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Horse vs. Grad School Not The Usual Tale

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  • #21
    Originally posted by FatPalomino View Post
    I personally think it's a GREAT time to go to grad school. I jumped ship when the company I was working for started to restructure and I knew the lay offs were coming. I'm glad I did. Especially if you are going into a specialized program, all the better for getting a really good job whenever the economy bounces back.
    FP, I want to respectfully disagree with you. Depending on the program, grad school may not make sense.
    This article has been helpful in my decision on grad school vs. not (and I have decided to wait a few years)
    "My shopping list is getting long but I will add the marshmallows right below the napalm." -Weighaton

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    • #22
      Honestly if you want the pony, you need to take financial responsibility for the pony now. I can see why your mom wants to sell the pony now if she has to pay another 12 months on her.

      Move the pony to another place (maybe find a backyard type barn with lots of turn out that doesn't cost much to save $$ or try the BF's for the time being). Pay board. Now it's your pony & nobody can tell you what to do.

      Question though--is the pony really yours? Everybody "assumes" it is, but when you show up with a trailer & try to take it, is your mom going to let you have the pony? You might want to get that straightened out first.

      Sorry about your dad & that your mom is treating you the way she is.
      "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"

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      • #23
        I'm in grad school now and have had my horse with me for the last 4.5 years. My program covers tuition and pays me a stipend (right around 25K/year). If you are in a low cost of living area and can find a good pasture board situation, horses in grad school are definitely doable. You have to be organized and you probably won't go out partying as much as students without a horse, but horses are healthier than booze anyway Besides, my horse keeps me sane. I can have a royal screw-up day in lab, and if I show up with carrots, my horse still thinks I'm the World's Greatest Human.

        I agree with all the other posters. Take control of the pony now before your mom runs the poor thing to the nearest auction.

        Here's another idea. Honestly, unbroke or greenbroke 3 year old ponies are not worth much in this market. If your mom thinks she's going to make money on this filly, she's kidding herself. Could you perhaps offer to buy the pony outright from your mother? Yes, it will leave a sour taste in your mouth to have to pay for something you already consider to be yours, but sometimes you have to spend a little money to be rid of the aggravation. But, if you can pay maybe 300-500 bucks (and I'm being generous here) and know that you ARE the owner and mom can't try to come after the pony later, it might be worth it.

        I really feel for you. It sounds like you have the misfortune of having a toxic and controlling woman for your mother. More proof that shared DNA does not really mean anything. Getting yourself and your horse away from her influence is probably for the best. Your boyfriend sounds supportive--lean on him when things get rough.

        BES
        Proudly owned by 2 chestnut mares
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        • #24
          Originally posted by LearnToFly View Post
          FP, I want to respectfully disagree with you. Depending on the program, grad school may not make sense.
          This article has been helpful in my decision on grad school vs. not (and I have decided to wait a few years)
          To be honest, that article makes some VERY biased assumptions about a lot of things, including an extremist slam at the military (yeah, all people in the military R dum, they dont want the smart 1s, there are no positives to joining up...typical anti-military elitist shite.) It might apply to a very small group of college students (those with no real career plans and with no idea what they REALLY want to do) but if you want a career in a lot of professions a terminal masters is the new bachelor's degree. If you don't have at LEAST a master's, forget about even getting your foot in the door with some employers.

          As for people who want to be doctors, lawyers, vets, engineers, etc...the only way to do that without being VERY lucky without getting an advanced degree is to either be VERY smart in an EXTREMELY specialized field, or is if they revamp the entire US higher education system and put it on the UK model, in which case you have to basically declare your major before you start college.

          Even in some 'liberal arts' majors--if you want to work in a museum in a full-time professional position, you had either better have a BA with a 4.0 and four or five outstanding internships with major institutions, or you're going to lose out to those of us with MAs and grad-level internships. Even for most intro-level jobs. You want to be a curator for anything bigger than a local historical society, better have a specialized PhD in your field.
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          • #25
            Originally posted by LearnToFly View Post
            FP, I want to respectfully disagree with you. Depending on the program, grad school may not make sense.
            This article has been helpful in my decision on grad school vs. not (and I have decided to wait a few years)
            That article is full of more fallacy than I ever have seen. Graduate students from our program go into hundreds of industries including steel, metals, automotive, aerospace, medical, government R&D, weapons development, petroleum/extractive industries and all make WELL above the salaries stated. Heck, my graduate students generally make more than me when they graduate.

            A Ph.D. is needed if anybody wants to do R&D in any industry as companies need people who have shown they can analyze and understand fundamentally complex problems and come up with unique solutions. That doesn't happen by just reading books and hanging out in a current job.

