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How to cope with the loss of the little ones...

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  • #21
    I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

    Time is the answer, though the hurt will always be there as a little niggling ache in the back of your mind.

    Your loss was harder to accept than some because you had been given hope and then circumstances stepped in to dash those hopes. That is so hard to accept. It makes second guessing so easy, and second guessing is only useful if there was something that we could learn to prevent a similar experience. Most freak accidents don't fill that bill.

    I honestly don't know which is harder - the sudden and unexpected loss or the agony of the long road trying to save a horse that takes a sudden turn to a sudden end.

    I wish you healing for your heart and mind. As others have said, be kind to yourself. Allow yourself the time to grieve, a safe place to cry, the comfort of friends. Someday you will be able to remember your filly without tears, but it takes a long, long time. Sending hugs...
    Mary Lou


    Member OMGiH I loff my mares clique


    • #22
      What a sad story! I feel for you, flightcrash. Nothing one can say will make it any easier, but it is true that time will heal most every wound.
      So sorry for your loss.


      • #23
        I am so sorry for your tragic loss of your filly.

        I lost my heart dog, and it too forever to get over her death.

        Time does heal. Sometimes a really long time.

        cyber hugs for you.


        • #24
          It does take time. And that is true for any loss in life, whether it is a horse or a family member or friend. Sometimes it surprises us how attach we are to our horses, pets but they are family members for many of us. And losing a little one makes less sense for us. So just let yourself be sad, if you have ever lost a person in your life you will notice it is a similar process and it takes time and some adjusting. I am so sorry for your loss. Don't be too hard on yourself about your choices. She is no longer in pain and I am sure she knows that you did your best, and that is all any of us can do at any time. We learn and would do things different but you can't be too hard on yourself for that process.


          • #25
            I am so sorry for your loss, and do understand, all too well, as do most of us here.

            Please don't blame yourself, you did the very best you could for her, every step of the way.
            It is very sad to lose a baby, there is so much hope and promise. But it is heartbreaking to lose them at whatever age. It is always too soon.

            I have told this story before, perhaps it might give you some comfort. It helped me.

            A few years ago I had to put down one of my precious mares, Lucy, the first of the small victories. I had foaled her and loved her every moment of her life.
            Mine was the first face she saw in this world and the last one she saw as she left.
            After we buried her, I was inconsolable. I remembered the moment she was born, how incredibly moving it was, how much a part of the mystery I felt, just her, her beautiful mum (my dear Two Bitter) and me.
            After she was gone, my husband said to me:
            When they are born it is as if a door opens, a light shines through and they come into your life.
            And when they go, it is as if that door opens again, the light shines again and they pass through, back from where they came.....

            It doesn't stop me from crying, I am crying now as I type..and it doesn't stop you from missing them and grieving... but the beautiful image has given me some comfort.

            So sorry for your loss of your sweet girl.
            A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


            • #26
              You did your very best for her. I know I kicked myself for taking my mare to the clinic where they tried some procedures that did not work. It was emotionally difficult and painful for her, and she wanted to be home with me. I was lucky enough to be able to bring her home, though after nursing her another week, we felt it best to put her to sleep. To this day, I am still racked that I took her to the clinic. But there was no other choice but to try to save her. The pain does ease with time, though it takes a lot of time, and the memories are never forgotten of our loved ones.


              • #27
                I'm so sorry for your loss. Time does heal all wounds but sometimes it's really difficult. I lost a 3 week old filly in horrific circumstances. Hind leg broken completely in half above the hock after she was attacked by an evil mare, not her mom. I still feel horrible guilt for putting her in danger and for having my husband having to lay on her for 45 mins of agony until the vet finally arrived. The young ones get to us as another poster said because of the promise yet unfilled and because our babies are so special to us. I'm lucky as I still have 2 half sisters and the mom.

                Please just don't be so hard on yourself. You did the very best for her. Hugs.

                COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

                "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.


                • #28
                  OH NO!! Between this thread and the filly of Siegi's that ate the plastic my heart is broken. Not having lost a baby I can't imagine how horrible this would be. They are the sweetest things and you get soo attached.

                  I am soo sorry for your loss and the poor filly. I wish therer was something we could say to make it all better but we do understand and support you because we are right there with you. It could happen to any of us and believe me we know it.

                  They are such a beautiful gift and we can only enjoy them for the time we are given and hopefully make good decisions on their behalf. You loved your filly and she loved you....in the end that is enough.
                  The rider casts his heart over the fence,
                  the horse jumps in pursuit of it.

                  –Hans-Heinrich Isenbart


                  • #29
                    I am so very very sorry as well ...

                    Most if not all us have walked in your shoes in the past and know exactly what you are going through and are here if you ever need a shoulder to cry on

                    I'd love to see a picture of your special filly. When you are able to do so, could you post one of her for us to see?

                    {{{HUGS}}} and Godspeed to your wonderful filly ...

                    True Colours Farm on Facebook


                    • #30
                      Originally posted by EquusMagnificus View Post
                      I'm so sorry to read this. You did the best you could; I think anytime we loose one, we second guess ourselves, wondering had we done more, would they still be here? Often the answer is: no.

