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Loosing a heart horse.

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  • Loosing a heart horse.

    I was reading the retirement thread and plans for your horse. Just wanted to say enjoy your horses while you have them , for life is unpredictable.

    My mare Tikki that I loved dearly passed away recently from massive colic. It happened at night and apparantely all the horses whinneying woke up the BO whose house is close to the pasture and she called the emergency vet , but apparantley she was too far gone and in too much pain so had to be put down.

    I loved the mare dearly. We ran up hills, camped, rode everywhere-the deserts, mountians, ocean, swam rivers. Went through flood and fires and just like that she is gone-just sixteen. She taught me so much about horses and life. She was always sassy and spirited. But we formed a great bond and she was so sensitive, that it was a joy to ride her-once I got to that point. Learning to handle my emotions, learning to use my emotions to either calm her or rev her up. Just the joy of running up hills and camping and going to so many places. I thought someday I would put her down when she got old and had no teeth. But I guess she wanted to live life on her terms and leave at her prime-spirited, regal and dignified right to the end.

    You know, I have lost so many humans, near and casual and other pets too. Usually I am the one comforting everyone and helping them get through it. This one just hit me hard -just the surprise and the suddeness of it. I guess until I lost her, I didn't know what heart horse meant-I had her and took her for granted. Just will miss her nickering for me when she saw me, she leaving her food to come to me so we could go on the trails(I always fed her later), she positioning her favourite scratch spots to get groomed and grooming me in return, her cantankerous, spirited nature, she throwing up her nose and refusing to eat the cheap cookies I bought at a fair. Just so many memories. I sure am going to miss this one.

    For now, despite the lousy economy, I am doing extremely well financially. I think I will take some time travelling the world and maybe spend some extended time in India. I haven't visited in a long time and a lot of my cousins all have kids and some close to adulthood that I haven't met a few yet. My business I can conduct it over the ent and a phone. So that is good.

    Just wanted to say, enjoy your horses -you never know what route life will take . Also if anyone wanted to share their stories and the process later-would love to hear them.

  • #2
    Oh, I am so very sorry.

    Hold her in your heart, she is always there with you.
    My big man - April 27, 1986 - September 04, 2008-
    You're with me every moment, my big red horse.

    Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting a battle of some kind.


    • #3
      Oh no. I am so very sorry. I hope it is a small comfort that the vet was able to get there in time to give her a gentle passing.

      I've read a lot of poetry and sayings about horses, and many try to put into words that deep deep bond between horse and rider. When that bond ends the loss is so profound and intense and painful....

      Again, I am so sorry she's gone. She was obviously your great joy, and she was very lucky to have you as her owner and friend.

      I hope you will find solace and peace in your memories of the time you had together.

      "Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. " Kahlil Gibran
      Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
      Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
      -Rudyard Kipling


      • #4
        I am very sorry.

        I lost an old mare to colic two years ago. I had owned her for 30 years and I was not ready to see her go. She was old but up until the last few days seemed quite healthy. Her loss was devastating

        A few months later one ad kept crossing my mind. I thought Sophie would make a great addition to my collection of broodmares. I didn't know then how much I needed her for my heart
        I wasn't always a Smurf
        Penmerryl Sophie RIDSH
        "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
        The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.


        • #5
          I am so sorry for your loss....believe me, I understand. Colic is a horrible thing. It's been 11 years since I lost my mare to colic, and I still miss her very much.

          What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us. ~~Helen Keller


          • #6
            I'm very sorry for your loss, I have yet to endure losing my heart horse, but I dread the day he passes.
            Erin and
            Instant Karma "Sunny", ShineDown "Liam"

            "You can't control the wind, but you can adjust the sails."


            • #7
              Thoughts and prayers and huge hugs for you ~ RIP Tikki.
              Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "


              • #8
                I have thought about this so much, for the wrench of losing Ted will be devastating.
                But I won't give up all we have had because you know it can't last forever.

                So yes. I go out there just about every day. Sometimes it is brutally hot and humid, and the sweat drips down and the bugs itch, and all I do is hose him down, reapply fly boots and spray, and let him graze in the shade. Sometimes I go out and I am just soaking a hoof in 30 degree weather, all bundled up and my breath is blowing frosty and my fingers are numb.

                But you are so right. I treasure all the moments. There is not a day I see him that I don't tell him how much I love him. One thing I know for sure, he knows how much he is loved. And I will not ever regret any of the time that we shared, even when the time comes that that is no more.
                a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues


                • #9
                  I'm so sorry!

                  Having lost a special horse a few years ago, I understand. I just want to say how sorry I am.
                  Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe


                  • #10
                    So sorry - cyber hugs
                    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
                    Courtesy my cousin Tim


                    • #11
                      Agreed. I lost Rudy almost two years ago to EPM. I had him for 15 years.

                      It was awful and something I am not sure I will ever truely heal from.

                      All we can do is take comfort in knowing we did all we could while there were still here, and in the end, they are free from pain.

                      Its taken almost 2 years to find another horse that I am in love with...and I swear Rudy had something to do with it...Captain has so many shades of Rudy, but in a more toned down sort of way. Its amazing, it really is. I tried to buy again shortly after he passed and it was just too soon....my heart was not in it and the filly was not what I needed at all.

                      Then, this winter, along comes Captain...it was the weirdest thing. Ill say again...Rudy had something to do with this.

