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I am so angry and hurt....

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  • I am so angry and hurt....

    a local trainer has now inserted herself into my leasing of 3 horses and what do you know all of the lease situations have fallen apart. Why? Because she thinks that I am too heavy to ride. Interesting that this wasn't a problem when I was paying her train one of my horses....she actually gave me lessons on another horse that she had in training. All but one of the horses I have been pursuing she had absolutely no involvement with.

    I am not a thin person. Used to be....but that is a whole other story. My current horse was injured last year - tore a hind suspensory in turnout and I don't know if he will come back to work. I want to ride and can't afford to purchase another horse...already have 2 youngsters in addition to the hurt guy.

    My horses have had normal horse issues....rarely back issues. I am a very average rider, but do all right. I don't hang on the mouth, pound on the back...all the things that are not weight related. I have had a number of injuries so try to ride correctly.....

    This trainer and I both ride/clinic with another trainer. So I called that trainer to ask her opinion - was my weight causing issues, should I be riding, etc. She saw no issue with my weight and that the things that were being said were just ugly and mean.

    I am so angry and hurt by this person's actions. I know there is nothing I can do....but I would like to kick her in the shins. Or maybe ask why she feels it necessary to behave in this manner.

    Should I be losing weight...probably. I had a total thyroidectomy a little over a year and it has made everything upside down. I think that my meds are finally dialed in.

    All I keep thinking is WOW I am being treated poorly because I am heavy.....aren't there bigger issues in the world?
    There is a reason that the windshield is larger than the rear view mirror!

  • #2
    /hands over glass of wine and a serving of chocolate
    /hug

    What a bitch! I hope he/she gets diarrhea. And there is no potty anywhere close.

    I think that so long as a person is a respectful rider (as in "hey I need to not bounce roughly on the horse's back" etc) and everything else you describe there is no reason not to ride a horse-provided the saddle fits and the horse is healthy etc.
    Michael: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job.
    Sam: A job? Does it pay?
    Michael: Nah, it's more of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
    Sam: Oh. I've never liked those.

    Comment


    • #3
      Can you arrange a lease through the first trainer (not the one who dissed you)? Just cut out the middleman.
      www.specialhorses.org
      a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

      Comment


      • #4
        I have seen some heavy riders be light and well balanced on horses looking nice and I have seen thin riders be heavy, mercilessly bouncing about and off balance looking horrible. I think this trainer needs to get a reality check and realize this world is not perfect. Ride a horse that is well suited for you and I dont see a problem.
        Take time to stop and smell the flowers.

        Don't poke the Bear!

        Comment


        • #5
          That is awful. I am so sorry you have to deal with that! Can you cut out that trainer?

          Also, I really like Grataans idea. I would also hope the nasty trainer gets the trots, preferably on a horse in public. That gives you the occasion to stroll by and glibly mention "Well, I may be chunky but at least I know the horse does the trotting, not the rider getting the trots all over the horse, eesh!" and laugh, smile and wave.

          Comment


          • #6
            That sucks. People are donkeys, and I don't mean to insult the donkeys.

            I was admiring the equitation leg of a boarder today, who is definitely overweight, but her horses are well built, strong backed, and are much happier with her riding than when another rider who weighs 130lbs less gets on. If you are fair to the horse, and the horse is well built, there isn't a problem.

            I am no twig, myself (size 16/18, but a smidge over 200). The horses don't seem to object. They may get tired quicker with me, or can't offer a given level of collection for as long, but as a rider you can read that and adjust requests or duration of ride accordingly.

            Dressage Geek's suggestion is an excellent one.

            Are you looking for a specific discipline, and is your area lacking in options? The more options you look into, particularly where this "trainer" has no influence, the more likely you'll find a match you like. Is it fair you have to avoid a rude "trainer"... no. But life isn't fair, and taking the high road and not compromising your good name is the better way to go.

            Hope you find a good lease project and your boy heals up soon.
            I'm not really at the top of my game today. I'm not even exactly sure what game I'm supposed to be playing, in fact... or where it's being held...

