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Help! What do I do? Parents and Riding Lessons (sorry, LONG)

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  • Originally posted by DocHF
    a) with a paper route
    b) and babysitting
    c) and conspiring with a friend and
    d) neither of us told our parents until months later.
    e) the training wasn't very good

    No kidding, my best friend , who was 12, and myself a few months younger at 11, had a paper route and saved all our money and pooled it to buy a 10 year old large pony, which we kept at the riding stable where we bought it. The pony was trained to harness and worked off his board by being used as a trail horse and a hay wagon horse. My friend paid me back and took full possession a year later. So that part of the story is not unusual. My parents never knew until years later I had actually been part owner of that horse, and my friend told her parents it was my horse! At 14, my coach and I went to a claiming race and bought an OTTB for me. And again, my parents never knew until some time later. Our folks were just happy knowing we were hanging out at the barn all day, every day and were safe and healthy. They never paid for our riding lessons or other horse realted expenses. We got jobs for that, and rode our bicycles the 13 miles each way to the stable each day.

    Later, we both paid for our own education at private highschool and I went on and paid for my entire university education myself and did not live at home past age 18. We learned very good lessons about finances and savings and hard work because of horses in our lives.

    We were not perfect, and our parents were not wretched. And I'm sure, hanging out at the barn on Firday nights, we sometimes complained about our hard lot when the other girls at the stables had the luck to have their parents buy them expensive horses and clothes, while we sewed our own breeches from the Lola Gentry catalog of patterns.
    Yeah, but this girl doesn't have a job. No paper route. No babysitting.
    "Absent a correct diagnosis, medicine is poison, surgery is trauma and alternative therapy is witchcraft" A. Kent Allen
    http://www.etsy.com/shop/tailsofglory

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Alagirl

      In dubio pro reo...
      Yeah, I'm not sure what your hang up is with me or with non-English phrases when this is predominantly an English speaking/reading bb, but you can add to me your ignore list and save yourself a lot of time quoting my posts and rebuddling. As for the above phrase, this is not a court of law and your little gem simply does not apply.
      "Absent a correct diagnosis, medicine is poison, surgery is trauma and alternative therapy is witchcraft" A. Kent Allen
      http://www.etsy.com/shop/tailsofglory

      Comment


      • Originally posted by JackieBlue
        Yeah, I'm not sure what your hang up is with me or with non-English phrases when this is predominantly an English speaking/reading bb, but you can add to me your ignore list and save yourself a lot of time quoting my posts and rebuddling. As for the above phrase, this is not a court of law and your little gem simply does not apply.
        It's a legal term: Latin for *If any doubt for the defendant!*


        Or, as the legal system has it: Innocent untill proven guilty.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by JackieBlue
          Yeah, but this girl doesn't have a job. No paper route. No babysitting.
          Most papers these days require the paper person to have a driverslicense and a car these days...

          Besides, she had a job, and she IS working her board off...

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Alagirl
            It's a legal term: Latin for *If any doubt for the defendant!*


            Or, as the legal system has it: Innocent untill proven guilty.
            Yes, I know exactly what it means. Why else would I have said "this is not a court of law?" It actually is translated in English circles as "any ambiguity must accrue to the defendant’s advantage", but why split hairs? You are not the only one on this board with a brain, my dear.

            As far as your above quote goes with the paper route thing, it was someone else who originally brought that up and I simply commented. Why didn't you quote the OP? If you take such issue only with me (MANY others have posted the same things I have) why not just add me to your "ignore" list?
            "Absent a correct diagnosis, medicine is poison, surgery is trauma and alternative therapy is witchcraft" A. Kent Allen
            http://www.etsy.com/shop/tailsofglory

            Comment


            • Originally posted by JackieBlue
              Yes, I know exactly what it means. Why else would I have said "this is not a court of law?" It actually is translated in English circles as "any ambiguity must accrue to the defendant’s advantage", but why split hairs? You are not the only one on this board with a brain, my dear.
              My momma taught me better than to type what I am thinking.

              You have a nice day!

