Sexual harrassment by barn help

[Seahorsefarmtobe]

Also had this problem - but it was with three workers at once, not just one...and it was happening at night (when at the barn after work). 3:1 odds ain't good. By chance, they got into some trouble and abruptly left the farm in the middle of the night shortly thereafter. I was still spooked by the fact that they could always come sneaking back in, if they had a mind to.

[Not So Practical Horse(WO)man]

Before you talk to the BO, talk to your HUSBAND. It will be insanely humiliating, but thats what husbands are for.

And even if he stops harassing you, dont go into denial. It will just get worse.

[Frank B]

Tell the BO immediately -- her 'ignorance' of the situation will not stop the trial lawyers from going after her possessions if he directs his amorous attentions toward the wrong person.

Remember also, that many cultures regard women -- all women -- as chattel.

[catknsn]

I would talk to the barn manager/owner. As an owner, I would want to know that about one of my employees, so I could terminate their butt.

Exactly. I would be very grateful you told me and didn't just go see a lawyer!

[Huntertwo]

Thank you so much for all the replies. Mr.H2 knows all about it, except for when the creep tried to kiss me. If I told him that, he would have beat the crap out of him.

Should I tell the B.O. first?
Or should I tell him to knock it off, or I will tell the B.O.?
The B.O. is a very understanding woman and will not tolerate this.

Again, I just don't want him to retaliate against my pony.

Also just needed to clarify, that it is pretty much empty during the day, but people are in and out.

Thanks again.....

[Sakura]

When I was a teen my family lived in the West African country of Nigeria. Many of the grooms the the stable we kept our horses at were from the northern and Muslim part of the country... these guys had no, zero, zip, respect for women. One of the younger grooms started behaving A LOT like how you mention this guy at your barn is acting. One evening he came up to me reached down his trousers and pulled ~it~ out . I ran and got my dad who grabbed the little punk by the neck lifting him off the ground... I remember him saying something about skinning him alive if he ever so much as looked in my direction again. That did the trick, the little creep pretty much left me alone from that point on. Moral of the story: Sometimes it is a good thing to play your ~Helpless Female Card~ . Tell your husband and the BO immediately!

Just read your last post. Don't give him the chance to hurt your pony, tell the BO right now!

[Aggie4Bar]

Should I tell the B.O. first?
Or should I tell him to knock it off, or I will tell the B.O.?
The B.O. is a very understanding woman and will not tolerate this.

You've already told him to knock it off. There's no need for another warning and an "or else". Tell the BO.

[MBPearls]

I really don't like all this talk of him not getting it because of "his culture." If the OP hadn't put anything to reference his "culture" in the first post, would you guys have assumed he was Latino? What a load of manure.

He's not a creep because "it's okay in his culture", he's a creep because SOME PEOPLE ARE. I agree with those that say talk to the BO, heck, buy a small voice recorder and carry it with you, so you can record what he's saying (have it tucked in your pocket or something).

But really, his "culture" has nothing to do with his behavior. I look forward to the day when us stupid white folk realize that.

[JanWeber]

In some cultures, it's considered flattering to make overtly sexual innuendos. Just something as simple as a ride to the bank or store or whatever may have opened the door to him considering you fair game. The guy is probably lonely, doesn't know how to relate to women except as sex objects, and needs to be put straight NOW. Doubt he's dangerous - just frustrated. He needs to be told in no uncertain terms by you and/or your husband and/or the BO that this is not acceptable in this country. Just firing him doesn't solve the problem. And no, it may NOT be happening to others - he thought you were his "friend" because you gave him a ride. It's a slippery slope and needs to be stopped NOW. I've been there with barn workers and they don't get the hint when you act disinterested - they think you're playing coy. Be straightforward and enlist whatever help you need to.

[jhopeful]

Would it be such a bad thing if Mr H2 stopped by the barn and let him know that he would beat the crap out of him if anything like that ever happened again?

Don't bargain with the barnworker and tell him if he doesn't stop, you will tell. Tell your husband all of it and let him put a little fear of death into the guy. Tell the BO. I would consider calling the police if he touches you again when you have told him not to. The barn is somewhere that you should be able to feel safe, and it can be secluded, I would try to nip this in the bud immediately. I might also start carrying some pepper spray or something similar, personally.

[Not So Practical Horse(WO)man]

Tell your husband about the kiss thing. Then go WITH your husband to tell the BO. For moral support and whatnot.

[Not So Practical Horse(WO)man]

I really don't like all this talk of him not getting it because of "his culture." If the OP hadn't put anything to reference his "culture" in the first post, would you guys have assumed he was Latino? What a load of manure.

He's not a creep because "it's okay in his culture", he's a creep because SOME PEOPLE ARE. I agree with those that say talk to the BO, heck, buy a small voice recorder and carry it with you, so you can record what he's saying (have it tucked in your pocket or something).

But really, his "culture" has nothing to do with his behavior. I look forward to the day when us stupid white folk realize that.