            There is a reason many countries send their best and brightest to American Graduate Schools and it is because they are some of the most innovative and advanced in the world.

            By the way, I had my horse during graduate school (self-paid through a NASA research position).

            By the way, I pay my graduate students around $20K a year in stipend, I pay their tuition, health insurance and fees.

            Comment


            • #26
              Originally posted by LearnToFly View Post
              FP, I want to respectfully disagree with you. Depending on the program, grad school may not make sense.
              This article has been helpful in my decision on grad school vs. not (and I have decided to wait a few years)
              Sure, grad school might not make sense depending on the program, but I would hardly trust this author's biased opinions. Regardless, the OP has already stated that grad school is essentially required given her field.

              OP, good luck! I can't offer any advice as I am awaiting grad school acceptance as well, but I have been wondering the same thing (is grad school + a horse possible). I hope everything works out.

              Edited to add: You seem like you have your financial situation in order, but Mint.com is a free personal finance tracker that is pretty handy. You can (securely) link to your checking/savings accounts, investments, loans, etc. It tracks everything and you can set up custom budgets. It is extremely handy!
              Last edited by jackandlily; Dec. 9, 2009, 02:37 PM.

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              • Original Poster

                #27
                Originally posted by AKB View Post
                What kind of grad school do you plan to attend? Some programs, like engineering grad schools, are often fully funded. You get free tuition and a stipend of $12,000-30,000 per year. In return, you are expected to work 20-30 hours per week for a professor, but you need to do that any way to get your research done.

                If you anticipate a fully funded grad school, and should be able to get a job after grad school, I think you can take economic responsibility for your pony. If you are going to a grad school that will have no funding, and job prospects after finishing will be iffy, I think you can't afford the pony. It isn't fair to ask the pony to live in poverty because you are choosing to keep the pony instead of selling her. I don't think your father would want to pony to suffer because of your career choices.
                It'd be a Masters Program and while it does have funding the ones I'm looking at would more than likely not give me a stipend. It'd be more in the form of tuition remission.

                Job prospects post-Grad are actually very, very good for my field - but it is a field that pretty much requires you to have at least a Masters or you won't get looked at.

                Comment

                • Original Poster

                  #28
                  Originally posted by Giddy-up View Post
                  Honestly if you want the pony, you need to take financial responsibility for the pony now. I can see why your mom wants to sell the pony now if she has to pay another 12 months on her.

                  Move the pony to another place (maybe find a backyard type barn with lots of turn out that doesn't cost much to save $$ or try the BF's for the time being). Pay board. Now it's your pony & nobody can tell you what to do.

                  Question though--is the pony really yours? Everybody "assumes" it is, but when you show up with a trailer & try to take it, is your mom going to let you have the pony? You might want to get that straightened out first.

                  Sorry about your dad & that your mom is treating you the way she is.
                  Pony is at home on our farm - living outside with a run-in shed pretty much already on 'field board' so to speak.

                  She is still registered under my father's name, which could pose a problem. His death was sudden and unexpected and there was really no chance for him to change the ownership over to me.

                  I'm not sure if my mother would dig her heels in or not to be honest

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #29
                    Originally posted by BlueEyedSorrel View Post
                    I'm in grad school now and have had my horse with me for the last 4.5 years. My program covers tuition and pays me a stipend (right around 25K/year). If you are in a low cost of living area and can find a good pasture board situation, horses in grad school are definitely doable. You have to be organized and you probably won't go out partying as much as students without a horse, but horses are healthier than booze anyway Besides, my horse keeps me sane. I can have a royal screw-up day in lab, and if I show up with carrots, my horse still thinks I'm the World's Greatest Human.

                    I agree with all the other posters. Take control of the pony now before your mom runs the poor thing to the nearest auction.

                    Here's another idea. Honestly, unbroke or greenbroke 3 year old ponies are not worth much in this market. If your mom thinks she's going to make money on this filly, she's kidding herself. Could you perhaps offer to buy the pony outright from your mother? Yes, it will leave a sour taste in your mouth to have to pay for something you already consider to be yours, but sometimes you have to spend a little money to be rid of the aggravation. But, if you can pay maybe 300-500 bucks (and I'm being generous here) and know that you ARE the owner and mom can't try to come after the pony later, it might be worth it.

                    I really feel for you. It sounds like you have the misfortune of having a toxic and controlling woman for your mother. More proof that shared DNA does not really mean anything. Getting yourself and your horse away from her influence is probably for the best. Your boyfriend sounds supportive--lean on him when things get rough.

