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Losing My Passion

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  • #21
    I'm a big fan of bareback riding and trail riding to ward off bouts of burnout. Trying new things is always a good idea, too. Not feeling excited about saddleseat? Try a Western lesson. Not feeling excited about riding at all? Try training some tricks. If you're feeling conflicted, try exploring the horsey aspects of having a horse without the stress of the competition aspects. It might be refreshing

    If you still love your horse, just not the expenses, what about moving to a pasture board option? Pulling shoes? Cutting out lessons and shows, maybe selling some no-longer-used tack?

    I think sometimes those of us heavily immersed in the show world get kind of trapped into this idea that horses CANNOT be kept for less than $1,000/month show board, with lots of supplements, fancy shoes, etc. When in actuality many horses (especially if not being actively shown) are quite happy running around in a big field with their horsey buddies and hanging out with you once a week or whenever you find time to come ride/groom/whatever. Rethinking your horsey "needs" might help lessen the financial burden and make it more fun. Just throwing out ideas - for all I know your horses are on pasture board at a friend's place for $10/month or something. Just food for thought!

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    • #22
      I understand (more than you know). Im frusterated with what Im (not) doing and just want to chuck it all and trail ride. Ive wanted to do what Im doing for years and now its just bad.

      I think Id take a break if/when your horse sells. You can always find another one tho not like him.

      Take him home if he doesnt sell and just play. Dont put him in training until your ready to show again and see what you can find to do with him. He may like jumping haybaels or pulling a sled if you have snow where you are. That should tell y ou if its the horse or saddle seat that you are not likeing.
      “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker

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      • #23
        Originally posted by Tiffani B View Post
        But if it is - it's like losing a limb or something. It's depressing to me.
        Oh yeah... I know how that feels. Sometimes it still hurts. I even feel like I'm betraying the breed and the discipline.

        I showed Saddlebreds almost non stop my whole life up through my late 20s. After my first marriage ended (yes horse related), I spent two glorious summers fully immersed in spending as much time and money as I wanted on showing. When I came up for air, I wanted my own home (was camped out with Mom enjoying her horse facilities of course), a better job, a savings account, a full life and a future... you know...

        Also, it had become painfully obvious that my horse was way above my personal training and committment level. I had to stop and re-evaluate the limitations of my budget, facilites, talents... And I didn't like what I saw. I was done. There had to be more to life... like relationships, and financial stability. So I cashed out. Sent the horse to a commission situation. Sold most of my stuff to my sister (saved a trunk of basics), liquidated my jog cart, pony bike... everything.... paid off my horse related debt and took a complete break from horses. I didn't even have horse art hanging on the wall. I went into the barn maybe once a year to give my family an opinion on this or that, or see a new horse and this continued for 5 years. Horses were something I "used to do". My heart was broken and I wanted no reminders.

        But, I joined Trot, and started to catch the bug again, then Mom hauled me off to TSE to help buy a broodmare. Instead, I compulsively bid on Grey instead... said it was for her, but it was sort of for me. When I came home, I informed my boyfriend that I wanted to have a horse again. Not TODAY, but eventually. And I eased back into it. It took about 2 years to get back to the level of involvement I am at today, 10 years later... married, with two horses (one of which I bred and who now needs training )

        So, you've probably heard portions of that before.... now the aftermath:
        Will I ever put a gaited horse in the ring again? I sort of doubt it. My interests have shifted and broadened. My priorities have rearranged. I cannot reasonably commit the amount of time it would take to compete at the level which truely interests me, and I can't afford to have someone do it all for me. And competing doesn't have the same hold over me that it did. Horses have become a hobby instead of a sport. It feels weird sometimes. I still get depressed now and then that my old goals were never fulfilled, and time is running out. But, I'll find my way, and you will too.

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        • #24
          I just gave it up

          I am totally where you are now and have decided to let it go for a while. Last Friday I took my Tad and my nice show bridle/martingale and custom sheet to the consignment shop. I fought so hard my whole life to have horses and now I am 28 and after 2 not working out and having to put one down in the last 6 years, my heart isn't into it. I thought about keeping my last guy but found myself resentful of the money it was costing. It may have been different if he was in my back yard but that wasn't an option so I was paying a ton in board, lessons, etc. I was also spending a lot of time worrying and driving to something that I wasn't loving anymore so I sold him.

