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Missouri? Virginia? Horseless? Horses? HELP!!!

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  • #1

    Missouri? Virginia? Horseless? Horses? HELP!!!

    COTHers, I need some advice from horse people and I know if there is any place to find a variety of opinions, this is it. Please bear with me as I try to explain the situation and feel free to ask questions. I will appreciate any information or suggestions - I just don't know what to do.

    My husband is an officer in the military. We are both from the East Coast, spent years in Texas, and returned to Virginia this summer. We have just been reassigned to report to Missouri (Fort Leonard Wood) in January. Without making the story VERY long, this was totally unexpected and out of the blue (know we can always be sent anywhere per "needs of the Army" but didn't see this coming.) We are both in our late... late 20s, no kids. No horses yet, due to the military lifestyle.

    So, here's the problem - we love Virginia. We've already found a new lesson/boarding barn. We have started talking about adding a horse or two to the family again. Looking forward to foxhunting, getting back into showing, etc. We are not planning on having children and are getting to the point where we can afford and wish to pursue our own riding goals (H/J for me, foxhunting for him.) Obviously, we were hoping to stay in Virginia for more than six months. Eventually, once the commitment to the Army is over, we want to be in VA full time.

    Our potential new home (Waynesville, Missouri) does not look to offer much in the way of H/J or foxhunting. If anyone is familiar with the area and can offer more info, I would be happy to hear it.

    DH has suggested that since we know we'd like to be in Virginia permanently (he is able to leave the service as of 2013... four short years away!), we look into purchasing a farmette/house with some land now. I would stay here, he would go to MO and be a "geographic bachelor" until he's able to get stationed back in VA. Obviously he's likely to deploy for at least one 12 month tour in that time, so I'd either be alone in Missouri (and likely, horseless) or alone in Virginia (close to family, new barn, etc.)

    That sounds like a great solution except I would feel like the world's worst wife for practically abandoning him for the hope of someday having our own place with a few horses. That has been our mutual goal for a long time, but is now the right time to pursue it? There is so much to take into account with this whole "buying the farm" thing.... even though at first it would just be me and the dog. I know a lot of you have considered/taken this step... anyone had a situation like this?

    At the same time, I don't want to give it all up and blindly follow along to the next location if that's not going to be the best thing for us in the long run. Just trying to figure out what to do.... be (mostly) horseless for a while, or start laying the groundwork for the farm we both want eventually? Since we were hoping to remain in Virginia we had already been getting our act together to buy a home, but we're currently renting.

    Obviously we are having lots of discussion about what we're going to do, but I'd appreciate any input from posters in either area, with any type of remotely similar experience. This is a huge decision we weren't expecting to need to make and I'm feeling a little adrift.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    You are only in your late 20s, you have plenty of time to get the farmette and horses etc. Living apart for 4 years would most likely be a strain on your marriage and a financial hassle travelling back and forth. Believe me, I have done 7 years with my now-husband in Ecuador and me in TX. I would suggest that you take advantage of the military lifestyle until 2013 and save all the money that you would have spent on living expense, saving toward your farmette. 4 years together in Missouri will go much faster than 4 years apart in different states.

    Sorry - edited to say, you had specifically asked for experience of either area, and I have neither - just experience of a long distance relationship, which was tough and can lead to misunderstandings and it being very difficult to kiss and make-up when you are so far apart physically. Also from experience of having my own farmette all that time.

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    • #3
      Thanks Kate. I agree that a long distance relationship is really not ideal. But I guess I should have been more clear - we are guaranteed to be long distance anyway, due to deployments. For example, he was actually deployed more than half of the total months we lived in Texas. So even going to Missouri doesn't mean we'll be together, unfortunately.

      How was handling the farmette and chores single-handedly?

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      • #4
        again, no info on the two places either but just wanted to say...if you both are clear on goals/wants/needs, then it is possible to do the long distance thing especially if he is going to be deployed. It is not ideal, obviously, but I think if you both feel that you staying in VA is the best solution then that is what you should do. My DH currently works in another state while I keep house and its hard, but its the best solution right now for everyone. One thing that makes it better is we know that its not forever.

