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Threats you make to your horse, perferably funny/sarcastic

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  • #41
    When my mare tries to get out of lateral work by cantering and being generally wiggly:

    "I'm going to sell you to a 12-year-old girl who will make you run barrels and poles."

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    • #42
      Oh, my other favorite, said to bucking/rearing/spinning/whatever horse: "You really DON'T want me off your back...."

      I only had to prove this to my TB a couple of times - I jumped off (when it became obvious that I was coming off one way or the other ) and yelled and waved my arms and generally made him think he was about to die. Then I got back on and proceded calmly with work. He learned that he really, really DOESN'T want me off until I'M ready to get off.
      Proud member of the EDRF

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      • #43
        My favorite: "I brought you into this world. I can take you out again!" (She's a homebred).

        I once threatened to turn a TB named Fancy That in to cat food because she wasn't good enough to be dog food. (Her barn nickname became Fancy Feast).

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        • #44
          I threaten mine with being sold to a beginner lesson program.

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          • #45
            when my horse runs well actually walks just fast enough that i cant catch him in the field i just say FINE BE THAT WAY and walk towards the gate. then he slowly starts to follow me like ohh she's mad now.
            "Riding a horse is not a hobby to be picked up & laid down, it is a grand passion. It seizes a person whole & once it has done so, he will have to accept his life will be radically changed." - RWE

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            • #46
              well...

              When I'm fed up with mine, I say "Don't make me beat you!" My farrier says, "yeah right." I was at another farm getting ready for a lesson one time and my mare kept pawing in the wash stall. After telling her to quit about 3 times just to have her immediately restart each time, I told her "don't make me beat you!" She stopped immediately and didn't restart. I turned to the instructor in horror and said "I don't beat her, really!" Instructor just laughed.
              Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe

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              • #47
                Our fat little pony got into some chick feed yesterday, which of course resulted in an emergency vet call. I told him he's going to have to do pony rides at birthday parties all summer to pay off that bill.

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                • #48
                  Well, MY horses are all perfect so I, of course, never have to threaten them!

                  (erm, well, okay, every now and then it's possible that they might be bad. I'm partial to "You do NOT want me to have to come over there!" when Brandy is trying to dig to China while I clean her stall and my husband had the classic line to Sera-whom he does NOT get along with-one night when coming home from a brutal but unsuccessful day of archery hunting "you know Horse, you're bigger than an elk, closer to the freezer, and it would cost less to eat you than feed you" Cracked me up since I know he'd never do it. The funny thing was that Sera didn't try to run him over for a good week after that!)
                  My Photo Albums

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                  • #49
                    Ah, there are many, but I think my favorite was the one Mr. 17handtb - the non-horsey person - threatened the Big Red Golden Retriever with when BRGR would not stop trying to eat his jacket sleeve:

                    "Hey, buddy. I'm warning ya. You. Me. Breeders Cup 2007. It WILL happen. And I'm gonna ride ya there, too."

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                    • #50
                      A friend of mine used to threaten mine with "Don't make me call Bill Cosby. You know he loves Jello."

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                      • #51
                        To my little yearling colt it's "You know those poor slobs known as geldings? You know how quickly you can join them?"
                        For Stormy it's "You think you have problems now? Wait until I sell you. THEN you'll have problems" (as he's pretty damn lame)
                        For Arion and his little terrible two stage "Does it look like your pissy fit is getting to me? Remember, you bite me, I bite harder."
                        In my opinion, a horse is the animal to have. 1300 pounds of raw muscle, power, grace, and sweat between your legs - it's something you just can't get from a pet hamster.

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                        • #52
                          After the show in which the stallion I ride ran over the judge, I threatened to never let him breed again. He must have understood because he was a complete angel at the next one.

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                          • #53
                            I threaten mine with if you don't behave I'm going to advertise you FREE to a BAD home"!
                            Of course it strikes terror into their hearts and they immediately behave. NOT!
                            Save lives! Adopt a pet from your local shelter.

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                            • #54
                              Originally posted by Kementari
                              Oh, my other favorite, said to bucking/rearing/spinning/whatever horse: "You really DON'T want me off your back...."
                              Oh yea, I'm good for the "If you get me off your back, you better make damn sure I can't get up..." [this is also good for kick me/bite me]

                              And for any potential escapees heading down the driveway "If you go down that driveway, you better make damn sure you find a good home!'
                              Your crazy is showing. You might want to tuck that back in.

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                              • #55
                                These are great!

                                I just threaten to sell them all to the soap factory.

                                I'm also known to yell at them "don't make me beat you" which of course terryfies them into immediate submission (yeah right)

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                                • #56
                                  I have always threatened mine with "You COULD be pulling a cart around Downtown and actually EARN your keep!"

                                  And "Its a good thing your cute!" Oh, no, thats the husband, er uhm and the horse and the dog....
                                  "Shoot low Sheriff! She rides a fast pony!"

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                                  • #57
                                    "Saddlebreds look lovely in harness. They worked all day long on plantations way before they went into the show ring. And, sweetheart, your breeding has more working lines than show lines. And we have a big field out back. And gas for the tractor is expensive. Think it over."
                                    The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlive it -- William James

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                                    • #58
                                      Not such a big threat to any other horse, perhaps. I simply remind him where his Peep Source comes from. Hence his willing, amiable nature.
                                      www.specialhorses.org
                                      a 501(c)3 organization helping 501(c)3 equine rescues

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                                      • #59
                                        'I will trade you in for a polo pony!' (Haha, very threatening, I know.)

                                        'I will kick you back!'

                                        *Snaps teeth when bitten at*
                                        <><

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                                        • #60
                                          To Quest, who i swear understands english... 'You're not too cute to shoot!!'

                                          To Lilly, the retired one. 'You know how easily I can bring you back into work?'

                                          Just thought of another one I use: 'Just cause I bought you dosn't mean I have to keep you..'
                                          Horse Show Names Free name website with over 6200 names. Want to add? PM me!

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