          I do miss having one to play with and love but I don't miss the cost, the showing, the vet bills, the frustration when things aren't working......I know 100% I will get another one day but not right now and for the first time in my life, I am really okay with that. Sometimes walking away is exactly what you need to do to find your way back if that's what is meant to happen. Good Luck

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          • #25
            Do teampenning! I am just a pleasure rider, trails only, and sometimes I get bored with that. I haven't done teampenning, but man do I want to! Just have to get my new mare a little less "spooky'. Dang that's the spookiest animal I have ever seen! Jumps at everything! She is getting much, much better. She is spooking less, trusting me more and her spooks are getting easier to stay on. In about 3 months I think I will be ready to try to teampen with her. It just looks so dang fun!
            I want a signature but I have nothing original to say except: "STHU and RIDE!!!

            Wonderful COTHER's I've met: belleellis, stefffic, snkstacres and janedoe726.

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            • #26
              Originally posted by Chardavej View Post
              Do teampenning! I am just a pleasure rider, trails only, and sometimes I get bored with that. I haven't done teampenning, but man do I want to! Just have to get my new mare a little less "spooky'. Dang that's the spookiest animal I have ever seen! Jumps at everything! She is getting much, much better. She is spooking less, trusting me more and her spooks are getting easier to stay on. In about 3 months I think I will be ready to try to teampen with her. It just looks so dang fun!
              Haha... took my high A/O horse to that too.... Nevermind that she was by far the tallest horse out there by most likely a hand but she LOVED every moment of it!!!!
              That was by far the thoroughbred with the most "cow sense" anyone had ever seen... We sure didn't tell all our "peeps" when we went back to the show circuit because they would have thought I needed to be on meds!!
              But great advice for anyone looking for something else to do... FUN FUN FUN, cheap and definitely a great way to meet new horsie people!
              Proudly living in my "let's save the world bubble"!

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              • #27
                Another thing to consider - even if you sell your horse you can still be involved. I get frustrated about the money thing too...it costs SO MUCH, and if you are not living/loving every minute, suddenly it seems like a big waste. I know I personally spend $6k/yr on board alone. Wow, that is a depressing figure when you think about it.

                I used to free lease horses for the longest time. I would come across folks that didn't have time for their horses, and catch a free ride. Yeah they weren't six figure hunters or GP dressage horses, but it was still filling that basic horsey need. I got back into having my own horse after having a few sold out from under me (obviously the owner had a right to, but still). Looking back, the smart/financial side of me realizes I had it way better then money-wise, even if I had a little heart break now and then.

                There will always be free horses out there that need loving, or a rescue you can volunteer at a couple times a month to get your fix.
                Originally posted by barka.lounger
                u get big old crop and bust that nags ass the next time it even slow down.

                we see u in gp ring in no time.

                Comment


                • #28
                  Don't hesitate to sell your horse. Change is not always bad. Riding and horses can mean different things to you at different points in your life, and that is ok. When I was a teenager, being immersed in training and competing gave me some self esteem. When I was a young adult, they balanced out job stress. When I started a family, I had no energy to train and compete, but a little QH and some sparkly western tack were a fun escape to get some much needed quiet, personal time--and he was so steady I could gallop around the fields and feel wild and free for a brief period of time before returning to reality . One time a long time ago, after a favorite mare died in a freak accident, I put all my horses out to pasture at a relative's farm and just rode other people's horses for a while, it made riding a lot less emotionally charged to be on horses I wasn't committed to.

                  Maybe riding and horses are going to fit into your life in a different way for a little while here, whether it is a change of pace, a change of style of riding, or a change in commitment level.

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #29
                    Thanks you guys, I'm feeling better. Kinda. LOL. I'm still coming to grips with this, but I'm looking forward to doing some new things. I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue riding, but I might try some new things. I started looking into eventing, and cutting, and competitive trail... maybe I'll lease a horse. We'll see. I love Saddlebreds so I'd want to stick with the breed if I can, but I know it might be a little harder.

