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Why do they always want to ride??? a small vent

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  • Originally posted by Jumphigh83 View Post
    You are SO missing the point....it is a JOB...no part of the JOB description included riding. Of course I want people who love horses like I do...BUT ....WHY would I want to supply a perfect stranger with a horse or access to same? It is just not going to happen. I dont know why that is hard to understand. When I go to work at a pool/spa store I dont expect them to provide me with a spa or pool...same for a worker at a motel/hotel...they dont expect a room...I give up.
    THat would be best. Those that get it, get it. Those that don't,...............well, it's clear they've never personally encountered a similar situation. You'd do well to save your breath. Been here, done this.

    Had a lovely, sweet adult beginner, who'd had questionable instruction before she came to me. Basically, she had no basics, and could only be turned loose on my Steady Eddy schoolmaster. When I offered to let her have practice rides on my old campaigner in exchange for barn help (which I desperately needed at the time), her husband's response was, "Oh, we don't need her to have to shovel $h!t to ride - she can just help you ride and train the horses." Yee-ahhh, sure - I'll just let her take my ueber-fancy sale horse out and let her potz around on him; right up until the time he decides he's had enough and launches her. Yep, that'll help train him. Not to mention the boost it will give her self-confidence.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

    Comment


    • how will the OP feel comfortable enough to leave for a day, with this worker left alone with the horses? I bet if OP left for a 3 day trip, this worker and her husband would be riding those horses. Because she is CLUELESS!

      Comment


      • Oh, man - fei, you are so right. I didn't even think of that. Talk about scary!
        In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
        A life lived by example, done too soon.
        www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

        Comment


        • When I go to work at a pool/spa store I dont expect them to provide me with a spa or pool...same for a worker at a motel/hotel...they dont expect a room..
          You've never developed a relationship with a superior/boss that allowed you to feel comfortable asking "Hey, boss, if you're not using that old shelf do you mind if I take it? We're redoing our garage." or "Boss, I finished sorting through those boxes from the basement and while I was down there I found that old typewriter we used to use. Is anyone using that? Because my daughter could really use one." Etc.

          There are of course many sides to these stories, but I lean towards agreeing with those who observe that a lot of horse people are overly defensive and protective when people just make casual or friendly inquiries. Not harshing on the OP--more of a broad statement. If someone asks to ride my horse I try to find a way to say "yes", even if I say "no"...for instance, if they were a total beginner and wanted to ride my nutty event mare, I might say "Oh, jeez, you don't want to ride HER, she's a nut. Do you want to hop on this other one for a few minutes one day after I've ridden? She's much easier." Etc. It's called being an ambassador for the horse industry and while we don't all HAVE TO, it's nice when you can.

          One of the best and earliest horse memories I have is when a friend of a friend of a friend type of person picked me up and plopped me in the saddle of her beautiful horse for about 2 minutes at a show I went to with my mom just to watch. I was probably 8 or 9, horse crazy, and that was like a dream to me.

          The girl who basically taught me to ride did so on her very nice, Prelim event horse. She gave me longe lessons on him and even let me take him to a couple of shows. Why? She was my friend, and she had been taught to ride by someone who did it because someone had done it for them. Etc. She asked me, in return for the MANY lessons she gave me for free, to always give someone a chance if I could in the future.

          Sorry, getting all philosophical here...but the kinder and more generous answer is often the right one.
          Click here before you buy.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by tullio View Post
            Thanks, 3FP! It's hard enough to bring it up in the first place, and I have never seen so many opinions that it wasn't okay to even ask. Yikes!
            Don't let it make you unwilling to ask. As long as you are polite and respectful when you ask, and gracious if they say no, then your request should not be an issue. If you handle it like that and it's still an issue, then I suspect it is their issue, not yours.

            I try to let anyone interested have some interaction. After all, these are the same people I might someday need help from when my horses decide to go for (yet another!) stroll down the road without me. They are the same people who have in the past possibly saved my horse's life by taking the time to stop the car and bang on the front door to tell me, rather than just continuing to drive.

