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Anyone have an only child? Want more? (yes HR!)

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  • Anyone have an only child? Want more? (yes HR!)

    DD just turned one and all along I've planned on having a second. Well... the time is now to start trying for the second and I've come to realize that maybe I don't want another?

    She already has a pony, saddle, helmet, etc. I can afford to buy her everything I want (within reason). I keep thinking- if I have another I don't know that I'll be able to afford ponies, lessons, shows, private school, plus other hobbies, etc for both.

    Anyone cross this bridge? I'm feeling selfish in that I might not have a playmate for DD as she grows up. Another side of me is saying it may be smart to dote on just her?

  • #2

    I have 8 ( yes you read that correctly) I can tell you this: One is a nice even number!!!
    I would not trade any of mine EVER but now that I have two who ride and show its not the money that makes it so hard as much as the sibling competition. I try to be VERY even in what I buy them and what they get to do ( shows, lessons ect) but its tough. I can always find the money ( and believe me we are NOT rich, I have worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to be able to afford this) but sometimes making them both FEEL equal is the toughest part!!! Trust me you will find a way to afford it, but when you have two riding and one is naturally better than the other and has more opportunities that is when it gets tough!
    If you are lucky enough to ride, you are lucky enough.


    • #3
      I have just one... and he's enough. He has friends to play with, and has plenty of social interaction at preschool. I wouldn't mind if he had been bitten a little harder by the horse bug... he likes them well enough, but isn't "horse crazy" like I was as a child.
      \"For all those men who say, \"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free,\" here\'s an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it\'s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.\"-


      • #4
        Really there is nothing wrong with wanting one kid, or no kids, or 10 kids (well, providing you can afford that many!!) Everyone is different and every family is different and that's ok...

        Life is funny too, sometimes kids come in ways and at times that you haven't expected or planned.... with one adoption and now a surprise pregnancy, I've realized there is no such thing as "family planning!!"

        Whatever you choose there's no right or wrong answer. Your kid will be totally fine either way, siblings or not. Promise.
        We couldn't all be cowboys, so some of us are clowns.


        • #5
          I wish I would have been an only child lol But I truly love my sister. She was the non-rider, and my parents always struggled to make things even between the two of us. It was hard for them- what other sport costs this much?

          Trust me, when it comes time to pay for college, you'll be happy you only have one!
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          • #6
            DH, you can't guarantee that the siblings would get along just because they're related. My sis and I (she's two years older) did NOT generally get along....and had to share a room alot growing up. I spent one 6-8 month period sleeping in the utility room just to get away from her when I was 12.

            I have an only boy, and he WANTS to be only, and I want that, too. I would not wish upon him what I got growing up.

            Once she's in school she'll find playmates that she gets along with, that you don't have to feed or buy ponies for.....
            "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James

            Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.


            • #7
              I feel your pain-My son is going on 2, which is when we figured we would try for #2. Original plan was made a long time ago.

              While the financial part is a consideration for us, not the main one. With work, and MY horses, I do not spend a ton of time with my son-this makes me feel guilty, and if I have another-I will have to divide my time again.

              I did not get along well with my siblings, but my husband's are his "other" best friends.

              However, as neither my husband or I were only children, nor have we run across an only child that we can use as a "model" to raise one. So I suppose we will have another.

              Quite frankly, having grown up in the H/J world-and I really don't want to offend, as this is my opinion. I refuse to raise an "entitled" child, and so far-go out of my way for my son to understand that not everything is his.
              Last edited by Vindicated; Dec. 17, 2009, 03:37 PM. Reason: Added comments
              "The Friesian syndrome... a mix between Black Beauty disease and DQ Butterfly farting ailment." Alibi_18


              • #8
                We had two, my brother and me, in our family (but thank you, hellerkm, for having kids who will understand my DAD'S family--he's one of nine boys and three girls) and I always thought that was a nice number. But one is good, too. I don't think it's selfish to only want one kid, or selfish to want eight or eighteen. Kind of a personal preference thing.
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                • #9
                  My husband and I are just starting to try conceive. In fact had my prenatal exam yesterday. Anyway if I have a girl, I will be content having just one child. If it's a boy, then I will try again because I really want a girl! Of course I want a girl so she can be into horses (hopefully would have interest in it) and have a pony and show and so on. A lot of boys run in my husband’s family though so I am pretty sure I will have boys. Hopefully a boy will show interest in horses but I am pretty sure they will be more into dirt bikes and sand cars, just like my husband.

