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Am I over-reacting?

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  • Am I over-reacting?

    Sorry this is going to be a bit long, but I would really appreciate hearing others' views on this situation I find myself in.

    My horse came up lame about 2 weeks ago and vet suspects SDFT or DDFT injury. She's going to be scanned tomorrow. At the beginning of last week my son was on a sleepover (he's 10) and I got a call at 7 am that he'd been sick all night. Got in car to go get him and the car was very dead, so I had to walk. I kept trying to call the other owner where I keep my horse to say I couldn't make it up to stables, but got no reply.

    When I got vomiting child back home, I found the police waiting for me and they questioned me under caution!! Got it sorted with them, cos I'm the wrong sex to be the perp I sent text messages just before 10am to other owner and stable owner that I was stuck at home with a sick child.

    That night I got a horrible text from other horse owner about how I had starved the horses, that if I thought it was OK to do this because of a sick child that maybe I shouldn't have a horse and that I should have left my sick child at home alone to go do our horses! I was furious and she made it clear that she would do her own horse from then on.

    Earlier in the day, the horses had been turned out by stable owner, mine into a 10 foot by 10 foot paddock, as per vet's instructions. With the weather deteriorating, I went to bring my horse in (hubby was now being nurse). So I sent a text to tell her I was bringing her in in 30 mins then sorted her stable while I waited.

    Unfortunately, I was inside the barn doing meds when the other owner arrived and didn't hear her. By this time there was a howling gale and horizontal rain! She went straight to the field and brought in her horse, then left. I came out of the barn, saw her leaving and ran for the field. My mare had lost the plot completely and was pounding round in tiny circles, screaming her head off in panic. She then dragged me around before calming down enough to get her to her stable. Sadly she was on three legs by this time. I whipped off the bandaging and her leg looked like a tree trunk. The vet advised that I leave off the bandaging overnight incase her leg got so swollen that the blood supply was affected and advised against cold hosing since she would probably have got more upset at being taken out again in a storm.

    Anyway, I can barely look at the other owner and feel that she took her temper out on my horse. I'm so angry and upset at what she did to my mare since it was a deliberate decision to leave her, but she is saying I "abused" her horse by starving him and she did nothing wrong.

    So, the question is, am I totally over-reacting to events and placing blame where it doesnt belong? I know I can be a tad overprotective of my girlie so would appreciate any input/advice.

  • #2
    Oh yeah, I'd be pissed if it was done intentionally if the other owner knew how your mare would react to being left out alone and knew she was already injured.

    I can't speak about your not caring for the horses when your son was sick. I think when you have a commitment to care for someone else's horses then you find a way to do it come hell or high water, even if that means getting someone to stay with your son and borrowing a car. If it is hard for you to be reliable under those type of circumstances then it is not fair to make an arrangement where someone depends on you.

    Of course, all of this is sort of a moot point if the stable owner was able to feed the horses and it wasn't horribly late - but you don't mention that you ever got a call back from anyone to acknowledge receipt of your texts...

    But the above doesn't matter - two wrongs don't make a right and for someone to deliberately behave in a way that they know would cause harm to my horse would immediately cause me to find a new barn. Immediately.

    Comment


    • #3
      Maybe. Hard to tell with what you've posted.

      You sent a text. Do you know if she received it? You didn't see her, so she may not have seen you either/known you were there.

      Did she know how your horse would react? Does your horse always freak out completely like that when the other horse goes in first? It sounds from the post that you went to get her mere minutes after the other owner brought in her own horse - what usually happens when the other owner takes her horse away to ride or something? Or even brings in the other horse before yours?

      If she didn't know that your horse would harm herself, she was just sticking to her tit-for-tat "I take care of mine, you take care of yours" thing. Not the most mature option, but she's not to blame.

      If she fully knew what would happen, I'd say she's morally to blame. Legally, no clue. But in that case you definitely wouldn't be over-reacting.
      Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

      Comment


      • #4
        Soz sketcher, I didn't put in all the details cos it was so long! The other owner was supposed to be doing the horses in the mornings and I was checking them at lunch time then doing them in the evenings. The stable owner had replied to let me know they could do them and would be there before noon. I had checked water, fed and replaced haynets at 11.30pm the previous night.

