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Dear Know-it-all!

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  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by raff:
    [Ah yes "Harry" I said(we are quite informal,though he addresses me in German by my pet name Sheizenhausen,adoreable,it means sit down and share )"Your few words are betraying your lack of knowledge so please allow me" After conducting his training session he expressed his gratitude by declaring "shiezenhausen,I would not take any amount of money to train you!!" and broke into a blush of silence </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Ah! What a wonderful experience! Thanks so much for sharing!

    My old German trainer used to call me wenigwillsein...I think it has something to do with becaming famous one day...I asked him for a translation and I whink he said something like "wanna be"....ahhh...the memories....

    Comment


    • 3fatponies, could you please refer me to the wabsite for the "Natural Horseman-full-of-ship"?
      I'm desperately searching for Inferno level 8 and 9 and can't seem to find them!

      Comment


      • As you all may have noticed Know-it-All has not been on line lately. Her press secretary asked me to read to you the follow press release:

        "The reknown, World Famous, not to be duplicated (patent pending) Ms. Know-It-All (much loved by horsepersons and single women the world over) has been indicted on errroneous charges of money laundering and income tax evasion. She is at present setting these imbecilic public servants from Washington straight on her finances, from her buffahorse ranch in the Cayman Islands.
        Please carry on with your questions, and the advanced level associate trainers will help you with your queries."

        Thank you.

        Comment


        • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by mzpeepers:
          3fatponies, could you please refer me to the wabsite for the "Natural Horseman-full-of-ship"?
          I'm desperately searching for Inferno level 8 and 9 and can't seem to find them! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

          You can order them from http://www.everyoneisanexpert.com or call 1-800-FEEDMELIES. They have really been helpful for me--why in just one year I have earned my "Trainer's Certificate" for buying all the videos and at least two of each product. So for the bargain price of $5999.00, I have experienced an entire lifetime of horse knowledge without ever leaving the couch! And talk about savings! I have saved tens of thousands of dollars, not to mention hours, by not having to take lessons! And the best part is that now I can call myself an expert and know that it means something.
          "If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you." -Don Marquis
          **CEO of the TQ "Learn How To Ride or MOVE OVER!!" Clique**

          Comment


          • [QUOTE]Originally posted by BeastieSlave:
            I go away for a few days and come back to find raff has been riding my horse Your modern warmblood is no doubt closely related to my heifer!
            Well,how uncanny!Indeed our horses MAY be related?
            Mine is also chestnut and 17.1hh they must be nearly twins Mine has a curly blond tail and two wall eyes,and does medecine hat mean "mad in the head"?
            He must always wear a crochet bonnet to keep his brain in and does not tie up for long either.I was told to tie him up securely,so I did,I tied him up so that even if HE was not there when I came back ,his head still would be (as per inferno level 4)
            Well,that was useless advice!I came back and the stable was not there and neither was he,he and the stable were practicing "airs" in the pasture,oh well,clearly he loves dressage so much he could not wait for me to return from choosing between his saddles to get started,so SWEET!
            His communicator has told me colour and style is more important to him than fit,and I believe it,but how to know if it is a black day,a brown day,or a tan day?
            Ive extended the import of colour and style to apply to our partnership,I like his colour and style and will not let my lack of vertical abledness interfere with my passion for true correct classical winning dressage stylings.
            The key to finding a suitable trainer is to stick to those who have not yet had a bad crash and view the missunderstood medecine hat warmblood as a challenge rather than a threat! In my experience trainers like these are younger and prettier looking also,a win win situation!
            Ta Ta for now Raff

            Comment


            • I love "medicine hat"! I have always called the heifer's crocheted bonnet her "stupie hat". I use it to keep annoying bugs from getting into her head and messing with her tiny brain.

              The flapping of the little pom poms is also helpful when I ride her because it keeps her distracted. Because her thought process is limited, she is less likely to do anything naughty if she is thinking about flapping pom poms (ie: no brainwaves left over to coordinate bucking).

              Yes, I do believe our beasties must be nearly twins! Mine has a long thick tail that is streaked with blond and a small spot on one flank.

              Ooooohh, a yonger prettier (more handsome) trainer sounds good! The cowboy trainer that I had before did not look anything like the pictures posted here! Perhaps if he had, the heifer would have enjoyed his attentions more?! I know I would have
              Y'all ain't right!

