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Think this would work?

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  • Think this would work?

    Seven years ago, my ex-husband and I divorced on very poor terms. At that time, we were both in college, and we had three horses together. He lived on his parent's farm, and I couldn't afford to board the three horses if I took them with me due to circumstances (life savings gone) so I agreed to sign ownership of the three horses over to my ex as part of the divorce decree.

    I know that my ex still has one of the three horses: the one that I had purchased as "my" horse, a 2001 gorgeous chestnut Quarter Horse colt (at that time). My ex still lives on his family's farm.

    My ex and his family don't know a whole lot about horses besides "we feed them this, and they get their hooves trimmed on this date" which is pretty good, for the most part. I have no doubt that the colt has had nothing done to him/not messed with besides the extensive handling I had with him.

    I am at a point in my life when I could (if they would sell him) buy back my colt which would be, 8 year old QH colt/gelding (doubt they gelded him - they don't castrate anything there besides bulls). I don't mind if he hasn't been handled (had the temperament of a senior Golden Retriever and I'm willing to work with him or hire a professional trainer) or if he is unsound, but I would like to have him to make sure he has a good life for the rest of his life.

    Do you think it would be possible if I somehow found someone to act as my agent (a horse person that I trust and with whom I'd have a written agreement) without letting my ex know it was me to just happen to swing by their farm and be "taken" with the horse and offer them $$? Kind of like, "oh wow...I saw that handsome chestnut. Is he for sale?"

    Or does this seem more like a really bad soap opera or romance novel where the "western" horse on the cover art has reins coming out of its nose in a dressage noseband?

    I just cannot get that horse out of my head and think about him all of the time. Communicating with my ex or his family is NOT an option.

  • #2
    Can you just call and nicely ask? I don't care for my ex and he doesn't care for me but we are nice to each other and will help each other if need be.

    Just think of how silly you would feel if you were found out.

    Dawn
    Dawn

    Patience and Consistency are Your Friends

    Comment


    • #3
      These things always blow up in your face so I don't recommend sneaking around.

      I know you said you can't call him or his family, but you could buy a card and spend postage. Tell him you hope he's well and that for some reason you've been thinking about Snookums a lot lately, and would he consider selling the horse back to you.

      You never know he might have mellowed. Especially if he's now in a happy relationship. If your lucky, she won't like horses.

      Comment


      • #4
        mate -- you lived with him dont sneak around that just will bring trouble if you want the horse go and see him and ask him if he says no then so be it

        respect comes if you are face on honest -

        Comment


        • #5
          I'd say go ahead and use an agent. But make sure the "agent" doesn't pretend to be buying for him/herself. Having an agent doing your buying is done all the time in the horse world -- "Hey, you! I have a client who would be interested in that horse; let's talk $$$". (Only more diplomatic!)

          Many times the buyer doesn't know who they are buying from and the seller doesn't know who they are selling to. Sometimes that's so the intermediary can milk extra commission out of both parties (or even outright lie to the seller on what the purchase price was and pocket the difference). Compared to that, not wanting to identify yourself as the purchaser to avoid revenge refusal looks pretty tame.

          If you approach Ex yourself, you might get, "Sure he's for sale. You got $10,000 laying around? No? Well then you can go straight to The Hot Place Down There."

          Comment


          • #6
            I would ask your ex if he would sell you the horse. I think it's best to be upfront about this.
            Who knows, maybe he'll be happy to sell it.
            "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new." ~ Albert Einstein~

            Comment

            • Original Poster

              #7
              I don't care if I was "found out," and I wouldn't feel silly; however, I cannot contact my ex by ANY means (by my own doing...he has nothing against me). Not only does he lives several hours away, but this is much more than a simple, "oh gee things went bad so I just can't, in my emotional sense, contact him." As for his current relationship, who knows? I could go into very graphic details as to why we're not together, but I'd rather keep that information off a bulletin board. This is why I was vague in my "cannot contact him" statement.

              Guess the answers pretty much answer my question - "no" (because the only answers given are - contact him yourself, and I cannot and will not do that.)

              Comment


              • #8
                If you wanted to be more official about it.. have a friend buy the horse, and then buy the horse off your friend.
                Tell a Gelding. Ask a Stallion. Discuss it with a Mare... Pray if it's a Pony!

                Comment


                • #9
                  You could have your trainer or whatever act as your "agent" and call on your behalf. That way you don't have to talk to Ex, but it's not sneaky, either. "I am Sue So-and-so, calling on behalf of [You], and would like to purchase Horse X."
                  I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. ~ Dave Barry

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Yeah, I'd just have someone buy the horse for like 5000 or whatever and they you buy it off them for 5500. Or whatever. You get the idea
                    "Disapproval of the way other people run their businesses and treat their horses is the meat and drink of the hunter-jumper industry."
                    Working Student Blog
                    Current Blog

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      If you're absolutely sure he still has that particular horse and not a similar looking one- I'd send a horsey friend that he doesn't know to make an offer. Make sure your friend is a good liar. You really have nothing to lose, and you might get your horse back for a few hundred bucks.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Absolutely I would try it. If they're not horsey, what would be the odds of him finding out it was you behind the offer? Even if he did, not much he could do about it once you have the horse, especially if you live a few hours away. Go for it!