                    You've all given me some things to chew on and it's great to know I'm not alone!

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                    • #30
                      I ride saddle seat (and hunt and bareback) I haven't showed in years nor could I come close to affording it.
                      I have a saddlebred that is boarded fairly reasonably and we just have fun. My mare will be with me for life but when she goes or I can afford another one it will still be a Saddlebred.
                      All the expense it takes to maintain a Saddleseat show horse could turn anyone off after awhile, but the very wealthy.

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        I used to show in the hunter stuff. The barn I was at did mostly locals with the occasional A show. Then the trainer /owner started doing more and more A's and less to none of the local stuff. The board started regularly increasing. I decided I just couldn't do it anymore. I was very conflicted as I had been at this barn for years.I found a smaller less fancy barn and "roughed it". My mare is doing just fine(she lives on pasture board), and I joined an active riding club. I now dabble in stuff. We have tried barrel racing and pole bending( my Tb mare is way too slow, hehe and to the total mortification of past trainer), dabbling with dressage,judged trail rides, team penning, trail riding and camping. This past fall we even decided to try fox hunting and this spring did a hunter pace. This coming weekend we are going to a b&b in the mountains with 22 friends(all ladies) and their horses. The whole weekend is costing less than a couple of divisions at a rated horse show, including lessons with either a dressage instructor or an eventing trainer. You have to decide what will make you happy. If it is selling your horse go with it, or just changing what you do with your horse go for it. Good luck with your decision.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          It's the saddleseat silly hat right, that'd get to me too!

                          As someone suggested, is your life happier now so the horse isn't filling all the slots?

                          Try something new with horses...western saddle, trail riding etc.

                          I'd suggest driving...you can bring friends along who can't ride, go on picnic drives with local driving clubs, it's social, lots of adults, a whole new group of horse friends, it's actually pretty cheap (nice used cart and harness can be $500 or less), it's easy on the horse.
                          "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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                          • #33
                            I like the way SmartAlex described it, 'Horses have become a hobby instead of a sport'. I think that allows the horse activities to become more fun. On the OP's situation, I can see why she'd want to just sell the horse at the moment as he is in the prime of his showing years and quite competitive. Thus, his value in the marketplace is good now, compared to how he might be if turned out to pasture for a year.

                            Edited to add, on the other hand, he would make one heckuva nice dressage or CDE driving horse, IMO. He already drives, hint hint hint...LOL says the enabler.
                            Jeanie
                            RIP Sasha, best dog ever, pictured shortly before she died, Death either by euthanasia or natural causes is only the end of the animal inhabiting its body; I believe the spirit lives on.

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                            • #34
                              I don't see why you should feel bad about this at all, let alone the ridiculous suggestion that you should want to take drugs or see a doctor over a change in hobbies, ferchrissakes!

                              You should not feel bad or any kind of guilt over it. Horses are a hobby and they're supposed to be fun. If other things fill that need for you then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Put down horses for awhile and come back to it if you feel like it. But certainly don't be guilty over it.

                              Ironically I lost my passion for horses (well, riding, really) but horses have ended up being my job. I enjoy it very much but have very little desire to ride. I have other hobbies now that I actually enjoy much more than I ever enjoyed riding. I don't understand why horse people lay this bizarre guilt trip on anyone for moving onto a different hobby.

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                              • Original Poster

                                #35
                                Originally posted by sdlbredfan View Post
                                I like the way SmartAlex described it, 'Horses have become a hobby instead of a sport'. I think that allows the horse activities to become more fun. On the OP's situation, I can see why she'd want to just sell the horse at the moment as he is in the prime of his showing years and quite competitive. Thus, his value in the marketplace is good now, compared to how he might be if turned out to pasture for a year.

                                Edited to add, on the other hand, he would make one heckuva nice dressage or CDE driving horse, IMO. He already drives, hint hint hint...LOL says the enabler.
                                Yup this is it... I'm conflicted about keeping him and trying new things, not liking them (or him not liking them) and then not being able to sell him for the money I could get now (and continuing to spend money that I won't enjoy spending). Or selling him and regretting it because maybe we WOULD have liked those things. ACK!