Kudos

[Rebe]

Have a contingency plan:

1. Know what you are going to say to the BO and when.
2. Have a safe place to take your pony already lined up, in case it gets ugly.
3. Talk to the BO and let her know all of your concerns, for yourself, other boarders, and your pony.
4. If the BO doesn't fire the guy immediately, take the pony away for her own sake, and also for yours.

And please don't let this go - what if he tries this with a teen or pre-teen girl? Anyone who doesn't deal with harassment just makes it worse for the next person...

[SuperSTB]

Have a contingency plan:

1. Know what you are going to say to the BO and when.
2. Have a safe place to take your pony already lined up, in case it gets ugly.
3. Talk to the BO and let her know all of your concerns, for yourself, other boarders, and your pony.
4. If the BO doesn't fire the guy immediately, take the pony away for her own sake, and also for yours.

And please don't let this go - what if he tries this with a teen or pre-teen girl? Anyone who doesn't deal with harassment just makes it worse for the next person...

Oh I was just about to mention exactly that! Be prepared to move pony at a moments notice. You might even want to consider relocating for a couple months when BO fires the guy.

You gave a warning already- now it's time to take matters to the BO AND police. Hubby should NOT under any circumstances confront the guy himself although I'm sure he will want to. When BO fires the guy make sure police are notified too.

You can not under estimate people- you have no idea what another person is capable of.

[mairzeadoats]

Yikes, H2, absolutely tell the BO and if the BO doesn't get rid of him, report him.

His behavior is similar to the creep that harrassed me for 3 years straight. You reject them politely, they don't "get it," you reject them firmly, they "punish" you. It's all a joke to them. In my case, the neighbor randomly pounded on my bedroom wall in the middle of the night for 3 years straight so I couldn't sleep, slipped porn under my door, stood outside the building door with his friends calling insults, and worse. Turned out he was a registered sex offender who had moved to the condo straight from jail. The harrassment began just about the day after his probation ended.

In your case, he could get you hurt while riding, or it could escalate into something worse.

Also in your case there is a really good chance he's an illegal and will be deported if reported.

Please, H2, please take action immediately At first I thought I could handle my creepy neighbor. That was my first mistake, and a huge one. You have no idea how far they can or will go, how good they may be at "working the system," who's "on their side" that will lie for them (in my case the condo manager!). Once too much time goes by you can lose your witnesses and lose your chance to get rid of them completely.

Actually, you may want to move your pony at the same time you notify the BO, for pony's protection.

[Jaegermonster]

Well, if he put his lips or hands or anything else anywhere near any part of me he would be wearing his a@# for a hat.
Then I would tell the barn owner. If it continued I would give her written notice about the situation and I will be moving my horse within 24 hours if the situation is not rectified. (And I might still move the horse anyway for it's safety, like the OP said).
Then I would tell my 6' 280 lb husband who just got home from Kuwait, who would rearrange what was left after the asshatting.
The BO/BM needs to know because she is running a business and this a huuuge liability situation.

[egontoast]

Tell the BO. If things get worse, she will wonder why you didn';t say anything. Hate to sound legalistic but you need to tell her in order to document what has been happening. Telling your husband is not enough.

[ReSomething]

Tell tell tell, and move move move. ASAP!

What is it with us women that we keep buying into this "we have to be nice" and "it must be our fault". That "poor guy" will think nothing of raping you.
And next time don't be "nice" and give anybody a ride anywhere. You have to understand that for some people, some men, loser friends, druggies, whatever, giving ANYTHING is an excuse to ask for more, sex, money, can I use your car?, can I sleep on your couch?. Sometimes it stinks to have a sexist, scary DH, and other times I bless him for being the Rottweiler that he can be.

[ThreeHorseNight]

You MUST tell the barn owner. If my employee were doing that and nobody told me, I'd be really frustrated. Perhaps some other women at the barn have told the BO about things this guy has done to them, but these things weren't as "forward," and your story will make the BO really think. I would ask the BO if she did a background check on this guy (it's the BOs right to not answer that question, or to not tell you what the background check uncovered, but it's worth asking).

Carry a can of pepper spray clipped to your belt or breeches. It's not foolproof -- if he really wants to try something with you he can grab the pepper spray and throw it away in a second, but if he tries to do something he shouldn't be doing, a few sprays in his face will help the situation (from your point of view, not his).

I wonder how many creeps there are out there who tried things with women and got away with it because nobody wanted to make a scene and report it. I would be very careful about being there alone with him, and tell your husband or a friend you'll check in with him/her when you're leaving the barn.

[Jaegermonster]

You know, this whole situation sucks. After a long day of doing whatever it is that she does, now the OP has to have her stomach churning on her way to the barn, which is where we all go to get away from this kind of garbage. Sometimes being a woman sucks, it's hard not to feel like prey sometimes.
Big hugs to you, and be strong, tell the BO, tell your husband. Don't be nice girl, be a bitch and get it done.