• Welcome to the Chronicle Forums.
    Please complete your profile. The forums and the rest of www.chronofhorse.com has single sign-in, so your log in information for one will automatically work for the other. Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are the views of the individual and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of The Chronicle of the Horse.

Announcement

Collapse

Forum rules and no-advertising policy

As a participant on this forum, it is your responsibility to know and follow our rules. Please read this message in its entirety.

Board Rules

1. You’re responsible for what you say.
As outlined in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, The Chronicle of the Horse and its affiliates, as well Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd., the developers of vBulletin, are not legally responsible for statements made in the forums.

This is a public forum viewed by a wide spectrum of people, so please be mindful of what you say and who might be reading it—details of personal disputes are likely better handled privately. While posters are legally responsible for their statements, the moderators may in their discretion remove or edit posts that violate these rules. Users have the ability to modify or delete their own messages after posting, but administrators generally will not delete posts, threads or accounts upon request.

Outright inflammatory, vulgar, harassing, malicious or otherwise inappropriate statements and criminal charges unsubstantiated by a reputable news source or legal documentation will not be tolerated and will be dealt with at the discretion of the moderators.

Credible threats of suicide will be reported to the police along with identifying user information at our disposal, in addition to referring the user to suicide helpline resources such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK.

2. Conversations in horse-related forums should be horse-related.
The forums are a wonderful source of information and support for members of the horse community. While it’s understandably tempting to share information or search for input on other topics upon which members might have a similar level of knowledge, members must maintain the focus on horses.

3. Keep conversations productive, on topic and civil.
Discussion and disagreement are inevitable and encouraged; personal insults, diatribes and sniping comments are unproductive and unacceptable. Whether a subject is light-hearted or serious, keep posts focused on the current topic and of general interest to other participants of that thread. Utilize the private message feature or personal email where appropriate to address side topics or personal issues not related to the topic at large.

4. No advertising in the discussion forums.
Posts in the discussion forums directly or indirectly advertising horses, jobs, items or services for sale or wanted will be removed at the discretion of the moderators. Use of the private messaging feature or email addresses obtained through users’ profiles for unsolicited advertising is not permitted.

Company representatives may participate in discussions and answer questions about their products or services, or suggest their products on recent threads if they fulfill the criteria of a query. False "testimonials" provided by company affiliates posing as general consumers are not appropriate, and self-promotion of sales, ad campaigns, etc. through the discussion forums is not allowed.

Paid advertising is available on our classifieds site and through the purchase of banner ads. The tightly monitored Giveaways forum permits free listings of genuinely free horses and items available or wanted (on a limited basis). Items offered for trade are not allowed.

Advertising Policy Specifics
When in doubt of whether something you want to post constitutes advertising, please contact a moderator privately in advance for further clarification. Refer to the following points for general guidelines:

Horses – Only general discussion about the buying, leasing, selling and pricing of horses is permitted. If the post contains, or links to, the type of specific information typically found in a sales or wanted ad, and it’s related to a horse for sale, regardless of who’s selling it, it doesn’t belong in the discussion forums.

Stallions – Board members may ask for suggestions on breeding stallion recommendations. Stallion owners may reply to such queries by suggesting their own stallions, only if their horse fits the specific criteria of the original poster. Excessive promotion of a stallion by its owner or related parties is not permitted and will be addressed at the discretion of the moderators.

Services – Members may use the forums to ask for general recommendations of trainers, barns, shippers, farriers, etc., and other members may answer those requests by suggesting themselves or their company, if their services fulfill the specific criteria of the original post. Members may not solicit other members for business if it is not in response to a direct, genuine query.

Products – While members may ask for general opinions and suggestions on equipment, trailers, trucks, etc., they may not list the specific attributes for which they are in the market, as such posts serve as wanted ads.

Event Announcements – Members may post one notification of an upcoming event that may be of interest to fellow members, if the original poster does not benefit financially from the event. Such threads may not be “bumped” excessively. Premium members may post their own notices in the Event Announcements forum.

Charities/Rescues – Announcements for charitable or fundraising events can only be made for 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organizations. Special exceptions may be made, at the moderators’ discretion and direction, for board-related events or fundraising activities in extraordinary circumstances.

Occasional posts regarding horses available for adoption through IRS-registered horse rescue or placement programs are permitted in the appropriate forums, but these threads may be limited at the discretion of the moderators. Individuals may not advertise or make announcements for horses in need of rescue, placement or adoption unless the horse is available through a recognized rescue or placement agency or government-run entity or the thread fits the criteria for and is located in the Giveaways forum.

5. Do not post copyrighted photographs unless you have purchased that photo and have permission to do so.

6. Respect other members.
As members are often passionate about their beliefs and intentions can easily be misinterpreted in this type of environment, try to explore or resolve the inevitable disagreements that arise in the course of threads calmly and rationally.

If you see a post that you feel violates the rules of the board, please click the “alert” button (exclamation point inside of a triangle) in the bottom left corner of the post, which will alert ONLY the moderators to the post in question. They will then take whatever action, or no action, as deemed appropriate for the situation at their discretion. Do not air grievances regarding other posters or the moderators in the discussion forums.