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        • #5
          Depends on your actual work schedule too.

          For me, I got together with a good friend, bought land, split it and we both built our own places. For us that was fantastic because it means that if you want to go out, or if you have a meeting you are not tied to a feeding schedule. It also means that you can split tasks, so she was rotten at fencing and I hated going to the feedstore. However, we could both run out in the pouring rain to bring horses in and it meant that I generally didn't ride without someone else at least being in close proximity - her office window looked out onto the arena.

          We managed great and did everything ourselves, the mowing, feeding, cleaning, dogs, cattle and horses. However, we also both had jobs that let us work at home, which meant we never wasted the time each day with a 2-way commute and were also always here to deal with farrier etc.

          I think it would be tough if you had a full time, not in the home, job, on your own, dealing with critters. Again it's what you make time for, and you may love it, but it will be restrictive and it will be hard. I never felt resentful about anything as they were MY horses and MY farmette, but also consider if you might feel a little fed up sometimes because you are doing it all and he is not there to help.

          Comment

          • #6
            If you know there are going to be deployments, especially long ones....and if you guys are financially in a position to do some back and forth travel, and if he generally comes back and your adjustment to having him home is rather easy? Then I'd stay where you are.

            The Army deployments are still going about 12 mos (better than they were, but still yuck!).
            A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

            Might be a reason, never an excuse...

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            • #7
              Firstly, I have no experience with long-distance relationships, but from a farm-buying point of view, the state of the economy has resulted in some VERY nice bargains. You and your DH are also in the great position of not having a home to sell before you can buy, so you have increased bargaining power if you find something you want.

              Will prices go lower over the next four years? Possibly, but they could also start escalating.

              The house across the road from me sold for $530K in 2005. New owners lost it to foreclosure; it sold for $255K back in April after being on the market since last Christmas. Gorgeous brick house on 4 acres would make a lovely horse property.

              A nice renovated farmhouse on 5 acres about a mile from me sold for $420K just 3 years ago. It also went to foreclosure and sold last month for $200K. This is another property that would be suitable for horses.

              As for horse buying, I'm assuming you wouldn't be going in that direction until your DH gets out of the military, correct? If so, that's a lot less work for you to consider having to do on your own.

              Last, but certainly not least, being close to family and that new barn would be good for you! IMO, it would be better than sitting in a strange town in a strange state, especially if you're pretty sure a year will be spent alone with your DH on deployment.

              Have I enabled enough yet?
              Equus Keepus Brokus

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              • #8
                I just wanted to pop in and give you a little insight into Missouri. I am originally from the east coast (PA) and have been here in MO for about 2 years. Since moving here I have gotten back into the horse culture as an adult re-rider. MO is actually a very, very horse oriented state which I was surprised to learn. Not quite to the level of VA but still a heck of a lot more then most states I have been in. You're money can also go quite a long way here in comparison to VA, hay is cheaper, the horses are cheaper, board is cheaper and the land is a heck of a lot cheaper.

                Now I live in the middle of the state, close to Columbia, MO and two of the local universities have top notch riding programs (William Woods and Stephens College) which in turn breeds a lot of locals with horses and horse farms. There are local shows several times a month in everything from H/J to Dressage to Western to Saddleseat.

                I am not as familiar with the Waynesville, Missouri area but you are not far from Rolla which has a saddle club http://www.rollasaddleclub.org/ (it looks like mostly western but they would probably be a good place to make contacts in looking for a stable that fits your needs). Also, you are close to St. James which has a number of stables as well. And then of course St. Louis.

                Here are some other MO links for you:
                http://www.missourihorseshowsassociation.com
                http://www.bridlespur.com/index.htm (St. Louis Hunt Club)

                I would say come and check the area out before you make the decision.
                Last edited by Lengara; Aug. 24, 2009, 05:33 PM. Reason: spelling

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                • #9
                  Long distance marriages are extremely stressful.

