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Sad And A Bit Of A Rant/ Happy Update 1 1/2 years later!!!

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  • Sad And A Bit Of A Rant/ Happy Update 1 1/2 years later!!!

    I have to say that the 2 foals that were born this year will be my last. I still get updates on horses that I have sold and thankfully they are happy and doing the jobs they were bred to do. But this week I wanted to track down my 5yo warmblood that left us at 3.

    Alfie was sold as a foal but as the man had no company for him he left him with us for a very nominal fee. We also waited until he was 3 before breaking him as he was large and a bit backwards. He did everything that was asked of him and was such a good boy. One day we got a call and his owner said I will be there in an hour to pick him up. Um, ok not a lot of notice and it's out of the blue, but sure he's your horse. He was taking him to a young couple that were supposed amazing horse people with young horses. Never heard of them and when quizzed this horse was the only young horse they would have and they actually didn't break youngsters. Right they sound just wonderful already. That was the last I saw of Alfie despite my trying to get a hold of the owner to find out how he was. I left my number with the new people and told them if they had any problems to give us a call. And I made a point of saying that you know this horse is only WT and a little canter. He's happy at what he does but he needs time.

    Last night I finally got a hold of his owner to find out how he was doing. He tells me "I got rid of him because he was completely useless and what really pee'd me off is that you and John failed to tell me he was a boxwalker. You guys screwed me royally." Now I'm livid and said that horse wasn't a box walker and further more you have been to see him many times when he was in the stable. He says, " Well I was told you probably gave him something." Then he goes on to say that he refused to jump anything after about a month. So I asked him when he was told he was a box walker. "Oh about a month after he arrived." Funny that, this horse left very green and happy and within a month he wouldn't jump and is a boxwalker and somehow this is my fault. I asked what he did with him and he told me he sold him for a couple hundred quid to "nice" home. I asked why he didn't call me and offer him to me as was discussed and this was my reply: "Well if I called you I was going to want my entire investment back and I knew you wouldn't give it to me." Right so it's ok to sell him to someone else for a couple hundred quid, but I would have to give you all your money back because someone else screwed him up and you have decided that was my fault.

    Know what, this isn't a fricking car people. You don't do things out of spite because you're an idiot and gave him to the wrong people. We did business with this guy for 5 years. How could he think we hid things from him when he knew us and saw how our horses were kept. Alfie loved his stable, he'd be waiting at the gate to come in each night to snuggle up in a big bed of straw. We told him to stop by any time and see his horse even if we weren't there. We charged him very little to keep his horse all year round because it was good for the horse and the owner. And then within in a month stupid people ruined him for life.

    I failed Alfie in every possible way. I skyped my husband last night in a flood of tears and I'm still upset with myself and of course looking at all the pictures of him when he was a happy horse doesn't help. I really feel awful. I'm not doing it to any more horses. I love my mares and they don't need to have babies for me to love them and keep them safe and happy. It doesn't matter that most have wonderful homes and are appreicated. I failed one big time and that's killing me. That guy wouldn't actually tell me where he went so I don't know if he is even still alive. Really don't know if I should continue looking and see what I turn up. Does this make me a crazy lady or does this make me a concerned breeder?

    Anyway, sorry this was long and if you feel if I was wrong in any way please tell me nicely as you can't beat me up more than I am beating myself up right now.

    Last edited by Equilibrium; Feb. 16, 2012, 04:58 PM.
    COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

    "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.

  • #2
    Gently with you

    I hear your pain and anger.
    You did nothing wrong...there are rather insane people out there who's mental health is questionable. Their behaviours impact the animals we care about more often than we think.
    So sorry you had this experience...and yes these thing happen.
    Go easy on yourself.....
    Breeder of Quality and Colour
    Tobiano Pinto Sporthorses


    • #3
      Originally posted by Equilibrium View Post
      Does this make me a crazy lady or does this make me a concerned breeder?

      I think this makes you an amazing person and a responsible breeder. You didn't go into details about the sales contract, but here in the States, a buy back clause doesn't carry much weight unless there are specific financial penalties tied to it being broken.