                  I'm the only child BTW and my mom is the one who got me into horses. I've been riding my whole life and we both still have a horse at the same barn. We meet up every night at the barn. I also can't deny that it wasn't wonderful being completely spoiled as a child and my parents were able to support my love for horses.
                  Owned by an Oldenburg


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Melelio View Post
                    DH, you can't guarantee that the siblings would get along just because they're related.
                    Exactly. I don't get along with my brother. I tolerate him. On a very limited basis. I couldn't stand him growing up living together. In fact I moved out to get away from him. We have nothing in common & don't share the same opinions on how anything works in the world. I am now 31 & he's 28...it isn't getting any better with time either.
                    "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"


                    • #11
                      We are thrilled to have only one and it doesn't hurt to be older parents, either. The way we figure it, when I am 70, we will give her the farm, the horses, the connections, etc. and then we can go to Paris for a while. Were there more than one, this might be messy! Plus, we never could have afforded to keep a second one in the style the one and only has been kept!
                      Sakura Hill Farm
                      Now on Facebook

                      Young and developing horses for A-circuit jumper and hunter rings.


                      • #12
                        I really think that the #of kids is of particularly interest to horse people (great topic by the way) because horses are not just a hobby for some, but largely a lifestyle. Like in my case and others with horses at home... you can't just up and go on a vacation as you please, school sports and hobby planning gets even more difficult, etc. etc. DH and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. At first we always said we wanted two. I know a year (and a half) is not that long in the grand scheme of things, but your mindset turns into "I'd be happy and thrilled to be able to have just one" not "I'm planning on having more than one" if that makes sense. We'd both be happy with one. It's not selfish, but realistic to want to be able to provide your children with comforts. Same thing... we could have a pony, lessons, shows, school, etc. with one, but would have to scale back majorly or not at all with 2 in our current situation. That's ok though. Maybe eventually we'll change our minds- we're still up in the air, but I know in our current financial situation we wouldn't feel comfortable having more than one. We're by no means poor, but I like having my horses at home and the costs and lifestyle that come with them and don't think it would be responsible to have more than one right now. So many times people think that because they can physically have as many kids as they want that it's the smart and responsible thing to do. I refuse to go broke just to procreate.


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by DiablosHalo View Post
                          Anyone cross this bridge? I'm feeling selfish in that I might not have a playmate for DD as she grows up. Another side of me is saying it may be smart to dote on just her?
                          LOL, trust me, you don't need to feel guilty about not giving her a little brother or sister for a playmate! Most of the time, they don't 'play well together' anyway!

                          The flip side of that is that the only child loses much of the comfort and support that siblings provide as one grows older, especially after their parents are gone. I have an only 'surviving' child, who is now an adult, but I still worry that she will be pretty much alone in the world once her dad and I are gone, even though she has a wonderful 'extended' family on my side. Coming from a large family, which I hated as a child, as an adult I am very grateful for all of my siblings.
                          Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
                          Witherun Farm


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by DiablosHalo View Post
                            I'm feeling selfish in that I might not have a playmate for DD as she grows up.
                            What another poster said... she'll have playmates that you won't have to buy ponies and tack for. Only children are very socially adapted contrary to popular misconception because they have to go more out of their way to make friends, whereas siblings often can tend to be more loners or introverted because they have "automatic friends". I was one of three girls (middle child) and the only real horsey one. My younger sister followed me into it, but only because I did and never really loved it. My older sister HATES horses... well, anything outside or dirty that could mess up her designer clothes, shoes, hair, etc. It did cause a lot of strife between us. My older sister got a brand new car for high school graduation, and I got a $300 pair of riding boots. Great gift, the boots were, but to a teenager it takes a while to understand that I had a horse and big sister didn't so we had to be "even". I just hate having to constantly make children feel like they're being treated equally.


