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Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

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  • ThirdCharm, you sound like me. That's the kind of smack I talk, modified for the situation. With colts, it usually involves castration and rusty penkinves.

    snbess, if you've ever tried to load a Belgian into a trailer when he's decided he is NOT going on, and he tries to run over you (repeatedly), you might end up saying something a teensy naughty. Also, whenever I get stepped on or kicked, terrible words come out of my mouth without my even planning it. It's better than smacking the horse! I admire your restraint.

    BTW, the Belgian now loads better, but he did recently give his owner a run for her money. The next time I saw him he was trying to be sooo good for her. He even picked up his feet for me to trim before I asked. I'm wondering what kind of "talk" they had when I wasn't there.
    "Passion without knowledge is a runaway horse."

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    • Regular threats never worked with my mare.

      I found yelling in spanish worked semi-well. Althought newcomers to the barn had to be instructed to just ignore the looney in the front field screaming profanities in spanish at the fat bay mare.

      "Yo le venderé a un mercado de la carne. ¡Ahora!"

      "Oigo que Alpo toma los donativos!"

      "Los caballos cuestan un dime una docena!"

      If that didn't work, I'd just start babbling and cussing.
      Lucy (Precious Star) - 1994 TB mare; happily reunited with her colt Touch the Stars

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      • I tell my mare I'm going to sell her back to her previous owner.

        Trust me, that's usually enough to make her stop whatever stupid thing she's doing
        Aren't these lovely... Designer Browbands You know you want one!

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        • When my horse is being a jackass, I offer him up for sale for $1. Funny, when he's "for sale" and people see the way he's acting, nobody wants him. Though I can't count how many times someone has come up to me when he's being an angel and offered me $1.50.
          Amwrider: May the fleas of a thousand camels infest their genitalia and may their arms be too short to scratch.

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          • Almost two years ago, Ellie poked her self in the eye with what we think must have been a piece of hay. She ended up with a stromal absess and ulcer that took months to clear up. In the end, it healed fine, but whenever she is bad I always threaten to "poke you in the good eye."

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            • "I found yelling in spanish worked semi-well."

              A spin-off, but if your horses are all named in Spanish, and you're only a Spanish 2 student (at a Christian school none the less), and they're named by a bunch of the guys sitting around alone drinking- NEVER ask what their names means!
              <><

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              • "Hey! You! Where is your brain?"

                "You'd best not even pretend to be that foolish...."
                Do not take anything to heart. Do not hanker after signs of progress. Founder of the Riders with Fibromyalgia clique.

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                • These are great!
                  When my blind appy would act up, I'd tell him "i'll let the wolves get you". it always worked.
                  Coming back from a show, my horse and his trailer buddy started stealing each others hay and then biting each other. I was behind the truck so I saw the whole thing. The driver pulled the truck/trailer over and marched back to the trailer screaming "You're GROUNDED for a WEEK". They were great the rest of the way.

                  My most common threat is "You want me to get the lunge whip, don't you? You really really do".
                  glimmerling


                  Member Appaloosa lovers clique

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                  • These are all great!

                    To my chesnut TB gelding who grinds his teeth and gives you go to he!! looks while you are making the threat:
                    "Don't make tell Aunt Meghan on you." My little sis has to put the stinker through boot camp when he is bad.

                    "Do you want me to get your beating stick?" I then wave the lime green sweat scaper at him as he paws in the wash rack.

                    "Don't think I won't pull you out of boarding school (aka the cushy boarding stable) and bring you home to the country where your only friends will be cows " OTTB reaaaalllly hates cows & good old hubby has like 100 of them!
                    Animals are not disposable!!!
                    http://www.pawsnela.org

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                    • [QUOTE=JenRose]
                      "Do you want me to get your beating stick?" I then wave the lime green sweat scaper at him as he paws in the wash rack.
                      QUOTE]

                      My beating stick is my blue Oster sweat scraper.

