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Most "interesting" things you've heard "Trainers" say

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  • At Congress in the warm up there was a rather hot horse who was way backed off but would then rush the jumps. The trainers advice "KILL HIM" over and over again. Someone was actually paying for that advice?
    Stoneybrook Farm Afton TN


    • Original Poster

      Originally posted by Renn/aissance View Post
      Sorry! But thank you- I've finally entered the elusive Club of People Who Cause Other People to Leak Beverages from Unlikely Orifices!
      YAY--happy I could pass along the joy!
      Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.


      • Original Poster

        Originally posted by bamboozled View Post
        ..."i don't like your attitude" (directed to student face down in the dirt.
        While not *really* funny, that actually made me laugh out loud!!
        Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.


        • -Every hunter horse should wear a martingale at a show, regardless of need.

          -A bit that's too large is ok, as long as you're only hacking around.

          My personal fav- Your horse should be afraid of you, because that means it respects you.
          Click here to feed a rescued animal for free!

          Sponsors feed rescued animals for every free click!


          • Ohh, the peeing reminds me (besides that I have to go potty) of a dog trainer. We were taking puppy classes and particularly didn't care for this lady. Anyway, she said to lay on the dogs once a day for the next week. It shows dominance. Okay, I read that in the Monks of New Skeet book. Very primal, pack thing. But then she went on that you do this to foals! Honestly! You lay them out on the ground and lay on them!
            dog = carnivore = pack devouring meat
            equine = herbivore = herd grazing grass
            Even duct tape can't fix stupid


            • Originally posted by LisaB View Post
              Ohh, the peeing reminds me (besides that I have to go potty) of a dog trainer. We were taking puppy classes and particularly didn't care for this lady. Anyway, she said to lay on the dogs once a day for the next week. It shows dominance. Okay, I read that in the Monks of New Skeet book. Very primal, pack thing. But then she went on that you do this to foals! Honestly! You lay them out on the ground and lay on them!
              dog = carnivore = pack devouring meat
              equine = herbivore = herd grazing grass
              Furthermore, that is something that most dog trainers disregard now too!


              • Originally Posted by VivaBaby
                A "trainer" a good friend knows told me that the "trainer" sat her down to have a talk about my friend having her colt gelded. The "trainer" very seriously told her she'd made a huge mistake as it's a waste of time and money to geld a colt before he's 3 years old because his testicles will just grow back!!!

                I just had coffee come out of my nose, and it burns, but that is too funny!!!

                I had a trainer once tell me at WEF in Tampa that I had nice assets and boosets, and that if I showed them off I would win more eq classes, I was like HUH!!!! He told my trainer that he has been watching me all week, my trainer told him off...
                Let the horse go, get out of its way, it knows what to do...Stop pulling and keep kicking!!!!!!


                • Originally posted by catknsn View Post
                  But I still marvel at the fact that the barn where I rode as a child came out with pronouncements like "horses only need to be wormed every six months." Lord. How those school horses stayed alive, I will never know.
                  That was the norm for a long, long time - tube worming - spring and fall. Rotational worming every 6 weeks is relatively new becoming common practice in the last ten years or so?

                  "I am still under the impression that there is nothing alive quite so beautiful as a thoroughbred horse." -- John Galsworthy


                  • A former member of the then USET said that the reason people ride dressage is because they can't find their distance to a fence.

                    Okay, really? Are you sure about that?
                    Yogurt - If you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? Steven Colbert


                    • Yet another...

                      A "trainer"/BO once told me that horses only need ONE bucket of water in the winter, because "they drink less when it's cold." (The horses who routinely sucked down two buckets overnight were SOL.)

                      Along those same lines, she also refused to put water in the paddocks during the winter (even when the horses were out all day) because "it'll just freeze anyway," and "they can drink when they come inside." From their ONE bucket, after having nothing all day...

                      Amazing that this barn never had any impaction colics. I guess the horses adapted.


                      • Originally posted by Mtn trails View Post
                        A former member of the then USET said that the reason people ride dressage is because they can't find their distance to a fence.

                        Okay, really? Are you sure about that?

                        That's not true?

                        Why didn't she/he include western peeps as well?
                        Stoneybrook Farm Afton TN


                        • Originally posted by 3eme View Post
                          pick him up! put him away! pick him up! put him away! I'm going to have to try that one. (oh my poor horsies)
                          It just dawned on me that y'all might not know what the trainer was trying to get the rider/horse combo to do: he was attempting to get the rider to get the horse's head "set" (she was riding an AQHA WP horse-actually a very nice horse anyway...) but what would happen is just when the horse would become soft, rounded in the back, hind end up underneath him and "using himself" (er...this is like "western" for "on the bit" lol) the guy would yell "PICK HIM UP" and the rider would jerk on the reins and the horse would fling his head chin to chest and the guy would yell "PUT HIM AWAY" and the rider would fling her arm way out towards the horse's poll (in effect, throwing the reins away) and the horse would gradually "creep" back into the proper frame (the whole time with the "WTF?" expression on his face-you could totally tell the horse had had a good trainer at one time cause he kept trying to go back to the right way of going lol.
                          "And remember-if it gets really bad, there's always tequila..." J.P.