        The other owner knew my horse had an injury and would react badly if left alone, especially with the high wind.

        Oh and she knew I was there as she parked beside my husband's car and the lights were on in the barn, but she said she didn't want to hang about in the rain looking for me cos she didn't want to get wet! And that's a direct quote!

        Comment


        • #5
          not sure what being questioned by the police about being a perp is doing in your post.

          But if someone had the duty of feeding my horse and couldn't make it, I'd be a little upset. It sounds as if you left the horses for more than 12 hours without any food- you left a haynet at 11:30 PM and then the stable owner fed just before noon the next day. Did I undertand that right? if so, Sorry, not acceptable for a stalled or paddocked horse. Get a sitter, bundle the sick kid in the car for 20 minutes, call a friend, lots of options.

          I certainly wouldn't have deliberately left your horse out, that is as irresponsible as what you did in not feeding. But maybe she simply forgot. Still not acceptable, but tit for tat as they say.

          I'd probably just pick up as if nothing bad had happened. Greet the other owner with a friendly hello next time you meet, apologize for leaving the horses unfed and not realizing how serious it was for the horses and of coursew you won't let it happen again and see what she responds with. Hopefully you'll get a goofy grin and an apology for forgetting your horse in the rain ( :rolly eyes ) and things will be OK again.
          "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF

          Comment


          • #6
            Think you may have missed the bit where I said that SHE was supposed to be doing them in the morning. Also, neither horse is on hard feed, they stuff themselves with grass all day andusually night but when they are in overnight, the each get a huge haynet and there's usually some left by morning, so they basically munch through the night

            Comment


            • #7
              If I understand correctly, the OP just included a whole bunch of irrelevant details.

              Here's what I get:

              Boarder worked in the am. You were supposed to do lunch and dinner. You couldn't make lunch, so asked the BO to do it- which she did- about the appropriate time. You were out at the barn for the afternoon feeding, which you were responsible for.

              While you were there, Boarder rushed in (in bad storm) brought her horse in, and left.

              If this is correct, then yes, I think you are overreacting. It's not nice of her to leave your horse out. But in a bad storm, I don't think its unreasonable for her (knowing you are at the barn) to assume you are bringing your own horse in right about the same time. I know when my horses are out and a storm starts - all the grooms run for their assigned horses. No one grabs the horse next to theirs because they assume the others grooms are there and paying attention.

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm confused (but trying to understand). If the other horse owner is supposed to do mornings, why didn't she in this case? And if she did, what is she upset about? The BO covered for your lunch shift, right?
                Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Crooked Horse View Post
                  I'm confused (but trying to understand). If the other horse owner is supposed to do mornings, why didn't she in this case? And if she did, what is she upset about? The BO covered for your lunch shift, right?
                  (my bold)

                  Finally someone who sees exactly where my problem starts!! The other owner was responsible for turning them out in the mornings onto their pasture.

                  The two horses are very (maybe too) attached to each other and a bit of bouncing around is the norm when one is brought in. Usually that isn't a problem, but when one has an injured leg then there is something to worry about.

                  I incuded the bit about the police because they are not sympathetic to you wanting to phone around trying to arrange horse care when questioning you.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah, I'm also confused on the timeline. So this one day other woman did the morning as usual, BO did the lunch because your kid was pukey.
                    Was that day also the day of the storm, or did that happen later? Because if that was the day of the storm, did the other woman send you the "horrible text...about how you starved the horses" after you both brought your own horses in and presumably fed them? If so, just when did this starvation take place?

                    Or are these 2 different days, the day of the pukey kid/nasty text, and the day of the storm?
                    Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I would have been pretty ticked off that you didn't show up to feed. It seems a bit ridiculous that you couldn't leave the child at home or bring him with you. Or is your excuse that your car broke down? Either way, you dropped the ball for no good reason and I don't blame your fellow boarder one iota for putting and end to the co-op.

