Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You're responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the Forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it--details of personal disputes may be better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts, though are not legally obligated to do so, regardless of content.

Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting. Moderators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts unless they have been alerted and have determined that a post, thread or user has violated the Forums' policies. Moderators do not regularly independently monitor the Forums for such violations.

Profanity, outright vulgarity, blatant personal insults or otherwise inappropriate statements will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Users may provide their positive or negative experiences with or opinions of companies, products, individuals, etc.; however, accounts involving allegations of criminal behavior against named individuals or companies MUST be first-hand accounts and may NOT be made anonymously.

If a situation has been reported upon by a reputable news source or addressed by law enforcement or the legal system it is open for discussion, but if an individual wants to make their own claims of criminal behavior against a named party in the course of that discussion, they too must identify themselves by first and last name and the account must be first-person.

Criminal allegations that do not satisfy these requirements, when brought to our attention, may be removed pending satisfaction of these criteria, and we reserve the right to err on the side of caution when making these determinations.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it's understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users' profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses -- Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it's related to a horse for sale, regardless of who's selling it, it doesn't belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions -- Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services -- Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products -- While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements -- Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be "bumped" excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues -- Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators' discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the �alert� button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your �Ignore� list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you'd rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user's membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 5/9/18)
See more
See less

Grief for dog, stuck

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Grief for dog, stuck

    Had to put my 9 year old dog to sleep unexpectedly last week. She was a soul mate type dog .and had been happy and active and normal until just the day before she got sick and couldn't be saved. Problem is, I can't seem to cry. I have been able to cry for other losses, human and pets. Something about this one is too much. What can I do? It is making me feel even worse that I can't let go and grieve.

    Well, two thoughts. 1) it's only been a week. I think you're expecting too much, too soon. 2) Crying is not the only way to express grief and isn't better or worse than not crying. I'm not sure why you think that if you could cry about this loss, it would help you "let go."

    Not all pets or people are the same. We cherish some more than others. And not all grief is the same; for some losses it's missing "what might have been" and others is missing "every day" routines that you enjoy. And some are both and lots more.

    If you feel that you are overwhelmed by grief, I would consider finding a grief counselor to help you. But I do think you might be expecting too much too soon here.


      Not crying doesn’t mean your not grieving. Just like it’s okay to cry, it’s okay not to cry. We all deal with death differently to the point of dealing with the death of different pets differently. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you.

      Hugs for your loss.
      Don't try this at home.


        You are grieving.

        You are probably still processing the suddenness of her loss, and its impact on you. And the grief process is different for everyone. I love all my animals, but some of them make me bawl when I lose them, and others, I can process more calmly. The difference seems to be in how the loss happens, for me. A sudden, unexpected, unavoidable loss (colic, heart failure) is somehow easier for me to deal with.

        Hugs to you.


          It's always different.
          Just let it be what it is.
          Go, Baby, Go......
          Aefvue Farms Footing Inspector


            Try watching Lassie Come Home or My Dog Skip. Those are my go to's for crying over the death of a beloved dog.

            "I received a transatlantic call one day. 'Skip died,' my Daddy said. He and my mama wrapped him in my baseball jacket. 'They buried him out under our elm tree,' they said. That wasn't totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart."

            That always does it for me. That and "You're my Lassie come home."



              Walk .... in the woods or pasture ... back to nature ~

              ((hugs)) ~ laced with comfort and peace ~

              RIP ~ Beloved Friend ~ knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~
              Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


                I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you are still in shock, but as others have said, you are still grieving.

                Could you get something that you could wear to keep her close and think of her?

                A few years ago I lost a dog somewhat unexpectedly and in a pretty awful manner. I was so shaken by it, I decided to get a piece of jewelry so that I could look at it and think of her. After going round and round about figuring out what I wanted, I settled on a silver cuff bracelet with her name in it. By the time I had decided on the bracelet, enough time had passed, and I decided to have all of my dogs' names engraved, starting with my childhood dog, through to the dog I still had. Not too long after I got the bracelet, I got another dog, and joked that I would have to get a new bracelet with his name engraved. Sadly, this summer, he came down with cancer with not much time left, so I went back to the manufacturer of the bracelet, and got a ring in a matching style with his name on it.


                  You are hurting too much inside and probably still processing the loss to cry. When the tears come, they will flood. I'm so sorry. I lost my heart and soul GSD in early 2009 and knew I couldn't live without a GSD. So, I researched his pedigree - every dog in it and went back 10 generations to get a spreadsheet to see where the overlaps and similar/same lines appeared and searched for a puppy with those lines. I finally found one several states away - burst into tears the minute I saw her online and the expression - it was him! So, I sent a deposit and flew up and got her and flew back with her under the seat. She is going on 10 and I know I won't have her long, but she's in good shape, and I have some of her babies. I hope you can find peace in some way - maybe adopting one in need when you are up to it in your dog's memory? Hugs!


