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Sexual harrassment by barn help

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  • #41
    [QUOTE= Sometimes being a woman sucks, it's hard not to feel like prey sometimes.QUOTE]

    Truer words never spoken. I could not agree more. Also you MUST TELL. The BO/Hubby anyone that will listen!!!!!!

    I had the misfortune of attracting a creepy guy when I was in college. I'm 6 foot tall and not a wimp, I handle 1200lb horses for goodness sake. Helpless woman my A##!!!!!!!!!! I thought it was no big deal. I can handle this punk.
    Then he cornered me after a night class on my way home after I turned him down for a date. He grabbed me and pushed my up against a wall. I screamed my head off. Thank God the cute guy from across the hall was walking home at the same time. I still shudder to think what COULD have happened.
    What did happen, I ended up with the "cute guy across the hall" as MR.G58
    You must be proactive and prepared. Everyone has posted really good ideas. HUGS!!!! Good luck and keep us posted.

    Comment


    • #42
      Originally posted by Huntertwo View Post
      whenever I have my pony out, he seems to purposely make noise, fling the hose around, come into the barn and shake out his towels to the point where it makes that snapping noise, crumple up empty shaving bags when I have her in the wash rack. Thank goodness she is pretty good.
      But, I sense it is intentional
      I want to tell the B.O.(she works all day), but am really afraid that he may take it out on my pony
      THIS is what bothers me. You have undoubtedly branded yourself a "slut" in the language of his country by being alone with him in the car and he's actually behaving nicely (he brought FLOWERS!!!). BUT this (in above quote) is dangerous.

      Comment


      • #43
        Hunter...tell hubby about everything. You've said the BO is an understanding person who will not tolerate this...she might fire him and make sure he's off the property to help keep the pony safe. Like you, my first worry would be about my horse should he want to retaliate.
        If you've got a day free anytime soon...stop by if you'd like and I'll give you a quick one on one lesson in self defense techniques that are easily used by novices.
        Although after hubby hears about the whole bag of crap this guy's unloading on you...I doubt Mr Hunter is going to leave much left.
        You jump in the saddle,
        Hold onto the bridle!
        Jump in the line!
        ...Belefonte

        Comment


        • #44
          I agree with everyone else. Tell hubby, tell BO. Explain your fear for your pony to the BO.

          Best line a woman can remember in times like this is from Delores Claiborne, "Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto..." Very true statement. Embrace your inner bitch, for this worker is a scumbag who obviously has no clue. He may also be dangerous. Frankly, I believe he is.

          For your own sake, might I urge you to look into defensive tactics offered to women by the police department? Even if this guy is fired, we never know who the next Bundy or BTK is. Just something to think about. Best of luck to you!
          RIP Bo, the real Appassionato
          5/5/84-7/12/08

          Comment


          • #45
            It was for situations like these that I took up a martial art. Self defense courses are not enough. If you don't use it, you lose it. RAD courses are great but then you forget everything soon after because you don't use it everyday.

            You need to tell, right now. From personal experience I know you can't be passive, ignore him and hope he goes away. Men are thick; they do not take hints. If they're total creeps like this guy, they'll ignore you even if you're blatant.

            Tell the B.O, tell the hubby, tell anyone who'll listen. Hell, even talk about it around the barn, chances are you're not the only one he's doing this to, you're just the first to speak up. And think about taking a martial art too-with those great muscles from riding, taekwondo would be great, it involves a lot of kicking.

