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Since when does giving a 14 year old some advice equal verbal assault?

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  • Since when does giving a 14 year old some advice equal verbal assault?

    I ran into a situation at the barn last night that COMPLETELY blew my mind. I was there playing with my ponies when I saw this girl bringing her horse in from the paddocks. She was hanging on to the end of his lead rope (he was wearing a stud chain) and the horse in the paddock next to him start running and bucking so, naturally, he started to TROT (please keep in mind this is a VERY docile 12 year old Paint gelding who has a show record in youth classes longer than my arm)!! So, what does she do? She yanks on the lead rope (stud chain) and proceeds to make him back up until his butt is about 3 inches from the electric tape fence. He refuses to back up anymore and just kind of scoots his butt to avoid the fence. The girl then proceeds to take the end of the lead rope and start whipping him across the face with it while yanking on the stud chain. Obviously, at this point, the horse is getting VERY upset as is the horse whose fence he is backing up into. I couldn't ignore it anymore and walked over and asked her what she was doing. She replied "backing him up and stuff so he won;t try to get in front of me again". I told her that she should hang on the lead rope correctly and lead him properly rather than smack him in the fact with the lead rope. She asked me what I meant. I reached over, put my hand on the top portion of the lead rope (just under all of the metal) and told her to hold on to the lead rope at the top so she is actually in control of him so he won't be able to scoot in front of her if excited. She turns purple and snaps "he's a show horse, he should listen!" and drags the poor pony off the the barn.
    I shrugged and went off to mind my own business, happy that she hadn't put the horse's eye out...and happy he hadn't gotten zapped and run over her.

    Fast forward about an hour, I'm peacefully grooming my horse in a different barn (there are 4 barns on the farm) and in storms this girls mum, VERY upset. She comes over and starts yelling at me about the fact that her daughter is perfectly trained and VERY experienced and whatever she did to the horse was fine and no excuse for me to verbally assault and harass her daughter. I tried to explain that her daughter was hitting the horse in face and about to get hurt if he got shocked by the fence and was informed that if I come within 30 feet of her daughter again that she will press charges?! I told her that I was NOT mean to her daughter and I was actually very nice and just trying to help her avoid getting hurt and hurting the horse. She told me that they lease the horse that the owners "have a contract" with her daughter and "are very aware of how she trains her horses". I again told her that her daughter was hitting the horse in the face, she said I was lying....I asked if she had been watching...she told me "no" and that she was at work. Meanwhile, she has now moved to within about 1 foot from my face and is screaming at me, which is upsetting my horse. I told her to please leave me alone and stop bothering me, that I had done nothing wrong and she was upsetting my horse. She refused to leave, saying that I had purposely attacked her daughter (who I have never even SEEN before) and if I ever even SPOKE to her daughter again that she would press charges. She said that I had ruined the environment where her daughter needed to feel secure and like she was cared about. That I had ruined this nurturing environment because of a horse! She then stomped out of the barn and drove off...leaving me with my mouth hanging open in shock.

    Can someone PLEASE point out what I did wrong here? And how what I did could equal verbal assault??? I never raised my voice, never said anything mean...the entire encounter with the girl lasted MAYBE 3 minutes (which included me patting the horse and telling him he needed to be a good boy.

    I'm so lost here!

  • #2
    Originally posted by Miss_Cricket View Post
    I ran into a situation at the barn last night that COMPLETELY blew my mind. I was there playing with my ponies when I saw this girl bringing her horse in from the paddocks. She was hanging on to the end of his lead rope (he was wearing a stud chain) and the horse in the paddock next to him start running and bucking so, naturally, he started to TROT (please keep in mind this is a VERY docile 12 year old Paint gelding who has a show record in youth classes longer than my arm)!! So, what does she do? She yanks on the lead rope (stud chain) and proceeds to make him back up until his butt is about 3 inches from the electric tape fence. He refuses to back up anymore and just kind of scoots his butt to avoid the fence. The girl then proceeds to take the end of the lead rope and start whipping him across the face with it while yanking on the stud chain. Obviously, at this point, the horse is getting VERY upset as is the horse whose fence he is backing up into. I couldn't ignore it anymore and walked over and asked her what she was doing. She replied "backing him up and stuff so he won;t try to get in front of me again". I told her that she should hang on the lead rope correctly and lead him properly rather than smack him in the fact with the lead rope. She asked me what I meant. I reached over, put my hand on the top portion of the lead rope (just under all of the metal) and told her to hold on to the lead rope at the top so she is actually in control of him so he won't be able to scoot in front of her if excited. She turns purple and snaps "he's a show horse, he should listen!" and drags the poor pony off the the barn.
    I shrugged and went off to mind my own business, happy that she hadn't put the horse's eye out...and happy he hadn't gotten zapped and run over her.

