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  • #41
    Have your parents visit the COTH AIM chat and talk to the people on there about ways to ensure Tex will go to a good home. It will be sad, but all involved will be happier, and you can always sell him with right of first refusal. There are lots of ways to be safe when selling a horse. Nothing is foolproof, but a careful seller can do many things to ensure her horse is cared for by a buyer.

    My first pony is now carting around a seven year old and racking up blue ribbons, and I am MUCH happier than if I had kept her- I had outgrown her and she would never forgive me if I kept her from that wonderful little girl! Selling your first horse doesn't have to hurt. I cried from HAPPINESS the day Flame officially became that little girl's first horse- it was so sweet to see them bonding!
    "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

    -my gelding is a ho clique-

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    • Original Poster

      #42
      Ugh, I don't know what to do!

      I asked my mom again, she said we will just get him trained...I asked her if she was going to ride him everyday after he gets back, her exact words were "no, but you can" I have my own horse that I am trying to work with, even if my mom rode him every day, because she hasn't ever had lessons he would convert back to his old self and we would have just lost $800. Know I am probably not going to my lesson this weekend, I missed mine last weekend because of a party, wanted to go on Saturday but no... know this weekend, it's not fair and my parents don't even care. I am supposed to have a little jumping show (x rails I think) just to see what Sheza can do and I need all the lessons I can get, I don't think they see how important riding is to me. All this is making me stressed, I didn't ride today because I didn't want to get on because I knew I would get frustrated at somthing. If you guys have parents that are horse people, be thankful!
      -Lindsey

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      • #43
        do your parents want a new horse to trail ride on?
        if they don't seem interested in that maybe you shouldnt look into that. also, there might be other reasons for not wasnting to sell Tex. i think you have to find out exactly why first, and then you can try to work it out.
        its sad, but sometimes you just get a horse that isnt right and even though it may be hard to sell it, its the right thing to do

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        • #44
          A three year old doesn't need to be ridden every day- he needs supervised exercise and careful groundwork every day, though. Think about getting some Clinton Anderson books or a clicker training book or a Mark Rashid book... there are lots of resources available to show you what you can do if you MUST keep him. However, it would be best to send him on and get a better horse for yourself and your parents.

          Have your parents read COTH- it's a good resource!
          "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

          -my gelding is a ho clique-

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #45
            Shahrazade, he has to be ridden alot to be able to remember everything he would have learned at the trainers. My mom would just get on him and not know what to do and confuse him and/or get hurt.

            JustJay, they don't want to pay for it and they are attacked to him.
            -Lindsey

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            • #46
              Originally posted by ~DressageJunkie~
              (snip) they are attacked to him.
              I believe you mean attached, but that could be a Freudian slip You or your parents could easily be hurt trying to handle a horse not suited for your family.

              I think the mere fact you think he will need to be ridden every day shows that a young horse isn't the best choice for you. Quality is better than quantity. If you give him several mediocre training sessions in a week, he'll forget what he learned at the trainer's much more quickly than if you give him two or three good rides a week and a few good sessions of groundwork. Exercising him under saddle daily will not magically cement into his head notions that he must be a good horsey- a young horse needs to be taught respect and cooperation in a positive manner, not simply put through his paces.

              As someone else said, every time you touch your young horse you are training him. Every time you feed him, you are training him. He is always learning, whether it is something you WANT him to learn or not.

              The fact you don't understand this yet illustrates that you should be riding a safe, confidence builder horse whose training is finished.
              "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." - Gandhi

              -my gelding is a ho clique-

              Comment

              • Original Poster

                #47
                Yes attached, was in a hurry to type that.

                Yeah, quality is better then quanity, but I don't think me or my parents could do that.
                -Lindsey

                Comment


                • #48
                  Originally posted by Shahrazade
                  I believe you mean attached, but that could be a Freudian slip You or your parents could easily be hurt trying to handle a horse not suited for your family.

                  I think the mere fact you think he will need to be ridden every day shows that a young horse isn't the best choice for you. Quality is better than quantity. If you give him several mediocre training sessions in a week, he'll forget what he learned at the trainer's much more quickly than if you give him two or three good rides a week and a few good sessions of groundwork. Exercising him under saddle daily will not magically cement into his head notions that he must be a good horsey- a young horse needs to be taught respect and cooperation in a positive manner, not simply put through his paces.

                  As someone else said, every time you touch your young horse you are training him. Every time you feed him, you are training him. He is always learning, whether it is something you WANT him to learn or not.

                  The fact you don't understand this yet illustrates that you should be riding a safe, confidence builder horse whose training is finished.
                  Whoa, it sounds like DJ is making a lot of progress in the right direction! Lets not overwhelm her with detail now.