            Comment


            • #46
              Originally posted by MBPearls View Post
              I really don't like all this talk of him not getting it because of "his culture." If the OP hadn't put anything to reference his "culture" in the first post, would you guys have assumed he was Latino? What a load of manure.
              He's not a creep because "it's okay in his culture", he's a creep because SOME PEOPLE ARE. I agree with those that say talk to the BO, heck, buy a small voice recorder and carry it with you, so you can record what he's saying (have it tucked in your pocket or something).
              But really, his "culture" has nothing to do with his behavior. I look forward to the day when us stupid white folk realize that.
              Why is it that anytime someone's culture is mentioned, it's seen as unimportant? I haven't assumed he's Latino. He probably is, since most barn workers who aren't American seem to be. But he could be French, Italian, Muslim, etc. I don't think anyone has said anything about him being Latino, so it seems that you're the one making assumptions. The truth is, in a lot of cultures, being a "creep" IS okay. In a lot of cultures, women are useful only for sex and are seen as having no rights. My best friend in junior high was black. Her family and mine were culturally different. My sister's best friend is Mexican. Our family is culturally different from hers. It's just fact. It's not necessarily a bad thing. In some ways, yes, it is. But in others, it's wonderful. However, in this situation, his culture is relevant to how he thinks and perceives things done by women and what he can get away with in women. It has nothing to do with "stupid white folk" being prejudiced. I wish the PC movement had never come about. Call a spade a spade.
              *Finally returned from the dead.*
              One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
              - S.D. Price

              Comment


              • #47
                [quote=Parysa;1910247]Why is it that anytime someone's culture is mentioned, it's seen as unimportant? I haven't assumed he's Latino. He probably is, since most barn workers who aren't American seem to be. But he could be French, Italian, Muslim, etc. I don't think anyone has said anything about him being Latino, so it seems that you're the one making assumptions. [quote]

                He went to a "Latino market" to wire money home. I think that's the only reference to his ethnicity/"culture" in the OP.

                Comment


                • #48
                  (For some reason I like this thread...Y'all could be my friend, discovering her femininity at 62...with Martial Arts and Appasionato quoted her favirite movie line! )

                  Sledgehammer method is needed to drive the point home with that SOB!

                  When no is not enough, kick him in the groin, slugg him in the nose, jabb your fingers in his eyes and poke him in the throat!

                  OK, only if you are in harms way...

                  Definetly tell everybody, be rude as hell to the dude, no more Mrs NIceguy! And take some MA classes. Look for a style that is more selfdefense oriented, not so much tournament and such...


                  http://www.defend.net/deluxeforums/index.php

                  Good source to start the search!
                  Last edited by Alagirl; Oct. 4, 2006, 12:18 AM.

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Originally posted by MBPearls View Post
                    I really don't like all this talk of him not getting it because of "his culture." If the OP hadn't put anything to reference his "culture" in the first post, would you guys have assumed he was Latino?

                    Yes, I would have, it would have been the first thing that came to mind.This is because the only men to ever do this to me in my 28 years of working with horses were hispanic.

                    Originally posted by MBPearls View Post
                    He's not a creep because "it's okay in his culture", he's a creep because SOME PEOPLE ARE.
                    No he's a creep because of both things..some hispanic men are just like this


                    Originally posted by MBPearls View Post
                    But really, his "culture" has nothing to do with his behavior. I look forward to the day when us stupid white folk realize that.
                    All I have realized is that I can no longer work in the TB industry due to the Hispanic men. Stable after stable, they have made it extremely uncomfortable to work there.

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      Originally posted by Kapster View Post
                      He went to a "Latino market" to wire money home. I think that's the only reference to his ethnicity/"culture" in the OP.
                      Yeah, you're right. I was thinking of the line where she says this:
                      Originally posted by Huntertwo View Post
                      In between he has made a few sexual innuendoes in broken English. But, I know what he is saying.
                      as being what identified him as foreign.
                      Sorry to MBPearls about the "assuming" comment.
                      *Finally returned from the dead.*
                      One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
                      - S.D. Price

                      Comment


                      • #51
                        Tell Tell Tell Tell
                        Tell HIM -- assertively, aggressively, in-your-face, no niceness, no room for misunderstanding. think Clint Eastwood.
                        Tell the BO -- calmly, assertively, matter-of-factly.
                        Tell your husband -- calmly. you do NOT want to get your husband all up into his macho over this or HE could be the one in jail, or slapped with a lawsuit, or cut with a knife!
                        Tell everyone else in the barn -- the chances are HIGH that he has or will approach other females, including young girls who may not know how to handle themselves, don't have a husband, and may not even have a father to turn to!

