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Since when does giving a 14 year old some advice equal verbal assault?

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  • #41
    Originally posted by TBROCKS View Post
    I feel the OP's pain. Here at our barn, I witnessed a 16 year old bring her horses who normally stay out up to the barn and lock them in stalls. (we are at a "do it yourself" barn). This was a Tuesday night. This girl, I should add, has her own car, and is able to drive herself to the barn. The water buckets in her stalls were filthy and scummy and green...did she scrub them out and give fresh water? Nope, just topped them off. She left those horses in the stalls all night Tuesday, all day Wednesday, and there was no sign of her, never came by to throw hay, check water or God forbid muck out her stalls. At 7PM THURSDAY the BO finally called her and asked if "everything was alright"...her mother ended up coming out to turn out her horses. Mom apparently picked up on the vibe that the rest of us didn't think leaving horses up for that amount of time without bothering to check on them was cool, and starting spouting off to everyone the "she's old enough to make these decisions, and she decided to leave them up. I can't be second guessing what she does with HER horses. She was busy making a video for her science class". Sheesh. If I ever thought to act so irresponsibly my mother would have snatched me up by the ponytail, not defended my stupidity and lack of responsibility to other adults.
    Mom better start second guessing... if someone were to call the animal control to investigate a horse being locked in a stall for days with no food or water, it would be the MOTHER'S responsibility in the eyes of the law, not the minor daughter's...

    Comment


    • #42
      What the girl did was basically abusive. And she learned that behavior somewhere, sounds like from her mother.

      Avoid them. If you are on good terms with the trainer or lease horse owner tell them about the incident. If you don't know them well they may not believe you over the mother. She acted nutty when talking to you but some people like that can appear credible when they turn on the charm.

      Comment


      • #43
        Definitely tell the BO/BM. Was anyone around to witness her tirade?
        *** 4 More Years ***
        *** 4 More Years ***

        Comment


        • #44
          Welcome To My World

          Horrid Parents are the norm. They are called "Hellicopter Parents" because they hover and swoop in at any perceived slight to their spoiled darling of the world. Ignore it. Or you can do what I do - smile and ask them to repeat what they said exactly so that when you tell the story you get it just right. Have delighted look on face.

          Comment


          • #45
            I have not read any other responses

            Originally posted by Miss_Cricket View Post
            I ran into a situation at the barn last night that COMPLETELY blew my mind. I was there playing with my ponies when I saw this girl bringing her horse in from the paddocks. She was hanging on to the end of his lead rope (he was wearing a stud chain) and the horse in the paddock next to him start running and bucking so, naturally, he started to TROT (please keep in mind this is a VERY docile 12 year old Paint gelding who has a show record in youth classes longer than my arm)!! So, what does she do? She yanks on the lead rope (stud chain) and proceeds to make him back up until his butt is about 3 inches from the electric tape fence. He refuses to back up anymore and just kind of scoots his butt to avoid the fence. The girl then proceeds to take the end of the lead rope and start whipping him across the face with it while yanking on the stud chain. Obviously, at this point, the horse is getting VERY upset as is the horse whose fence he is backing up into. I couldn't ignore it anymore and walked over and asked her what she was doing. She replied "backing him up and stuff so he won;t try to get in front of me again". I told her that she should hang on the lead rope correctly and lead him properly rather than smack him in the fact with the lead rope. She asked me what I meant. I reached over, put my hand on the top portion of the lead rope (just under all of the metal) and told her to hold on to the lead rope at the top so she is actually in control of him so he won't be able to scoot in front of her if excited. She turns purple and snaps "he's a show horse, he should listen!" and drags the poor pony off the the barn.
            I shrugged and went off to mind my own business, happy that she hadn't put the horse's eye out...and happy he hadn't gotten zapped and run over her.

            Fast forward about an hour, I'm peacefully grooming my horse in a different barn (there are 4 barns on the farm) and in storms this girls mum, VERY upset. She comes over and starts yelling at me about the fact that her daughter is perfectly trained and VERY experienced and whatever she did to the horse was fine and no excuse for me to verbally assault and harass her daughter. I tried to explain that her daughter was hitting the horse in face and about to get hurt if he got shocked by the fence and was informed that if I come within 30 feet of her daughter again that she will press charges?! I told her that I was NOT mean to her daughter and I was actually very nice and just trying to help her avoid getting hurt and hurting the horse. She told me that they lease the horse that the owners "have a contract" with her daughter and "are very aware of how she trains her horses". I again told her that her daughter was hitting the horse in the face, she said I was lying....I asked if she had been watching...she told me "no" and that she was at work. Meanwhile, she has now moved to within about 1 foot from my face and is screaming at me, which is upsetting my horse. I told her to please leave me alone and stop bothering me, that I had done nothing wrong and she was upsetting my horse. She refused to leave, saying that I had purposely attacked her daughter (who I have never even SEEN before) and if I ever even SPOKE to her daughter again that she would press charges. She said that I had ruined the environment where her daughter needed to feel secure and like she was cared about. That I had ruined this nurturing environment because of a horse! She then stomped out of the barn and drove off...leaving me with my mouth hanging open in shock.