                            • #15
                              We just had one child (DH was the oldest of 6 boys and wished his parents had quit with one). DD was very headstrong, but entitlement wasn't one of her issues. It is really amazing how mucking helps with that attitude as well as getting to the show at 5 a.m. to hack and give a bath before showing. And yes, we could afford and sometimes did have the grooms do it, but I felt that it was good horsemanship and good for growing soul.

                              There were those pre-teen years when I wondered if society would ever forgive me for my spawn, but she did grow into a wonderfully caring, competant and productive member of society. Giving her a sib probably wouldn't have made much difference, though.


                              • #16
                                I have one (3yo), who also has the pony, saddle etc etc. However, I really wish we could have another (and I was one of these people who SWORE I would never even have one!). I watch my nieces play together and my sister talks about how much easier it is with 2 than it was with 1, as they tend to keep each other company rather than always needing her. I am sad that my daughter will always be on her own and that when my husband and I are gone, she will have no direct family. You have the pony etc for your child but of course by the time they are 2,3 or 10 they may have no interest in the pony at all. Sure, having a second doesn't guarantee that they will get on or be support for each other, but not having a second one guarantees that they will never have that option.

                                It's a tough decision though that only you and your husband can make and whichever decision you make will be the right one as you will never know what the alternative would have been like. :-)


                                • #17
                                  I'm an only child and don't feel I missed out on having siblings. I always got to have my friends spend the night or go on trips with me. I had a lot of cousins so they took the place of siblings. I have two kids boy and girl 3 years a part. It was quite an adjustment when they would fight since I never experienced that growing up. But what ever shall be, shall be....


                                  • #18
                                    I'm an only child and I didn't miss out on having a brother or sister. Even growing up I didn't want one!!!


                                    • #19
                                      What a beautiful post Kate 66.

                                      I have 3 girls all 2 years apart and only the oldest really enjoys horses. The other two tried riding but it wasn't their thing - although the middle one had a beautiful natural seat <sigh>. The youngest dabbles in driving from time to time and they will all come out to the barn on occasion to help feed or just visit.

                                      My girls are the best of friends and that is a relationship that I have carefully nurtured. I come from a large family. But I am the youngest by a large gap so I feel like I was a bit of an only child too. Sometimes it is lonely being the only little kid in a world of adults. I also know how important sibling (especially sister) relationships are when the chips are down. As I tell my girls: Friends come and go, boys come and go, but your sisters are forever.

                                      One of my sisters has an only child, a daughter and I believe that she regrets it sometimes. I know that she worries about her daughter missing out on the "sister relationship" - so she has made me promise that my girls will be her daughter's sisters.

                                      Really, it is a tough call and only you can decide what is the right one. One thing to keep in mind is that not all girls like horses, even ones with horsie moms (I know, I know, the horror) - so having a back up might not be a bad idea.


                                      • #20
                                        I am an only child, now an adult, and would not change it for the world.

                                        So many opportunities were afforded to me as an "only" - things that I would never have been able to do, see or have if I had a sibling. My mother used to ask me once in awhile if I regretted not having a brother or sister, and the answer will always be an emphatic NO! My quality of life has been much richer for it.

                                        As for not having close family when one gets older... I do dread the day when my parents are gone as we are very close, but I also recognize that as adults we can and do choose our own loved ones, and sometimes these are not always blood-related! My father and his sister have now lost both of their parents, and neither of them has ever turned to the other for support - they are civil to one another because of their shared history and memories, but they are not (and have never been) close, and over time they have created their own circles of support which include spouses, their own children and their friends.

                                        Do not feel guilty if you choose to have only one. I have met very few who have ever regretted being an "only".