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the Very Bad Cat: an introduction

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  • the Very Bad Cat: an introduction

    Well I think he's a cat, anyway. There is some mounting evidence he may actually be an alien.

    I'd never had a cat before I got him. I had, however, had several delightfully behaved dogs. But in the summer of 2008, I was starting grad school, and getting a kitten seemed like a great idea. I named him Puck.

    PSA: Unless you have fully contemplated potential consequences, you should NEVER, EVER name a pet something that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Don't get me wrong. He's wonderfully sweet (well, except for toward dogs, but that's another story), snuggly, travels like a champ, loves to play, and is just generally adorable.

    He's just... incredibly naughty.

    Dear Puck is missing most his little front teeth because he enjoys chewing on things. For example, toys. And cardboard. And lampshades. And pretty much anything else. I have no idea how I got my security deposit back when I moved last year, because he had eaten enormous chunks out of both the inside AND the outside of my bedroom door (he didn't like the door being closed). The best I can figure is that management couldn't believe a cat had done that sort of damage, and that it must have been pre-existing.

    The BEST things to chew on, though, are things that are rubbery or gummy. For example, the Wii remote jacket. He started chewing on it, so I started putting it in a drawer in a side table. Yet somehow I kept coming home to find him chewing on it. Click here to see what I witnessed when I finally caught him in action. My Wii remote now lives in my freaking silverware drawer.

    I encourage you to note that I have exactly six places in my apartment where I can hide things so Puck cannot access them: (1) the silverware drawer, (2) the oven, (3) the microwave, (4) the refrigerator, (5) the pantry, and (6) the coat closet.

    And if I'm being honest, the pantry and coat closet are only safe because the former is latched with a binder clip, and the latter has a bar stool blocking it closed. I suppose the trash can is generally safe as well, as I duct tape it closed... but if Puck is properly motivated, he can get through the tape given a little time.

    I have an aquatic turtle ("cat TV") who had, once upon a time, an external filter set up with his tank. That is, until the day that Puck detached the tube that pumped water back into the tank. My roommate at the time came home to find FORTY GALLONS (!!!) of turtle water had been pumped onto the floor. Which was carpet, I might add. And white. And did I mention we lived on the seventh floor?

    My fearless 8 lb cat strikes fear into the heart of dogs by simply staring them down. As far as I can tell, dogs are universally terrified by it. Last fall I dog-sat for a friend, and in the 3 days I had her, Puck held 110-lb-Boni hostage in the kitchen (and bathroom, bedroom, and laundry room) countless times by just sitting like a statue in the doorway and glaring. Poor Boni would whine in a panicked fashion until I came and rescued her.

    While I have enough Puck stories to entertain for weeks (for example, his debauchery related to the obsession he has with destroying plants, or the Christmas pie epic that spans several years...), I'll stop for the night. Just thought that since we have a forum now where I can post the absurd things he does, I might as well introduce him.

    Does anyone else live with a cat that makes them feel like they have a monkey for a pet?
    Last edited by Lazy Palomino Hunter; Apr. 19, 2011, 12:28 AM.

  • #2
    Oh, my. Your guy is...talented.

    I have one that can open doors, but all he does once he gets into the room he wants into is sleep. I actually think he may be a vampire kitty...instead of sleeping in the sun like other cats, he only sleeps in the dark. He got annoyed when we would open the drapes in our bedroom in the day, so he started opening the door to our walk in closet so he could sleep in some peaceful darkness. I also cannot close myself into our exercise room to, well, exercise, because apparently all kitties must be present when Caitlin is on the elliptical machine. He waits until I get my iPod on and am on the machine for a minute or two, and then in comes Bodie.

    Fortunately he could care less about the bathrooms...I have to keep the bathroom doors closed because his brother has an obsession with toilet paper. It's like Oli has a homing beacon on that automatically knows when the bathroom door is open so he can go in and shred every bit of toilet paper possible. Did I mention he is declawed? He does all of this with his teeth.

    Bodie and Oli say Hai

    This button looks important
    What??? You mean I'm not supposed to be up here???

    Caitlin
    Caitlin
    *OMGiH I Loff my Mare* and *My Saddlebred Can Do Anything Your Horse Can Do*
    http://community.webshots.com/user/redmare01

    Comment


    • #3
      Oh my sounds like a trouble maker! But a cute one! lol

      P.
      A Wandering Albertan - NEW Africa travel blog!

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #4
        Your kitties are adorable!

