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Grief for dog, stuck

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  • Grief for dog, stuck

    Had to put my 9 year old dog to sleep unexpectedly last week. She was a soul mate type dog .and had been happy and active and normal until just the day before she got sick and couldn't be saved. Problem is, I can't seem to cry. I have been able to cry for other losses, human and pets. Something about this one is too much. What can I do? It is making me feel even worse that I can't let go and grieve.

  • #2
    Well, two thoughts. 1) it's only been a week. I think you're expecting too much, too soon. 2) Crying is not the only way to express grief and isn't better or worse than not crying. I'm not sure why you think that if you could cry about this loss, it would help you "let go."

    Not all pets or people are the same. We cherish some more than others. And not all grief is the same; for some losses it's missing "what might have been" and others is missing "every day" routines that you enjoy. And some are both and lots more.

    If you feel that you are overwhelmed by grief, I would consider finding a grief counselor to help you. But I do think you might be expecting too much too soon here.

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    • #3
      Not crying doesn’t mean your not grieving. Just like it’s okay to cry, it’s okay not to cry. We all deal with death differently to the point of dealing with the death of different pets differently. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you.

      Hugs for your loss.

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      • #4
        You are grieving.

        You are probably still processing the suddenness of her loss, and its impact on you. And the grief process is different for everyone. I love all my animals, but some of them make me bawl when I lose them, and others, I can process more calmly. The difference seems to be in how the loss happens, for me. A sudden, unexpected, unavoidable loss (colic, heart failure) is somehow easier for me to deal with.

        Hugs to you.

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        • #5
          It's always different.
          Just let it be what it is.
          *************************
          Go, Baby, Go......
          Aefvue Farms Footing Inspector

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          • #6
            Try watching Lassie Come Home or My Dog Skip. Those are my go to's for crying over the death of a beloved dog.

            "I received a transatlantic call one day. 'Skip died,' my Daddy said. He and my mama wrapped him in my baseball jacket. 'They buried him out under our elm tree,' they said. That wasn't totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart."

            That always does it for me. That and "You're my Lassie come home."

            Hugs.

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            • #7
              Walk .... in the woods or pasture ... back to nature ~

              ((hugs)) ~ laced with comfort and peace ~

              RIP ~ Beloved Friend ~ knowing you will always be loved and remembered ~
              Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "

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              • #8
                I am so sorry for your loss. Perhaps you are still in shock, but as others have said, you are still grieving.

                Could you get something that you could wear to keep her close and think of her?

                A few years ago I lost a dog somewhat unexpectedly and in a pretty awful manner. I was so shaken by it, I decided to get a piece of jewelry so that I could look at it and think of her. After going round and round about figuring out what I wanted, I settled on a silver cuff bracelet with her name in it. By the time I had decided on the bracelet, enough time had passed, and I decided to have all of my dogs' names engraved, starting with my childhood dog, through to the dog I still had. Not too long after I got the bracelet, I got another dog, and joked that I would have to get a new bracelet with his name engraved. Sadly, this summer, he came down with cancer with not much time left, so I went back to the manufacturer of the bracelet, and got a ring in a matching style with his name on it.

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                • #9
                  You are hurting too much inside and probably still processing the loss to cry. When the tears come, they will flood. I'm so sorry. I lost my heart and soul GSD in early 2009 and knew I couldn't live without a GSD. So, I researched his pedigree - every dog in it and went back 10 generations to get a spreadsheet to see where the overlaps and similar/same lines appeared and searched for a puppy with those lines. I finally found one several states away - burst into tears the minute I saw her online and the expression - it was him! So, I sent a deposit and flew up and got her and flew back with her under the seat. She is going on 10 and I know I won't have her long, but she's in good shape, and I have some of her babies. I hope you can find peace in some way - maybe adopting one in need when you are up to it in your dog's memory? Hugs!

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                  • Original Poster

                    #10
                    Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. Everything said helped and I appreciate the love and understanding. Right back at ya.

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                    • #11
                      Gingerbread, I hope you are doing well. I know we go through this grieving process in individual ways. Shock can totally change or slow what we feel our “expected” response should be to a special pet’s death. Their memories may bring torrents of tears at a later time. Thinking of you. (Thank you so much for sharing your personal story on my thread about my sister’s dog that has thyroid cancer. Meant a lot!)

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                      • #12
                        I am very sorry for your loss, Gingerbread. It hurts so badly to lose them.
                        I lost my dog soul mate 7 years ago, and it was so hard. Grief would take me at odd times, and I couldn't breathe, it felt like having a heart attack. Well, my heart WAS broken. Tears will come, and if they don't...
                        We all grieve differently. Take care of yourself.
                        Ottbs - The finish line is only the beginning!

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                        • #13
                          Me and 2 other ladies at my barn all lost our dogs last month (Feb), each of us about a week apart for different health reasons. All of our dogs were 14+ years old. It is kind of freaky, but we can console & empathize with each other even if our grief has been slightly different. One lady is rather stoic and can talk about loss openly, my other friend cries daily, and I'm in the middle. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, or how you're "supposed" to feel, and no correct time frame of getting another dog....if ever. I'm slowly learning to be OK with that. Best to you!
                          Savor those rides where you feel like a million bucks, because there will be those where you feel like a cheap date...

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