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Planned Childhood...

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  • Planned Childhood...

    Dear Parent Fairy, or whoever decides these things.

    I want new parents. The ones I have are just not what I require.

    I need some new DNA. I need the 5'11'', 110 pound long arms, & legs, short
    waist build. This type looks good for any equestrian sport.

    Both parents must be trust fund children, totally independently wealthy.

    Must totally be invested in making me happy; must be willing to buy me a
    GP schoolmaster, and up and coming youngster with Olympic potential.

    Must have a wide social network that can get me what I want when I want it, and be willing to buy it for me when work won't do it.

    I must have at least 3 cars. Need fun-loving fast sports car with extra large glove box for hiding all those speeding,parking tickets. A blinged out pick up to pull my fancy horse trailer to shows, and a gas hog SUV to keep up with the other trust fund children i want to be my peer group.

    Need a house in Wellington, and a trip every year to Germany and The Netherlands to take lessons with the top instructors there.

    I have other demands, er, I mean, requirements as well, but this will do for the start.

    Please hurry up, as I am really getting pissed off at my life situation.

  • #2
    I'm sorry, I have been looking for those parents for over 40 years so I get them first. At this point I'd settle for a big fat inheritance. I just know I was switched at birth and some other person got to enjoy all the things you list below at my expense.

    Comment


    • #3
      I found your real mother

      OMG my best friend rents a cottage on the property in New Jersey where your REAL parents live. Unfortunately your real mother is doing all of these things!!!!!

      I occasionally visit her (my best friend) and what should be YOUR barn is gorgeous. BTW you forgot to mention the 3 people who tack up, groom and bring the horses to the indoor ring for you to ride, so you never I mean never touch any grooming tools.

      I should tell you that what should be your barn is probably close to 2000 sq feet, this may not be big enough for you.
      RIP Kelly 1977-2007 "Wither thou goest, so shall I"

      "To tilt when you should withdraw is Knightly too."

      Comment


      • #4
        The Parent Fairy shorted me too.

        I will probably die in the same town in which I was born. There will never be enough money to do what I want. That's OK. My real quibble is Why couldn't this have all been someplace with nicer weather?!?!?!?! (I hate winter -- no, make that "I hate ten months of not quite winter yet/winter/still winter.

        I just know there's somebody in the Southwest someplace who's saying "I wish I could go snowmobiling/cross-country skiing/ice fishing/playing hockey, and have WINTER eight months of the year, but I can't do that in this darn warm weather".

        Comment


        • #5
          I knew, when I was 3 years old, and my "parents" had the lawyer across the street explain about zoning laws and why we couldn't keep a pony in the back yard, that they could not possibly be my "real" parents.

          If anyone feels their babies were switched in July 1957 at Nassau County Community Hospital, please PM me. I've finally forgiven my "adoptive" parents for not getting the horse thing, but you, as my "real" parents, would hopefully appreciate how I found my way into the horse world.

          PS Your grandchild Ted loves peeps and food-based stall toys. Just saying.
          www.specialhorses.org
          a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

          Comment


          • #6
            Don't forget the guy who wipes your boots after you mount - keeps your stirrups nice and clean!

            Comment


            • #7
              Well, my parents weren't quite THAT indulgent (I think I'd have gotten spanked if I asked for a groom to tack up and brush and everything, or a $150k horse) but I think I'll keep them. But if anyone knows a Rich Bachelor/Maiden Uncle/Aunt Fairy that need someone who can provide a childless elder relative with a loving neice to visit them in their dotatge and inherit their huge paid-off farm with a horse barn, indoor, and training track, I'm available!
              Author Page
              Like Omens In the Night on Facebook
              Steampunk Sweethearts

              Comment


              • #8
                I think the parent fairy was pretty good to me. Two horsey parents and horsey grandparents on both sides. Including a grandpa who made sure that I got my first horse and KEPT her in spite of mom threatening to sell her every time she was cross with me.