        Originally posted by RedMare01 View Post
        I have to keep the bathroom doors closed because his brother has an obsession with toilet paper. It's like Oli has a homing beacon on that automatically knows when the bathroom door is open so he can go in and shred every bit of toilet paper possible.
        Ah yes, the bathroom. That brings to mind the Great Fish Oil Incident of 2010, when Puck opened the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of fish oil capsules.

        I got home, and the second I opened my door knew that something very, very terrible had happened in my absence. My apartment REEKED of fish.

        Yes. He not only opened the medicine cabinet and got the fish oil bottle down, but he also managed to get the lid off. He and my other cat popped something like 50 fish oil capsules ALL OVER the apartment.

        I had to steam clean all the carpets, and it took weeks for the smell to really dissipate. It was a solid 6 months before I could leave the bathroom door open when I wasn't home. If I did, Puck would CLEAR OUT the medicine cabinet looking for more fish oil .

        Comment


        • #5
          Yes, Puck was an ill-conceived name.

          Says the owner of the horse named Imp.

          But really, isn't the entertainment value worth it? He is such a cute, smart-looking kitteh! I can tell you have tons of fun with him and love him to pieces.
          Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.
          Starman

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Lazy Palomino Hunter View Post
            Ah yes, the bathroom. That brings to mind the Great Fish Oil Incident of 2010, when Puck opened the medicine cabinet and found a bottle of fish oil capsules.

            I got home, and the second I opened my door knew that something very, very terrible had happened in my absence. My apartment REEKED of fish.

            Yes. He not only opened the medicine cabinet and got the fish oil bottle down, but he also managed to get the lid off. He and my other cat popped something like 50 fish oil capsules ALL OVER the apartment.

            I had to steam clean all the carpets, and it took weeks for the smell to really dissipate. It was a solid 6 months before I could leave the bathroom door open when I wasn't home. If I did, Puck would CLEAR OUT the medicine cabinet looking for more fish oil .
            I would have killed him! Fortunately mine like sleep too much to expend that much energy on a regular basis.

            Although Sadie, my girl kitty, loves bread and will chew through bags to get to it. So if we have baked goods of any kind, they cannot be left on the kitchen counter, because they'll be gone in short order.

            Caitlin
            Caitlin
            *OMGiH I Loff my Mare* and *My Saddlebred Can Do Anything Your Horse Can Do*
            http://community.webshots.com/user/redmare01

            Comment


            • #7
              I took care of my brother's kitten for the past year and I think they were twins.

              attack cat

              He didn't have a name since we usually just called him 'the naughty kitten'.

              He broke into my frog tank and ate my two $$ poison dart frogs. He killed the ficus tree. He terrified the Labrador constantly who wouldn't even approach his food bowl if the cat was sitting there.

              He wanted to break into the bedroom constantly so that he could crawl under the bed and bite our toes. He also would jump and crawl up the sides to try and bite any unsuspecting shoulders or faces near the edge of the bed.

              He really just enjoyed walking up to us and planting a love chomp on our shins.

              He loved socks and biting them, especially if they were on your feet. He purred louder and harder if you tried to shove him off/kick him away. He was just a glutton for pain really.

              If you ignored him too long, he'd do the freaky cat warbling/sounds-like-they're-dying noise.

              He went anywhere in the house he wanted, broke into anything he wanted (I found him in the fridge one morning), and generally was a PITA.

              I always thought I'd be grateful the day I gave the cat back to my brother, but I'm finding I'm missing him...
              Semi Feral

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #8
                Originally posted by starrunner View Post
                I took care of my brother's kitten for the past year and I think they were twins.

                attack cat

                He didn't have a name since we usually just called him 'the naughty kitten'.

                He broke into my frog tank and ate my two $$ poison dart frogs. He killed the ficus tree. He terrified the Labrador constantly who wouldn't even approach his food bowl if the cat was sitting there.

                He wanted to break into the bedroom constantly so that he could crawl under the bed and bite our toes. He also would jump and crawl up the sides to try and bite any unsuspecting shoulders or faces near the edge of the bed.

                He really just enjoyed walking up to us and planting a love chomp on our shins.

                He loved socks and biting them, especially if they were on your feet. He purred louder and harder if you tried to shove him off/kick him away. He was just a glutton for pain really.

                If you ignored him too long, he'd do the freaky cat warbling/sounds-like-they're-dying noise.