      You have a big heart and I do hope you can track down Alfie and bring him home. I can't offer you advice from a seller's perspective, but can only suggest that if you do sell your newest foals, you are very particular about where they go. A reasonable person won't be offended if you are careful in your new home selection process.

      Please don't beat yourself up, you had no way of knowing. Bless you and your big, wonderful heart. If only all breeders cared as much as you do...{Hugs}
      Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!


      • #4
        I would keep digging. I wouldnt take no for an answer.. but that is the fighter in me.

        Who knows... maybe youll find him happily living the life with a family that loves him. And if not... you could certainly try to buy him back.

        There are crazy people out there.. and that guy sure sounds like he fits the bill... but dont give up hope that a good person has him. We do exist!

        I am still very sorry for your pain. Im sure I would feel the same... even though we know we shouldnt be so hard on ourselves... it is easier said than done...

        "Opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work." *Thomas Edison
        A champion is a dreamer that refused to give up!!


        • Original Poster

          I'm not planning on selling this year's foals. I was planning on selling the colt but after this, not gonna happen. Never say never but going into the winter is not an option. I am going to continue and see what I can dig up. I did not get irrate on the phone last night but I did have to tell him that he did not boxwalk here no matter what he thinks. That poor horse had to stand in on box rest for 2 weeks after he had an abcess pot out his coronet band. He was wicked sore and it was terribly muddy out so we thougth the best option was standing and hand grazing both of which he was a saint for. You'd have to wake him up to get him to go out and graze he was that comfy. I know that everything that was done with him had to be rushed and just blew his mind.

          I will try and find him and so will keep you updated on any progress good or bad.

          Thanks guys for understanding,
          COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

          "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.


          • Original Poster

            I've added a link to some photos on Facebook as I'm too tired and have to much to do to fiddle with photobucket.


            COTH, keeping popcorn growers in business for years.

            "I need your grace to remind me to find my own." Snow Patrol-Chasing Cars. This line reminds me why I have horses.


            • #7
              Terri, you have every right to be sad, to be angry - but not at yourself.
              You did nothing wrong, so please don't beat yourself up.

              I hope you can find Alfie, and that he is in a good and loving home, or that you will be able to buy him back.

              We put so much of ourselves, so much love, hope for the future, in these precious creatures, and it is agonizing to think that they may go to someone who may not love them or care for them the way they deserve.
              I understand completely and feel sad for you and for Alfie.

              good luck finding Alfie. and take care.
              A Fine Romance. April 1991 - June 2016. Loved forever.


              • #8
                Terri i'm so sorry to hear what has happened to Alfie. You could not do more than you did to ensure if had the best start in life. I guess the tragedy is that the man did not reveal his true colours sooner. And I hope he does not ever buy another horse for he sounds the sort where nothing is ever his fault and so does not learn from past mistakes. Good luck in your search for Alfie, i'm praying that you find him happy and healthy in a home where he is loved.
                Last edited by stolensilver; Jul. 16, 2010, 07:37 AM. Reason: Predictive texting!


                • #9
                  I found out a few months ago that a filly I bred and raised more than likely starved to-death. I sold her to one of the members of COTH in good faith and later found out that several of their horses died due to a simple lack of food.

                  I also found out another pony I owned and sold to a show barn, ended up in a feedlot after being passed around once the daughter outgrew her.

                  You can't make people do the right thing and it is hard on the heart knowing you created the horse and they ended up in a bad situation.


                  • #10
                    I can understand your sorrow and your anger at the (ignorant/irresponsible) purchaser.
                    You did the utmost to give Alfie a proper start, and he left you confident, happy, and ready to move forward in life.
                    Unfortunately (as I know from experience - a now-3 yr old of mine has been 'killed with kindness' - a directionless, undisciplined "pet" who is being given no opportunity to develop as a sporthorse) sometimes the future we have foreseen for the youngsters we place does not materialize.
                    I feel terrible when this happens, and wonder how I might better have pre-judged fitness-of-match. ....
                    So sorry for Alfie - and hope he has indeed landed well.
                    Sunny Days Hanoverians


                    • #11
                      People suck. The more you try to do for them, the more they try to screw you. No good deed goes unpunished. I never sell anything.
                      Not YOUR fault in amy way. I hope you can track him down.