            How stupid is it for me to be unkind to them? Shouldn't I encourage their interest when it could result in such a profound difference in possible outcomes? Why wouldn't I want the greatest number of people I can get to love horses? How does that impact me negatively? If the price is an occasional lead-line ride, or the chance to brush one, is that too much to pay? Not to me.

            With all the grief we take as "rich snobs," and all the access that riders are losing, why cop a 'tude when you can gain an advocate instead?
            "If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you." -Don Marquis
            **CEO of the TQ "Learn How To Ride or MOVE OVER!!" Clique**

            Comment


            • I was also taught that it's never, ever, ever ok to ask to ride someone else's horse. I have since come to take a bit of a different point of view on that - largely because I have an uncomplicated horse who would benefit from more exercise and I would *love* to have someone competent ride him a couple times a week or so. However - there is a way of asking that makes it easy for the owner to say no if they want to. Something like "If you ever need some help keeping Spot exercised, I would love to have the opportunity to do that" is a lot different from "I really really want to ride Spot. Can I ride him this weekend? No? How about next Wednesday then, I have time next Wednesday. What do you mean, you don't let anyone else ride him? He'll be fine for me, I have lots of experience and I just love horses and I'm sure Spot will *love* to have me ride him and I can fix all those little problems you've been having with him while I'm up there, too....".

              The first is polite and puts no one on the spot - it's easy for the owner to say "Thanks for offering, I'll keep that in mind", and if they don't want you to ride, they just don't follow through on asking you, they don't even have to come right out and say no. No harm done.

              The second is just plain ignorant and will likely require a response of similar rudeness before it sinks in - and then there will be hurt feelings.

              Comment


              • Hats off to you, too.

                Originally posted by mroades View Post
                ok, because its too crappy to do anything good outside today, I will try to answer some of yalls concerns.
                Ok, I admit it right off the bat, I am one of those trainers with zero business sense....and I survive from hand to mouth because I want to make what I do available to more than just the very rich. I do this because nothing lights my fire like a kid learning to see a distance for the first time, feeling a shoulder in ...etc. I shop at Walmart, I dont have a nice car, I dont buy clothes or jewelry.....and no, I cant afford health insurance.

                Add to that I live in an area where there are no "riding schools", I am the only hunter trainer within 50 miles, I happen to be lucky enought to have 15 or so kids that want to show competitively at PSJ and A shows. There are no rental barns, hell there arent many barns at all. So if I raise my rates some of these folks wont get to play...and while I know I should say tuff crap...it is not who I am. I will not apologize for that.

                I was simply venting that in a "perfect world" I could have someone do the job that they are paid for, and not fell put on the spot. (i had one kid like that, he was awesome except for that little drug problem I had to fire him for.....)
                Man, isn't it crappy here today? I still have to drive to NC today (only a couple hours to where I'm going). Blech.

                You are my exact opposite. I do work OTHER than with horses so that I can have horses, and health insurance (my husband is handicapped and it is essential). I'm still not rich, of course, buy lots of things at WalMart and on sale, and our vehicles are older than this decade's models.

                But I admire people who know what they want to do and make the best of their choices. It's not always an easy road. There are days I'd like nothing more than to get away from the office politics, turf wars, etc., and just muck some stalls. But not so much on days like this. I would LOVE to have the judging experience you have, but my life hasn't been spent in a way that fostered this. We have to live with our choices, but heck, it is great to be able to just sound off once in awhile when we are frustrated by the things we can't control. It's just a blip, not an entire philosophy.
                Freaky Farm Hermit Clique
                Mighty Thoroughbred Clique COMH Page: Tory Relic

                Comment


                • In reading through what is now a quiet thread, I'm struck once again by just how much useful advice somebody can obtain here for the price of posting a question, and how rich and diverse the range of relevant experience and opinion is. (And the more I read some folks' posts, the more I think I would really like them if I knew them in person.)

                  Sometimes I think it might be helpful for all OP's to provide more context at the outset, because the additional information that comes out later can sometimes change the slant considerably. I'll try to do that myself in the future. (Though some hint that I provide too much context as it is.)

