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A tactful way to avoid partial leasing to a friend?

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  • A tactful way to avoid partial leasing to a friend?

    Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tactfully tell a friend that I don't want to lease my horse to them?
    Last edited by Birch3280; May. 8, 2010, 11:17 PM.

  • #2
    Honesty is always the best policy! I would be very specific in the wording of your lease advertisement. Then if your friend expresses interest, I would "interview" her on her expectations of the lease. When they don't match up to your lease requirements.....you can tell her that you are sorry, but you don't think it's a good fit.

    the other option is when she expresses interest to let her know that your preference is not to lease to good friends because you value the friendship so highly. This will only work if you don't actually lease him to another friend.....I've used this excuse when friends ask me to train their horses. I explain that I don't train other people's horses, just my own because I want to stay as healthy as possible in order ot ride as long as possible, and it isn't worth the risk. But then, when I did agree to do some ground work to help out a women at my stable, I made it clear to her that I was doing a favor (no payment) and I wouldn't be riding, and that my policy was not to train other people's horses, so could she please keep it low key. It's worked well for both of us.
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    • #3
      If it was me I would just tell her that the horse would not be the ideal match.

      Simply say that the horse is older and wouldn't be able to do all the things that the friend wants to do and that she needs something younger and sturdier.

      The other option would be to tell the friend that you can't/don't want to mix business and friendship together.

      Good luck

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      • #4
        Tell her that A) You prefer to not mix a business deal with friendship because if the business deal goes south, so does the friendship, and B) Your horse is getting too old to do the vigorous trail riding she prefers, and you're sure she'd be happier with a horse with fewer limitations and a lessor that isn't so nit-picky and intrusive as you know you will be.

        But if you think you are going to part-lease to another friend, best just stick to part B...

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        • #5
          I'd go one of two ways:

          Either A) find a lease without posting so that you never have to put the horse online and risk the option...

          or B) go for the whole "I don't do business with friends" thing.

          Else...I'd consider "You know...I'd love to but my horse just isn't going to meet your needs..he needs someone a little less motivated, blah blah"
          A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

          Might be a reason, never an excuse...

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          • #6
            I think it is going to go a bit sour regardless of what you do based on what you've shared. Can you wait to lease him until she has found her next horse?
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            • #7
              Originally posted by TrotTrotPumpkn View Post
              I think it is going to go a bit sour regardless of what you do based on what you've shared. Can you wait to lease him until she has found her next horse?
              Nevermind my suggestion... This one's better. Sometimes it's to on'es advantage to hem and haw and do nothing until it's too late to do anything. The the situation resolves itself without you.

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              • Original Poster

                #8
                Originally posted by TrotTrotPumpkn View Post
                I think it is going to go a bit sour regardless of what you do based on what you've shared. Can you wait to lease him until she has found her next horse?


                That may be my best option. I am not in any huge rush to lease him, I just need to have him part leased by Aug-Sept.
                Last edited by Birch3280; May. 8, 2010, 11:18 PM.

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                • #9
                  OK -- you've got the perfect out. You are pregnant. You want him TO YOURSELF as long as possible because you know that'll change right quick when you balloon up. She'd best be looking elsewhere if she wants to ride this summer. Then bring your new part-lessee on board after she gets herself situated with a new ride.

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                  • #10
                    RubyLink: Well done!!!!
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                    • #11
                      My mother had a saying, "never do business with friends." and she meant it! It ruins friendships. The biggest honor my mother could give a person was to refuse to do business with them.

                      When we sold her house in 2004 -after my dad died, her pharmacist (a friend of my fathers) wanted to purchase it. She flatly refused. Wouldn't even discuss it. Took a lower bid!

                      Honestly, you don't have to explain to your friend, we don't need the details, just repeat after me and then inform her...
                      "I don't do business with friends."

                      Don't make it hard, don't explain, just say it. "I value your friendship too much, and I don't do business with friends."

                      B.T.W. My husband is a physician, and there is a similar saying in medicine.
                      "A physician who treats his family or friends has fools for his patients."

                      Upfront, in your face. Repeat after me...
                      "I don't do business with friends."
                      Luistano Stallion standing for 2013: Wolverine UVF
                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8IZPHDzgX3s

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by greysandbays View Post
                        Tell her that A) You prefer to not mix a business deal with friendship because if the business deal goes south, so does the friendship
                        This. If you choose to lease to another friend for some reason, then you can tell this friend that you value her friendship more!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I agree with not doing business with friends, unless you think there's a chance you'll lease the horse to a different friend. Then the first friend will feel you've lied to her.

                          I recommend a version of honesty - that you don't think she and your horse would be a good match, because your horse has reached a stage in life where he needs to take things a bit easier. That you're obsessed with footing, and you don't think your horse will hold up well with harder trail riding.

                          good luck.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by greysandbays View Post
                            Tell her that A) You prefer to not mix a business deal with friendship because if the business deal goes south, so does the friendship, and B) Your horse is getting too old to do the vigorous trail riding she prefers, and you're sure she'd be happier with a horse with fewer limitations and a lessor that isn't so nit-picky and intrusive as you know you will be.