                      And yes, you are over-reacting that the other boarder rushed in, brought her horse in, and left. If I see two horses out in the pouring rain waiting to come in, and the other person is there, I'm bringing my own in and you can go out in the rain and get yours. Is the place that big that you didn't see/hear another coming into the barn?
                      Jigga:
                      Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        soz for confusing you all. Yes, it was all on the same day. The other owner failed to do the horses in the morning and I knew that with a pukey kid I wouldn't be able to get there until hubby came home. Nasty texts started as I was on my way to stables at 6pm ish. Storm began about 7pm, other owner turned up after I sent a text to tell her my girl was coming in in 30 mins and I would hold off till she got there.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by saultgirl View Post
                          I would have been pretty ticked off that you didn't show up to feed.
                          Good grief. CoTH is seriously the most "don't read completely before replying" place in the world.

                          OP, WHY did she accuse you of starving the horses if all shifts were covered as usual? I think this is the point we are all getting stuck on.
                          Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Crooked Horse View Post

                            OP, WHY did she accuse you of starving the horses if all shifts were covered as usual? I think this is the point we are all getting stuck on.
                            Because it was actually she who was starving the horses?
                            Ring the bells that still can ring
                            Forget your perfect offering
                            There is a crack in everything
                            That's how the light gets in.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Trixie64 View Post
                              soz for confusing you all. Yes, it was all on the same day. The other owner failed to do the horses in the morning and I knew that with a pukey kid I wouldn't be able to get there until hubby came home. Nasty texts started as I was on my way to stables at 6pm ish. Storm began about 7pm, other owner turned up after I sent a text to tell her my girl was coming in in 30 mins and I would hold off till she got there.
                              So SHE dropped the ball? Or were you supposed to cover for her that morning? If not, then I think she's just crazy. If so, she was right to be irritated but "got you back" in a very childish way.

                              I'd let it go. Tit for tat if you can both start fresh.

                              PS what the heck does "soz" mean? Or am I just getting old?
                              Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                Soooo...day before Stormday, you fed in evening as usual.

                                Stormday morning, other woman failed to do her duty and to feed, for some reason. Did she say before that she wouldn't be able to do it that day? I assume she didn't, and that she didn't get anyone else (like BO) to feed either. Horses "starve" til lunch.

                                Stormday lunch, you fail to feed but get BO to feed, so your duty at least gets done.

                                Stormday around 6pm, other woman apparently goes off the deep end and confuses you with herself.

                                Forget being angry, I'd worry about her hold on reality.

                                However, I wouldn't blame her for not bringing in your horse. Just because your horse normally gets "bouncy" when the other horse gets brought in doesn't mean that someone should know she'll lose her head when injured. My horse was attached to another mare and didn't like to wait either, but she didn't get any more antsy when she was injured and on stall/paddock rest. She was the same level of antsy.
                                Unless the other woman knew exactly what would happen to your specific horse in that situation, maybe because it happened before or something, that part is really not her fault.
                                Proud Member Of The Lady Mafia

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Just FYI, around here it is illegal to leave a child under 12 at home alone. Just sayin'.

                                  So I don't think anyone should advise the OP to leave her child at home, especially if he is sick.

                                  However, I also don't think the other boarder was responsible for bringing OP's horse in. Other boarder probably just assumed that OP was about to go out and get her herself.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Originally posted by Crooked Horse View Post
                                    So SHE dropped the ball? Or were you supposed to cover for her that morning? If not, then I think she's just crazy. If so, she was right to be irritated but "got you back" in a very childish way.

                                    I'd let it go. Tit for tat if you can both start fresh.

                                    PS what the heck does "soz" mean? Or am I just getting old?
                                    Soz means sorry. Yes, you've got it, Crooked Horse, SHE dropped the ball, she didn't do them in the morning, didn't inform me that she wasn't doing them, no text, no phone call, nothing.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Originally posted by Coanteen View Post
                                      Stormday around 6pm, other woman apparently goes off the deep end and confuses you with herself.

                                      Forget being angry, I'd worry about her hold on reality.
                                      Then this, all the way.

                                      Do your part and be professional but try to let the rest go. You will never, ever win when you're up against a crazy person.
                                      Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Woman is clearly a whackjob. Not sure why her knickers got twisted in the first place. How is she accusing you of starving anything?

                                        Sorry your kiddo was sick - not a pleasant way to spend the day. There is no way you can leave a vomiting 10 year old. I had one of my own a few weeks ago and all they want is mommy.

                                        As for her not bringing your horse in, it was raining, she saw you were there and probably figured you were on your way out sooner rather than later. I'd be annoyed but giver her the benefit of the doubt on that issue.

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