                He went anywhere in the house he wanted, broke into anything he wanted (I found him in the fridge one morning), and generally was a PITA.

                I always thought I'd be grateful the day I gave the cat back to my brother, but I'm finding I'm missing him...
                Ohmigosh, I am laughing SO hard. They must be brothers. Puck doesn't bite (thank god), but the rest of that is him to a "T". Even the masochist thing- his favorite thing is to be pet in such a rough fashion that I have no idea how it feels good. Maybe if you give your brother some time he'll bring him back!

                JoZ, I learned my lesson about the name. I got a second cat when Puck started scaling furniture to knock framed pictures off the wall ( )... and in addition to getting the stupidest one I could find, I named him Peri. In Persian mythology Peris are descendants of fallen angels, and are doing penance on Earth to trying to earn their way back into heaven.

                It mostly worked. Save a minor obsession with standing water (read: swimming in the toilet until it's been splashed dry, watching it refill, and repeating... there's a sign above my toilet that says "Make sure to close both toilet lids so Peri doesn't flood the bathroom!"), Peri's a total gem. And I must say, he is HANDS DOWN the best toy I've ever brought home for Puck.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hahaha, I love that you just mentioned the pictures on the wall thing.

                  Naughty kitten did that too! Better yet, he'd then go remove the nails from the wall. Amazingly athletic too as I watched him run four feet up the wall to go catch a fly.

                  He also removed the fish tank lid and liked to drink out of it. I thought if he fell into the tank once or twice he'd not try it anymore. Unfortunately, the tactic didn't work and I just ended up refilling the fish tank constantly.

                  My husband said my brother will be sick of him in a month and give him back. We'll see.

                  He just went "home" yesterday.

                  Thanks for starting this thread! I am glad to know there are other 'special' kitties out there.
                  Semi Feral

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I can so attest to the you shouldn't name it what you don't want it to be- LOL!

                    This is Kali Ma She is named after the Hindu deity of chaos, destruction and eternal energy (Can you see where I am going with this bad name idea thing? )

                    My husband gave her to me for our first Christmas together- she came out of the cat carrier, 8 weeks old and I swear never stopped hissing, growling and spitting for at least 2 weeks.

                    Her hobbies include
                    • shredding any type of cardboard available
                    • leaving no cupboard door unopened
                    • terrorizing the 90 pound dog
                    • opening all my dresser drawers and emptying clean clothes onto the floor to make room for herself
                    • getting on bookshelves behind the books and pushing them off one at a time while looking over the edge so you can watch them fall
                    • hanging out on the banister where she doesn't really fit to be the guardian of the stairs- sometimes you can pass saftely, other times, erhm not so much
                    • eating the legs of the coffee table
                    • campaigning against literacy- if you are reading a book, magazine or newspaper she MUST sit on it and prehaps chew it- the library loves this


                    Oh and my DH taught her when she was a kitten that your shoulder was excellent vantage point and now that she is about 12 lbs, it's lovely when you walk past her and she suddenly decides that she NEEDS to be on your shoulder. So with a flying leap that would impress Superman, she jumps and clings- very, very fun esp in the summer when you might not have a protective sweatshirt on.
                    "As soon as you're born you start dyin'
                    So you might as well have a good time"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You brought that on yourself with a name like Puck! I'm sure you say the word that rhymes with his name a lot more now

                      Of course this is coming for a woman who named her JRT Draco(latin for dragon), and lives in a house ruled by an ancient crotchity cat named Isis(Egyptian Queen of the Underworld).

                      Maybe I SHOULDN'T name the new kitteh terrorist Loki

                      I love the shot of Puck with the cardboard, gives Vegetarian Vampire Kitteh a whole new meaning! "I vant to suck your cellulose!!!!"

                      LBR
                      I reject your reality, and substitute my own- Adam Savage

                      R.I.P Ron Smith, you'll be greatly missed

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Omigosh. You guys had me just about spitting my morning coffee onto the keyboard and screen at work this morning. Alison, can I link this on my FB? I have loads of kitteh lovers that would LOVE reading this thread (that are consequently...not horse people).

                        I could tell stories about some of my kitteh companions, but I guess I've been blessed with NOT having little kitteh terrorist... most of my stories are the "aww how cute" kind lol.

                        I did, after 6 years (I lost my best friend: tuxedo cat named Zorro, to FEL leukemia) finally decide to get my 5 year old son a cat.