                    Original Poster

                    Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. Everything said helped and I appreciate the love and understanding. Right back at ya.


                      Gingerbread, I hope you are doing well. I know we go through this grieving process in individual ways. Shock can totally change or slow what we feel our “expected” response should be to a special pet’s death. Their memories may bring torrents of tears at a later time. Thinking of you. (Thank you so much for sharing your personal story on my thread about my sister’s dog that has thyroid cancer. Meant a lot!)


                        I am very sorry for your loss, Gingerbread. It hurts so badly to lose them.
                        I lost my dog soul mate 7 years ago, and it was so hard. Grief would take me at odd times, and I couldn't breathe, it felt like having a heart attack. Well, my heart WAS broken. Tears will come, and if they don't...
                        We all grieve differently. Take care of yourself.
                        Ottbs - The finish line is only the beginning!


                          Me and 2 other ladies at my barn all lost our dogs last month (Feb), each of us about a week apart for different health reasons. All of our dogs were 14+ years old. It is kind of freaky, but we can console & empathize with each other even if our grief has been slightly different. One lady is rather stoic and can talk about loss openly, my other friend cries daily, and I'm in the middle. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or how you're "supposed" to feel, and no correct time frame of getting another dog....if ever. I'm slowly learning to be OK with that. Best to you!
                          Savor those rides where you feel like a million bucks, because there will be those where you feel like a cheap date...


                            We've been there. Sounds heartless, but give another pup a home. They are all different and any are grateful. A tribute to your beloved pet.


                              There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Try not to think of what you “should” be doing or how others have handled it. I belong to a few widow groups and it is interesting to see the vast spectrum of ways we handle loss. Just be kind to yourself.


                                I am very sorry for your loss. We lost our dear little Pom at age 9 last fall. It is utterly gutting and I totally understand what you are going through - the pain and loss is just intense.

                                The only advice I can give is for you to get another dog.

                                I thought I couldn't but I was wrong. After a month I couldn't handle how empty the house felt - our little girl was only 7 pounds but she filled every inch of it. So I called the breeder to see if she had any puppies. She told me she had recently retired so had no new litters or any planned, however she did have an 8 month old female with an inguinal hernia that she would let go on the grounds she would have the hernia repaired while she was being spayed. So we got our new little girl.

                                I cannot tell you how much having her has helped us in our grieving process. In no way has the loss of Roxie been diminished, we still grieve and miss her terribly. But having our new pup has helped us tremendously - she has lifted our spirits and added new life to the house. I strongly recommend you consider taking on a new dog. In no way will it lessen your loss but it will bring new life to your home and give you a reason to smile and look forward to the future.

                                (On a somewhat freaky note, after meeting our new pup and playing with her for a while, I asked the breeder what her name was. She replied "it's Roxi". My husband and I were stunned as our last pup was "Roxie". We felt it was a sign that she was meant to be ours.)


                                  After going through the loss of my 14 year old dog in Feb, I have to agree with RLS and others who said get another dog. I knew my last dog wouldn't be with us long after the new year. Talked about it with a few close friends who then asked if I would ever get another dog. I quickly answered "no". After I had my girl PTS, my husband and I were so sad with grief. After a few weeks, I started thinking about a new dog, though not 100% sure it was wise. Hubby said he couldn't even consider it yet. We were at opposite ends of the spectrum in how to deal with our sadness. We agreed to postpone a decision until mid-summer, but I ran into a dog breeder at a horseshow who needed to rehome a 1.5yr old dog. We chatted and it sounded like a perfect match. Husband was hesitant, but he let me take her. So.....6 weeks after our initial loss, we have welcomed a new, joyful member of the family. Yes, I still miss our other girl, but the intense ache in my heart is healing.
                                  Savor those rides where you feel like a million bucks, because there will be those where you feel like a cheap date...


                                    I am so sorry for your loss.


                                      How are you gingerbread? We lost out beloved dog last saturday. We knew she was old and she had many health problems but we are anyway lost without her. She was a 15 yo sheperd mix and the most lovely, smart and sweet dog. Me and my husband (and out other dog who is a rescued greyhound) can't overcome the pain of her loss. I cry and I miss her and feel a wreck. I ask myself if I could have done something else or better to relief her pain and to make her feel loved. She died at home just half an hour before the vet was putting her to sleep. She died in her favorite spot of the garden between out harms....It hurts so bad...I don't know hot to cope with the empty she left in our life. I'd take another puppy only for Max (the greyhound) who is so sad too but I'd also feel like betraying her