              Comment


              • I happen to have a daughter who could worry the sh!t out of constipated donkey.
                You jump in the saddle,
                Hold onto the bridle!
                Jump in the line!
                ...Belefonte

                Comment


                • Originally posted by Alagirl
                  My momma taught me better than to type what I am thinking.

                  You have a nice day!
                  I really have no idea why you're upset with me, but okay...I have had a great day, thank you.
                  "Absent a correct diagnosis, medicine is poison, surgery is trauma and alternative therapy is witchcraft" A. Kent Allen
                  http://www.etsy.com/shop/tailsofglory

                  Comment


                  • Once again, it is NOT a private school. It is an alternative school, and sometimes referred to as a 'charter school' because it does operate under a charter- but not private, and no tuition besides the taxes everyone pays. It is a public high school, and enrollment is decided by lottery, although siblings of current students get in automatically. I got in by lottery.

                    I paid for my first horse with a combination of money from working for my trainer and birthday/Christmas money from my grandmother, who had sent me a little toward the horse fund for each of those occasions since I was three years old and announced that I wanted to save up for a horse. Of course, I was thinking of the occasional quarter I found in the couch cushions at the time, but when that notion didn't leave my head, my grandmother decided instead of buying me toys and clothes she would contribute to my future horse.

                    I trained her with a lot of weekly lessons- it went slooooooow, but I did it by myself, and she ended up quite the successful little hunter pony in the smaller local shows. She had a really special temperament. I don't mean to say at age 11 I could have trained the average greenbroke eight year old- she just wasn't average. Her heart was the size of Alaska (at least) and her brain just about as big. She now belongs to a very little girl who cleans up at the shows with her.

                    My parents knew, but I did have a friend who bought a barely halter broke yearling Mustang filly without ever telling her parents until eight months later she was grounded because all the times she was at the barn, they thought she was with a boyfriend, and decided to put a stop to her antics!

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by BelladonnaLily
                      I happen to have a daughter who could worry the sh!t out of constipated donkey.


                      Never heard that one. Love it!
                      Delicious strawberry flavored death!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by jn4jenny
                        You are not in a financial position to own a horse right now.
                        Abso-total-lutely.

                        Comment


                        • I was in similar circumstances to AA's when I was her age. I took quite a few college courses as a concurrent enrollment student, including English 1A when I was a high school freshman. My parents didn't let me get my permit and start learning to drive until I was 18, even though I took Driver's Ed (which was essentially a more detailed version of the DMV manual, no actual practice). It is tough to do all of the classes justice, especially with a bus ride between them! Instead of having weathy parents, I frequently needed to give them part of my earnings (from the barn, babysitting, housework, and my 4-H project animals) to keep food on the table and gas in the tank.

                          AA, I have to agree with the others that since your parents aren't willing any longer to support your horse, and you don't currently have a job, you should probably find a new home for him. Some people do manage to keep their horses through college/university, but it's a struggle. Since your emergency savings for him have been wiped out, and you can't afford to work with a trainer, it sounds like it is in his best interest.

                          I just finished getting my B.S. degree last year, and was able to ride at least twice a week, sometimes as many as 5 or 6 times. Taking lessons and being fortunate enough to have rides offered to me had to be enough, though. Even a part-lease didn't allow for my changing schedule of classes from one term to the next, and midterms and finals frequently were too hectic to have any time at the barn. I worked full time on top of taking a full course load, though. Since you have a scholarship, you probably can get away with doing a part-time internship instead. Even if you don't need the money from working, it's tough to get a job without that experience up-front. Also, many people (including me) have found that a change in majors is indicated after we actually give it a try!

                          I can understand feeling a little disappointed about it, and if they can afford it, it would be nice of them to give or loan you the money. They may feel that after all the time and money that have been invested in your riding, that you shouldn't need lessons anymore. Lots of non-horsey people have that perspective. It could be that even though they are well-to do, that they are having a temporary cash-flow problem, or they might be stressed out about your sister's situation, or otherwise just in a bad mood. Finals are coming up soon, probably for both H.S. and your college classes, so I'd suggest waiting another month until they are over. Then, you'll need to find a job for the summer and focus on getting your license. Volunteering is wonderful, but you have to make your own living situation, transportation, and further schooling your priority.
                          Stay me with coffee, comfort me with chocolate, for I am sick of love.