                        Luck just so happened, we found a 1 yr old, male, neutered, Maincoon X Himalayan....named ..... Rascal! (Talk about BAD names!).

                        I've already got stories and he's only been with us 5 days... and already I've heard myself, absentmindedly going "oh... you little RASCAL!!"
                        "Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          My cats are theives (either that or are part ferrett).

                          They steal: receipts and other bits of paper, ink pens, and pretty much any object small enough to pick up and carry away. They love the hair strainer I put in the bathtub drains.

                          One of them puts all her toys in the water bowl and plays with them in it.

                          They have killed nearly every plant I own - even some of the cactus! The seguaro seems to be surviving however.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Love the photo of him chewing on cardboard. All of them, actually.

                            Re: Fish Oil - my dad takes them, and when I was still living at home, mom would put all our vitamins etc out on the table for breakfast in the am. So dad would come out and ask where the fish capsule went, She would swear she got it out. This went on for a week. Until we discovered Hobbit (another ill-conceived name) jumping into the chair, stretching his fat foot (really!) out, and snatching it, after which he would carry it in his mouth to the dog's bed and eat the whole thing.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              This thread has me so laughing! Cats rule the world. Literally. Anywhere they are, they are in charge.

                              I have two girls. One is named Sidekick and it suits her. She's my buddy and she's a good kitty. Her sister came from my son. She moved in with us the day after my grandson came home from the hospital. Dumb son named his cat "Chaos". She was immediately upon arrival re-named "Cassie".

                              Cassie is a drawer-opening cat, the first one I've met. After thinking I'd lost my mind for real this time because I kept leaving my dresser drawers open in the morning, I finally caught the little bugger in the act! She just prefers all the dresser drawers be open. She also will NOT pee in her plastic litter box. That is for pooping. To go tinkle, she must get out of the pooper box with the litter and get into her cardboard box with the diapers taped to it. She knows to tinkle on diapers. Don't ask me how long or what I lived through before figuring this out .

                              We're all happy now.
                              <><

                              Comment

                              • Original Poster

                                #16
                                Originally posted by DontStrikeOut View Post
                                Omigosh. You guys had me just about spitting my morning coffee onto the keyboard and screen at work this morning. Alison, can I link this on my FB? I have loads of kitteh lovers that would LOVE reading this thread (that are consequently...not horse people).
                                Go for it.

                                Originally posted by Boomer View Post
                                My cats are theives (either that or are part ferrett).
                                You wanna talk about thieving... I had guests over for dinner one night, and Puck got up on the dinner table and stole a chicken breast right off my friend's plate... he had it and was gone before anyone even had time to react..

                                He definitely does the bookshelf clearing, book eating, and shoulder leaping (even though I'm 5'10", he can somehow make it all the way up).

                                I often buy cat toys knowing full well they're going to be destroyed. I figure I'd rather he destroy something that's his than something that's mine. For those of you who like the cardboard picture, here's the album it's in. It's a short photo journal chronicling the destruction of the toy.



                                I was at a conference last week, and repeatedly warned/reassured my friend Derek (who was checking in on them) they they would probably destroy things, and that he shouldn't worry or feel bad about it.

                                However, in true spirit of his name, Puck found a brand new creative way to be mischievous. I got a panicked phone call on Thursday afternoon.

                                "The cats opened a panel into the wall, and I can't get Peri out. He's terrified of me. I can hear him under the bathtub." (which is a solid 15' from where this hole was)

                                Say WHAT? Poor Derek spent an hour trying to entice him out with tuna and canned food. No luck. Same thing Friday. I finally told him not to worry about it, that Peri was probably fine.

                                I got him out on Sunday. The panel turns out to open to some pipes and the crawl space under my house. I replaced the it, and not even 30 seconds went by before before Puck appeared. He immediately began using his nails to pick at the groove you pull on to remove the panel. It's duct taped closed now.

                                I got Derek a nice thank you card and a substantial gift card to his favorite restaurant.

                                I had the following conversation with a vet once:
                                vet- "I used to have one just like him. He passed away a few months ago. He was 18 years old."
                                me- "I'm so sorry! Can you tell me, did he ever calm down and stop causing trouble?"
                                vet- (laughing) "No... I'm afraid he was like that until his dying day."

                                Last edited by Lazy Palomino Hunter; Apr. 19, 2011, 01:37 PM.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Puck is beatiful, but I have a soft spot for brown tabbies with white. The rest of the troublemakers are lovely too.

