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Need some divorce advice. Thanks all. It's over. post #166.

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  • I highly suggest counseling. If you're like me, communicating inner thoughts to supportive people here on COTH is cathartic, but nothing compares to letting it all spill out in the presence of a good counselor. I tend to bottle everything up (till it is swirling around in my brain like an emotional hurricane) and it's SO unhealthy...

    Get thee to a counselor. And then the acupuncturist. (You know, the whole mind-body thing!)

    Speaking as a fellow divorcee, BTW.

    Comment


    • "Turn your back to the shade and face the sun ..."

      Great advice on so many levels Thomas!
      Rhode Islands are red;
      North Hollands are blue.
      Sorry my thoroughbreds
      Stomped on your roo. Originally Posted by pAin't_Misbehavin' :

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        People have offered incredible insights and wisdom on this thread and I have found it more helpful than any counsellor I have spoken with (and they have been very good). I can come on at midnight and not feel I am inconveniencing anyone because I am venting. I can worry out loud about what to do about the horses without feeling guilty because some people have real problems, like feeding their children.

        I have been divorced. I know the drill. I lived through it. But this time there are horses. And children who love the horses. And a life built around a husband I also thought loved horses. And a life built around a husband I thought loved me.

        People who don't have horses or who don't have children who love horses don't understand. It's not a trumpet. Or a basketball. Or something you can 'pick up down the line'. People on Coth do understand.

        TP: The book is on my nightstand and, yes, it has been very helpful.

        Originally posted by Thomas_1 View Post
        He's a [edit]! (Can I say that on COTH?) [no, you cannot]
        BUT this. I read before it was, ahem, changed.

        Reading the 'changed' version. I must say I completely burst out laughing. Someone owes me a new keyboard. :P

        Thanks. I needed that.

        Comment


        • Just Jingles for you and your children and the horses you love ~ thinking of all of you and wishing as smooth of a transition as is possible. AO ~ Always Optimistic !
          Zu Zu Bailey " IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE ! "

          Comment


          • ((hugs)) to you and your kids. We are here for ya!
            First, say to yourself what you would be. Then do what you have to do. ~Epictectus

            Comment


            • [QUOTE]
              Originally posted by arghhalter View Post
              Just to tie this all up: He signed the separation agreement on my birthday. Loffly.
              hell,I'd consider it a gift



              And since I know you are reading this DxH - well, I guess there just really isn't any more to say except I love you with all my heart and I truly hope you find the happiness you deserve.
              well I don't love him and don't wish him anything but "bye bye dude"

              now, you must have sold or remove your name from anything you don't want to pay for when he defaults on it...

              my friend lost a very nice 1890's Victorian when someone refused to pay the house payments even though he was ordered to...

              no skin off his stupid, wife beating,sexually deviant nose as he has also "forgotten" three years of child support also for his four kids...

              so she lives in near poverty (only coming out now a little),her credit is ruined and the kids learned the hard way what their sire really is....

              good luck :> you are better w/o it

              Tamara in TN
              Production Acres,Pro A Welsh Cobs
              I am one of the last 210,000 remaining full time farmers in America.We feed the others.

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                Got this message from my DxH on my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Have been debating about posting it but after having read through everything again, I guess I simply cannot see where I am mocking him or that I am not accepting responsibility for my part in the breakdown of our marriage. If I felt that way, surely I would expect the breakup to be much less painful than it is.

                From the DxH:
                Just read the thread on COTH.

                I'm really too angry to even put into words how I'm feeling right now. You say one thing to me, and then go on there and mock me. Nice. I note that you've accepted NONE of the responsibility for what happened in our marriage. But from what I see on COTH, that's a common horse-woman attitude. Well, you're among good company there. Horses come first, husbands/indentured servants come last and the woman is never wrong. Maybe they should stop referring to husbands as DH's, and instead as DB - dumb bastards, because they fall for this crap.

                Comment


                • Grunt.... man speaking ug!

                  Response to DxH

                  If you don't like what the little lady says, then stop reading it!

                  If it upsets you to see that she's getting a lot of support then get over it!

                  If you can't talk about sisterhood and women without resorting to stereotypical insults then heck, she's better of without you!

                  Move on now....