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                      • MyEllie- how funny! I even made a cute little label that I stuck on mine. It says "Opie's beatin' stick"

                        Another one- When my sis's mare is fidgeting, pawing, etc. she can yell "You better STAND UP" and that old girl will straighen right up. Sometimes I think she would click her heels together and give a salute if she could!
                        Animals are not disposable!!!
                        http://www.pawsnela.org

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                        • Another: "I CAN out chestnut mare a chestnut mare!"
                          Member: "Collector of Quirky Equines", "Incredible Invisibles", "Proud to be a Mushroom Head", and "Addicted to Howrse" cliques.

                          COTHers & Friends on Howrse

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                          • I haven't read all the answers and other may use this too. On 'Golden Girls' Dorothy was always threatening Sofia with "Shady Pines Ma, Shady Pines", and I find myself saying the same thing. Yeah, I get some weird looks especially because my horse is a gelding.
                            Where's the glamour? You promised me glamour!

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                            • Originally posted by Rusty Stirrup
                              I haven't read all the answers and other may use this too. On 'Golden Girls' Dorothy was always threatening Sofia with "Shady Pines Ma, Shady Pines", and I find myself saying the same thing. Yeah, I get some weird looks especially because my horse is a gelding.
                              ROTFLMBO!!!!!!!!!! here's that one:

                              Sophia: I'm not leaving now. It's just getting good.

                              Dorothy: Shady Pines, Ma.

                              Sophia: I'm right behind you.

                              --------------------

                              Hey, I could use this one for Penny!:

                              Dorothy: [to Sophia] You're a furry little gnome and we feed you too much.

                              I love those two characters.

                              ------------------------

                              Sidebar...: My favorite Sophia story....

                              [the girls are sick. Sophia tells a story]

                              Sophia: In Sicily, we never went to the doctor. We went to the Widow Scarpelli. Whatever you had, she had a cure for it. She was most famous for her green salve to cure earaches. One day, she gave some to Salvadore, the village idiot. He misunderstood the directions and put in on his pasta instead.

                              Dorothy: Well, I guess if you're an idiot with a hearing problem, you do things like that.

                              Sophia: Actually, it turned out ok. The stuff tasted great, so Salvadore decided to market it. At first, things didn't go so well. Ear Salve on Pasta wasn't very appetizing-but once he changed the name to pesto sauce, it sold like hot cakes!

                              Dorothy: Ma, you're making this up!

                              Sophia: So what? I'm old. I'm supposed to be colorful.
                              <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- Being negative only makes a difficult journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it.

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                              • These are great!

                                I'm sure someone else has already said this, but when our horses act up we threaten to serve them to a frenchman with french fries....
                                "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Confucious
                                <>< I.I.

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                                • Originally posted by RoyalTRider
                                  "I found yelling in spanish worked semi-well."

                                  A spin-off, but if your horses are all named in Spanish, and you're only a Spanish 2 student (at a Christian school none the less), and they're named by a bunch of the guys sitting around alone drinking- NEVER ask what their names means!
                                  learned that the hard way

                                  Me: What does Coquetta mean?

                                  Guy: *insert name here*

                                  Me: okay...
                                  *The Quietman ~ Irish Approved Gr.1 Stallion
                                  www.windyislesfarms.com
                                  Like Us on Facebook

                                  Comment


                                  • I used to have an old OTTB that sometimes got a little too excited in the hunt field. I tried to slow him down by whispering "Alpo" in his ear. It never worked. I finally figured out that's what they whispered to him on the track to make him run faster

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                                    • am enjoying this!

                                      I like to make a loud sound that sounds kinda like a buzzer...like the Fries are Up!" sound.....like the buzzer on a game show....loud & sudden & mean sounding.....followed by "DON'T even THINK aboutit!!" and for emphasis....stomp my foot! Gets their attention every time!

                                      Horsehubby calls them all Goatheads.....they just bat their little filly eyelashes at him & smile!! Works for them!! Not for me!

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                                      • I say "if you don't put those ears back where they belong, I'm gonna pull them off" when one is pinning their ears at me.

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                                        • Said in earnest this weekend

                                          "If you do not stop acting like an idiot, I am going to get off and beat your a** in front of God and everybody". And I meant it. It was only a precuror of the day to come.... sigh.....
                                          Shoulders back, hands down, leg ON!

                                          https://clshrs3.wixsite.com/website

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