mean about that one special cat. I was lucky enough to find my heart kitty, and the years are going by faster than I would like.

                                        I'm sure your kitty knows exactly how loved she has been throughout her life. *hugs*