                                It has definitely become a hobby and not a sport to me anymore. I was so competitive in the past, and now I find myself dreaming of galloping through the huge nature preserves by the farm, jumping logs, teaching him to walk on a loose rein... but will he or I like these things, or be capable of these things? I dunno. I tried walking him over a pole a few years ago and he politely declined.

                                The irony of my current life is not lost on me one bit.

                                I finally have a competitive horse, the financial ability to compete at the top level, and a supporting cast around me - and I'm ready to quit! WHAT???? My lifelong dreams are here and suddenly, I wake up and find the dream has totally changed. It's so strange.

                                Comment


                                • #36
                                  Why not sell this horse, while he's good at what he does and marketable, and take a break for a few months or so. Then when you feel up to it, buy a horse that loves to do something basic and pleasurable like trail riding or driving or whatever - the kind of been there done that horse that won't mind only working a few days a week, is experienced in the thing you have a new interest in, and doesn't need a lot of work.

                                  Maybe in the meantime go to some events (like the local driving club), drop in to hang out with horsey friends who do other sports or activities with their horses (like western, trail riding etc.) and just kind of "shop around" to see if something new catches your interest.

                                  Sometimes a break and a breather is a nice thing to give ourselves. There's no rush, no deadline, and no law that says you can't ever change.

                                  ETA: my horsey goals have changed several times - started at a dressage barn, got a dressage horse, did that for a few years. Then saw combined driving! Wow! Moved to a driving barn, taught the dressage horse to drive. She wasn't so reliable, so bought a driving horse. Did some showing, had a lot of fun. Then husband started riding (the old dressage horse). He only wanted to trail ride. Moved to a barn with some driving and a big trail system. Started trail riding the driving horse. Started hunter pacing. Did two years of that with DH, won our first blue ribbon last fall! Then DH had a wreck, and my driving horse died (not related incidents!!). Didn't ride all winter. Moped. Gloomed. Rested. Recovered. Started fresh this spring with a QH - getting into reining! But might teach him to drive, too.

                                  Life's twists and turns are interesting! Don't be too hard on yourself.

                                  Comment


                                  • #37
                                    Well, I do understand, but I'd be inclined to roll the dice, and see what Carson wants to do. I do not think competitive dressage will come easily to him (he is not going to find working over his back to be "natural" at this stage), but that doesn't mean you both can't enjoy it.

                                    These horses really enjoy new things, and just because he was funny about a pole once, doesn't mean much. I had to drag one of mine- who had been a show horse- through poles, at first, and now he is one of the best on the farm at it.

                                    I found a horse in the Amish country who had been his state show pleasure driving champion-- in a very competitive area. He got dumped to the Amish, but there was something about the step he could take off of his hocks that made me believe he could really have some potential as a dressage horse. He had an awful loin coupling- really weak. I got a friend in KY to buy him-- even drove him down to her-- and she put him in training with her dressage trainer.

                                    A year later, he won a class at Lamplight-- training level. No small feat- because that is a BIG show.

                                    You need to decide if you want to make a journey with this horse, or not. If he is someone you cannot bear to part with, you need to find something to do that you both enjoy. If he isn't *the* one, let him go, and find a new partner.

                                    Just remember, once horses are in your blood, it is really difficult to find anything else that fills up that exact spot.
                                    When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE them- Maya Angelou
                                    www.americansaddlebredsporthorse.net
                                    http://www.asbsporthorse.blogspot.com/

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                                    • #38
                                      Originally posted by Tiffani B View Post
                                      I ride Saddle Seat, but upon thinking more about it, I'm not sure if it's the discipline or the expenses or the time or what. I'm just ready for a break I think. Sigh.

                                      I never thought I'd EVER want to not have a horse. I've fought tooth and nail my entire life to have a horse, have sacrificed everything because it's been such a driving passion for me, and I feel almost devastated that I no longer have that love for it anymore. I almost feel the way I did when I started pondering divorcing my (now ex) husband. Like a terrible decision has to be made...

