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Since when does giving a 14 year old some advice equal verbal assault?

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  • #21
    I'd tell either the Barn Owner, her trainer(if he/she is associated w/ the barn/you know the persoN), or both. I'd assume one of them knows the owner of the horse, and they let the owner know of the girls "training" methods. To be fair, if the girl uses NH methods they do involve asking the horse to back up if he gets ahead of you, but the horse is obviously wearing a ROPE HALTER and certainly not a stud chain. No NH trainer I've run into has allowed beating the horses head either. Obviously we don't know whether the girls learned these methods from an NH trainer, but wherever she learned them, it sounds like shes taking them too far. Good luck...and I agree, in situations like this, I feel sorry for the horse.
    "Choose to chance the rapids, and dare to dance the tides" - Garth Brooks
    "With your permission, dear, I'll take my fences one at a time" - Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey


    • #22
      I've been on the receiving end of one of those -- I told the teenaged daughter not to tie my friend's (borrowed/semi-leased) horse to the stall bars. The daughter and I had our hackles raised but nothing like when the mother stalked me down the driveway and told me in no uncertain terms where to go. I'm still shocked by it -- she claimed to be very religious so her curse seemed particularly specific. Ouch.

      If anything like that happens again, and I'm fairly certain that only the spoiled human will get hurt then I'm inclined to just watch, but it will always be hard not to intervene on behalf of the poor innocent equine. Oh, and the mother did demand that the BO kick me out but the BO refused. Then she really got mad.


      • #23
        Oh so it goes on other places

        I feel the OP's pain. Here at our barn, I witnessed a 16 year old bring her horses who normally stay out up to the barn and lock them in stalls. (we are at a "do it yourself" barn). This was a Tuesday night. This girl, I should add, has her own car, and is able to drive herself to the barn. The water buckets in her stalls were filthy and scummy and green...did she scrub them out and give fresh water? Nope, just topped them off. She left those horses in the stalls all night Tuesday, all day Wednesday, and there was no sign of her, never came by to throw hay, check water or God forbid muck out her stalls. At 7PM THURSDAY the BO finally called her and asked if "everything was alright"...her mother ended up coming out to turn out her horses. Mom apparently picked up on the vibe that the rest of us didn't think leaving horses up for that amount of time without bothering to check on them was cool, and starting spouting off to everyone the "she's old enough to make these decisions, and she decided to leave them up. I can't be second guessing what she does with HER horses. She was busy making a video for her science class". Sheesh. If I ever thought to act so irresponsibly my mother would have snatched me up by the ponytail, not defended my stupidity and lack of responsibility to other adults.


        • #24
          What you did wrong was not KICK the KID's @$$ for hitting a horse in the face! I would've been hard pressed not to have done so myself.

          And, I'd have thought this on 20/20 hindsight myself, I would have liked to stand there listening to madmom yelling at me in my face, and laughing at her without saying a word....the reaction to THAT would've been priceless!!!!

          ANd then say "I guess I'll have a video camera next time I see your princess with a horse, we'll let the animal control authorities work it out with you"

          What a couple of whackjobs....one bred and trained the other. Did you tell the BO or BM about the situation?

          Oh, and Event4Life, there are PLENTY of non-NH trainers (fewer NH since it's not part of the 'brainwashing' so-to-speak) who beat horses, why did you bring that into it?
          "As a rule we disbelieve all the facts and theories for which we have no use."- William James

          Proud member of the Wheat Loss Clique.


          • #25
            Kind of makes you wish you had "accidently" whacked the girl with the lead rope huh....

            Tell BO/BM about the incident so you are covered. They will probably appreciate it so that they can speak to them and avoid the lawsuit that's going to happen when stupid girl gets injured because of her stupid behavior. But I hope if you see the "precious darling" doing something stupid again you will at least get BO/BM and have them deal with it. For the horse's sake.


            • #26
              Little girl and mom should both be beat with a lead rope back into a hotwire. Sorry you got attacked for trying to do what was right
              ~*PVC JUMPER*~
              Dreams are meant to come true, not free...
              "Everything I do, I do out of fear of being mediocre."


              • #27
                my thought would be to videotape that behavior and send to horse's owner and/or barn owner
                Nothing says "I love you" like a tractor. (Clydejumper)

                The reports states, “Elizabeth reported that she accidently put down this pony, ........, at the show.”


                • #28
                  Wow, you poor thing........sounds just like a mother/daughter team at our old boarding barn. This woman would seriously harrass just about everyone until one day she went just a little over the top and got kicked out - her daughter was really just a product of her insane mother, and I did feel bad for the kid, but it just got to be rediculous. The poor girls that worked in the barn were under constant assault from this woman and her and I had a few very choice words on more than one occasion as well.

                  I would go to the BO or BM - whacking a horse in the face with a lead rope is bordering on abusive and that is not something that would be allowed at my barn for any reason, I don't care who it was - I would also say something along the lines of what if a younger child sees those tactics and in turn thinks it is ok to use while teaching a horse.

                  Good luck and poor horse I wonder if the owners of this horse know that their horse is being whacked in the face with a leadrope - that would end my lease contract right away.


