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The Big C! RIP Kim, see pg. 218

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  • fargaloo, in honor of your upcoming trip for Kim, I drove out to the organic farm near my house and scored both a pint box of yummy taste like real strawberries *and* a pint box of small (cherry?) red tomatoes that really, really taste like 'maters!

    I don't think I'll ever eat another tomato without thinking of Kim

    For the factor, they had 2 goats born today. I swear there is nothing cuter than a baby goat
    Maybe the reason I love animals so much is because the only time they have broken my heart is when they've crossed that rainbow bridge

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Where'sMyWhite View Post
      fargaloo, in honor of your upcoming trip for Kim, I drove out to the organic farm near my house and scored both a pint box of yummy taste like real strawberries *and* a pint box of small (cherry?) red tomatoes that really, really taste like 'maters!

      I don't think I'll ever eat another tomato without thinking of Kim

      For the factor, they had 2 goats born today. I swear there is nothing cuter than a baby goat
      Sounds like a great day. I think for many of us, a beautiful tomato that actually tastes of tomato will always make us remember Kim.
      "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

      "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Where'sMyWhite View Post
        Kim... what can I say.

        For many years I followed 'Sannois' on this board as she journeyed through her life. I would have to say that I felt like I "knew" her as well as I know most other members on this board. I would read what she said and, if I had what I thought would be something useful to add, I would.

        About a year ago (I don't remember exactly when) the first post popped up mentioning that she was having GI "problems"; before the actual diagnosis. She complained, many offered suggestions on what she should do, including seeing her PCP, which, IIRC, she had resisted. She finally succumbed to the suggestions and her last journey began.

        Her diagnosis broke my heart. I often identified with Sannois (at the time) feeling that she didn't have many friends or family. I can't imagine how difficult hearing her diagnosis must have been for her.

        That's when she became the self-proclaimed poster child for getting that colposcopy done and not to defer that diagnostic test, no matter how unpleasant the prep or test might be.

        As she kept us up to date on early diagnostics and proposed treatments, that's when she went from "Sannois" to Kim for me. I sent her a pack of photos that I thought she would enjoy when she was feeling down and the weather wasn't conducive to getting out and about. Photos of lovely Arizona sunsets, flowers, landscapes. No horse photos as I didn't have anything recent. Email stories about my two Border Terriers.

        Anything I thought I could do to let her know that there was at least one friend out there (yes, COTH gave her many, many friends but I can speak only for myself.)

        I read her posts as she decided no chemo, then changed her mind, and then changed it back. All the while doing my best to support her decisions knowing it was her life that she had to live as she chose. Yeah, there were times where I was remiss in reaching out to her, either via email or here. But, she was never far from my thoughts.

        I remembered reading that she was able to go riding again. Something I felt she missed horribly and was so happy for her that she could do this again.

        I would go through my many photos and would email her some knowing they'd get to her faster than if I had them printed and snail mailed to her.

        At some point, and I suspect we all got there at different points, I worried that something would happen and her COTH family wouldn't know. Every post from her was a breath of fresh air for me even if it was to rail that she was lonely or how much she was in pain.

        I took a deep sigh of relief that she made a connection with fargaloo and vice versa. Someone that Kim could share more of what she was going through and just when she needed to talk. I was so happy to read that fargaloo was able to visit Kim in person and spend time with her, something I wouldn't be able to do.

        As Kim posted over time that it exhausted her to walk from the grocery store to her car and then how exhausting it was to get to the bathroom, I personally felt the end game was near. Even now I don't remember when I emailed or posted her for her to read but I do known that I thought about her and her journey many times through a day. I do remember attempting to gently scold her when she went outside in the snow that last Wednesday that she should always take her phone with her so she could call for help if she needed it.

        I still remember that Saturday reading that she'd lost her fight. I knew that was the inevitable end of the journey she was on, but I also know that I dreaded reading that it had happened but knowing she was now pain-free and reunited with all her beloved kitties and horses.

        Anyway, I can't begin to explain or understand how a person I never met, nor even talked to over the phone, had such a profound impact on me. That she could face such a diagnosis without a strong support network must have been daunting for her. And yet, she still found it within her to laugh and joke with us and scold us when someone else 'fessed up that they were overdue for their colonoscopy.

        Even today, I still miss her. I miss her humor. I miss her grace in the face of death. She made me look at my life differently... things that might have previously annoyed me just don't any more. They are peanuts compared to the big choices in life... how one lives it and how one chooses it to end.

        Kim, girlfriend, I miss you today as much as ever. Know these tears are not just that you are gone from this earth but not my heart nor my mind but also that you are now pain free and with your beloved animals. I hope someday that I will finally be able to meet you
        Wojjie

        Comment


        • Wojjie, Are you quoting WMW because you feel the same emotion, or have I missed the junction where your quote of WMW ended and the actual comment that you have written began?

          It is difficult to tell at times, the quote function can be capricious.

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          • Thinking of you tonight fargaloo

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            • I’m pretty sure a lot of us are thinking of Fargaloo, Kim, and Todd today. We will be there with you in spirit.

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              • Hey Kim peeps -- so, best laid plans and all that.... I emailed Todd yesterday to confirm my schedule. I've been staying with my mom since Sunday (she's trying to see if she can be back home, even for a short time), with the idea that I would leave her house early this morning, be in MI mid-late morning (about 4.5h trip), and then leave around 6ish to get back to mom's without too much driving in the dark. Late yesterday he said that Kim's friends couldn't be there until about 6 or 7 pm.... I emailed back and said as long as I could be on the road home by 8ish that would be fine. He wrote back to say "let's postpone it to a weekend".