                                      I guess I just need to remind myself that it's not permananent, that if I sell my horse I can still ride, and I can still buy a new one. It's not the end.

                                      But if it is - it's like losing a limb or something. It's depressing to me.
                                      As someone who rode saddle seat her entire life until about 3 years ago, I'd say perhaps a discipline change for the time being might be the way to go (maybe after a bit of a break). You could also just keep your horse, take off his show shoes, and put him on board if you think he'd be a possible candidate for the fun you're interested in.

                                      I'd probably tell you to sell your current horse to someone who has the time, $$$, and stomach for the saddle seat show circuit. Then eventually get something else you can have different fun with. It doesn't have to be a total discipline change, you could just get a nice ASB pleasure horse that can wear kegs and handle turnout - or you could really change it up and try dressage or something w/a low maintenance horse.

                                      Here's my story: I had always been extremely serious about saddle seat and always assumed I would go pro (worked for a couple of trainers during school, grew up working for my grandmother but got a bit jaded when I started working with others). While working at a barn in school, I fell in love with a little appy with no papers but a fancy look. Found out the owners hated him and he was going to a shady auction unless I bought him, so I did (with student loans and only 3 months before a big move) planning to "flip" him after some training to give him a better situation than where he'd been.

                                      3 years later (same horse, haha) and I absolutely love dressage and jumping and I have a horse that is SO much less maintenance than a saddle seat horse. He lives outside 24/7, has cheap shoes, and doesn't care if I can only get out 3-4 times a week - shoot, the barn owner is fantastic, so he's fine if I'm not out for a week, haha. He gets dirty and I don't mind, his tail doesn't need much work, his feet are fantastic and LOW maintenance - this means turnout, easier riding outside, and vastly reduced shoeing bills. Also, a lot of other disciplines are more do it yourself friendly than saddle seat. And, since it's a newer discipline, I don't feel like I have to show because I'm still learning so much (that is enough accomplishment for now). There's so much focus on the "show" part of saddle seat, it can be difficult to get the full experience without it.

                                      Anyway, I didn't realize I needed a discipline change at the time, but I did. My life was changing (new city, new job, etc), and I just didn't have the time or budget (or the heart really) to stick with saddle seat at that point. I wasn't really interested in doing it if I wasn't on the training side, and I wasn't really interested in trying to find a trainer I enjoyed working with at that point (now I'm in finance and so ready to get back into horses, haha).

                                      You could potentially accomplish the change with a do it yourself country pleasure horse, but maybe a full discipline change would be just the thing. Why not sell your horse, give yourself a break, and see how you feel? Maybe try some new stuff while your horseless and have fewer expenses, then go from there.

                                      Either way, don't feel guilty. Your horse will be happy without you if you decide to sell him, and you will find another if and when you want to. Sometimes you just need a break, don't be hard on yourself about it. I know I had a period where I had to really force myself to not feel guilty as I was adjusting to the new reduced riding schedule because of my job. It's hard, but you have to realize it's totally acceptable and not feel guilty.

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                                      • #39
                                        Originally posted by ASB Stars View Post
                                        You need to decide if you want to make a journey with this horse, or not. If he is someone you cannot bear to part with, you need to find something to do that you both enjoy. If he isn't *the* one, let him go, and find a new partner.
                                        Just wanted to highlight this because I think that is going to be your biggest decision if you decide to make a change. ASBs are versatile, but it can be challenging to make the switch from saddle seat. ABS Stars is right: Do you want to make the journey with him? Or is there another out there that you might be happier with?

                                        Comment


                                        • #40
                                          Originally posted by Tiffani B View Post
                                          ...now I find myself dreaming of galloping through the huge nature preserves by the farm, jumping logs...
                                          LOL! It was the "let him run until he stops" scene in the movie Seabiscuit that did me in I wanted so badly to do that, and it had been years. I guess maybe it was fate that I happened to actually have a horse who would much rather do that too. It isn't out of my system yet....

                                          I can't advise you about whether to switch horses or not. My crystal ball doesn't work.

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