• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Most "interesting" things you've heard "Trainers" say

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • Original Poster

    #81
    Originally posted by ReSomething View Post
    Sorry Invested1, anybody else, very old slang for the F word.
    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. So the missing letter is an "a"?
    Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

    Comment


    • #82
      Yep. Isn't is amazing what you can learn here on Coth?
      Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
      Incredible Invisible

      Comment

      • Original Poster

        #83
        Originally posted by ReSomething View Post
        Yep. Isn't is amazing what you can learn here on Coth?
        Who knew?!?
        Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

        Comment


        • #84
          Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.


          That strikes me as a much more polite way to holler across the show grounds, "STICK YOUR TITS OUT!"



          On a less graphic note, my mother decided happier looking riders pin better (after she saw me show pony pleasure as a kid). So for years, into much bigger shows, eq, hunter classes, etc, no matter what, she'd be standing on the rail going "Tara Lipinski! Tara Lipinski!" because she said Tara Lipinski had the hugest smile she'd ever seen, plastered onto her face during her ice skating rounds.
          ---
          They're small hearts.

          Comment


          • #85
            My trainer used to tell us to "stick out our flowers" rather than a cruder choice. As I was trotting past the judge another trainer on our circuit screamed "Look at them hooters" causing the judge and everyone else to crack up...I did win the class
            Can you stress-fracture your brain?

            Comment


            • #86
              Originally posted by Invested1 View Post
              NOT NICE--I'm eating lunch!!! How would you like chicken corn chowder to come out YOUR nose???
              OW! Hope it wasn't CHUNKY chicken corn chowder...

              Comment


              • #87
                Kiddy trainers

                I got the "pleasure" of watching one of our teens explain that the reason she walked her horse up to a 2'6" fence.. stopped him and then kicked the crap out of him so he jumped it from a standstill - is because she was building his hind end to make a better jumper out of him! Whooooo... new one on me.
                Horsemanship and the partnership, learn it, talk it, admire it, pass it on!
                "The Pony" Theodore O'Connor 1995-2008

                Comment


                • #88
                  Originally posted by Beasmom View Post
                  My first ever riding teacher was a courtly Hungarian gentleman who never had a harsh word. "Aaah, not the best, not the best," he would say as I struggled to learn some new skill and absorb his lessons.

                  "Eeeempossible!" was as close to exasperation as he ever got.
                  We have one such trainer at my barn. Took me a while to figure out not only the accent, but the inversion of sentences. I still try not to crack up when he says something like, "I don't think so my horse likes this hay." And thanks to the frequent a=o vowel swap, I now answer to the most horrendous mutilation my first name has ever known, in the form of "Sorrah." Nyc_rider (aka "Eye-ren") can vouch for this.

                  Comment


                  • #89
                    Originally posted by retsasid View Post
                    Ok, that made me laugh out loud in my school's strictly-no-talking library. How would you say that in french?
                    a frog on a box of matches = un crapaud sur une boite d'allumettes

                    (actually, I had mistranslated. It should be "toad" and not "frog". I'm not so good with the reptile vocab thing...)

                    Comment


                    • #90
                      I don't think this woman was a legit trainer even though she certainly fancied herself one. She liked to watch lessons and give us advice after they were over. She apparently thought my horse had a self confidence problem and told me I should tell him "You are beautiful when you run."

                      Comment


                      • #91
                        Originally posted by JCS View Post
                        Along the lines of boozies and knockers, I had an instructor who, with students who tended to round their shoulders or slouch, would make them say "Dolly Parton! Dolly Parton!" As they rode down to a line. Hey, it worked.
                        One dressage guy did Robin Williams/The Birdcage, yelling to me: "Madonna, Madonna...."

                        Comment


                        • #92
                          NOT NICE--I'm eating lunch!!! How would you like chicken corn chowder to come out YOUR nose???
                          Sorry! But thank you- I've finally entered the elusive Club of People Who Cause Other People to Leak Beverages from Unlikely Orifices!
                          "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep." - Harry Dresden

                          Amy's Stuff - Rustic chic and country linens and decor
                          Support my mom! She's gotta finance her retirement horse somehow.

                          Comment


                          • #93
                            things trainers say

                            A local big name hunter rider/trainer uses the line "chest on the crest" to all of his female students when they're jumping. He's a proponent of the exagerated hunter release in case you're wondering!

                            Comment


                            • #94
                              What do I win if my story is the funniest?

                              I think my story tops all of yours!

                              When I was home from college on summer break on year, my horse went lame and needed 2 months off. So, I was missing my riding time, and saw an ad in the paper offering free riding in return for barn help. I figured at least I'd have something to ride, so I answered the ad.