                      • #12
                        You did nothing wrong. He is a lovely looking boy and I hope that you can find him. Do you think there's any chance he came over to England?
                        Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!


                        • #13
                          this was sooo not your fault, you did NOT fail Alfie. Sh!t happens - unfortunately you cannot control the fate of horses you sell You may sell them to the very best home, and it's the NEXT home that screws the horse.

                          Your comment on Alfie's album just tore at my heart. I hope you find him - what a beautiful creature
                          The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances. - ET


                          • #14
                            WOW........I am adoring Alfie!! Please try to find him! Maybe someone on the COTH can help find him also. Keep us posted....what an adorable boy.

                            The nicest thing about horses is given the chance they forgive those who love them and are bonded with us forever.

                            Have I mentioned lately that I hate people....well most of them.
                            The rider casts his heart over the fence,
                            the horse jumps in pursuit of it.

                            –Hans-Heinrich Isenbart


                            • #15
                              Terri my heart bleeds for you, and for Alfie. PLEASE do not blame yourself.


                              • #16

                                You are so much like me. I too realize that I can't sell a horse, and keep them. I sold my quarter horse mare in 1963, when I moved up to a TB for Medal/Maclay. She went to a really good situation, but when they realized that she breathed heavily when hunted, they decided she had heaves and destroyed her. She was the most fantastic kids horse ever, I had had her 9 years, it crushed me, and still does to know that she was put down, I so loved her and wanted the best for her. So now I keep them.

                                Don't blame yourself, people don't have half the intelligence that a horse has sometimes. Keep looking for him and hopefully find him and bring him home. You care a great deal about your horses, and I so hope that you can find him.

                                Loving horses, as many of us do, means you either get tough and raise them to sell or you keep them, and stop raising them. I too can not live with selling one and not knowing how its life turns out.

                                Guess it is good that I didn't have children, I would never have been able to let them make mistakes or be hurt either.

                                Cheer up, you will find Alfie, take it one step at a time. Facebook is a great place to start. Best wishes.
                                Proud of my Hunter Breeding Princesses
                                "Grief is the price we all pay for love," Gretchen Jackson (1/29/07) In Memory of Barbaro


                                • #17
                                  So very sorry to read this ~ I wish more breeders were "YOU" and cared ~ Jingles for you to be re-united with Alfie ~ no you did not fail in any way ~ the owner failed miserably on all levels. IMHO
                                  Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


                                  • #18
                                    This is so sad.
                                    DIY Journey of Remodeling the Farmette: http://weownblackacre.blogspot.com/


                                    • #19
                                      I have not read all of the replies but you did not fail this lovely horse. based on your story, you gave him a wonderful loving home for yeras and gave him a good start, which is really the most you can do to give him the skills he needs to succeed after leaving your farm (relatedly, it always worries me to sell unstarted youngsters and foals because they are that much more dependent on the skills of others to get them going). Alfie's owner had every opportunity to contact you, if nothing else to complain about the horse once he took him to the other place. He did not do that, and out of spite sold him down the road. If anyone failed the horse it was that person.

                                      Is there any chance Alfie might have gone to a nice place, despite the low price? Maybe someone saw his potential?

                                      Your post resonates with me quite a bit because I am extremely particular about who I will sell to and unless the home is as good or better than what I can provide for a horse the horse is not for sale. But of course there are no guarantees; you can only do your best.
                                      Roseknoll Sporthorses


                                      • #20
                                        What more could you have done? I feel for you, I really do.

                                        Keep trying to track him down. There are three possible endings.

                                        1) He is happy and healthy in a great home with people who got incredibly lucky to get a nice horse for not much money.
                                        2) He is no longer alive which would be very upsetting but he would also not be suffering
                                        3) He is in a bad situation and you can get him out of it.

                                        Hearing about stuff like this just makes me feel sick.