                  DJ- my parents weren't and aren't horse people, and it's really hard to do this sport feeling like you're on your own. However, you need to stick up for what you know to be the best idea, even if you have to admit to your parents that you were wrong at first, but that you're learning a lot and you want to do the right thing.

                  Maybe you could show them these threads, or have your trainer help you explain this to them. My parents wouldn't even let the trainer help me pick out a horse, because they thought the commissions were just the trainer's way of trying to sucker some more cash out of them. I almost got killed several times because of that attitude. I would have been MUCH happier had I let the trainer pick out a horse. Sometimes, you have to learn the hard way, and your parents won't always support you or understand what's going on. You can't let that get to you. Just keep trying to be the best horseperson you can be, (I still recommend buying the United States Pony Club D Manual and reading it for a good start- I believe the C manual even covers groundwork and longing) and hope for the best.

                  I really commend you for deciding not to work with the horses when you were frustrated. That's a really good step forwards in the right direction. If you practice, you'll be able to put your frustration aside when you're with the horses, and not react out of anger or frustration even when they do something wrong. Even the most trained horse will frustrate you sometimes, so learning how to put your emotions aside is a useful thing!

                  Explain to your mom that Tex isn't really in a good home right now. He'll be confused when he gets home from the trainer's, and you're exactly right- you don't have time to ride and work with two green horses at a time! I would ask your trainer to help you with this. Sometimes, writing my parents letters helped. You could try that, and include reasons for selling Tex, how you want to go about it, and even some posts from COTH that detail how a young horse isn't a good match for a beginner family, or anyone who doesn't have the time or patience to teach a young horse what he needs to learn.
                  Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

                  Comment

                  • Original Poster

                    #49
                    Thanks for the post Candle, I don't know why but by telling my mom that we should see Tex is like having someone tell me to sell Sheza, I can't get it out of my mind that I am like forcing her to sell him, when I am not, but it would be better, I don't want my mom to be sad by losing Tex, but I want my mom to have fun and ride with me. I will talk to my trainer this weekend if I can.
                    -Lindsey

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      You're learning how to look out for your safety, and your mom's safety too. I once recommended that my mom buy a horse, and she did, but he ended up being too much horse for her. He acted green and spooky with her, even though he behaved like a gentleman for me. I'd had much more experience by this time than she had, although she had lessons for almost a year (that was about six years before she got this particular horse). Anyways, I ended up having to convince her she should sell him, and I felt pretty bad about it, but I would have felt HORRIBLE if she'd gotten hurt on a horse I recommended to her, and I'm sure you would too.

                      Sometimes non horse parents who you think don't care about what you do with the horses will suddenly get really stubborn when you try to make a big change, like selling Tex. This doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do, just that most adults don't like making changes without knowing why either. They need education, just like you do, which is why I think they might benefit from the trainer advising them a little bit.

                      Can you find a Pony Club manual on Amazon.com? PM me if you need help finding one. I think it might be a very good thing for you to read. I'd get the D and C manual if you can find them. Good luck!
                      Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #51
                        I feel like I am selling my horse for my benefit. Yes she will get a broke horse, but I also want somthing that I can jump and learn on too, I feel like I am getting all what I want, she wants a TWH.

                        I have rented those from the library, I can get them again and read them over, you can have those out for at least a month, plenty of time.
                        -Lindsey

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          Good! You can both find something to share most likely with very few compromises. A good trail horse and a good low level event horse share a lot of the same qualities. They are brave, obedient, quiet, and sound. Fancy doesn't matter in either trail riding or eventing. It sounds like you're trying to do the right thing with Tex now, and I'm really happy to hear that.
                          Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

                          Comment

                          • Original Poster

                            #53
                            Thanks, I am excited yet I want to cry every time I really think about selling him, we will make sure it is a good home though. 100's of people are selling horses everyday, I think I get to attached (not attacked ) to them :P

                            My dad is still the one to convince, he thinks he will be perfect just by 30 days with no work afterwords, I think my dad has ridden horses about 5 times in his whole life..
                            -Lindsey

                            Comment


                            • #54
                              Originally posted by ~DressageJunkie~
                              I feel like I am selling my horse for my benefit. Yes she will get a broke horse, but I also want somthing that I can jump and learn on too, I feel like I am getting all what I want, she wants a TWH.
                              I think you may be somewhat right here as you just backed it up. If this is a horse for your mom, then help her find the right horse for HER. There are TWH's out there that are dead broke, you just need to search them out and it may take many months of looking. If you already have your own horse at such a young age (and consider yourself very lucky here), you shouldn't be trying to find a horse for your mom that you want. If your primary horse isn't what you want or need, then maybe you should look into doing something about that.
                              **Member of the Modified Riders Clique and the "End TWH Big Lick Abuse" Clique**

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                I was really attached to all the horses I have sold, but seeing them happy in their new homes makes a lot of the sadness go away. Horses need to find a place where they are a good fit. I compare it to relationships a lot. Most of the time, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the boy or the girl, just that they don't get along together very well, or it's not the right time in their lives. There's nothing wrong with you not knowing enough to train and work with Tex, and there's nothing wrong with Tex himself. It's just that he's not the right guy for you or your family right now. No harm in that.