                Of course, I'm mildly irritated because we set aside this date weeks ago (I'm guessing he didn't notify Kim's other friends until the last minute), but what can you do. I'm also a bit put out because I was absurdly fixated on seeing Kim's lilacs in bloom, and in general have been emotionally preparing myself for this. However, it will all work out in the end.

                So many of you have mentioned that you feel that Kim is still with us. This past week, everytime I turned on the car radio (which I don't do very often; I tend to listen to podcasts in the car but hadn't downloaded anything new), I'd hear Queen or Dire Straits. The song "Walk of Life" reminds me so much of Kim and I heard it twice this last week (prompting tears, of course -- but mostly happy tears...).

                A quick Nim update.... she's been doing great! Gaining confidence every day. I signed up a long time ago for a wine ride sponsored by the local hunt club this coming weekend, but the horse I intended to take is a bit off... so Nim's up to bat! . I've practiced loading her and she did great, so fingers crossed it will be a positive experience for her (and me). I'll definitely need Kim's guidance (and positive thoughts from you guys would also be much appreciated). Here are a couple of photos that are super blurry, but at least shows the beast in question .

                Sorry, not the update that you guys were waiting to hear -- but I'll keep you in the loop as to when I'll be making my way to MI. Thanks so much for all your kind words and positive vibes.

                Last edited by fargaloo; May. 28, 2019, 11:17 AM.
                I don't mind if you call me a snowflake, 'cause baby, I know a blizzard is coming.

                Comment


                • Well that sucks, so sorry to read this.

                  But, yay for Nim.
                  "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

                  "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

                  Comment


                  • Thanks, KBC. I'm disappointed but trying to keep it in check. Yesterday I had paranoia in high gear wondering if Todd doesn't actually want me to come, but I think he's being straight about trying to reschedule. I wonder if he or some of Kim's other friends are a bit suspicious of me or my motives -- most probably don't know that I or any of us here exist, nevermind how much Kim mattered to us and vice versa.... We'll see how it all plays out.
                    I don't mind if you call me a snowflake, 'cause baby, I know a blizzard is coming.

                    Comment


                    • I don't think it's you. I think it's just Todd's disorganization. Don't take it to heart, Kim would have wanted you there.
                      ~Veronica
                      "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
                      http://photobucket.com/albums/y192/vxf111/

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by vxf111 View Post
                        I don't think it's you. I think it's just Todd's disorganization. Don't take it to heart, Kim would have wanted you there.


                        Yes, this, I could not imagine he would try and exclude you.
                        "He's not even a good pathological liar." Mara

                        "You're just a very desperate troll, and not even a good one. You're like middle-school troll at best. Like a goblin, not even a troll." et_fig

                        Comment


                        • What she said ^ - it will work out however it does.
                          ~* Be kind to one another *~

                          Comment


                          • Todd, I've always gotten the feeling he may be a bit disorganized I wouldn't fret over things.

                            I would be more than disappointed in Todd if he was really trying to exclude you as I am sure he knew how much you meant to Kim, especially in that last year.

                            Love, love the second photo of Nim (well, love 'em both but I always love horse photos where the horse is doing a horse-y thing and not just standing there like a pretty picture ).
                            Maybe the reason I love animals so much is because the only time they have broken my heart is when they've crossed that rainbow bridge

                            Comment


                            • Thanks for letting us know. I’m with the others who doubt he’s trying to exclude you. I’m disappointed for you that it’s been postponed though. The emotional buildup then letdown would be hard. If it’s any consolation, my lilacs are done for the year now. I will say they were beautiful this year and the bushes were fuller than the last couple years.

                              Thanks for pictues. You and Nim look great. Have fun on your ride, I’m sure Kim will be with you. Let us know how it goes.

                              Comment


                              • Nim is gorgeous and you look so happy. It makes me wish I could still ride!
                                Don't take what Todd does to heart, he probably is just disorganized and muddling through.

                                My miniature Lilac is just about to blossom. I am betting on today or tomorrow. Our big lilac had no blossoms this year as my mother went wild with the hedge trimmers last Fall . On the bright side, I had a 'mater sandwich yesterday and is was pretty darn good!

                                Comment


                                • It's Spring time, and time for the Walk of Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30NV97_MFQ

                                  Comment


                                  • Originally posted by skydy View Post
                                    It's Spring time, and time for the Walk of Life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p30NV97_MFQ
                                    Love this . Always makes me think of Kim.

                                    Well, Kim was definitely whispering in Nim's ear this weekend for our hunt club wine ride, because the little mare was a freaking superstar. She couldn't have been more perfect -- she was brave, game and kept it together (even though the going was a bit hairy in parts!). Here's a picture of us passing under the covered bridge at the winery:
                                    I don't mind if you call me a snowflake, 'cause baby, I know a blizzard is coming.

                                    Comment


                                    • Glad your ride went well. Love Nim - she is sooooooo adorable. If I'm in the area bettah lock her up becuz I will take her!!! lol

                                      Went to a garden party this weekend and there were so many beautiful flowers and while I was planting mine I thought of Kim and how much she would have enjoyed that activity.
                                      "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                                      - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                                      Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.

                                      Comment


                                      • Thanks, shiloh -- she's definitely the best $1 I've ever spent! . I'm sure Kim would have loved the planting -- I'm thinking of her so much as stuff comes out in my garden. The azaleas are blooming and I just want to send her a picture.
                                        I don't mind if you call me a snowflake, 'cause baby, I know a blizzard is coming.

                                        Comment


                                        • Oh, I think she sees it. And all our flowers.

                                          $1!!!! $1???? omg - you scored! And why oh why can't I ever be around when these things happens. (pulls hair)*g*
                                          "Cats aren't clean; they're covered with cat spit."
                                          - John S Nichols (1745-1846,writer/printer)

                                          Don't come for me - I didn't send for you.

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