• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 1/26/16)
See more
See less

Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

    I have been threatening to blindfold Ami for awhile now. Theoretically, if she was blindfolded, she really wouldn't need to look where she was going so she would bend very well. In reality, she'd freak, rear, walk backwards, and we'd go off of a cliffe.

    Also the "I'm going to sell you!" When she won't let me catch her.

    What threats do you make?

  • #2
    I knew someone that always threatened to put a can of Alpo in his horses stall after a bad ride so the horse could "think about it's options". Eeeeep.

    Comment


    • #3
      "OMG if you weren't so cute and your dad didn't like you so much, I'D KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!" Said very loud, through gritted teeth, while trying to control two-year-old pissy chestnut filly in heat and apologize to farrier who is thinking basically the same thing.
      COTH's official mini-donk enabler

      "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl

      Comment


      • #4
        I'm getting your Auntie Cathy!!

        Auntie Cathy being the one who started him.

        Comment


        • #5
          To the stallions: "If you don't stop (insert whatever inappropriate behaviour), I'm going to cut one of your balls off. If you do it again, the other one can join it!"

          I can't say that's too original though, since I say the same thing to DH.
          Founder of the Olde Farte Clique

          Comment


          • #6
            To my old mare:

            "I'm going to sell you to the dumpling man down the road."

            "If you don't stop that, I'm washing your udders daily." (she hated that)

            "No candy canes for you!"

            To my gelding:

            "If you don't quit, you're back on stall rest for a week." (boy does he hate stall rest)

            "You're making me reconsider shipping you all this way!"

            Of course then they look at me cutely and I apologize.
            "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

            -my gelding is a ho clique-

            Comment


            • #7
              If you bite me, I'll bite you.
              It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati

              Comment


              • #8
                We are near Amish farmland, and I've been known to brandish a postcard of a hard-working horse pulling a buggy or a team plowing a field, and threatened "This could be your next job if you don't like the program here". I feel better then,and horse could care less as postcard is clearly neither treat nor toy!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I threaten to sell him by the pound. He never listens, though...
                  Don't tell me about what you can't do. That's boring. Show me what you can do. - Mom

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I whisper the name of the killer buyer in the area. I guess that makes me a horse whisperer.

                    I also call them worthless mules.

                    Kill pen rejects. Not even good enough to get slaughtered. (Ponies were both purchased out of the kill pen.)

                    I tell them the next family to love them wll be French.

                    LF
                    Lostfarming in Idaho
                    http://i512.photobucket.com/albums/t...etPleasure.jpg

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I often threaten to smack them with nearby objects (pitchforks, shovels, saddle racks...).

                      When my baby is trying to murder me, I tell her, "Sometimes I understand why people BEAT Arabs!"

                      And as we stand in the barn waiting for the vet, I always remind her that the forthcoming encounter is just punishment for all her wrongdoings in the past few months...
                      Proud member of the EDRF

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        My very favorite....

                        "I'm going to tell UNCLE PAUL to come have a talk with you!"

                        (somehow they all know this is VERY serious!)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          shameless stolen from the Simpsons...

                          "if you don't [insert desired behavior], we're taking a trip to the glue factory... and YOU'RE not invited."

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Your hiney is MINE

                            Originally posted by Pirateer
                            My very favorite....

                            "I'm going to tell UNCLE PAUL to come have a talk with you!"

                            (somehow they all know this is VERY serious!)

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              To my filly:

                              "That's it, no Black Stallion video for a month"
                              "One more time and I am taking your cell phone away"

                              To my gelding:
                              "One more time and you are going to juvie" (meaning, 30-day sleep away camp at his trainer's farm)
                              Roseknoll Sporthorses
                              www.roseknoll.net

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                "I stamp my feet at you!!" - actually, they listen to that one and look all sweet and sorry for themselves like little lost puppydogs.

                                "Oh, are we having a Jellimeat moment, hmmmm?" - that one has my trainer rolling around the ground laughing - as I say it to (1) her son (2) her stallion (that I am riding) (3) any of the dogs and (4) any other horse that I am working... trouble is, I've started saying it at work as well

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  "Don't make me spank you!" is standard....

                                  So you're not tired? We can fix that... (Followed by a detour out of the ring and straight up the hills)

                                  My horse likes to wait until I JUST GET the straps of the noseband together and then pitch his head right as I'm trying to buckle it, pulling them out of my hands....Usually goes something like....

                                  Ty......STOP!
                                  (being still)
                                  (throws head)
                                  DAMMIT!
                                  (still)
                                  (head)
                                  DAMMIT TY, STOP IT!
                                  (still)
                                  (head)
                                  DAMMIT I SAID STOP! (followed by a whack on the nose)

                                  Then he rolls his eyes around and looks at me like I beat him and then I feel bad and rub his head.
                                  My boys...
                                  http://community.webshots.com/user/FirstStepBack
                                  RIP Gem...for you are the greatest...thank you for the inspiration...I will always remember you!
                                  Gem Twist (1979-2006)

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    While trying to give a horse Legend once.... "Stand still or I'm going to jam this #@**&^ needle into your eye!!!!!! And then the night watch guy walks by...
                                    Originally posted by JSwan
                                    Prove it....Otherwise, you're just coming off as a whackjob.
                                    Founding member of the "Not too Klassy for Boxed Wine" Clique

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      my general threat to the horses are to sell them to the Amish...then when they're really bad, I threaten to just give them to the Amish.

                                      Recently - I moved next to a TB race farm - now I'm also threatening to send my young tb over there so he can learn "what real work is"

                                      for some reason, they never pay any real attention to my threats....I can't imagine why?!
                                      Stacy Lynne Photography

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        To my sister's gelding Java (to the tune of Jimmy Buffet) "Java Burgers in Paradise".

                                        To my crochety old mare it's a yell "MARE" and a growl or snort. Sometime she snorts back. There's no telling her what to do at this age- or so she thinks actually I think she *thinks* her name is mare.

                                        Most of the time it stomping feet and growling, it always gets their attention. Otherwise it's "You know there's an auction every Thursday night not to far from here!"

                                        Comment

                                        Working...
                                        X