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by arghhalter View Post
                    Got this message from my DxH on my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Have been debating about posting it but after having read through everything again, I guess I simply cannot see where I am mocking him or that I am not accepting responsibility for my part in the breakdown of our marriage. If I felt that way, surely I would expect the breakup to be much less painful than it is.

                    From the DxH:
                    Just read the thread on COTH.

                    I'm really too angry to even put into words how I'm feeling right now. You say one thing to me, and then go on there and mock me. Nice. I note that you've accepted NONE of the responsibility for what happened in our marriage. But from what I see on COTH, that's a common horse-woman attitude. Well, you're among good company there. Horses come first, husbands/indentured servants come last and the woman is never wrong. Maybe they should stop referring to husbands as DH's, and instead as DB - dumb bastards, because they fall for this crap.

                    Awe, we hurt his wittle feelings!

                    There is always the possibility of creating an account and posting the other side of the medal...

                    Comment

                    • Original Poster

                      Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
                      There is always the possibility of creating an account and posting the other side of the medal...
                      Oh man, if he does, I hope someone is ready with the popcorn and tequila!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by arghhalter View Post
                        Oh man, if he does, I hope someone is ready with the popcorn and tequila!

                        Shoot, Honey, you know we always got that ready to go!

                        Comment


                        • Thank you Thomas! Another vote for him to move along....

                          Comment


                          • Oh Thomas, you have aligned yourself with the evul horsewomen....

                            Thankfully you are in touch with your feminine side!

                            Comment


                            • It's what comes with living with a wife and 2 daughters.

                              I just do what I'm told

                              Seriously..... This could have been written by a 17 year old boy!

                              Originally posted by Prat_in_a_tantrum
                              I'm really too angry to even put into words how I'm feeling right now. You say one thing to me, and then go on there and mock me. Nice. I note that you've accepted NONE of the responsibility for what happened in our marriage. But from what I see on COTH, that's a common horse-woman attitude. Well, you're among good company there. Horses come first, husbands/indentured servants come last and the woman is never wrong. Maybe they should stop referring to husbands as DH's, and instead as DB - dumb bastards, because they fall for this crap.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by Thomas_1 View Post
                                It's what comes with living with a wife and 2 daughters.

                                I just do what I'm told

                                Seriously..... This could have been written by a 17 year old boy!
                                I don't know, the 17 yo I have talked to had more maturity...

                                Comment


                                • Originally posted by arghhalter View Post
                                  I'm really too angry to even put into words how I'm feeling right now. Maybe they should stop referring to husbands as DH's, and instead as DB - dumb bastards, because they fall for this crap.

                                  He himself sums it up: an angry, self loathing, bastard who can't communicate.

                                  Who ON EARTH wants one of those ? Anybody ?
                                  Snowflakes become an avalanche.

                                  Comment


                                  • OP, sorry that you're going through this. It sucks, but it will get better.

                                    But every divorce has two sides -- at least. So, while I wish you well, I think it's not quite right to bash your soon-to-be-ex based on only one side of the story.

                                    Godspeed.

                                    Comment


                                    • To Mr, Ex Arghalter,

                                      If you are still reading this thread, I honestly want to ask "Are you reading for Context at ALL?"

                                      And what seems to be typical of the relationship us instead of trying to talk to the soon to be ex, you send her a nasty little note. Sounds like you guys are better off apart after all...
                                      Eternal Earth-Bound Pets Independent Contractor.


                                      All I want is to know WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CHICKEN???

                                      Comment

                                      • Original Poster

                                        Originally posted by dizzywriter View Post
                                        But every divorce has two sides -- at least. So, while I wish you well, I think it's not quite right to bash your soon-to-be-ex based on only one side of the story.
                                        I didn't write what I think you are referring to - he did (it's in one on my earlier posts).

                                        I don't want to bash him. I still love him, I miss him like crazy and would love for him to come home.

                                        Comment


                                        • Poor editing, sorry

                                          Dizzy, I didn't get the whole quote in the message that I responded to. The words were HIS, not hers. He quite nicely and accurately, sums himself up, and I HOPE that Arghalter does not submit to that any longer.
                                          Snowflakes become an avalanche.

                                          Comment

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