    Fast forward about an hour, I'm peacefully grooming my horse in a different barn (there are 4 barns on the farm) and in storms this girls mum, VERY upset. She comes over and starts yelling at me about the fact that her daughter is perfectly trained and VERY experienced and whatever she did to the horse was fine and no excuse for me to verbally assault and harass her daughter. I tried to explain that her daughter was hitting the horse in face and about to get hurt if he got shocked by the fence and was informed that if I come within 30 feet of her daughter again that she will press charges?! I told her that I was NOT mean to her daughter and I was actually very nice and just trying to help her avoid getting hurt and hurting the horse. She told me that they lease the horse that the owners "have a contract" with her daughter and "are very aware of how she trains her horses". I again told her that her daughter was hitting the horse in the face, she said I was lying....I asked if she had been watching...she told me "no" and that she was at work. Meanwhile, she has now moved to within about 1 foot from my face and is screaming at me, which is upsetting my horse. I told her to please leave me alone and stop bothering me, that I had done nothing wrong and she was upsetting my horse. She refused to leave, saying that I had purposely attacked her daughter (who I have never even SEEN before) and if I ever even SPOKE to her daughter again that she would press charges. She said that I had ruined the environment where her daughter needed to feel secure and like she was cared about. That I had ruined this nurturing environment because of a horse! She then stomped out of the barn and drove off...leaving me with my mouth hanging open in shock.

    Can someone PLEASE point out what I did wrong here? And how what I did could equal verbal assault??? I never raised my voice, never said anything mean...the entire encounter with the girl lasted MAYBE 3 minutes (which included me patting the horse and telling him he needed to be a good boy.

    I'm so lost here!
    Well, I'm sure that as you know, there really isn't anything you did wrong. People just suck sometimes, and this girl and her mom seem like the usual nutcases. I really feel for the horses in these situations...
    Originally posted by tidy rabbit
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community.

    Comment


    • #3
      unforntunately you lost the battle to a 14 year old beeyotch who's viewed as God in her mothers eyes. Anything that girl says probably is taken literally. You did nothing wrong at all, in fact you tried to help by doing the right thing. The fact that her mom said she would press charges makes me think she's got a couple loose screws.
      -Desmond

      "If you're dating a guy who rides horses, Raise your cup. If not, Raise your standards."

      Comment


      • #4
        I wouldn't say you are wrong, but in this litigation happy world I would probably not go near them again...I think I would tell Barn manager or barn owner what happened and stay out of their way. While it is not right in any sense of the word what the girl did it is "none of your business."
        www.penwickstable.com

        Comment


        • #5
          Some people are just crazy...
          "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
          -George Morris

          Comment


          • #6
            stay away from people and don't give them advice.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by oleary157 View Post
              unforntunately you lost the battle to a 14 year old beeyotch who's viewed as God in her mothers eyes. Anything that girl says probably is taken literally. You did nothing wrong at all, in fact you tried to help by doing the right thing. The fact that her mom said she would press charges makes me think she's got a couple loose screws.
              Exactly!!!!
              You just had the "pleasure" of running into one of those "delightful little children" that has mommy wrapped around their little finger and can do NO WRONG! And after she got in her car and drove off they went home to "never never land" because that is certainly where they are living, in a fairy tale....What is to come of this child when she grows up, will mommy and daddy be there to shield her from the world when she actually has to go out and get a job, OH THE HORROR!

              Trust me I just had the pleasure of dealing with a VERY similar situation! It all just really makes you not want to help people when they turn on you like this!



              eta: do the people leasing their horse to this child know that the "training methods" she is using is yanking on a chain on their horse and whipping him in the face?