            Can someone PLEASE point out what I did wrong here? And how what I did could equal verbal assault??? I never raised my voice, never said anything mean...the entire encounter with the girl lasted MAYBE 3 minutes (which included me patting the horse and telling him he needed to be a good boy.

            I'm so lost here!
            BUT I dont need to. There are more and more wacko people like this in the world that cater to their children and they themselves have the class of a gutter rat. You did nothing wrong. Probably better than me, I would have hit the kid with the rope, well I would have yelled at her and not been nice.
            PEople like that parent make life miserable for the reat of us decent folks
            I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope it blows over or you find a better situation. People have lost it I swear.

            Comment


            • #46
              Nutty people are allover! Tell the BO/BM as well as the trainer and owner of the horse and also mention that you need that mother and daughter to stay away from you, your horse and your possesions. You cannot believe what some people will do. I am glad you protected the horse and it doesn't make any difference how you told her anything would have been taken the wrong way. Just make sure you are covered and the other person who witnessed the tirade should back you up with at least a note or talk with BO/BM. good luck!

              Comment


              • #47
                Some parents need a size 12 up the backside

                To answer the OP's original question:

                Since parents have stopped doing their job and have no clue how to "raise" children. Anything that is said to snookums that is not sugar-coated is considered verbal assault by some parents.

                I am the product of an extremely verbally abusive set of parents and it makes me puke when I see how far the pendulum has swung.
                Founder of the Olde Farte Clique

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                • #48
                  Having grown up in barns filled with other adolescents, what DID open glued and sewn shut eyes was the cold hard truth. They had to SEE the RESULTs: kicked out of show, blood, etc. Sometimes it required the use of "a little bird".

                  One teen talking to another did NOT work. And well, those teens also felt they knew MORE than the trainer(s), so that approach did not work either.

                  One more vote for tell the BO/BM. Should the situation progress, it could put others in danger.

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Originally posted by Miss_Cricket View Post
                    horse. She refused to leave, saying that I had purposely attacked her daughter (who I have never even SEEN before) and if I ever even SPOKE to her daughter again that she would press charges.
                    Nutjob!!!

                    I think this would be the point where you should tell her "Bring it on Beeeyotch!"

                    I am so sick of bratty kids being protected by their parents in everything they do. Someone ought to smack her in the face with a leadrope and see how she likes it.
                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                    "There is just as much horse sense as ever, but the horses have most of it"

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Ugh, spare me from spoiled little demon spawn and their creators.

                      If it's any consolation, I'd have gotten in demon spawn's face about the way she was treating the horse. And if Mommy Dearest swooped down on me with her attitude, I'd have given her one right back.

                      I'm soooo glad I own my own place and have the horses at home now. No barn drama anymore, priceless!!!

                      As everyone else has already said, make sure the trainer knows about this. And a word to the horse's owner wouldn't hurt, either. I'm sure he/she would be absolutely livid to find out how demon spawn was treating his/her animal.
                      Homeopathy claims water can cure you since it once held medicine. That's like saying you can get sustenance from an empty plate because it once held food.

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        This isn't a popular opinion to hold, but I get the feeling that this world (or maybe just our society) puts a little too much importance on children. They are golden. They are our hope and future. They must be protected at all costs. They must not be held back. Children are supreme. And as such, they are always right. They cannot be challenged. And its not just the spoiled rich kids... its all of them. Its done with good intentions, but it is nearly always carried too far. That's how we get kids who don't know how to take advice. That's how we get parents who believe their child's every word. That's how we get authorities swooping in to investigate every allegation. That's how we get responsible parents who are shunned for disciplining their children. Because children are our society's supreme diety.

                        And so, if this mother wanted to sue you based on her child's accusations, she could at least succeed in getting a restraining order against you. She could easily ruin your reputation. And you probably wouldn't be welcome in the barn because of the fuss, but the child would not be asked to leave, because, after all, she's just a child. Yes, they could easily do damage.