                        Move your pony if that makes you feel better about his safety. But, honestly, BELIEVE ME that if this guy rapes you, your pony will be the least of your worries! You will never be the same, and you may find you can never bring yourself to ride again. So, for goodness sakes, do not keep quiet for the sake of the pony!!!!! And, if he molests or rapes a young girl in your barn, I suspect your fears for your pony will quickly evaporate into the guilt of knowing that you KNEW.

                        tell telll tell tell!

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by MBPearls View Post
                          I really don't like all this talk of him not getting it because of "his culture." If the OP hadn't put anything to reference his "culture" in the first post, would you guys have assumed he was Latino? What a load of manure.

                          He's not a creep because "it's okay in his culture", he's a creep because SOME PEOPLE ARE. I agree with those that say talk to the BO, heck, buy a small voice recorder and carry it with you, so you can record what he's saying (have it tucked in your pocket or something).

                          But really, his "culture" has nothing to do with his behavior. I look forward to the day when us stupid white folk realize that.
                          Yes and no. Some people are creeps because they truly are creeps. Some people behave that way because, for whatever reason, they believe it's acceptable in their situation. We can blame Hollywood for some of that, by the way.

                          I had an experience very much like the OP's but the advance was made by a complete stranger who did listen when I told him I wasn't interested and was married. He would not have attempted this in his home country but I am white, therefore "easy".

                          Different norms in different places.

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Originally posted by tbtrailrider View Post
                            All I have realized is that I can no longer work in the TB industry due to the Hispanic men. Stable after stable, they have made it extremely uncomfortable to work there.
                            That's sad. I've known Hispanic men outside of stables that were like that, but all the ones I've known inside the horse environment were very polite, nice, and LOFFED the horses. I did have one man (who was married) ask me if I was interested in being with him. I just said, "No, I don't think your wife would like that and I'm not really looking for a boyfriend anyway" in a joking tone and he got the hint and even apologized if he offended me. We talked a lot after that b/c I spoke Spanish and the BOs didn't and he and I ended up sort of being friends and he never did or said anything untoward after I told him no. He actually ended up stepping in when the (white) trainer started coming onto me pretty heavy one day and told the trainer that I was a nice girl and deserved more respect than that.

                            Originally posted by King's Ransom View Post
                            Move your pony if that makes you feel better about his safety. But, honestly, BELIEVE ME that if this guy rapes you, your pony will be the least of your worries! You will never be the same, and you may find you can never bring yourself to ride again. So, for goodness sakes, do not keep quiet for the sake of the pony!!!!! And, if he molests or rapes a young girl in your barn, I suspect your fears for your pony will quickly evaporate into the guilt of knowing that you KNEW.
                            tell telll tell tell!
                            AMEN, sista! Rape is something I don't think you ever completely get over. It's not something you want to risk, trust me.
                            *Finally returned from the dead.*
                            One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
                            - S.D. Price

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              I've got a few (aka a lot of) concientious gentlemen who are not afraid to remind others of their sex that women are special and should be treated with respect. Some are even of the college-football player variety... kinda intimidating before they even open their mouths, you know? You can borrow any of them, if you'd like. I'm sure they'd enjoy the trip south (I'm assuming you're in a Florida or California-type place) to the nice warm weather, and of course the opportunity to keep a lady safe.

