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How to cope with the loss of the little ones...

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  • #41
    So sorry for your loss. As many of us have said, we really do understand. Losing them is never easy. Give yourself some time. You've come to the right place, all of us have some form of the same kind of story. Try to remember some of the joy. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.
    Quality Hunter Ponies


    • #42
      She was glorious.
      Sometimes I think we are blessed with a special spirit for a short time as a glimsp of heaven. I have been honored to know some special humans and animals that left us far too quickly.

      You did the right thing for her, you have her a chance. The pain will lessen in time.

      Consider repeating the cross again, when you are able.

      "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
      Courtesy my cousin Tim


      • #43
        This story is heartbreaking. I am so sorry.
        Von Hendrix aka Jimi


        • #44
          If I ever stop breeding it would be for this reason. All our heart is in producing foals and loosing one is like loosing a part of you. It is hard and I can't get used to it.

          Your story is so close of mine it brought me tears and I felt as if your filly was mine. Time will attenuate your pain but you will never forget her, she will always stay close to your heart.
          Breeder of Royal Dutch Sport Horse


          • #45
            I am so sorry to here of your loss, I feel your pain as I just had to put down my beloved Merlin from freak accident 2 days ago. Still so raw, but I know in my heart I did the right thing by him as you did for your filly.That's called real love. so cry, be kind to yourself and hug the horses you still have, they need you. Your filly will be waiting for you as is mine. Neether are in pain any more. Hugs


            • #46
              I am so sorry for your loss.

              I just realized from your other posts who you are from another forum & another lifetime ago.

              Time will make the pain less vivid. Do something special to honor her memory on the farm.
              Semi Feral


              • Original Poster

                I know this is old, but I thought I'd post a happy little update...

                Things have definitely gotten easier. I can't say that I'm healed, because it definitely still hurts from time to time (the year anniversary of her death was pretty tough), but I tried to take the advice of everyone here and focus on the horses that I still have. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does help the pain become less acute. One thing that still gets me is always wondering what she would have been like when she grew up. I am incredibly grateful for all of the great advice, hugs, and words of encouragement from everyone on here... The support was really instrumental for working my way through losing my girl.

                I did decide to try for a full sibling to Firefly last spring. I didn't want to jinx anything and make an announcement until baby was here safe and sound. Well, SHE arrived yesterday around 3:30pm! I've been pulling all nighters watching mama on the cameras for the past two weeks, and was going nuts waiting. I checked on her yesterday around 3pm and she was quiet, no signs of impending labor. I had checked her milk in the morning and it was only a little cloudy, and her bag was still fairly firm. Went to the house to try and get some chores done before going back out to feed and teach, and at around 4:15 my stall cleaner texts me asking me when Wings had her baby! I was like, WHAT BABY??? Mama was still down when she had gotten there, but they were both up and baby was nursing and passing meconium when I got out there (about one minute after I got that text, hahaha ). Talk about an April Fool's baby!

                I've got to say, out of all the babies we've had through the years, this one likes to sleep in the weirdest spots. She literally makes herself a nest. Both last night at night check and this morning she was half covered in straw, and she seems to know just where the most straw is in the stall to plop down in. Mama and her both slept in this morning, which was one of the sweetest things I've seen in quite some time. It was a good reminder of why I do what I do and have the best job in the world.

                I don't think I've felt *that* happy in a long time, and I hadn't realized how long it had been until I saw that baby. She's strong and sweet and another big one for mama! I'm not sure if she'll go gray (not that it really matters, mama's healthy, baby's here in one piece AND a girl!), but it will be interesting to see. Now I just have to resist the impulse to bubble wrap her and figure out how to let her be a horse without giving myself a heart attack .

                Anyway, here are some pictures of the little one - they kind of suck, they were taken with my phone, so I tried to fix some of the noise and lighting on them but they still aren't great. I think I'm going to name her Skyfall, Sky for short. Not that I love James Bond movies, but the name kind of stuck with me after I lost my filly because it reminded me a lot of how I was feeling at the time.

                Skyfall Album

                Thank you again everyone


                • #48
                  Congratulations on little Miss Sky. She's beautiful. I lost both of my heart horses in October 2012, so I completely empathize with your loss. Yes, it still hurts, especially at the anniversary. But time heals and the heart remembers the good stuff. Again, so happy for you and your new filly.


                  • #49
                    McDowell Racing Stables

                    Home Away From Home


                    • #50
                      She's just beautiful! She looks very strong and healthy. Love her name too!


                      • #51
                        Your filly is beautiful! I think Firefly just sent you a gift. Congratulations and wishing you many years of joy together.


                        • #52
                          I am so happy for you. Skyfall is precious. Enjoy her!
                          Mary Lou


                          Member OMGiH I loff my mares clique


                          • #53
                            Wow, what a great story both sad and happy. Congratulations and best wishes to Skyfall.


