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Sexual harrassment by barn help

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  • Originally posted by nightsong View Post
    This is nowhere near enough "discouragement". Turning your head so the kiss lands in your desired location IS letting him kiss you. You accepted his gift and you offered to be alone with him (in your car) for an extended period. And you never told him you didn't want to. If you just HOPE people will behave the way you want to, without giving them any indication of what that is, you're kinda out of luck.

    Next thing you'll tell women, because they showed their hair and face they deserved to be harrassed an assaulted, and they wore shape reavealing clothes, like breeches and show shirts...and one could see heir eyes, with makeup, no doubt!


    Just because she didn't knock his block off dies not mean she was in agreement!

    Comment


    • Totally with you there, Alagirl.
      Nightsong, don't ever be alone in the barn with a male boarder...or the farrier...or the vet...or barn help. B/c if that's how it works, then you're just asking for it. What was she supposed to do, assault him? And then risk setting him off and having him beat the living $h*t out of her and possibly rape her? Or would she have been "asking for it" then b/c she touched him to deck him? And she did tell him she didn't want to. She told him NO. Do you also think that if a man buys a woman dinner that he deserves sex in payment for it? Just because she accepted his gift, ostensibly offered as a 'thank you' does NOT mean that she is asking for sex. WHY is it all on the women? I'll ask again, WHY are men not held to a standard of treatment of women? Your views are straight out of the Dark Ages. Women are not chattel anymore.
      *Finally returned from the dead.*
      One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
      - S.D. Price

      Comment


      • We live in a society in America that teaches us many things, both good and bad, about getting along as women.

        We have to balance being empowered, whether personally, financially, socially, or sexually, with all the mixed messages that can be sent.

        H2, I understand your initial behavior perfectly. You were trying to be nice to the guy, and when he came on to you, you gave him a polite but solid "No." For many, many men, that's going to be enough - especially men that have the same respect for women that we've learned to have for ourselves.

        The problem is, this guy has been playing by different rules. Now there are all sorts of comments flying around in this thread on why his rules are different. It could be that he's a creep (which IMHO, is correct). It could ALSO be because, in his original culture, there are two kinds of women. Those that you worship - such as your own mother, your own daughter, and possibly, your wife. And then there are women that you treat as available to anyone who wants them - usually because of how they dress, speak, or carry themselves.

        And as I zip up my flame suit: The cultural difference is that in America, the way that women dress, speak and carry themselves would put them into the second category in many other countries. That DOESN'T MEAN we should change. That doesn't mean that this guy isn't a creep. I say fire is a$$ before he causes more problems.

        But please don't go to another, more conservative country, and think that the way we are taught to dress, speak and carry ourselves won't be misunderstood there. We live in a place that, thank goodness, lets us speak, dress, and carry ourselves freely, proudly, and with respect. And someone who is working here must play by our rules, not his.
        "She still had all of her marbles, though every one of them was shaped funny and rolled asymmetrically."

        Comment


        • I do agree completely with you, Rebe. But, like you said, he's here, he plays by our rules, not his.
          *Finally returned from the dead.*
          One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
          - S.D. Price

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Alagirl View Post
            Next thing you'll tell women, because they showed their hair and face they deserved to be harrassed an assaulted, and they wore shape reavealing clothes, like breeches and show shirts...and one could see heir eyes, with makeup, no doubt!
            Actually, the next thing I will tell you is that I, PERSONALLY havea been raped more than once becausae, like the Original Poster APPARENTLY did, I failed to tell him "no." I, like the Original Poster APPARENTLY did, just HOPED he would, somehow, get the message, without my bothering to TELL him so. I just HOPED he'd stop. And he didn't...

            Originally posted by Parysa View Post
            But, like you said, he's here, he plays by our rules, not his.
            No, he DOESN'T.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by nightsong View Post
              ...like the Original Poster APPARENTLY did, I failed to tell him "no." Or failed to tell him often enough. Or failed to tell him loud enough.
              Nightsong the point is that you were raped not because of something you did, or did NOT do, or did not do enough... you were raped because you met a creep who was capable of doing such a heinous, hideous, criminal, violent act... probably regardless of any action you would have or could have taken.