              Comment


              • #8
                poor horse. :-(
                I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
                I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by pacificsolo
                  Hehehe...I'd be one step ahead of this crazy lady and file for a restraining order on the mom She sounds like a nut and I'd want a paper-trail.
                  Haha, that was my first thought, too. What a nut job!
                  Lapeer ... a small drinking town with a farming problem.
                  Proud Closet Canterer!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I want to know why the 14 year old girl was running around the farm unsupervised in the first place. It annoys me to no end when parents just drop their kids off and expect some random adult to "babysit". What if she was seriously injured and there wasn't anyone there to witness it happening? We had a couple of bratty kids at our barn recently, and I can't even begin to describe how happy we all were when they left. But all it took was meeting the parents to understand why these kids were spoiled brats and complete disasters waiting to happen on horseback.

                    That being said, however, there ARE some great kids out there who DO know what they're doing and can be trusted to behave themselves and treat the horses with respect. THOSE are the kind of kids who can be an asset to any barn.
                    "I was not expecting the park rangers to lead the resistance, none of the dystopian novels I read prepared me for this but cool."

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      #11
                      Thanks...

                      I was starting to feel like I was the crazy one! I don't intend on going near them again...I've never seen them before...the horse has been there for a while, so I can easily avoid them as we are in different barns and I don't use the arena...I also use a different set of paddocks.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Heh, sounds like what the mom did was closer to assault than what you did.

                        I would mention the whole thing to your BO or BM, just so that they know, and then do your level best to keep blinders on when those people are around.

                        Take comfort in the fact that the daughter will get one hell of a wakeup call when she gets out from under her mommy's skirts.

                        Poor thing... the first time she understands that a call home to mommy will *not* get her an A on her philosophy paper she will be just crushed. CRUSHED!

                        In the meantime, be prepeared for them to give you dirty looks, spread rumors about you, and perhaps do really mature things like trying to spook your horse while you're riding.
                        "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

                        My CANTER blog.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          There are some parents who do not want anyone correcting their child but themselves. They particularly do not want anyone raising their voice to that child either (which I know you did not do). It is a control issue, pure and simple. This is a very important step in the raising of a princess. Soon, she will be annoying a lot more people in the barn besides you! Enjoy working with your horse, and give these royalty-wannabes a wide berth.
                          "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein

                          http://s1098.photobucket.com/albums/...2011%20Photos/

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by DancingPretense View Post
                            I wouldn't say you are wrong, but in this litigation happy world I would probably not go near them again...I think I would tell Barn manager or barn owner what happened and stay out of their way. While it is not right in any sense of the word what the girl did it is "none of your business."
                            While I agree for the most part with what DP has posted about informing the barn manager/owner and avoiding them, I don't agree that it was 'none of your business'. Kids like that NEED someone to set them right, cause you are talking about animal abuse here and the brat doesn't even OWN the horse, and it's obvious that the parents aren't about to do that. Hopefully, the bm/bo will step in and try to straighten this brat out!
                            Sue

                            I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people...I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              If the lease horse belonged to me, I know I would want to know what that child was doing to it.
                              According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                That sucks! Some people are screwed. I feel bad for the horse, and I am glad that you stepped in. Too bad it didn't turn out the way it should have.
                                Can you talk to the BO or BM??

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  Sounds like Mommie Dearest is reading a few too many "self help" books on how to raise and train a teenager. Contracts with your children? Nurturing environments? Do people really talk like this besides on TV?

                                  Poor you...I guess there isn't much to do besides shrug your eyes and thank your lucky stars you're not a member of that family!
                                  Click here before you buy.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    I agree. Get a restraining order!!!!!
                                    Originally posted by tidy rabbit
                                    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Nope, you didn't do anything wrong. Sounds like mom forgot to take her anti-anxiety meds that morning, LOL. Just steer clear of them and if you see the pony's owner, mention that she might want to consider talking to the girl about proper leading practices. Don't mention what happened, just tell the owner that the girl needs a bit of a reminder.

                                      This is why I hate boarding facilities, lol. I have run away from more than a few due to too much drama. My current facility is small and private, and invite only! .

                                      ~Barbara
                                      "To be an equestrian in the classical sense is not just to be a rider.
                                      It is a position in life." --Charles de Kunffy

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        You did nothing wrong except try to help this girl avoid a potentially dangerous situation.

                                        I would have reported Mother dingbat to the police right away. Even if they didn't investigate, a paper trail is nice to have around. What she did was assault you in the legal sense of the word. Some court ordered anger management might have been the best thing for her, in my opinion.
                                        DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE!!! - God

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