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                Well, hello all,

                She's baaack! I see willowsend has filled you all in on my escapades these last few days. I got it straightened out now. I made them see the truth as told by Know-It-All. I simply told them that there is no way that my money could be laundered! I mean think how many people touch it beforeI finally get it back! Although, that may be another stop for it...the Chinese dry cleaners. At least then I wouldn't have to worry about the germs involved with rerouting it. As for the tax evasion, I showed them the paperwork for my rescue. It says right there in plain ink that I am a 666 DD. NON PROFIT! If I can't make a profit, what am I supposed to pay? They sadi because I was rescuing horses from the feed lots and reselling them for $10,000 and up that I am profitting. I just showed them the BMW, the yacht, the new house, the new indoor arena, and the 300+ stall barn and told them point blank that this is for the horses. I make NO profit. After spending the weekend on the yacht, they agreed. I think we will make this a quarterly affair.


                K-I-A

                Comment


                • Dear Know-It-All,
                  I am so glad you were able to educate those incompetents from Washington. You really should be on the 'Intellegent" ticket for the next election. The world could surely use your knowing-it-all smarts, that is if you multi-task well, as we surely would not want to lose our inspiration and guru.

                  Comment


                  • Dear Know It All,
                    I'm so glad you're back and were able to clean your name of those ridiculous accusations!
                    Why, anyone who's anyone would know that calling you a money-grabbing/laundering-crook would be unthinkable!!!
                    I started a website to help with your legal expenses. http://www.chineselaundryhelp.com The donations are pouring in.

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      Dearest willowsend,

                      I am considering running this next election. I figure being from TX, I have a foot in the door already. I have been rehearsing my speech. I would like to try it out on you...."It's not my fault, I didn't do it, everything's fine." How's that for a winning speech?

                      mzpeepers, thank you so much for starting that web site. Le't talk about how to invest those donations later okay?

                      K-I-A

                      Comment


                      • Why, that's wonderful, K-I-A!
                        And, may I suggest seeing what Dan Quayle is up to these days, as you might be interested in the same assassination insurance.

                        Comment


                        • Dear K-I-A,
                          I am so pleased that you managed to clear up that unpleasantness! I am most interested in your non-profit status and would appreciate any information you could share about how one might obtain 666 DD status. I am currently 36 D, and while that has been profitable at times, I think it may be time for me to officially make the change to non-profit status.
                          Y'all ain't right!

                          Comment


                          • I don't want to change the topic or anything but I was wondering if K-I-A is going to run on the Intelligent ticket then can she please get the people in charge to lower the price ulcer meds? I think my mare might have ulcers. Here's her symptoms, tell me what you think:
                            She never eats her grain. I mean, I get to feed her once a day, and it's really good grain, that 25% protein broodmare stuff and since she's real skinny since I got her back from my used-to-be friend that I free leased her to but they didn't feed her and gave her green water. She just smells her food and paws but won't eat it. She has lots of really tall grass in her pasture and I see her eating it, especially the grass with the pretty yellow flowers. She doesn't seem to like the grass with the white flowers.
                            Plus her coat is really bleached even though she's got lots of shade in her pasture. WHat can I do to make her stand under the trees? Oh and she's a chestnut. Everyone tells me that that means she must be crazy but I thought that it was just horses with white feet and noses? what do you think?
                            I mean, I'd post a picture and all but it would be blurry and not me riding her and I don't want to waste K-I-A's time since she's running for office and must be really busy saving the world from hurricane conspiracies.
                            Hey and please be nice to me even if I don't have 10,000 posts cause mean people might make me cry like that mean BO I used to know.

                            oh, and I didn't read all the pages in this topic, just the 1st, part of the 3rd, and the last one. But that's okay cause I get everything I need to know from those...

                            Do not cloud the issue with reason and logic.

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              Dear BeastieSlave,

                              Getting a 666DD isn't all it's cracked up to be. As a matter of fact, it's a real pain in the neck sometimes! I think you should remain with your profitable 36 D status for sure.