                      So yes, go out and stuff them full of treats every chance you get...
                      Never Ride Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly
                      Way Back Texas~04/20/90-09/17/08
                      Green Alligator "Captain"


                      • #12
                        I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing someone you love, human or animals, reinforces how precious life is and how you should enjoy it every day. July will be five years since my mom passed away.

                        I too lost my heart horse this month. He was fine one day and gone the next. I held him while he died and sobbed my eyes out. I wrote this blog post right after he died.
                        I haven't been able to read it again since that day because it brings up too much raw emotion.


                        • #13
                          Been in your shoes, and I am so very sorry for your loss. Hugs and jingles coming your way . . .
                          \"Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.\" Anne of Green Gables


                          • #14
                            Sorry to hear you lost your mare.

                            We lost our old man a few days ago too.
                            Although he was 30 and so we knew he would be gone one day, sooner rather than later, his crisis came on so fast, from being fine one day to a "good" knee giving up on him, it was not quite expected.
                            Then, it never is.
                            He was around here for 20 years, so we too had a long history together.

                            As sad as it is to know they are gone, it does tend to surprise how much you do think of them, how you still expect to see them and they are not there any more.

                            Traveling and doing other in your life may help ease the transition and all that will be there are the good memories you will have left of her.


                            • #15
                              You have my most sincere condolences.

                              I've been there several times and the hurt never gets easier.

                              I lost one just before X-mas. It was my decision to have him euthanized. It was the 2nd winter of diarrhea and this time nothing was helping and we had a long winter to go. Even though he was bright, alert and response,I knew that by February he was going to be so dehydrated and have lost so much weight and be just miserable. I knew he deserved so much better than that and I knew his owner wasn't going to do a heck of a lot to help. He was here as a companion to my horse but I'd known him for years. I rode him once or twice while he was still sound and he was a wonderful packer.

                              Believe me, it wasn't just the diarrhea either. He had an infection in his coffin bone in his LF hoof, a really bum RT knee, and his back end wasn't great either. He also had RAO (heaves) and Cushing's and was 27 yrs old. He'd taught several people in NY a lot about eventing and probably some in MD where he came from before he was purchased by a NYer.

                              The summer before I had asked his vet, who had known and treated him all the yrs he was in NY if she wanted to euthanize him when the time came or if she would prefer one of the other vet's in the practice do it. She felt she'd seen him through so much already, it would be closure for her as well.

                              While it was a sad day for both of us, we also knew he was in a better place and not hurting anymore. RIP Shadowbrick.

                              I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people...I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.


                              • #16
                                Major condolences for you.

                                Its never easy to lose a horse and the heart horses never seem to let go. My first horse was 24 when we got her and she lived to be 28 and just died of old age. She was my first but I was so young when she died it really didn't register then and it hasn't now.

                                Thani - whole nother ball of wax. Her birthday was April 1, 1982 and I got her April 1, 1990. We owned each other until June 28, 2004 and I hate June 28th every year and take the day off of work if needed and go place flowers on her grave. She was in full work every day I owned her and never once lame or off. She was far from dependable though and had a hatred for men I have never ever seen in any other horse. I had just finished classes that morning and was headed to the barn when I saw her. She was actually already headed to the gate when it happened and to this day I still feel helpless. She landed wrong on her front leg just galloping in the pasture. I saw her go down and in my heart I knew what had happened and there was NOTHING I could do. Running to her I was yelling for help but I would not leave her. Thankfully the vet was just down the road and my girl was not in pain for long but I never left her. For me its never gotten easier and I've never replaced her or even let a horse that close again. I know another one is there I just haven't found it yet and there are days I don't think I will.
                                Adoring fan of A Fine Romance
                                Originally Posted by alicen:
                                What serious breeder would think that a horse at that performance level is push button? Even so, that's still a lot of buttons to push.


                                • #17
                                  tk, my deepest, most heartfelt condolences.

                                  It's always hard to lose one, but especially so when it's your heart horse.

                                  I promise you will feel better. Not today or tomorrow, or perhaps any time in the foreseeable future, but you will.

                                  I've been there and lived to tell the tale. Only those who have lost their favorites will truly ever understand, but unfortunately, anyone who owns an animal will eventually join the club.

                                  I loved Conny dearly and thought I was going to die when I lost him. I will continue to love and miss him as long as I live, but I can now look back on our years together with laughter and joy instead of tears and heartbreak.

                                  It'll be 3 years in July that he's been gone. I pass his grave every day, because it's at the front of my property near the driveway. I always say hello.

                                  I have another heart horse now and I'm glad. JJ isn't Conny and will never take Conny's place in my heart, but that's okay. Each of them has their own place, and I have room enough for all of them.

                                  The light and love they bring to our lives is worth the pain of their loss.
                                  Homeopathy claims water can cure you since it once held medicine. That's like saying you can get sustenance from an empty plate because it once held food.


                                  • #18
                                    So sorry.
                                    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

                                    Spay and neuter. Please.


                                    • #19
                                      Very sorry for your loss.

                                      Sounds like she left you with precious memories and enriched your life in many different ways. What a gift!


                                      • #20
                                        I'm really sorry.

                                        I was thinking about someone I lost and how moments that seemed mundane at the time are now almost magical.

                                        I guess there's no such thing as a mundane moment.
                                        Any time someone talks about their horse in a bar, there's love in the room.