                        Caitlin
                        Caitlin
                        *OMGiH I Loff my Mare* and *My Saddlebred Can Do Anything Your Horse Can Do*
                        http://community.webshots.com/user/redmare01

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          How is this non-horsey friend just going to happen to see QH, fall in love and offer to buy him? Is the horse out by the road? Will she just stop by the farm and ask if they have horses for sale? If you are going to do this make sure you roll play through the whole encounter and think of any questions they might ask him or her.

                          It sounds as if the divorce was really bad. Are you sure that this possibly unbroken QH stud is worth the heartache that might ensue? I know you have your mind on this horse but just seriously weigh the pros and cons. To each his own but I would never reopen that door over a horse.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I'd go through an agent as well. Get a trainer to act on your behalf. There is nothing wrong or sneaky about getting someone to say "I have a student that needs a horse, are you interested in selling?"
                            BeesKnees
                            Hunters should be galloping - George Morris

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Weighaton View Post
                              How is this non-horsey friend just going to happen to see QH, fall in love and offer to buy him? Is the horse out by the road? Will she just stop by the farm and ask if they have horses for sale?

                              Are you sure that this possibly unbroken QH stud is worth the heartache that might ensue?
                              1. I did not say that a friend that would be purchasing the horse was non-horsey. I said my ex and his family are non-horsey.

                              2. Their pastures are out by the road, and it is not an uncommon practice in that town for people to just drop in and ask about farm animals that others have.

                              3. It would not be out of the ordinary for someone to drop in and say, "hey - nice lookin' horse, ever think about selling it?" The population of the town in which they live is 130. That's 130 people....period.

                              4. I can't see any additional heartache ensuing if the person can purchase him or the person can't purchase him. If the person can't purchase him, it's not any different than it is right now, but I thought it would be worth a shot.


                              To clarify some things.....

                              * I would be giving the person/friend money to make the purchase. The ex only knows that he has to sign the back of the registration paperwork to transfer the horse. Even if he did fill it out to the Buyer, the Buyer could "sell" the horse to me. Note, I have several friends that I did not have nor know when I was with my ex.

                              * No. I absolutely 200% cannot go to their farm. I cannot contact them via mail, e-mail, telephone, homing pigeon, smoke signals or any other means. It was not a "I just don't like being married" or "I felt like it" divorce situation.



                              ***** I contacted a friend of mine that lives about 30 minutes away from the small town who said she'd do a "drive by" and see if the horse is still there. They would not have another horse that looks like him there either as the other two were solid black, and this one was a chestnut, blaze, and four tall stockings. If she can verify that the horse is still there, then I will go from there and make a decision.

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                If contacting him yourself is not an option then I see nothing wrong with trying it this way. The friend can simply say that they have driven by for years and admired the horse and is now in a position to have a horse, etc.

                                I would not hold your breath about it working and even less of a chance of getting the papers with the horse. But heck, it is worth a try.

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  I see no problem with using your post-marriage friend or a more formally employed agent to make an offer on the horse. Worst thing that can happen, I would think, is that they'll say 'No'. And there's no question that this 3rd party will get a better price and more cordial reception, sounds like. (must have been quite a doozy of a divorce)

                                  That's what agents are for.
                                  I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
                                  I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    While I can understand and sympathize with where you are at, I still can't help but see this as a big can of worms.
                                    If this horse is being cared for OK, can you let him go in your head and heart and buy a young project who might be facing a dicey future?
                                    I went through a very similar thing. The ex started trying to use the horse to manipulate me. If he hadn't died of a colic impaction (the horse unfortunately, not the ex) then who knows how much crap I would have gone through? Looking at it with hindsight I can say that there was no way it would have ended well.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      Absolutely, do it. But use a professional agent or trainer, and pay them a commission, just as you would a normal business transaction. Do NOT get one of your friends involved. Friends and business do not mix. Friends and business and ex's ESPECIALLY do not mix.
                                      where are we going, and why am I in this hand basket?

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        Originally posted by rhymeswithfizz View Post
                                        Absolutely, do it. But use a professional agent or trainer, and pay them a commission, just as you would a normal business transaction. Do NOT get one of your friends involved. Friends and business do not mix. Friends and business and ex's ESPECIALLY do not mix.
                                        I'll ditto this one. Trainers go horse shopping for clients all the time, sometimes the seller never meets the owner.

                                        I'm originally from CA, and messy complicated divorces are common out there, I can accept that you can not/must not, contact the ex., explanations are not needed. An impartial/independent agent can do this deal for you and I wish you luck.
                                        Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
                                        Incredible Invisible

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