                                  After reading this, my cats are wonderfully sedate creatures who do very little bad stuff - the worst offences are getting on the counter to get to the window, and the old man sits on the edge of the table. This is remarkable as I have 6 in the house right now, soon to be only four when Jack and Tippy go back outside for the summer. As to names, maybe it is well that I am unimaginative in naming - Furball AKA Da Lip (he was when I got him - all hair and scabs), Jack (he came with the name), TIppy (white tip on his tail), Hissy (only noise she made for years was hissing), Zabbie (corruption of wheresthebaby), Splash (irregular black splotch on his nose), Blue (I thought she was blue point), Spots (she had three white spots on her tail) who has been dubbed Da Magpie for her theiving ways. Spots is the worst because of the thieving and cardboard chewing AND her insistance that I am her mother as she was oprhaned very young, partly raised by Jack and Zabbie, then I brought her in because she wasn't doing well, and toted her around in my sweater the first winter. Blue still does silly kitten things - climbs where she shouldnt, irritates the other cats, etc, but nothing really out of line.

                                  .
                                  Founder of the Dyslexic Clique. Dyslexics of the world - UNTIE!!

                                  Member: Incredible Invisbles

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    LOL, Puck sounds like an even more spastic version of one of mine. Mine loves to chew things too, but he limits it to the edges of books, magazine, important documents, paper folders, bills, etc etc. His most recent obsession is a new plant I got that has slightly firm, broad leaves that apparently is perfect for chewing.

                                    He also opens any door he possibly can. Him and my dog tag team the pantry door, Baxter will open it so that Major can scour it for yummy dog treats (the latest being cans of tomato sauce. That is fun to come home to!)

                                    He will pee on anything soft. His sleeping areas are safe (bed and sofa) but anything else that is left out that is soft is fair game, his favorite being a basket of fresh laundry.

                                    Baxter is a Bengal and they're known for being little trouble makers, so at least I had a sense of what I was getting into. But your guy is a cute little tabby! Maybe he has some siamese blood lurking in there

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Ha ha! This thread is hilarious. Puck is adorable, I love the Facebook album.

                                      I'm glad my little one isn't destructive. She might be a b!tch sometimes, but she doesn't really get into stuff. Thank god.
                                      Every one of them had that look of a girl infatuated with horses, the happy, fated look of a passenger setting sail on the Titanic.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I am truly getting such a rainy day (will it EVER stop??) delight out of this thread! I love cats. My tuxedo was a dog though (he'd attest to it). and I think my new cat Rascal is following in his footsteps.

                                        We've only had him a little under a week. He's now out from underneath the couch and starting to socialize.

                                        He is a guard cat. He is nocturnal. But he is still adamant that he needs complete darkness to sleep as well, and it must be the most crammed up space he can possibly find..and fit into as well lol.

                                        What cracked me up was yesterday morning, my alarm went off, and I opened my eyes a crack and within SECONDS had a big gray hairy face in my face with a pur and a "WAKE UP" meow... I don't even know how he saw that my eyes even opened!

                                        So last night I was watching TV. Rascal does not prefer to lay with you (at least at this point) but lays at the foot of the couch and watches tv. Well I kept getting up, back and forth, checking on my son, getting something to drink, going potty. Well Rascal was right at my feet, each way, couldn't go anywhere without him (which the guy I got him from, said he was like that). Well every time I would walk past my bedroom Rascal would dart in, turn around stop, look at me and meow. EVERY time. So finally I was ready to actually go to bed (which I thought, the cat was giving me oh so NOT sudden signals that, that is what he wanted me to do)...so I get in bed..kitteh comes up for some love (which he does in the morning as well) and then down on the floor he goes. He sits.. like a lion between the foot of my bed, and the door. and when I wake up, that is exactly where he is.

                                        It's almost like he was saying "Woman.... you are NOT where you are supposed to be this time of night, PLEASE go to bed so that I can guard you and that little human you call Logan... you are NOT making my job very easy!!"

                                        lol. I'm peeked at the interesting antics this cat starts displaying as he gets more and more comfortable.

                                        I have seen him attempt to open doors. Until he proved to use his litterpan.. I kept bedroom doors closed when I went to work... he was not impressed by this.. and reached up to turn the doorknob, and looked at me and "meowed" his unamusement, LOL.
                                        "Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game."

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