                        I am a teacher. Today I had a 7th grade girl who repeatedly got up out of her seat, wandered across the room, and distracted other students during an assignment. My pleas to sit down were ignored. I walked over to where the girl was trying to pick a fight with a boy and moved in closely, careful not to touch. I looked her in the eye. She smirked back and pushed past me. I finally put myself between her and the boy and rested my hand gently on the girl's shoulder, guiding her back to her seat. The whole class went dead silent, amazed that I would make PHYSICAL CONTACT with the girl. After staring at me in shock for a few minutes, the girl exploded into a tyrade of, "I'm going to tell the principle you touched me! You hit me! That's what I'm going to tell them! You don't get to touch me! My parents will sue! Did yall see her? She hit me!!" She eventually wore herself out and gave up because I was ignoring her (and without attention, the tantrum wasn't any fun), but the initial reaction from her and the classmates was very telling. Utter shock that I would dare to "cross the line." They've never seen it! They may be kids, but they've picked up on society's unspoken (or spoken?) rules that say adults should tiptoe around children and treat them like crystal glasses. And if she wanted, she probably could raise a fuss, lie and say I hit her, get her classmates to back her up, and never have her integrity questioned. And I'd be the "bad adult" who invaded her rights. Nevermind that I've been physically attacked by students, hit, had things thrown at me, ridiculed, and all that by students... they are children, they "don't know better." (Now do they really not know better, or do we just not expect them to know better?) But I am an adult, and, as such, less valued than a child. They are the future, I am not. (A questionable future, I say.) And because we're failing miserably in the present, we coddle our future and hope they'll bail us out...

                        Long rant, I apologize. But really, I do believe we've taken "children's rights" a bit too far. It's time to have higher expectations for children.

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by archieflies View Post
                          Long rant, I apologize. But really, I do believe we've taken "children's rights" a bit too far. It's time to have higher expectations for children.
                          Thank you, Archie!!! And AMEN!
                          "I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten." - Winnie the Pooh

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            What I find so upsetting about this..and read tropical storm's thread about her ex-coworker, as well...

                            When I got Ted, I was an adult, A responsible, mature adult. Clueless. Since I had been out of horses for so many years, had never boarded a horse before, or been fully responsible for the care of one, I had a lot to learn. A LOT. I made many mistakes, albeit with good intentions. I am very happy how much I have learned (knowing in all humbleness there is a lot more still to learn), but at least knowing I am now in a position where I have people I trust who can help me with my gaps, take over when need be. And I have a horse who has tolerated my learning curve.

                            And yet, I often feel guilty over mistakes I made. Still make. When I work my horse, if he takes a bad step when I am working him on the ground or under saddle, that is MY fault, and it could have repercussions.

                            And I can't seem to get over, however clueless I may have been, or still am...that there are so many, many people out there awash in a chasm of cluelessness and ignorance.

                            HOW do horses put up with this?

                            Man, if they ruled the world, we'd have world peace.
                            www.specialhorses.org
                            a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              Originally posted by archieflies View Post
                              This isn't a popular opinion to hold, but I get the feeling that this world (or maybe just our society) puts a little too much importance on children. They are golden. They are our hope and future. They must be protected at all costs. They must not be held back. Children are supreme. And as such, they are always right. They cannot be challenged. And its not just the spoiled rich kids... its all of them. Its done with good intentions, but it is nearly always carried too far. That's how we get kids who don't know how to take advice. That's how we get parents who believe their child's every word. That's how we get authorities swooping in to investigate every allegation. That's how we get responsible parents who are shunned for disciplining their children. Because children are our society's supreme diety.

                              And so, if this mother wanted to sue you based on her child's accusations, she could at least succeed in getting a restraining order against you. She could easily ruin your reputation. And you probably wouldn't be welcome in the barn because of the fuss, but the child would not be asked to leave, because, after all, she's just a child. Yes, they could easily do damage.

                              I am a teacher. Today I had a 7th grade girl who repeatedly got up out of her seat, wandered across the room, and distracted other students during an assignment. My pleas to sit down were ignored. I walked over to where the girl was trying to pick a fight with a boy and moved in closely, careful not to touch. I looked her in the eye. She smirked back and pushed past me. I finally put myself between her and the boy and rested my hand gently on the girl's shoulder, guiding her back to her seat. The whole class went dead silent, amazed that I would make PHYSICAL CONTACT with the girl. After staring at me in shock for a few minutes, the girl exploded into a tyrade of, "I'm going to tell the principle you touched me! You hit me! That's what I'm going to tell them! You don't get to touch me! My parents will sue! Did yall see her? She hit me!!" She eventually wore herself out and gave up because I was ignoring her (and without attention, the tantrum wasn't any fun), but the initial reaction from her and the classmates was very telling. Utter shock that I would dare to "cross the line." They've never seen it! They may be kids, but they've picked up on society's unspoken (or spoken?) rules that say adults should tiptoe around children and treat them like crystal glasses. And if she wanted, she probably could raise a fuss, lie and say I hit her, get her classmates to back her up, and never have her integrity questioned. And I'd be the "bad adult" who invaded her rights. Nevermind that I've been physically attacked by students, hit, had things thrown at me, ridiculed, and all that by students... they are children, they "don't know better." (Now do they really not know better, or do we just not expect them to know better?) But I am an adult, and, as such, less valued than a child. They are the future, I am not. (A questionable future, I say.) And because we're failing miserably in the present, we coddle our future and hope they'll bail us out...