                            But if you think you are going to part-lease to another friend, best just stick to part B...
                            I agree. Entering into a business relationship with a friend is a sure way to end a friendship.
                            Last edited by PRS; Feb. 11, 2010, 07:13 PM.
                            "My biggest fear is that when I die my husband is going to try to sell all my horses and tack for what I told him they cost."

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                            • #15
                              Do you ever ride together? You both couldn't use the same horse at the same time and go for a trail ride so she would need a different horse to ride. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                I think we all agree not to do business with friends, and that the polite way to handle that is to say that you don't want to ruin the friendship with business.

                                The trouble is, it's just a line and she won't believe you. If she is unable to find a lease at your barn, then she is going to have to look elsewhere for a horse to ride, and you won't see each other as much, which will "damage" the friendship. The reasoning just doesn't hold up. Most people will do business with friends they trust, even when they claim they don't.

                                You don't trust her on your horse, but do you trust her with your horse? Make her into your team member (she is your friend, after all) and not a business partner. Advertise for a partial lease, and if she asks about it, say that you're glad she asked, because it turns out that the woman who can lease him can't ride on __day, and you were hoping that she would lunge your horse for ten minutes on that day. Say that you really want somebody you can trust keeping an eye on him for you, with an eye towards his soundness. If she asks why she can't ride him, act surprised: "Oh, I knew you really liked him, but I thought you didn't like the kind of riding he needs."

                                Also, depending on your personality and hers, you can try flat-out laughing in her face. "That's so funny! Abby, you hate going slow and taking it easy. Can't you find another way to help me out with the pregnancy? How about if you bring me some Twinkies and clean my tack?" If you joke about it and refuse to take it seriously but carry on with your plans, she can get upset (she's going to anyway) but she can't really punish you for it because you've been good-natured about it and you gave her a valid reason: they're a bad fit.

                                Finally, here's one thought: she might not like your horse as much as you think she does. I've faked it before, and she might be, too. We tend to do these things for friends.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Originally posted by RubyLink View Post
                                  If it was me I would just tell her that the horse would not be the ideal match.

                                  Simply say that the horse is older and wouldn't be able to do all the things that the friend wants to do and that she needs something younger and sturdier.

                                  Good luck
                                  This.

                                  It's honest but doesn't go into details that may offend her. Go a step further, "I'll help you find the perfect horse!", then go with her to try them (when you can).

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I don't want to make this more difficult than it is...but...(you knew that was coming)

                                    I half leased my mid aged mare to someone (who later became my best friend). She worked my horse too hard, too fast, in bad footing and it resulted in an injury. As a result, the last FIVE YEARS have required that I be very careful. And even then, we've had re-injury that has required time off. All due to that one time that I half leased my horse to someone who wasn't quite as concerned about making sure there was good footing and a fit horse.

                                    Do not take unnecessary risks with your horse. Friends come and go. My best friend ended up being a total loon in a mental hospital. It happens. Do NOT let anyone do to your horse what you feel is not appropriate. It really doesn't matter if you look like a jerk. HORSES FIRST.

                                    Had i only known....I half leased while I was overseas working and didn't realize what was going on. Don't be stupid like me.

                                    Be the a-hole if you have to.

                                    HORSES FIRST.

                                    Your horse is better off sitting around doing NOTHING than being pushed too hard.
                                    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                                    Might be a reason, never an excuse...

                                    Comment

                                    • Original Poster

                                      #19
                                      Originally posted by BuddyRoo View Post
                                      .

                                      Do not take unnecessary risks with your horse. Friends come and go. My best friend ended up being a total loon in a mental hospital. It happens. Do NOT let anyone do to your horse what you feel is not appropriate. It really doesn't matter if you look like a jerk. HORSES FIRST.

                                      .
                                      Trust me, I absolutely will not even consider this friend as a potential candidate for my horses lease.
                                      Last edited by Birch3280; May. 8, 2010, 11:19 PM.

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        ---" A tactful way to avoid partial leasing to a friend? "---

                                        I don't think there is such as your question, a way to be tactful.
                                        Friends mean you share and help and do what you need for your friend and if you can't or don't feel comfortable, you can say so, they are your friend and will understand, even if it will hurt their feelings some.

                                        I am not good at being fuzzy about what I mean, too direct, so that is not even a question for me, I would say that I was leasing my horse while I was out of service and the best for the horse was this kind of scenario, not open for discussion.

                                        If the friend suggest she be the one to lease the horse, say you thought about that, but is not what you want for the horse and change the conversation.

                                        I had that question from a very good friend when my horses were going to be idle.
                                        I also don't want her to ride my horse without me being there, she is a novice and wild and has to be reined in.
                                        The horses are working in our local handicapped program and that is the best for them to stay in work right now.
                                        I offered to her one horse that is at a trainer friend, being used for lessons, but she has to ride him there and "she doesn't want lessons, just to ride and go fast".

                                        Friend may have liked it or not, but it was my decision, the best for all, including the horses and she respected that.

                                        I think that we have to set our boundaries with all people around us and stick to what we think is best and that, sometimes, is not the best for a friend and they should respect that.
                                        If they don't and get mad, maybe they were not a real friend, just someone that was getting something they wanted out of the frienship, other than being friends.

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