                          No horse should be Peepless


                          • My former trainer's dressage trainer/coach told her once that she was sitting the trot "like a reluctant virgin" -- thought that was hilarious.
                            www.littlebullrun@aol.com See Little Bull Run's stallions at:
                            "Argosy" - YouTube and "Boleem" - YouTube
                            Boleem @ 1993 National Dressage Symposium - YouTube


                            • Here's a conversation I had with a person from another barn in the area..

                              She's telling me all the bad things about her barn...so here's where the conversation became frightening.

                              "I had the two year old in the crossties, she offered to kick when I picked up her back foot. BO (god, I wish I could type her name) saw it and made me flip her and then sit on her."

                              Me.."WHAT? How in the hell do you flip a horse? (Not to mention why would you)

                              Her.."You take a rope and wrap it around their foot and rig it around their back, when they move, they fall. Then we sit on them."

                              Me..."You've got to be kidding???"

                              Her.."No, this one horse figured out what was happening and would refuse to move. She took her out back, tied the rope, pushed her off balance and he rolled down a hill then made me walk down the hill and sit on her."

                              Me.."Why the hell do you pay money to board at this barn? Doesn't anyone ever call the human society"

                              Her.."they've been out before, but couldn't find evidence"

                              Me.."You do realize what this does to a horse's back? It destroys it"

                              That is just one of many stories she told me goes on and what is sad, this is what the kids are learning is okay"


                              • more trainer gaffs

                                I had an "instructor" at a local horse facility which was very high-end. However, the school horses weren't. Two thing I couldn't believe I heard:

                                1. I was grooming my horse-of-the-day, and found he had a shard of hoof poking out of his coronet band, and the leg felt warm. Went in to the arena where "instructor" was "teaching", and asked her to come look at it. She asked if he was bleeding: no. "Then tack him up and get him in here." (Oooh, do I wish I had trusted my gut.) So poor "Brownie" got tacked up, and I mounted and began to walk. Started rising trot and it was immediately clear that he was lame. Off I got, and "instructor" said: "I didn't think it was THAT bad!" ((Yeah, okay, so you have bamboo shoots stuck under your nails, how do you think YOU'D feel??) Put horse away and left. Wish I'd known then how to help him. Poor horse!

                                2. Same instructor, different horse of the day. I had brought a test dressage saddle to try, possibly to buy. I tacked up, asked "instructor" to check the saddle fit. "It seems Okay, but honey, you're about two years away from riding in that saddle." GRRRRRRRR---the nerve. I was NOT a new rider, just one getting back into things.

                                3. (okay, more than two) "Instructor" is drunk during my lesson. Then has to cancel two more. I left to travel for several weeks, and when I got back, I located a wonderful little Arab to lease at the facility, got a TRAINER to work with, and watched "Instructor's" jaw drop when she saw me riding, even sitting trot, leg yields, etc. Guess she knew then I wouldn't be taking "lessons" from her.

                                Happily riding and training with my OWN horse and wonderful group of trainers who shall remain nameless---they don't NEED to be named----since I left the "Instructor".
                                "When I look back on my life, the times I have been stingy or unappreciative haunt me. I don't regret one instance of generosity." --PeteyPie


                                • Originally posted by abrant View Post
                                  "Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"


                                  This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

                                  More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

                                  I have to say that I had to try that to see what it would be like... It was quite interesting.


                                  • I think there is a "trainer" like that at every barn! The "trainer" at my barn recently told a friend (who was teaching her horse to lower his head for haltering and bridling) that she shouldn't do that because it will cause the horse to be sore!! Mind you, my friend wasn't forcing the horses head down. I'm curious to know what the "trainer" thinks of horses in the wild, aren't there heads often lowered for grazing??


                                    • The owner of (and also instructor at) the barn where I kept my first horse for 12 years had a bunch of great sayings, of which I remain very fond:
                                      "Ya gotta do what ya gotta do"
                                      "Just so's ya know"
                                      "Ride your own horse"
                                      "Tempo and direction"
                                      "Make a change" (my favorite... it goes with the saying about repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome)
                                      and so forth. Each of these had it's own place and made quite a bit of sense.

                                      But this barn, on the outskirts of Boston, had no turnout... zero. This was not uncommon in the area. This guy used to say "look at horses out in the field... they are in the sun and the rain, look at their tails swishing at the flies... they are NOT happy outside". And we all believed it... to give myself credit the "poor confined horses" in his barn were as happy, calm and vice-free as you could want, so it made his story a bit more believable.

                                      Well now my horses are out in pastures and paddocks as much as they can be, and you know what? I've asked them... they ARE happy! Flies, sun, rain, wind, you name it... they are HAPPY!
                                      Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.


                                      • Originally posted by Jsalem View Post
                                        Well this one always gets me:


                                        Huh? Like if you don't remind the kid, they'll stop breathing? Really, you don't have something more constructive to offer?
                                        Actually, the "breathe" is legitimate. A lot of people hold their breath while riding, just about everyone. Its a terrible habit of mine, and I have to talk to my horse going around a course otherwise I come out gasping because I hold my breath the whole way around.

                                        I think horse people would rock at free diving.


                                        • Great thread to bring back. I can't wait to hear more stories!