Please be advised that adding another user to your “Ignore” list via your User Control Panel can be a useful tactic, which blocks posts and private messages by members whose commentary you’d rather avoid reading.

7. We have the right to reproduce statements made in the forums.
The Chronicle of the Horse may copy, quote, link to or otherwise reproduce posts, or portions of posts, in print or online for advertising or editorial purposes, if attributed to their original authors, and by posting in this forum, you hereby grant to The Chronicle of the Horse a perpetual, non-exclusive license under copyright and other rights, to do so.

8. We reserve the right to enforce and amend the rules.
The moderators may delete, edit, move or close any post or thread at any time, or refrain from doing any of the foregoing, in their discretion, and may suspend or revoke a user’s membership privileges at any time to maintain adherence to the rules and the general spirit of the forum. These rules may be amended at any time to address the current needs of the board.

Please see our full Terms of Service and Privacy Policy for more information.

Thanks for being a part of the COTH forums!

(Revised 2/8/18)
See more
See less

Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #81
    "You better be more affraid of me than that *insert object here*"

    "Im going to beat you from one end of the farm to the other" Of course they know this isnt true

    "Nobody likes you!" Not sure what I think this will accomplish, but it makes me feel better, lol.

    And of course sometimes there are some choice colorful words that come out of my mouth.

    Comment


    • #82
      I used to go around the show ring singing "elmers....ellllllmmmmmeeeerrrrssss" under my breath to my QH. It actually worked but thats just cause he always went better when i talked to him.

      My newest threat to my pony and my three year old is that i'll send them back to where they came from! (the barn i got them at kept them stalled except for an hour outside daily in tiny paddocks...they now live outside 24/7).
      Rinne
      Joe
      Wesley

      Comment


      • #83
        When he's just being a little irksome: "Peppermints are a privilege, not a right."

        When he's really managed to be an ass: "You'll stop that if the phrase 'Kibbles & Bits' means anything to you."
        "Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense!"

        Comment


        • #84
          "If you bite me you'll never see the light of another day"
          "if you strike me you'll be castrated so fast you won't know what happened"(we have alot of two year old colts at the moment).
          "I hear purina has nice turnout paddocks.."
          "I'm going to hit you so hard you'll wish you never even THOUGHT about doing it in the first place."
          "You won't be seeing another peppermint if your life depended on it"
          "if you like to live you'll behave"
          "just be good for two freakin' seconds!"

          Thats my usual list of threats, I usually just make sure they think they won't be living. Like they understand that..lol

          Comment


          • #85
            Ah, yes. "Don't make me beat you," or simply, "I will beat you!" Said tongue-in-cheek, because my "beatings" generally consist of a single thump with a rope lead, a soft brush, or whatever harmless object happens to be in my hand at the time.

            "Oooh, bad! You're gonna GET it!" is another "threat" of mine. Again, "it" consists of some miniscule, painless flailing on my part that leaves horses rolling their eyes/sighing in exasperation, yet behaving nonetheless.

            And sometimes, I just *gasp* in horror and say, "You did NOT just do that," or, "I'm going to pretend I didn't see that."

            Comment


            • #86
              i generally threaten mine with things like

              MUD
              All Day Turnout
              No More Fan
              Bug Spray? What bug spray?
              He usually shudders in fear and acts like a good boy the rest of the time. he's a pinto with high stockings and hates being dirty.

              For my mom's gelding as he acted up for the farrier - whip out the cell phone and ask him Do I need to call mom at work? He stood perfectly the rest of the time.
              ---------------------------
              University of Minnesota College of Veterinary Medicine Class of 2012
              Member of the Asthmatic Riders & "Someone Special To Me Serves In The Military" cliques

              Comment


              • #87
                I just tell him how lucky he is that mommy loves him. No one else would enjoy the bucking trail rides he gives me. He'd have ended up in a can if it weren't for me. No doubt. No one bothers to rehab a horse with a blown out ankle that they can't jump and most likely can't show. I'm a sucka for a horse that makes passes at me. He stole my heart.

                "If you have the time, spend it. If you have a hand, lend it. If you have the money, give it. If you have a heart, share it." by me

                Comment


                • #88
                  Not exactly a threat, but when we're approaching the last left turn heading back to the barn after a lesson, my young mare Stella will inevitably start pawing at the trailer floor in anticipation. I yell out the open window of my truck, in my most Brando-like, deep-as-I-can-make-it, voice, "STELLLLLLL-AAAAAH!"

                  Damned if she doesn't stop.

                  Of course the looks from other drivers are priceless.
                  "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Churchill

                  Comment


                  • #89
                    'I can arrange to get you invited to dinner in France' is effective.

                    Once, years ago in Virginia, a normally trusty, saintly horse balked at going back onto the trailer to go home after a day of hunting. Truth is, he wanted to graze a wee bit more. It happens that the day's meet was at the particular hunt's kennels. So, after a minute or so of stalemate, I casually observed to the horse that if he wanted to stay there, well, I was sure the hounds would be interested in having him 'stay for lunch.' He walked right on into the trailer.