                              The barn was a small backyard barn, and the job duties included arriving before the instructor's afternoon lessons started to get the horses tacked up and ready. Then I would assist the instructor with getting riders mounted and horses put away after lessons. If somebody didn't show up for a lesson, leaving an extra horse available, I was allowed to ride in the lesson. Sounded like a good deal to me, so I took the job. I figured I'd get not only something to ride, but free lessons for myself.

                              Well, almost immediately upon arriving for my first day of work I realized that I'd just agreed to work in the Twilight Zone Farm. It started out when I was saddling the horses. I noticed that a lot of the saddles leaned back (ie pommel much higher than the cantle). Having spied a pile of foam lollypop pads gathering dust in a back corner of the tack room, I asked if I should be using them to level out the saddles. The instructor gave me a blank stare, then told me that she taught "forward seat" riding, so the saddles were supposed to be higher in front. WTF!!! I suppose if you rode dressage the saddles were supposed to lean back?

                              But no, it gets better. Then the instructor introduced me to her one mare that was reserved for the advanced riders. I was told that this mare was very fussy with her head and needed a rider with quiet hands. You also probably needed a hockey mask to protect your nose from getting broken to judge by the garguantuan ewe-neck on this horse. Well anyway, as I was bridling her I noticed that while all the other horses had snaffle bits, this mare had a rusty old curb bit with positively midieval looking shanks. The bit was sharp from years of horse teeth chewing on the metal, and almost cut my hands just from holding it. I politely asked the instructor why she had such a severe bit in this horse's mouth if she was so fussy, and would the mare not go better in a snaffle? The instructor looked at me like I had 2 heads, then told me that the bridle and the bit came with the horse when she purchased her, so clearly this bit was the one the mare was used to.

                              OK, so I probably should have run screaming from the farm by now, but I REALLY was missing the whole riding experience. I wanted to ride. At the last lesson of the day I was thrilled to see one extra horse that nobody claimed. Finally, I could ride in the lesson. Everything was going fine until we started trotting. The instructor kept telling me that I was posting on the wrong diagonal. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not an Olympic rider or anything, but I think I know my diagonals. After the instructor incorrectly told me I was on the wrong diagonal for the 100th time, I'd just had it. I turned to the instructor and told her that 3 blue ribbons from the 3 shows I'd attended as a member of my school's intercollegiate teams certianly argued that I knew how to post on the correct diagonal. You should be standing up as the OUTSIDE shoulder goes forward. The instructor insisted that no, it's when the inside shoulder goes forward.

                              At this point I went home determined to never come back. No amount of free riding was going to make my lose my sanity this way. Well, 2 nights later the instructor called me to say that she'd looked up this posting thing in a book, and it turns out we were both right! You see, this instructor had learned from an English (as in from the UK) riding instructor, and they post on the other diagonal over there! C'mon, seriously. You've got to be kidding me! How's that for a lame excuse for complete incopetence. I never went back.

                              Comment


                              • #95
                                Originally posted by arary View Post
                                I think my story tops all of yours!

                                When I was home from college on summer break on year, my horse went lame and needed 2 months off. So, I was missing my riding time, and saw an ad in the paper offering free riding in return for barn help. I figured at least I'd have something to ride, so I answered the ad.

                                The barn was a small backyard barn, and the job duties included arriving before the instructor's afternoon lessons started to get the horses tacked up and ready. Then I would assist the instructor with getting riders mounted and horses put away after lessons. If somebody didn't show up for a lesson, leaving an extra horse available, I was allowed to ride in the lesson. Sounded like a good deal to me, so I took the job. I figured I'd get not only something to ride, but free lessons for myself.

                                Well, almost immediately upon arriving for my first day of work I realized that I'd just agreed to work in the Twilight Zone Farm. It started out when I was saddling the horses. I noticed that a lot of the saddles leaned back (ie pommel much higher than the cantle). Having spied a pile of foam lollypop pads gathering dust in a back corner of the tack room, I asked if I should be using them to level out the saddles. The instructor gave me a blank stare, then told me that she taught "forward seat" riding, so the saddles were supposed to be higher in front. WTF!!! I suppose if you rode dressage the saddles were supposed to lean back?

                                But no, it gets better. Then the instructor introduced me to her one mare that was reserved for the advanced riders. I was told that this mare was very fussy with her head and needed a rider with quiet hands. You also probably needed a hockey mask to protect your nose from getting broken to judge by the garguantuan ewe-neck on this horse. Well anyway, as I was bridling her I noticed that while all the other horses had snaffle bits, this mare had a rusty old curb bit with positively midieval looking shanks. The bit was sharp from years of horse teeth chewing on the metal, and almost cut my hands just from holding it. I politely asked the instructor why she had such a severe bit in this horse's mouth if she was so fussy, and would the mare not go better in a snaffle? The instructor looked at me like I had 2 heads, then told me that the bridle and the bit came with the horse when she purchased her, so clearly this bit was the one the mare was used to.