            My horse's antics iamboyfriend.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho" View Post
              Can you arrange a lease through the first trainer (not the one who dissed you)? Just cut out the middleman.
              I think that's the point-the "trainer" WASN'T involved-she inserted herself into the situation-
              Michael: Seems the people who burned me want me for a job.
              Sam: A job? Does it pay?
              Michael: Nah, it's more of a "we'll kill you if you don't do it" type of thing.
              Sam: Oh. I've never liked those.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by DarcyW View Post
                a local trainer has now inserted herself into my leasing of 3 horses and what do you know all of the lease situations have fallen apart. Why? Because she thinks that I am too heavy to ride. Interesting that this wasn't a problem when I was paying her train one of my horses....she actually gave me lessons on another horse that she had in training. All but one of the horses I have been pursuing she had absolutely no involvement with.

                I am not a thin person. Used to be....but that is a whole other story. My current horse was injured last year - tore a hind suspensory in turnout and I don't know if he will come back to work. I want to ride and can't afford to purchase another horse...already have 2 youngsters in addition to the hurt guy.

                My horses have had normal horse issues....rarely back issues. I am a very average rider, but do all right. I don't hang on the mouth, pound on the back...all the things that are not weight related. I have had a number of injuries so try to ride correctly.....

                This trainer and I both ride/clinic with another trainer. So I called that trainer to ask her opinion - was my weight causing issues, should I be riding, etc. She saw no issue with my weight and that the things that were being said were just ugly and mean.

                I am so angry and hurt by this person's actions. I know there is nothing I can do....but I would like to kick her in the shins. Or maybe ask why she feels it necessary to behave in this manner.

                Should I be losing weight...probably. I had a total thyroidectomy a little over a year and it has made everything upside down. I think that my meds are finally dialed in.

                All I keep thinking is WOW I am being treated poorly because I am heavy.....aren't there bigger issues in the world?
                *reaches out to slap trainer for you*

                there is NO reason for her to be like this. None. As I have told my children, good manners are never out of place.

                Comment


                • #9
                  She sounds like an idiot. Just smile nicely and give a little "well that's nice you feel that way" next time she feels like saying something. You know you're not doing anything to hurt the horses, so her opinion really doesn't matter.

                  Thyroid problems are awful, my whole family deals with them. It's like NOTHING you do matters, your body just gives you a big "screw you!" and does what it wants anyways. Again, you know you're doing the right thing with your situation, so don't let what others say bother you ((hugs))

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    You have every right to be angry and hurt. Mean people suck big time. Sigh.
                    Founding Member of "I Kept 'Off Topic Day!' Open"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Why would any trainer give a rat's patoot about what you lease and what you don't? And how do you know that it was this trainer's doing that caused you to lose the leases? Did the owners tell you? I'm confused.
                      In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                      A life lived by example, done too soon.
                      www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I was once at a clinic with an Olympian jumper, while a well known local trainer who probably was the same measurements as you, was riding. Obviously it was over fences. The Olympian mentioned how impressed he was that she was such a balanced rider and rode very well. So, there, Olympic jumper riders are ok with it over fences.... but your trainer has a problem on the flat?

                        I hope you can find a new trainer soon, Darcy, one that accepts you unconditionally. What a sucky thing to have done to you.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          5 across the lips, I tell ya!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I am also on thyroid suppliment. It can really be something to deal with. I was up to 296 lb's when I finally got a DR. to listen to me and do the real isotope uptake instead of the standard thyroid blood test. My Real test showed a very slow thyroid. After I started to take the suppliment (Synthroid) I was a different person. I got on a good weight loss diet and took off 87 pounds in 18 months. I am 5ft 10 inches tall. I am still what some consider overweight. the diet chart says I should weigh 146. Oh well I have not weighed that since I was 19.
                            I learned to ride with my horse. To move with him and not be dead weight on him.
                            If you can ride well it makes no difference if you are heavy.
                            I think your nosey trainer needs a lesson on how to MYOB. Don't discuss any of your private life or horse life with her any more. "Your health and the weather, are the two safe subjects". Or so my etiquette book says.
                            I wish you the best results with your health issues with your thyroid problems. It will get better.
                            Try one more time and learn to trust your own judgement.
                            You will find the right horse.
                            JMHO

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I am SO sorry.