                That said, I would've enjoyed having a very independently wealthy and horsey aunt or something who could've shown me the light and the way with jumpers. I feel like my real riding didn't start til I was 27. Just think! I could've been in the Olympics or something if I'd gotten started OF sooner! And had the horse. Oh, and maybe some sort of actual talent. LOL
                A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                Might be a reason, never an excuse...

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hmmmm (dreamily). The Perfectly Useful Parents would:

                  - have the DNA to create a thin, small blonde physical appearance and high IQ with super high prey-drive (in humans, the prey is good grades and Harvard)
                  - enough money to never worry about money, but just enough so that they know lots of people with more money and so honestly feel that they're really almost working-class
                  - Dad would be a corporate bigwig in a 3-piece suit so you get the extra-big cash and connections to business, while Mom would be a Princeton professor so you have the big cash and connections to people who seriously think they feel the plight of the poor.
                  - would feel that horseback riding, as opposed to skiing or a team sport such as soccer, is somewhat undesirable for their daughter, so you'd get the pleasure of feeling put upon and misunderstood
                  - would reluctantly come around and foot the increasingly large bills as you persevered
                  - would contrive a Very Tragic Event in your life at some point - a heart attack in workaholic daddy, mom has an affair with a student, they divorce, possibly pass on some horrible inherited disease - which would give you incontrovertible props as a Stronger Person
                  - they would supply you with all the toys - the horses, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the lessons, the dinners, the events

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by vacation1 View Post
                    Hmmmm (dreamily). The Perfectly Useful Parents would:

                    - have the DNA to create a thin, small blonde physical appearance and high IQ with super high prey-drive (in humans, the prey is good grades and Harvard)
                    - enough money to never worry about money, but just enough so that they know lots of people with more money and so honestly feel that they're really almost working-class
                    - Dad would be a corporate bigwig in a 3-piece suit so you get the extra-big cash and connections to business, while Mom would be a Princeton professor so you have the big cash and connections to people who seriously think they feel the plight of the poor.
                    - would feel that horseback riding, as opposed to skiing or a team sport such as soccer, is somewhat undesirable for their daughter, so you'd get the pleasure of feeling put upon and misunderstood
                    - would reluctantly come around and foot the increasingly large bills as you persevered
                    - would contrive a Very Tragic Event in your life at some point - a heart attack in workaholic daddy, mom has an affair with a student, they divorce, possibly pass on some horrible inherited disease - which would give you incontrovertible props as a Stronger Person
                    - they would supply you with all the toys - the horses, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the lessons, the dinners, the events
                    You're sick. and delightfully cynical!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The Parent Fairy was good to me (at least with my mom). She and I go to the barn often and do alot together. She's always supported me, and I feel very lucky.
                      Horsey Stick Art clique
                      Crayolaposse~ SparklyLime
                      PPP Grand-Poobah

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by vacation1 View Post
                        Hmmmm (dreamily). The Perfectly Useful Parents would:

                        - have the DNA to create a thin, small blonde physical appearance and high IQ with super high prey-drive (in humans, the prey is good grades and Harvard)
                        - enough money to never worry about money, but just enough so that they know lots of people with more money and so honestly feel that they're really almost working-class
                        - Dad would be a corporate bigwig in a 3-piece suit so you get the extra-big cash and connections to business, while Mom would be a Princeton professor so you have the big cash and connections to people who seriously think they feel the plight of the poor.
                        - would feel that horseback riding, as opposed to skiing or a team sport such as soccer, is somewhat undesirable for their daughter, so you'd get the pleasure of feeling put upon and misunderstood
                        - would reluctantly come around and foot the increasingly large bills as you persevered
                        - would contrive a Very Tragic Event in your life at some point - a heart attack in workaholic daddy, mom has an affair with a student, they divorce, possibly pass on some horrible inherited disease - which would give you incontrovertible props as a Stronger Person
                        - they would supply you with all the toys - the horses, the cars, the clothes, the trips, the lessons, the dinners, the events
                        so wrong and SOOOO RIGHT all in one post!!!! I love it!!
                        Kim
                        If you are lucky enough to ride, you are lucky enough.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          At 54, I am a little "mature" for the parent fairy to start over with. However, am available for adoption to the right parent.
                          And nothing bad happened!

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