                    BES
                    I don't even party now that I'm without a horse at college

                    Luckily my mother is completely unrealistic with the price she thinks she can get for the filly so I don't think she's going to be sold out from under me in the near future - I would have to worry about Mom just getting sick of her and dumping her at an auction though just to be done with her

                    Currently compiling a list of pros/cons - how to pay for/support the filly and have 'work out a payment-type plan toward my mother' on said list

                    Thank you so much

                    Comment


                    • #30
                      This jumped at me in your post:
                      " It was universally acknowledged by everyone in the family that the filly is mine - even though she is listed under his name as ownership. "

                      I would find a way to clarify this asap and get the filly put in your name. If not, I can see it becoming a big issue down the road, even if you take her with you.

                      That said, look around your grad school area and figure out what kind of boarding options there are. With the horse being young and you being busy, you should not need a fancy place. Just a good spot with safe fences where they feed quality hay and take good care of the horses (ie. no fancy stalls, indoors, etc) so it should be affordable.
                      "When life gives you scurvy, make lemonade."

                      Comment


                      • #31
                        Originally posted by WeePonyFilly View Post
                        could always contact her breeder and ask if she knows anyone looking for a broodmare who would be willing to lease her for a season or two.
                        I think this sounds like the most rational approach to this problem.

                        I'm in grad school now (PhD program, full tuition remission and a stipend). I can tell you that it takes a LOT of time... I have been at school >12 hours a day for a large portion of this semester, and now that it's finals week I have been here 14+ hours every day.

                        Also, grad students are really poor. I'm sure it's possible to have a super green horse and be a full time grad student, but I can't even imagine how stressed out I would be. What if the mare colics or injures herself? It seems that you've lost a lot of your social support network, which is going to make any future financial crises that much more difficult. Unfortunately, owning a horse makes a financial crisis much more likely.

                        Depending on your field, and the caliber of the programs you are planning on applying to, you might not have a whole lot of say in where you go. I applied to only top programs in my area of study, and I landed in NE Ohio. If you wind up somewhere cold, are you OK with not being able to ride for most of/all the winter? Barns with indoors are much more expensive than those without.

                        I'm not trying to discourage you from exploring your options and trying really hard to keep the mare. I believe these are just things that you need to think really hard about. You have definitely been put in a bad situation, but you have to make sure you think in a rational and thorough way about how the decision you make will affect your life in the next few years.

                        Comment


                        • #32
                          You absolutely can do it. I already got my masters and am working on my doctorate while working full time and riding 5-6 times per week. I even manage to see my husband and cook dinner on occasion! It just takes hard work, determination and good time management which it sounds like you already have. Heck, I even just bought a second horse.

                          I would suggest maybe find a place that will do pasture board or a private place that is willing to board an extra horse. My dad had one boarder which was cheap board for the other person and a little extra money for them.

                          Good luck and have fun!

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                          • #33
                            Honestly, it depends on what field you're in, where the program you go to is, what your stipend is, and what kind of program you're in.

                            If an admit showed up to my PhD program & wanted to have a horse with them, I'd say 'Are you nuts?'. I'm sure it's doable for plenty of people in plenty of other programs in other locations (as evidenced by the number of people on this thread who have managed to do it), but I cannot fathom having time to see a horse - never mind having the $$ to support one - on my meagre TA stipend in SoCal in my particular program. There just isn't time, once you factor in driving out to get to the barn & so on. I'd love to start taking lessons again, and I don't even have time for that.

                            We also have added complications of packing up & moving overseas for 12+ months to get our archival research done, which I realize is something most people don't have to plan for. Even so, talk to people in the programs you're interested in & get the inside scoop. It's not a one size fits all, 'if you work hard enough you can do it!' type thing.

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                            • #34
                              Well, it sounds like taking over the care of the pony is out of the question right now - I'm assuming that you are either too far away or in a big city or both. You absolutely can keep a horse in graduate school, as long as you pick your school wisely and manage your money. It will be very tight, but it is possible, especially if you don't take 10 years to get your degree.

                              So what to do now? Unfortunately, it seems that you need to sit down and have a long conversation with your mother. This conversation will have to be about several things: the pony, obviously, and the transfer of ownership; but also your decision to go to graduate school. I realize that you don't need to qualify your decision to go, but you might gain some time and win some respect from your mother if you present her with a compelling reason why you are going to apply to the schools that you've selected. Then, if you can, offer to chip in for the cost of the pony's care while it stays at home.

                              Stress that the plans for school, the pony and the boyfriend are three totally different issues that need to be discussed at different times. Yes, she's combining them into one giant mess, but sit back and think about why she is doing that. It sounds like she wants you to move closer to home and is taking a very passive aggressive approach to ensuring that this happens. Give her a chance to explain her position, and then explain yours.

                              And don't bring this up over holiday dinner.

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