                              Long rant, I apologize. But really, I do believe we've taken "children's rights" a bit too far. It's time to have higher expectations for children.
                              You'll get no dissent from me.

                              I think we're heading for some real trouble as what we are raising becomes the working/breeding generation.
                              I recognized with despair that I was about to be compelled to buy a horse ~
                              Edith Somerville and "Martin Ross"

                              "Momma" to Tiempo, Tucker and Puff, RIP my beautiful Norman 8/2012

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                Wow. I'm 14, and would NEVER even think about that!!! I hate it when horses are being so good to their owners, then how do the owners thank them? They don't.
                                Horsey Stick Art clique
                                Crayolaposse~ SparklyLime
                                PPP Grand-Poobah

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  Stars of Their Dinner Table

                                  Welcome to my world also; I am a high school teacher. Sometimes, it takes all I can do to keep my hands to myself. Unfortunately, it is the spoiled kid that will suffer in the long run. We call this type of mother "mother animals."

                                  I absolutely agree you should have said something to her for improperly leading the horse and more importantly, for hitting the horse in the face. I would have been tempted to take the horse away from her for hitting it.

                                  Bless you BO and boarders that put up with teenagers. While 75% of the ones I deal with everyday in the classroom are a delight, the other 25% (bad ones and stars of their dinner table) make me wonder why any of us do such a job for such a pentance.
                                  Free bar.ka and tidy rabbit.

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    If my BO saw anyone hit a horse across the face, she would personally beat their ass raw with a lunge whip and throw them off the property. I am SURE your BO/BM needs to know about that. It is inexcusable and frankly, has nothing to do with the mother-from-hell - you do NOT hit horses across the face for ANY reason.
                                    Don't even mention the mother OR what the kid said - just say, "Susie was taking Horsie out of the paddock and she hit him across the face with the leadshank." End of story.
                                    I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      Sad...

                                      As the mom of 4 kids, it really frustrates me when I see how much stuff kids get away with now, never being held accountable for themselves. It's called PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY! It's so upsetting that we are raising a generation of kids that "it's always someone else's fault" (Like that poor horse, acting up like that ) They have their parents handing them a lifeline with every situation that they get themselves into. And it's in all sports. And school. You did the right thing. And if that had been my kid, I would have handed you the lead line for you to smack them. Of course that would have to have been after I backed them into the electric fence.

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Originally posted by Pony Person View Post
                                        Wow. I'm 14, and would NEVER even think about that!!! I hate it when horses are being so good to their owners, then how do the owners thank them? They don't.
                                        That's exactly how I feel. I would feel absolutely horrible if I did that to my horse. Absolutely horrible. She should be greatful for the opportunity she has to learn, a good horse. Giving a 14 year old some advice doesn't ever equal verbal assault. You did the right thing Miss Cricket.


                                        But Archie, you want to raise expectations?? What do you mean? You want children to grow up and be responsible!? How could you think such a thing?
                                        God forbid that I go to a heaven in which there are no horses

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          This is an insurance issue....

                                          My question is why is a 14 year old allowed to hang at the barn without parental supervision? If the horse had indeed backed into the hotwire, shot forward and trampled the kid, and/or flipped over, it would have been ugly.

                                          Also, was the BO/BM on the property? If not, they were negligent as well, as there was no management supervision of the minor.

                                          The owners of the animal should be aware of how their property is being treated by a minor. Hopefully the lease is not a verbal thing and is properly spelled out so any veterinary bills/loss of use are covered by Mom From Hell.

                                          I hope you recall this incident with the BO/BM so they can deal with it appropriately. You did the adult thing, thank you for not being a weenie.

                                          This is just as dangerous as newly licensed teenagers doing dumb stuff in cars that put others at risk.

                                          With regards to "ruining the environment where her daughter needed to feel cared about"....again, where was the "caring" adult supervision? Barns are not daycares or playgrounds for minors....

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