                  • Original Poster

                    I've not told anyone. Another boarder witnessed the mom yelling at me, she just cracked up laughing when the lady was yelling about pressing charges. I have a call out for the girl's trainer. The BO are very "everyone solve their own problems" and the girl's trainer is probably the one to handle it...she also knows the owners of the horse. He is a VERY nice horse, well mannered WP and halter horse that gets about 30 minutes a week of outside time. I try to mind my own business, but the whipping the horse on the face...well...I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I will make my horses back up a few steps if they try to run over the top of me, but they all just wear regular halters with no stud chains and whipping with the rope is never involved. Trotting a few steps equals "whoa" or "hey knock it off!"...not a temper tantrum! The girl's trainer is a very nice lady who is always super nice to the horses, so I'm sure she will take the girl aside and talk to her about how to handle that situation next time.


                    • #30
                      I would tell the BO pronto. I am sure Psycho Mommy already has given her version of what she didn't see. Hopefully BO is aware these people are looney. You can't be their first victim of bad behavior.

                      I wouldn't back down or avoid these people. THEY were in the wrong. You acting meek & accepting of their behavior will only solidfy in their (dilusional) minds how right they are. You pay just as much to board there as they do & have every right to the facility if it's included in your board.

                      If Psycho Mommy proceeds to ruin your barn life after this encounter perhaps tell horse's owner what you were witness to. I have a feeling horse's owner isn't going to enjoy hearing their horse was yanked on with a chain, whipped across the face & almost backed into an electric fence plus how Psycho Mommmy got in your face screaming & threatening. Darling daughter may lose her lease due to her "training habits" & that could be the end of Psycho Mommy at the barn for you. I for one would end any lease with people that treated my animal like that or acted towards other people at the barn like that.
                      "I'm not crazy...my mother had me tested"


                      • #31
                        I would absolutely make sure the horse's owner heard all the details. If it were my horse, I'd want to know.

                        The fact that Mom and Daughter are equally psycho is unsurprising. Genetics, you know. Mom was clearly not breeding quality and now the world has to suffer.


                        • #32
                          Originally posted by ExJumper View Post
                          Well, I'm sure that as you know, there really isn't anything you did wrong. People just suck sometimes, and this girl and her mom seem like the usual nutcases. I really feel for the horses in these situations...

                          Yes, all I could think was, poor horse. And you know when this kid does something, which you know she will, she is a very, ahem, experienced trainer at 14 years of age, the horse will be hurt and/or blamed.
                          a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues


                          • #33
                            I'd avoid that family if I were you. The mom sounds like a nut. But as for the incident, it seems to me that both of you were wrong.

                            It sounds like the girl was overcorrecting for one thing. Backing a few feet probably would have sufficed, and when there are obstacles (like fences) in the way, you turn. Creating a claustrophobic situation for the horse makes problems worse, not better.

                            As for you, glossing over the problem and suggesting misbehaviour of the horse was the girl's problem for not leading correctly... not a stellar move. If your depiction of events is accurate, then you probably came across as exceedingly arrogant and condescending. Pointing out the danger of the fence and offering a kinder and more productive method of backing the horse would have been more productive... but still may have provoked "mama".

                            Anyway, you can't turn back time, so the lesson is learned. Avoid the crazy mother. Ignore the daughter (for the sake of avoiding the crazy mother). You might mention the incident to the BO though.
                            "I did know once, only I've sort of forgotten." - Winnie the Pooh


                            • #34
                              What are the barn rules about minors being at the barn unsupervised?

                              Yes, please talk to the trainer.


                              • #35
                                Originally posted by pvcjumper View Post
                                Little girl and mom should both be beat with a lead rope back into a hotwire.
                                And there's always the baseball bat approach!
                                a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues


                                • #36
                                  LOL, I'd be in jail right now because I would have smacked that kid in the face for talking back to me when I was giving her needed advice.

                                  But you really should understand that that little girl has probably been riding for a FULL 4 years and really knows more than you, and you should not be telling her how to "train" her horse, in fact you really should be taking notes! So if I were you, I'd go and beg that mother to allow you to be around her daughter more so that you can take in her great knowledge she has to offer!

                                  Now that I think about it, I'd be in jail for smacking the mom too!
                                  Meredith Barlow, EqDT
                                  Meredith offers seminars on equine dentistry free of charge. Call or email to set up yours today!


                                  • Original Poster

                                    Unfortunately, there are no rules about minors being there alone. It is not uncommon for parents to drop their kids off after school and come to pick them up several hours later.


                                    • #38
                                      I'd tell the people she was leasing the horse from that the kid is whacked. Then I'd tell the mom to go eff herself. Then again, I am not a nice person.


                                      • #39
                                        Unfortunately this is the state of most riders/barns. I believe it all stems from the fact that many people ride easy horses to build their confidence but then they go away thinking they are far superior riders/horseman than they are! The bullying comes from these people riding the stubborn lesson horses, being able to bully them into working and than migrate these skills to other situations where they are totally not warranted.

                                        I would like to think these people will weed themselves out - however it seems many of them have become trainers and teaching their techniques.

                                        I have been riding for 20 years - do very well with my own horses - but there are many times where I just shut up listen, watch and learn. Fortunately I am able to determine who knows what they are doing and who does not, and have been able to surround myself with some fabulous horseman - but more people need to do that IMHO!


                                        • #40
                                          Maybe you should have just watched a few minutes more and let the poor horse trample the girl into the dirt. And maybe you should have implanted mommie in the horse's path too.

                                          You did the right thing. Speak to the BM/BO, and then don't touch them with a 100 foot pole.
                                          Time not spent with horses is time wasted.