                  Here's a suggestion. Liberty is right. It's a good time to buy. But that doesn't mean you need to stay here.

                  Why not buy land and pay on it while your spouse finishes his commitment? If you go through Farm Credit you can obtain a loan for land.

                  It used to be that you couldn't obtain a VA loan for land, but that may have changed. If not, you can purchase the land now, then when it's almost time to get out you can build on the land. Or if your plans change, sell the land.

                  In the meantime, you can live on base housing and save money.

                  It's really tough living apart. Even if you visit each other as often as possible. Very difficult to maintain two households and people tend to drift apart.

                  Land is almost always a good investment. You know the old saying - Buy land. They ain't making it anymore.


                  Good luck.

                  (we used to call that place Fort Lost In the Woods Misery, by the way.)
                  Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
                  Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.
                  -Rudyard Kipling

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    I'm in St. Louis - the bridlespur Hunt actually moved farther west. I know there's plenty of hj in Columbia.

                    You need not be horseless. We may be backwards in some areas (but hey! we're #1 when it comes to meth production!) but I am surprised by how much horsey stuff there is.
                    www.specialhorses.org
                    a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      o_l, there are probably more resources in MO than you might think. You have a PM with some suggestions.

                      Being apart for a 12-month deployment is a lot different than planning to be apart for 4 years. I'd go with the thought of acquiring land in VA now but staying with DH as much as possible in the meantime. You could lease the land out, have a local farmer hay it, whatever to bring enough income in to maybe pay the taxes, but not worry about moving there until you are in your final 6 months or so of his service.
                      Incredible Invisible

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Thanks for all your thoughts, everyone.

                        The idea of purchasing and then leasing the land/house back out did occur to me. Obviously I would need to do a lot more research into that option but that would allow us to take advantage of the current market (Liberty, you are right about the opportunities we are seeing to pick up a nice property for not nearly as much $ as 2-3 years ago)... but I could still go to Missouri and be with him as much as possible. It's not at all that we don't want to be together, but in modern Army life, my moving to Missouri doesn't mean we will be! We have a lot of Army friends who have houses scattered about the country that they rent out until they can return or choose to sell - so I can pick their brains on how that is working out.

                        Quin, Lengara, and DGRH, thanks for the information on Missouri. I have not found too much in local area of the post, although I think they do have post stables where you can do self-care board (doesn't do me much good, since I don't have a horse at the moment! But maybe can meet some people and see what else is available.) I will check out the links and groups you mentioned. Thanks!

                        We are planning to visit MO around Thanksgiving time to see the area and hopefully that will help make the decision. In the meantime, DH has found some farms for sale he'd like to see - if we find something to good to pass up, then we'll figure it out. I feel like we are waiting for a sign from above.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Don't discount, to stay in horses, to try a different discipline for a while, if your chosen one is not available where you are.
                          Cross training has never hurt anyone, even if it is just trail riding along with some congenial group of like minded horse people.

                          Just one more choice, for the time you may not be in your ideal place.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Hey Bluey, that is a good point. I have tried several different disciplines in our travels and agree that cross training never hurt anyone! The coops we encounter foxhunting don't look like much compared to all the things I learned to jump when I tried eventing!

                            DH is not similarly inclined - I don't think I could convince him to sit in a western saddle, and he's not interested in showing. He does like just being around the horses though, so we'll see.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              There is a stable at Ft. Leonard Wood...the area is an absolute dump though...well, it is. A very bad example of a tough area spouting near a military post. You can be at a nice area and a block later...hoooweee!...the road cast of Deliverance is visiting.

                              Good luck...if he's going to be elsewhere, stay in VA. Long distance relationships are pretty typical in the military (and a lot of VA is military central). If you can find a place in VA, especially with the prices low and the mortgage rates low--go for it...just make sure it's near where your husband will be able to find a job when he gets out of the military.
                              "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"

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