                              Mean people suck.

                              I'm not just saying this, but for many reasons, I rode better 70lbs ago than I do now. I was more balanced & stronger. I tend to think the horses appreciated that more than the difference in lbs.

                              Don't beat yourself up on top of it. Do the best you can, and know that you are doing the best you can.

                              Does the trainer know you know? Why is she trying to interfere? Seriously, it sounds like a case of her trying to make herself feel better by putting someone else down... or jealousy... why else is she sabotaging you?

                              Can you ask her why she is sabotaging your efforts?

                              I'm just sorry, and repeat my opening thought: mean people suck.
                              InnisFailte Pinto Sporthorses & Coloured Cobs
                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                              Bits are like cats, what's one more? (Petstorejunkie)

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                ugh

                                Oh, good lord, this trainer must be a piece of work. In her next life she will definitely be a size 16 or up AND be a horrible rider AND be subject to the prejudices of others. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. All you can do is handle it with a cool head, which you seem to be doing. Good for you.

                                It's been said before but weight alone is not a big determinant of riding skill. I do think that how one carries weight can have an effect -- I carry it in the midsection and wish I was more of a "pear" to help my center of gravity.
                                http://behindthebitblog.com
                                Dressage, riding, sport horse blog
                                BTBbrowbands.com
                                Unique browbands for dressage and hunter riders

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by Grataan View Post
                                  /hands over glass of wine and a serving of chocolate
                                  /hug

                                  What a bitch! I hope he/she gets diarrhea. And there is no potty anywhere close..
                                  Dido, I think this is wrong. I rode for yours with heavier people that where amazing riders. I think this trainer is a horrible person.
                                  Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway

                                  Boots, chaps and cowboy hats... nothin' else matters.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    ive had similar problems...at a time when i was horseless and looking for lease...i was soft,light rider even though i was overweight and she said i had rode this horse very well,but turned me down b/c i didn't present a pretty picture...geeeez how harsh the horse world sometimes....agree with everyone elses posts as well
                                    http://myridingjourney.blogspot.com

                                    Comment

                                    • Original Poster

                                      #19
                                      your guys are the BEST!!! Thanks so much for the support.

                                      The horses are upper level horses and I would be soooo lucky to have such horse. I am not an upper level rider but I try hard and its a good life with me. So the horse gets a good life and I get a tremendous opportunity.

                                      Why is the trainer doing this? She wants to make $$ off the horses and lease them to her clients. Basically, poaching the opportunity. The trainer is a grand prix rider, but her student's aren't....... so she charges the student for lessons and the owner for riding the horse.

                                      There is certainly an argument for keeping the horse going, but these are older horses that backing down in their work isn't a bad thing.

                                      Said trainer is definitely a hateful person and makes herself feel better by bringing others down. The interesting thing is that this trainer is a tall, very muscular person and I probably don't weigh much more than she does...given that I am shorter and fat weighs less than muscle.....

                                      Love the post about the "trots"....she is headed to CA to show for a couple of months. The thought of her in her tight white show pants with a case of the "trots"...rotflmao!!
                                      There is a reason that the windshield is larger than the rear view mirror!

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        That explains it a little better. Poaching business? Not so nice. Dissing you on account of your size? Unconscionable.

                                        Don't worry. Others in your local scene probably know "who she is" or will figure it out. The best you can do is approach owners yourself and explain what you DO offer horses they might lease to you. Chances are, the owners will make up their own mind about whether their horse is appropriate for you.

                                        Should "heinous trainer's" opinion come up in your discussion with owners, I think you can safely and fairly say "Well, we do have a bit of history." Leave it at that, or answer questions with as much neutrality as you can if they ask and it seems relevant, not gossipy.

                                        You do have the right to defend yourself against unjust accusations brought to your door. Otherwise, let heinous trainer go about making a mess of things for herself.
                                        The armchair saddler
                                        Politically Pro-Cat

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