                      Don't torture yourself and yes, time, time heals all wounds.
                      Very well said. I am sorry and I feel your pain. It is awful to lose the special horses, ones you have had since being born or being a baby. You are perfectly normal in not wanting to go to the barn. And you did the best you could, that's all we really can do for them. I am sorry for your filly, but you did right by her.
                      Like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/edgewoodmeadowfarm


                      • #31
                        Others have said all i could possibly say. TIME. Thats all that will help. I understand your tragedy............Remember the good, and try to put aside the bad. No more advice other than I want to give you big HUGS from all of us here at Sugarbrook
                        hunter/jumper ponies


                        • Original Poster

                          The responses here have really touched me and I am incredibly thankful for the support. It does help to think that someday the pain will fade. She was such an incredibly special filly. I still have a hard time believing I won't see her trying to stretch her head above her stall door, or not hearing her whinny when she realized that it was me walking in the barn. I put her mom back in the stall she used to share with her filly to see if it would help fill the void a little. I am grateful that I do still have her dam and her half brother. I also own her sire who we collected on before we gelded him nine years ago, and I hadn't planned on doing the cross again since I got her, but now I'm reconsidering. However, that decision is another hard one for me to make.

                          Anyway, thank you all again, and here are some pictures of her. The first is my favorite one of her and the next link is to an album of pictures of her. The ones of her playing in her paddock were taken the morning she was injured, so they're a little bittersweet.

                          Firefly Album


                          • #33
                            Oh wow! Look at the trot on that girl! And I love her gorgeous eye as well ...

                            Who was her sire flightcrash? I think when you are ready, a repeat of that cross might be the very best thing you could do to honor her memory and give you another special one to build your hopes and dreams on once again

                            Thanks so much for posting those pictures of her. I can see why she was so very special to you ...

                            {{{HUGS}}} once again

                            True Colours Farm on Facebook


                            • #34
                              Such a beautiful girl, flightcrash. Thank you for sharing your pictures of her with us.
                              I'm so very sorry for your loss, and feel so sad for you.
                              Take care,

                              A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


                              • Original Poster

                                Her sire is Alotta Flash (Alpenstern x Abdullah). I bought him when I was fifteen as a stallion to be my jumper, but collected and gelded him because I was a junior. He was inspected Oldenburg, but wasn't approved because he was 15.2 as a five year old when I bought him. After we gelded him he did grow a couple inches, and both of his parents were over 17h (which I think explains the size of my filly). Anyway, a year after I bought him he got loose (another freak accident) on the farm I was boarding at and tried to jump over a crop disk. He cut into four joint capsules and he spent a month at the same university we took Firefly to. He is now my stunning pasture ornament, best friend, and trail companion. The week before he got hurt though, he was jumping 5'6" at a trot and was the most athletic freak of nature I'd ever seen. He had also been giving lessons before I bought him, so he has an incredible mind.

                                Flash is one of the few horses who I feel listens to me like he's a human. Just stares at me with an understanding look on his face and then rubs my arm with his nose at just the right time, he's quite the character. I've always wanted a filly by him and also out of her dam, but I'm not in the position to breed a ton of foals to get another one. Since Flash isn't approved, breeding to him is a commitment to train and show the babies and get them proven before I could even think about selling them. I have one of his sons that I've done just that with and he's been absolutely incredible to work with. I'm sure I will try again in the future.

                                Thank you for all the hugs and support, the amount they have helped has been tremendous.

                                Thank you everyone again for the cyber hugs
                                Last edited by flightcrash; Nov. 21, 2012, 05:09 PM.


                                • #36
                                  I am so sorry for your loss. I think, as has been said, you did everything you could for her as the situation presented itself. Let your heart dwell in the special memories and love and soften the ache. Godspeed to your lovely girl.


                                  • #37
                                    I've hesitated posting because I don't really know the answer to the title of your thread. I lost my first foal after a long difficult medical problem we thought could be "fixed". Wasn't so as it turns out.

                                    This was my "heart baby"...and even after many foals raised to adults that I adore over the last 25 years, when I think about my little "Nikki" from that time, I still tear up and the loss makes me still try to catch my breath.

                                    Deep loss, is often never really "gotten over". You just learn to live with it.

                                    I'm so sorry you lost this special one. She'll live in your heart, where special horses who touch our lives reside whether they are here or gone.
                                    www.littlebullrun@aol.com See Little Bull Run's stallions at:
                                    "Argosy" - YouTube and "Boleem" - YouTube
                                    Boleem @ 1993 National Dressage Symposium - YouTube


                                    • #38
                                      ((HUGS)) ~ tears and JINGLES of strength ~ I am so sorry ~

                                      I am SO sorry ~ ((hugs)) and tears and JINGLES of strength ~
                                      Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by Cinnybren View Post
                                        I am so sorry for your loss. I think, as has been said, you did everything you could for her as the situation presented itself. Let your heart dwell in the special memories and love and soften the ache. Godspeed to your lovely girl.
                                        Cinnybren, giant hugs and much love to you, dear girl, for your sad loss.
                                        A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


                                        • #40
                                          What a sad story. Your poor little filly! She was so beautiful and didn't deserve to suffer such a awful injury. Sometimes bad things happen and it's no ones fault, just bad luck. I hope you find another heart foal one day.