                            • #54
                              My heart goes out to you, remember that there is no set rules for the length of time it takes to mourn a loss. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

                              I will share my story to help:

                              Bought a cute but rough around the edges looking buckskin "mutt" gelding at age 3 and got him started for a month. I then did the rest of the work on him myself. Decided 3 years later to move and put him at a boarding stable for a couple months until I could get myself settled. Sent him up to the boarding stable, and thought he'd have a great two month vacation.
                              I get a phone call on a Thursday saying he'd been in an accident on the Monday (why they waited three days I'll never know) and that I probably needed the vet out. My horse was 4 hours away so I jumped in my truck and headed up to see him. I got to the place at about 1 am, looked at my horse and immediately knew this was serious. He'd dumped a ton of weight, couldn't weight bear at all on his left front and was off his feed.
                              The next morning the barn owner told me that they'd have the vet out the day before. She'd taken x-rays and now had the results. I called the vet and she had horrible news, he'd broken his femur (actually shattered) and it was non operable. However, what she went on the say was even worse. She told me that the barn owner admitted to putting my gelding into a pen with a recently gelded stallion in order to "teach him a lesson". Apparently, the barn owner felt my gelding was "a little prick" with other horses and wanted to get him beat up to take that out of him. He got cornered by the other horse and beaten up so badly, I tried to brush him and he flinched with every stroke. Then, to make matter worse he'd been left for 4 days with a broken leg and no vet care.
                              I had the x-rays sent to Pullman for a second opinion as this horse meant the world to me. I was told there was no hope. I asked the vet to come up to the farm as soon as possible and put my beautiful boy down. I gave him a can of coke (his favorite) and a huge bran mash with cut up apples and then he was put down.
                              I have NEVER fully recovered from the loss of this gelding. I haven't found another horse that I've connected with to that degree, and I may never. It doesn't hurt like it did, that passed with some time. I'm thankful for the time I had with him and the lessons that it taught me. I was constantly beating myself up about what happened, I sent him to this place and he got hurt as a result, I was too far away etc... The what and if in the story will eat you alive if you let it. You make the best choices you can based on the information you have.....
                              Proud Momma:

                              Imax - Fresstyle x Juventus x Rubinstein
                              2014 - Sister to IMAX (hopefully)


                              • #55

                                The #1 advice I can offer now is to not compare Skyfall to her sister. Enjoy and cherish every minute with Skyfall because she is amazing.

                                I lost my homebred filly out of my heart horse 3 years ago this month, she was 3 and very promising and an EF5 tornado leveled the barn I boarded at. She didn't make it. I still miss her and it took me forever to move on past the grief. But I rebred my heart mare and now have a yearling filly that is perfect in every way. Which in itself was a struggle, heart mare tries to die every spring (accident prone and vets have talked euthanasia a few different times), and the fillies sire passed in a pasture accident so I was unable to recreate a full sibling.

                                The hardest thing for me was not comparing the two fillies, it took me weeks to name the new one and I was much more hands off than I should have been. In all the excitement of having a new baby I was stuck grieving again. Once I got over my mental issues the new baby was there for all my love. And she continues to impress me every day. In many ways she is better for me than the other filly was. Now I can't wait to get her started under saddle... the first few years are the hardest to wait.

                                Your update has made my morning!


                                • #56
                                  Skyfall, what a wonderful update, and such a cute filly!
                                  You have to have experiences to gain experience.

                                  1998 Morgan mare Mythic Feronia "More Valley Girl Than Girl Scout!"


                                  • #57
                                    I really think that losing one in her age group is the hardest of all.

                                    I am so very sorry for your loss.

                                    Be kind to yourself and know how lucky she was to be loved and well cared for her entire life.

                                    Gentle hugs, Godspeed filly


                                    • #58
                                      Congratulations on the new arrival! She is a darling.
                                      Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.


                                      • #59
                                        Congrats on your new little one. She's a cutie.

                                        PS: Remembered the comments about the mare being food aggressive - With a food aggressive mare, put hay in all 4 corners of the stall. When the foal comes of age and starts nibbling at food, the foal will quickly learn that mom doesn't like to share and hence will go looking for her own pile. Once they both learn you put piles of hay all over the place, the mare should settle down and chow on her own pile and the foal will find her own pile and the mare will stop being so aggressive. Also put out much more food than usual as any sort of hunger makes a food aggressive horse even more aggressive. If the stall is big enough and piles of hay in each corner are available, the foal should not be getting pushed around.

                                        You could also open up the stall to become a double-stall and put a barrier that the foal can duck under for her own food (when she gets old enough for that) and also a hiding place to get away if mom starts getting food aggressive again. Doesn't take long for baby learn these things.
                                        Practice! Patience! Persistence!


                                        • #60
                                          You took such good care of your girl. I am so sorry for your loss. Big hugs.
                                          Trinity Farm LLC
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