                              Onabreak, I think your mare's problems may be more than ulcers. I would recommend feeding her free choice sweet feed but only every third day aand starting her on the K-I-A supplement schedule (should have been covered on page three so I'm sure you are familiar with it), and utilize the free choice beet pulp trough. You may also try planting her her own garden. Make sure you plant plenty of bright colorful flowers. It will pick up her spirits. But, don't forget the herbs that she would have to choose from were she a wild horse roaming the plains.

                              As for her coat, making her stand under trees is an impossibility. I would recommend getting her a mobility sling and attaching a roof to it. Being that she's a chestnut and not prone to the crazy antics of white hooved horses, she should do fine with that.


                              K-I-A

                              Comment


                              • Dear Know-it-All,
                                I didn't know they made rooves for mobility swings, do you think Dressage Extensions carries them?
                                I am having a problem on forums. You see I demand that someone else translate foreign magazine articles and books for me, as I am too lazy to bother with going to all that trouble myself. After all, if there are FREE internet translators, well, just how good can they possibly be? I much prefer having someone do it the old fashioned way, taking hours out of their time for me, a perfect stranger, because I tell them to.
                                What is wrong with these people?

                                Comment


                                • Dear Know It All,
                                  Could you please tell willowsend that I'm still waiting for her translation of "Farfegnugen - Die fahrende Erfahrung"?
                                  I've been trying to contact her but she won't return my calls....strange...

                                  On that subject, I've just thought of a way to invest the sizeable donations we collected on your behalf to benefit your election campaign.
                                  Details to follow...

                                  Comment


                                  • she's a chestnut. Everyone tells me that that means she must be crazy but I thought that it was just horses with white feet and noses? what do you think?
                                    [/QUOTE]
                                    Well,obviously a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.The white foot crazies is geldings,no white feet but one club foot is also crazy,chestnut mare,dont even ask,striped feet?Oh yeah baby.We dont really like to use crazy though,medicine hat or mad head sound somehow perkier,dont you agree?
                                    Is the medicine hat not to keep the buzzing sound in BS(somewhat hilarious when your name is shortened thusly is it not Beastieslave )I thought the buzzing sound was the brain in action?I even added a (small)mouse (humanely) to up the output,but now fear he is running the whole show.Should I send the cat in?
                                    Perhaps splash withdrawing his head to unreachable heights isnt the emergence of "get out of my space"id imagined.What should I do?
                                    PS his ears are stapled together to keep his head out of my face,so it might be hard to get the hat off now?

                                    Comment


                                    • ROFLMAO!!!!
                                      Dear raff, the heifer actually has more of a rattling sound coming from her big red noggin. I always assumed that something was loose in there and the stupie hat ensures that it doesn't escape.

                                      You should definitely send in the cat if you can't tempt the mouse out with some cheese placed in you fine equine's ears. You can not allow a mouse to run the show? Have you considered replacing it with a hamster? They are very energetic, but not as smart....

                                      Of course whatever you decide to do for rodent removal, you will first need to remove the staples and the medicine hat. I'm sure K-I-A will be able to suggest some drugs to help you with this. I know I couldn't face doing a staplectomy on my own without some primo stuff!

                                      And hey, I can't believe that you only just now have noticed that BeastieSlave shortens to BS! Did you notice that th "B" and the "S" are caps as in: big BS?
                                      Y'all ain't right!

                                      Comment


                                      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by BeastieSlave:
                                        ROFLMAO!!!!



                                        Of course whatever you decide to do for rodent removal, you will first need to remove the staples and the medicine hat. I'm sure K-I-A will be able to suggest some drugs to help you with this. I know I couldn't face doing a staplectomy on my own without some primo stuff!


                                        How true,and while you're at it perhaps something for the horse please?


                                        And hey, I can't believe that you only just now have noticed that BeastieSlave shortens to BS! Did you notice that th "B" and the "S" are caps as in: big BS? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                        Better late than never

                                        Comment


                                        • I've heard of pea brains, but rodents? Don't they have exterminators where you come from?
                                          I thought the crochet bonnets were for hiding the earplugs that inferior trainers use, instead of teaching the horses to focus on the rider. Ahh, the little tricks. Such laziness, especially when they can train by satellite, with Know-it-All's certified internet training course. All you need is a lap top and loud speakers. Place the speakers at opposite ends of the arena, log on to your "pay for a trainer" (they take all credit cards and elite stallions as payment) class of choice, and let the trainer take it from there.

                                          Comment

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