              You have NO AMOUNT of fault here... you did not 'fail' at anything.
              Yo/Yousolong April 23rd, 1985- April 15th, 2014

              http://notesfromadogwalker.com/2012/...m-a-sanctuary/

              Comment


              • You weren't (nobody is) raped because you didn't tell him no loudly enough or often enough or didn't fight hard enough or dressed slutty or drank too much, etc. You were raped because he needed to have power over you and this is how he chose to do it.

                Sandra

                Comment


                • Actually, Angela Freda, I am CONVINCED that I could have stopped him. I remember one time in NOrth Carolina where "no" had no visible effect, but 'No. Really. NO. STOP IT!!!" did. those of you who have dealt with ANIMALS (dogs, horses) can probably produce NUMEROUS instances where you h ad to escalate your requests for specific behavior in order to get. And, of course, you have to mention IN THE FIRST place what it is you want... ANOTHER thing that people dealing with dogs, horses, etc. OUGHT to take into account when they want the animal to "behave"...

                  I don't believe that all the "rape prevention" classes taught all over the country (world????) are useless. We CaN get animals (two- AND four-legged) to behave, if we work at it.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by nightsong View Post
                    Actually, the next thing I will tell you is that I, PERSONALLY havea been raped more than once becausae, like the Original Poster APPARENTLY did, I failed to tell him "no." I, like the Original Poster APPARENTLY did, just HOPED he would, somehow, get the message, without my bothering to TELL him so. I just HOPED he'd stop. And he didn't....

                    I am so sorry that you were made to believe this! (It's still wrong though)

                    Comment


                    • Nightsong, just remember, hindsight is 20/20. Looking back now, I'm sure I could have prevented my own. But I had no idea that it was going to happen. I did say NO, HELL NO, NO WAY ON EARTH, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME before I passed out from the drugs I was slipped. I should not have gotten in the situation in the first place and I broke my own rule about accepting drinks I haven't seen made/not picking back up a drink I've left out of my sight. But I thought I was safe. But it was NOT my fault that they chose to drug and rape me. I had never given them any indication at all that I was interested in them. I had always been very careful around them as I am around all men aside from a very, very select few family members. I was also molested as a teen by a fellow barn worker. We had been working together for weeks, the main house was a good distance from the barn, and we were alone. I would have been raped had my mom not driven up when she did. I have only told my very closest friends about the rape and haven't told anyone about the barn incident.
                      A woman should not have to try to physically protect themselves from men who don't know what the word NO means. It was NOT your fault, Nightsong, and I'm very, very sorry about what you went through. I don't think you ever get over it.
                      A note to others (most especially teenagers): Somewhere in America, a woman is raped every 2 minutes, according to the U.S. Department of Justice.
                      The National Crime Victimization Survey indicates that for 1992-1993, 92% of rapes were committed by known assailants.
                      One of every four rapes take place in a public area or in a parking garage.--OR BARN!!
                      At least 45% of rapists were under the influence of alcohol or drugs. According to the Justice Department, one in two rape victims are under age 18.
                      About 81% of rape victims are white; 18% are black; 1% are of other races. (Violence against Women, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Dept. of Justice, 1994.)
                      *Finally returned from the dead.*
                      One man's wrong lead is another man's counter-canter.
                      - S.D. Price

                      Comment


                      • Anyone who's dealt with animals (dogs, horses) OUGHT to know that you can deflect unwanted behavior MOST of the time.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by nightsong View Post
                          Anyone who's dealt with animals (dogs, horses) OUGHT to know that you can deflect unwanted behavior MOST of the time.
                          You contradict youself here. Most of the time is not always. and in turn means that's not your fault if sometimes happens.


                          However, we are talking about humanbeings, not animals, who pride themselves on the ability to reason and to have free will...animals are controled by their instincts, a man ought not to.

                          Comment


                          • OK folks ... Huntertwo has posted a separate thread with an update, and you all are WAY WAY off topic now ... so I'm closing this.
                            Mal:This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then .... explode

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