                  It always seems that diplomatically asking for something or about something or expressing interest gets MUCH better results than sitting quietly and waiting for whatever's needed to spontaneously fall from the sky. It was the way of the world fifty years ago, for example, to just do your job and wait to be recognized and promoted, but nowadays if one does not express some interest in advancing at work, not only does no promotion occur most of the time but the apparent lack of interest often is taken as a negative.

                  It may well be easier to obtain forgiveness than permission, but if things go very wrong, they can totally spin out of control very fast, and there is a lot of fast serious downside when things get out of hand with a horse.

                  Being overbearing, dishonest, sneaky or a PITA (such as in here in bringing kids [or dogs!] along to the barn without permission and then letting 'em run wild), sure is a red light, however.

                  If I hadn't asked, I'd never have gotten involved with horses (or much of anything else), because people weren't exactly waiting in the wings to push it on me. Once I expressed an interest, however, it was amazing how helpful and willing people were willing to be.

                  Life is often about risk. The OP risked getting blasted for posting her frustration, just as the woman working at her barn risked earning the OP's displeasure for asking to ride. And it happened. That's life.

                  Some 2-way communication is always better than none, and often a lot is much better. The more everybody sees the pieces in the puzzle (even if they don't like the picture revealed) at least there won't be the vague sense that someone or both people are either being flaky or nasty.

                  Bottom line for me here is generally to be unafraid to ask politely for most anything, and accept that it might not be taken or answered as hoped. When asked politely, be thoughtful and forthcoming as reasonable as to the reason one way or the other (and if not immediately, then soon after). The better people understand each other's reasoning, the less likely they will go away hurt or angry, should they completely disagree.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by catknsn View Post
                    That's what I'd say. Although I remember a similar thread here and someone - wish I could remember who - came up with the perfect response "you can ride my horse if I can sleep with your husband."
                    Oh, and that reminds me, be careful what you ask for, or offer.

                    Comment


                    • boy oh boy oh boy--- are you a walk over ?

                      look at it another way ok dokey

                      1 SHE wants her hubby to ride the 40k neddy

                      2- shes a good worker becuase SHE doesnt have to pay daycare

                      3 SHE lets her child wander about tthe neddys

                      4 SHE wont sue


                      SHE IS IN CONTROL OF YOUR YARD ----


                      look matey rules are rules you set them

                      your yard you pay her to do a job you do not pay her to have her kid there she should and put it somewhere safe for the time she with you ie nans playceter day care its not your responsiblity but if anything happened then you could be liable if she has her child around the horses
                      a child of 3 is a child that needs to be supervised


                      your yard is not a playground and to be honest look at it another way you say you have a lawyer with a 40k horse -- if you want respect then treat your yard as a yard of a business with strcit rulings

                      no kids --- if they a groom they a groom but no kid in tow it will cost you dear -- in a possoible sue as if something sis happen she would sue beilve me blood is thicker -- and you just open for a a sue -- but most of all it doesnt say a lot for your professionalism suposing someone lfet you yard and said cor dont go there mate she her yard runs a muck kids all over the place unattended -- and some old groom and her other half cant ride and they r ide the horses and bloody riun them --


                      rules are rules be stronger -- your yard and se yourself by exsample up your standards so you will be reconisee by word of mouth as a proffessional yard and then you might find you have btter clinets and can up your fees

                      if she wont work without the kid -- say bye bye

                      Comment


                      • I learned to ride through the generosity of others too. I think most of us did. My school friend's mother took me to a local show when I was about 7 or 8, let me ride in a W/T division on her FANCY pony, and took pictures of me when I won (thanks to FANCY pony). I still remember that to this day. What if she had griped and whined about how all people do is ask to ride the damn horses?

                        Give your worker a diplomatic and polite answer. If she is not trustworthy enough to stay off the horses when you are not there, take appropriate action. If you simply canNOT find good barn help without them wanting to ride, consider buying an old packer as a "schoolie" for workers. Problem solved. If you don't want the toddler running around, take that up with her. But don't get irritated because she asked to ride. What if nobody gave any of us the chance to ride- even for a few minutes to cool them down? What good would that do for the sport?
                        Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

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