                                There's not a whole lot of advice I can give you about your dad! I never got along with my parents about horses until I gave up and started paying for everything myself. Then, everything was fine and they started giving good advice and being emotionally supportive of my riding. There might not be a lot you can do except try to get adults to talk to him for you, maybe a 4-H leader.
                                Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

                                Comment


                                • #56
                                  That's great you can borrow them from the library DJ--maybe make photocopies, one for you and one for your mom, of the stuff with groundwork and lunging?

                                  I think you're doing a very grown-up thing here, recognizing that Tex is beyond your abilities. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. I would really try to have your trainer talk with your mom. What about your dad? Could he help explain to your mom that it would be a waste of money without the proper follow up care for Tex, particularly if you're in school and have homework and are already working with Sheza?

                                  You said your mom wants a TWH...why? For the gaited? There are some TWH that aren't gaited. I know two saddlebreds who jump--one goes around Novice, the other one has jumped over the bed of a pick up truck try to show your mom how much more temperament and experience of the horse is than the breed.

                                  You're on the right track! You just have to show your mom that this is something you have thought about and decided it is best for TEX. Make it clear that you are thinking about the best for him, not anyone else. Print out this thread, or some of the others where you have asked for help with Tex. Ask your trainer to talk to her soon.

                                  You're coming a long way. You should be proud of yourself for the realizations you have made about your abilities and expectations.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    #57
                                    Thanks for all the advice, it makes me feel better and that I am doing the right thing.

                                    Yes, she want's somthing gaited, but for the amount of time she will ride it's not worth paying for somthing that would sit in the pasture, unlike a little eventer I would ride too.

                                    It feels better that I am actually getting good advice and support instead of being jumped on, which was my fault for not listening.

                                    How much do you want to bet, 30 years down the road, some girl will have a youngeter and I will be on of them to show her the option of selling it. I don't know why everyone learns by the hard way, even when there are people out there trying to help you from going down that path!

                                    Thanks guys.
                                    -Lindsey

                                    Comment


                                    • #58
                                      We're all taught to be skeptical in this country, and ask questions, and not do things blindly. This is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes a bad thing! It's hard for us to know the difference sometimes between not wanting to take advice because the advice is bad, or because we just don't know any better and it sounds strange to us. All of us started where you are now, just probably not on a public bb, but we all made mistakes too of some kind. All the yelling and frustration is just people not wanting to see you make as many mistakes. You'll learn as you go along, and just FYI, a good trainer on the ground is worth a million of us online posters who can't see you, can't help you in real-time, and can't show you how we would do something differently
                                      Somewhere in the world, Jason Miraz is Goodling himself and wondering why "the chronicle of the horse" is a top hit. CaitlinAndTheBay

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        I'll second that about the trainer.

                                        I'll also second that about not wanting to see you make the same mistakes we all have either done or seen. After getting an MRI that said I had the spine of a 60 year old (and, for the record, I'm not) and the doctor was puzzled until I said I rode horses, we don't want to see you get unnecessarily hurt/killed. I mean, everyone falls off at some point or another, but it's always nice to minimize the risk a bit. People get frustrated when they percieve that people aren't listening - but from what I've seen in this thread, you're doing a great job - kudos - it's hard to do!

                                        As far as the horse goes, perhaps your mom would ride more if she did have that dead-broke gaited horse that she wants so much. And perhaps it might be a good idea to send Sheza for training instead of trying to buy a new horse Just a thought. I know that Tex needed training, which is what you're trying to avoid, but the difference is that if you send Sheza to a specialized trainer (in hunter/jumper stuff, if that's what you want to do, or an event trainer, if that's what you want to do) and you take lessons on a dead-broke btdt kind of horse, then perhaps Sheza can turn into the horse you need. I know you don't want to sell her and I can understand that feeling - maybe this is a bridge to what you want to do with her.

                                        Just a thought
                                        Meet Wendall the wonder horse
                                        and introducing Machado! http://pets.webshots.com/photo/28186...SDi?vhost=pets

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                                        • Original Poster

                                          #60
                                          I thought about sending her to a eventing trainer, but it would take way more then 30 days. To get her good a jumping, then some basic dressage, plus the groudwork and headset issue. The new horse could be somthing that I could jump on while Sheza is still learning, and going to a trainer.
                                          -Lindsey

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