                    Comment


                    • #90
                      i've only threathend my mare twice, the first time i had taken her out for a gallop along the neighbors property line, we have about a 10 foot wide track, and on one side its just trees, the other side is high voltage electric wire...guess which side she drifts to. the electric wire. i told her that if she ran me into that wire, as soon as i was able to stand up she would be at the glue factory so damn fast she wouldn't know what had happend.
                      the other time we were out in the pasture just warming up and she bolted, i had never ran her quite that fast, and had no idea what she bolted from, i told her that if i fell of that would be the last time she ran ...ever.
                      Tuffy 8 year old QH mare
                      Dash 2 year old Halfinger gelding

                      Comment


                      • #91
                        "I brought you into the world, I can take you out" to my homebred fav filly.

                        In the early years to the one who is now my uber once in a lifetime guy: "You will look very cute pulling an Amish cart". Oh geez, okay, I called him Alpo during those dark days. Okay, and might have mentioned that in the old days horses pulled these manure carts, and that I was feeling nostalgic....

                        To the youngster: "next time you raise that damn back leg to me, I am gonna see how brave you are with all your hooves tied behind your damn back."

                        Or "what if kick out at me and your leg sticks that way? So help me god, I can arrange that."

                        Or "you are now my official low valued horse."

                        Note re the youngster - he can be very friendly but he has a streak I don't get yet how to deal with, so he gets the most "mouth" from me. He just turned three, and I love love his mom and sister (and she was nicknamed "Hellcat" for a bit

                        Comment


                        • #92
                          The mare I ride gets threatened with being sent back to the NH people she came from. She really, really hated NH.
                          "Adulthood? You're playing with ponies. That is, like, every 9 year old girl's dream. Adulthood?? You're rocking the HELL out of grade 6, girl."

                          Comment


                          • #93
                            I have also been known to remind whichever horse is currently misbehaving, "Remember what happened to Ginger. SHE was bad, and she ended up dead on a cart with her tongue hanging out."

                            (That would be Ginger from "Black Beauty")
                            Approved helmet: Every time; every ride.
                            "When a sport gets to be predictable it ceases to be fun." - RAR's wise brother

                            Comment


                            • #94
                              Honestly, after the heat of the moment is gone, I can't even remember what I've said. I talk smack under my breath the whole time we are working on the problem. I get this low growl that only comes out when I'm really angry and then start talking.... It's embarassing to look up and realize people are watching and I have no idea what I've said.
                              "Passion without knowledge is a runaway horse."

                              Comment


                              • #95
                                A friend once told her mare after a bad course "You'll be the best bred Amish horse ever!"
                                flogarty
                                "It is difficult not to be unjust to what one loves" Oscar Wilde

                                Comment


                                • #96
                                  I did threaten a two year old colt that I had had on the show ring for two hours nipping biting shoving and being plain rude that I was going to geld him by pulling his balls out through his mouth. He was gelded within two weeks by the vet in the normal way lol.
                                  Yesterday I threatened to chop Daniels legs off at the knees. We had a 300 kilometre trip from one side of a major city to the other with stop start all the way and he pawed every stop.

                                  Shirrine
                                  ______________________________
                                  Horses are for enjoying, so enjoy.

                                  Shirrine
                                  http://www.freewebs.com/shirrinepark/

                                  Comment


                                  • #97
                                    What Horses Hear Us Say

                                    blah blah blah [insert horse name here] blah BLAH!!!
                                    Blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah BLAH!blah blah blah [insert horse name here] blah BLAH!!!
                                    Blah blah blah BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah BLAH!blah blah blah [insert horse name here] blah BLAH!!!
                                    Originally posted by susamorg
                                    Have your good rides but don't forget to stop and smell the horses .

                                    Susan
                                    Fundamental Horsemanship

                                    Comment


                                    • #98
                                      I have been known to snarl at my marey mares, when they are acting up, "Don't even THINK about it, Princess, I am a bigger, meaner B**ch than you have ever DREAMED of being and you know it!!!"



                                      Jennifer
                                      Third Charm Event Team

                                      Comment


                                      • #99
                                        When I was competing him: "If you weren't such a HANDSOME SOB I'd sell you for Alpo!"

                                        When he turned older and not competing: "I'm being punished for something, aren't I?"
                                        RIP Bo, the real Appassionato
                                        5/5/84-7/12/08

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by snbess
                                          I don't threaten my horse. I don't think it's productive. I have friends who have used the Alpo threat, and it's funny, but it's not me. Not to say I don't make darn sure she understands she isn't to jump on me when she gets scared, but I tell her to get off me or get over, not "I'm going to sell you" or whatever. I just don't feel like it promotes a trusting relationship...but that's me and I know others feel differently.
                                          Sandra
                                          Well, just threaten her in another language. That way she won't understand you and you'll feel better.

                                          Comment

                                          Working...
                                          X