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                If I weren't already married, I'd be taking you up on one of 'em!!!
                                *Finally returned from the dead.*
                                One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
                                - S.D. Price

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  Tell- and if the BO doesn't fire the SOB, move your pony and then get the police involved. If the BO DOES fire the SOB, ask her permission to get the police involved ANYWAY- get a restraining order and file a report, scare him a little. You may be able to handle the creep, your husband may be able to handle the creep, but what about the next person he comes onto?
                                  I guarantee that if you ride at a mid to large sized boarding barn, there's a teenage girl there who doesn't trust her father, doesn't have a burly boyfriend, and is happiest at the barn and therefore is there much of the time- even at night- and trusts horse people more than regular people, and wouldn't see it coming because nothing like that could possibly happen to HER- those things happen to OTHER people, not her.

                                  That was me as a teenager- and that is a few different girls even now at a barn I used to work at. Problem is, at that barn it's the owner, and the police don't scare him one bit- in fact, he scares them, since they come fairly regularly and then leave without issuing a single ticket or even a written warning.

                                  Don't let someone be in the situation I was in- or the situation those girls are in now- not everyone has a support network to back them up if they're intimidated or threatened.
                                  "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

                                  -my gelding is a ho clique-

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    oh for god sake wake up -- hes a hired help

                                    the barn owner will not take it out on your pony

                                    bisinesses of any sort have rules --- harrassement
                                    is a major one and is offence and is a crimal offence of charge and arrest

                                    not employee nor plod takes these matters lightly

                                    hes making sexual advances to you--
                                    surgestions are sexual advances ---
                                    he a possible risk to the barn owner to her employees her clients and her business as a whole -- and hes proabbly not just singled you out

                                    speak up -- hes a hired help----

                                    you go with your your husband and you go the barn owner and the plod
                                    and you be truthful to your husband and tell him he tried it on with you
                                    dont lie to a new man -- as not saying is putting of the truth and that teisted bloke could turn round and say it was you taht kissed him in the car and gave off wwrong impressions for his sexual advances -- so tell your hubby then -- march down to barn owner and tell her its been going for a while and you want it stopped and reported
                                    as this could be a possblae sexual offender sorry --- get him listed with plod-- period

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      GLS, I don't think the OP is concerned the BO will take it out on her pony if she reports it, rather that the worker will.

                                      If I were in your shoes, I would tell my hubby and tell the BO but first I would move my pony. I'd tell the BO about the harrassment when the trailer is pulling out of the driveway and let her know you'd like to come back when the situation has been taken care of.

                                      When I was a teenager, my friend was repeatedly hit on by one of the grooms at the private farm where she kept her horse. She finally went to her father when he wouldn't stop and her father got into it with the groom. The following morning, her horse was dead, and the groom was long gone. Not something that happens everyday, but not something I'd be willing to risk.
                                      If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on my cats.

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        Originally posted by nightsong View Post
                                        THIS is what bothers me. You have undoubtedly branded yourself a "slut" in the language of his country by being alone with him in the car and he's actually behaving nicely (he brought FLOWERS!!!). BUT this (in above quote) is dangerous.
                                        I'm speechless.

                                        Now, when anyone mentioned his culture everyone jumped all over that. Why is it okay for this comment to fly since its obviously not okay to say that Hispanics tend to treat women like objects? So Hispanics don't treat women like objects but this guy's advance's are actually NICE in his culture because the OP is acting like a slut (in his culture)? WTF?

                                        Comment


                                        • #60
                                          Originally posted by Aggie4Bar View Post
                                          You've already told him to knock it off. There's no need for another warning and an "or else". Tell the BO.
                                          Ditto. Not trying to be rude here, but how much more does this creep have to escalate before you say something? He's obviously getting more and more aggressive, and impervious to your requests for him to stop.

                                          And Aggie was right - you are in physical danger, any time you're out at that barn alone; never doubt that. If this man (and I use the word loosely ) decides that he's going to skip the warmup and go right for the main event when no one else is around, what will you do? Don't make that the reason that you tell Mr. H2.

                                          Please, go to the BO now. If she's as understanding as you think, it should be no problem for her to can his creepy @$$. Good help is hard to find, but this is not good help.
                                          In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                                          A life lived by example, done too soon.
                                          www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

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