                                OK, so I probably should have run screaming from the farm by now, but I REALLY was missing the whole riding experience. I wanted to ride. At the last lesson of the day I was thrilled to see one extra horse that nobody claimed. Finally, I could ride in the lesson. Everything was going fine until we started trotting. The instructor kept telling me that I was posting on the wrong diagonal. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not an Olympic rider or anything, but I think I know my diagonals. After the instructor incorrectly told me I was on the wrong diagonal for the 100th time, I'd just had it. I turned to the instructor and told her that 3 blue ribbons from the 3 shows I'd attended as a member of my school's intercollegiate teams certianly argued that I knew how to post on the correct diagonal. You should be standing up as the OUTSIDE shoulder goes forward. The instructor insisted that no, it's when the inside shoulder goes forward.

                                At this point I went home determined to never come back. No amount of free riding was going to make my lose my sanity this way. Well, 2 nights later the instructor called me to say that she'd looked up this posting thing in a book, and it turns out we were both right! You see, this instructor had learned from an English (as in from the UK) riding instructor, and they post on the other diagonal over there! C'mon, seriously. You've got to be kidding me! How's that for a lame excuse for complete incopetence. I never went back.


                                Yikes!!

                                I have seen a lot of scary instructors, but this might take the cake!
                                http://www.MyVirtualEventingCoach.com

                                Comment


                                • #96
                                  When I first started re-riding I went to Ireland to visit friends and signed up for some cross country riding. Well, on the second day we went to a cross country course and started jumping. It was pretty intense (since I'd jumped like 3 days in 7 years.) So, after watching a bunch of people get refusals, tumble etc. I was a little nervous. The guide pointed me at a solid 3'6" cross country fence. I said that looks a little high. And his response was:

                                  "Well you didn't fall off on the little ones, what makes you think you're gonna fall off on this one?"

                                  To this day I keep that funny Irish voice in my head when fences look a little high...

                                  Comment


                                  • #97
                                    Speaking of Irish instructors...

                                    I go to Ireland frequently with my parents. My mother rides, my father does not. Besides having many wonderful horsey experiences, we've met some great, cooky people.

                                    Our most recent time, we found a kinda out-there barn to ride at. The instructor was a real goof ball! We all got on horses, and off we went. We explored some trails, jumped some jumps, and game to a part of the trail that was strung across with what looked like electrical tape, but wasn't wired to anything. The instructor looked at it, looked at me, and says, "Do you think you can jump that?"

                                    Now, I have very little fear when I ride. And even I said I didn't now, it seemed like a bad idea, thinking what if the horses legs got caught... This tape was about 4' high!

                                    The instructor laughed, spurred his horse, and called over his shoulder, "Do one thing every day that scares you!"

                                    Over the tape we went, and we CLEARED it. Exhilirating. My mother's horse, a quiet, old appy pony, trucked right through it and tore it down.
                                    The only thing I've learned in college is what I don't want to do with my life.

                                    Comment


                                    • #98
                                      I used to lesson at a barn where the instructor divided us by age group, so I rode with about four other women ages 20 and up. Whenever any of us would get frustrated about something and try to reason out what was going wrong, the instructor would tell us to "Stop having an Oprah moment!"
                                      I wanted to reach down with my crop, give him a whack and say, "I don't even watch Oprah, just tell what I'm doing wrong!"

                                      Comment


                                      • #99
                                        "Pinkies up! Elbows out! Hold your arms like they're a basketball hoop!"

                                        What?

                                        This was in a lesson with a hunter trainer who was transitioning to eventing.

                                        More like lessons on how to look dumb on a horse <g>

                                        ~Adrienne

                                        Comment


                                        • In fairness to the UK instructor [not that she seems to deserve fairness], posting does seem to be taught slightly differently in the UK, as well as Australia.

                                          My mom took Dressage lessons while we lived in both places and her instructors there taught her to go down when the inside leg goes down, rather than up when the outside goes up.

                                          When we moved to the US and she had to learn to get used to the instrucor saying "Up with the Outside" it took her a good two years of not getting confused and doing "Up with the Inside"...

                                          So, it is a confuseable issue when you are a "re-schooled" rider..
                                          CLIPclop Bodyclipping by Morgan
                                          Serving North GA with high quality clips.
                                          --> Just Press Start // '99 Oldenburg
                                          --> Always The Optimist (reg. Simply Stylin) // '02 Thoroughbred

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X