                          Comment


                          • Well, you have a lot of good advice, and I'll add my two cents just for ducks:

                            I got my first job at the age of 11. I lived in San Francisco (on 40th and Vicente, for those in the area) and my job was on 14th and Taraval. This is many, many city-sized blocks. I took the trolly every day to that job and was never, ever late. If the trolly was late, I hoofed it. Sometimes I even beat the trolly! When I moved to San Jose during high school, I picked up a job 4 1/2 miles from my house. I was lucky then, because I owned a bike. From the age of 11, I bought all my own clothes, my school supplies - everything. My dad and stepmom were harsh (and selfish, but I won't get into that...) and equally as unreasonable as you make your folks out to be. The bad news is that they were a pain to deal with. The good news is that I am very adept at handling pain in the patootie people!

                            As a parent, I would be ecstatic if my kid came to me with a plan of attack: "Mom, I need need some help. I've applied for a job at Y Place of Business, and I will be taking the bus there, but I'd sure like a ride home because I am nervous about being out late. I'll be happy to pay my share of gas and insurance while I work to get my license. I know I can only work part time at this point because of my course load, so at this time I'll need some extra help with some of these expenses. This is the budget I've made up (present neat, reasonable budget now. Include 10% savings and an interest on money borrowed from parents. They will most likely refuse interest, but it is still the grown-up way to handle your life.) and I'd like your input to see that I'm on the right track. What do you think?"

                            At this point, expect the lecture about waste and how you are off track in your life. Your job is to keep your mind open and your mouth shut. say "Yes, I suppose you are right." and "What is the better way to handle this?" at the appropriate times. This will be hard. Very hard. Remember, they do have at least 20 years experience on you, and it sounds like they've done a great job in rearing you so far. They must know something!

                            When you are in the midst of The Lecture, it is helpful to remember that you are trying to impress upon your folks that you are deserving of more money (not entitled - that is very off-putting) and that you are mature enough to handle your life in all its aspects. In othr words, pretend that you are in an interview and you are impressing you prospective boss. Be polite, be thorough, and don't ever forget to thank them even if the answer is no. They will remember that the next time you ask for money and will be more inclined to be charitable.

                            As far as your horse goes, I can't afford lessons very often on my baby greenie either, and I am way too old to be asking Mom for money. I work with what I know until I can afford a lesson, and then work again. It's not very fast, but it is effective and I don't borrow money. Sometimes I do spend a day grooming in exchange, though!
                            Don't tell me about what you can't do. That's boring. Show me what you can do. - Mom

                            Comment


                            • Sorry to dissent.....

                              But when did it become an entitlement to own a horse?

                              Comment


                              • It is not. But one can always ask, politely. The answer might be no.

                                She sounds like a pretty hard worker. Personally, if she were my kid with her GPA and earning both college and high school credits, I would help with the horse if I could afford it. After all, I pay for karate lessons, tutoring, swim lessons and music lessons. A horse requires as much discipline as any of these things and costs about the same as a couple of activities combined.

                                I would encourage a job, at least for the summer, at her age, though - provided the grades didn't suffer. Growth must happen!
                                Don't tell me about what you can't do. That's boring. Show me what you can do. - Mom

                                Comment


                                • I've been in a place similar to yours money wise. No luck finding a job, had tons of horse bills, plus other bills. I was also going to school full time. Best thing I ever did was sell my horse. It was so hard. I felt like he was all I had. A week later I got a great job, bought a car (saving $400 a month on board was plenty enough to make monthly payments+insurance on a great car!) etc. It was so hard to realize what I needed to do. Everyone was telling me but I didn't want to listen. Now I look back on it (it's been about 2 years) and I am so thankful that I listened to their advice. I still ride and take lessons, and even leased a horse for a little while. But I don't have to deal with that constant worry of whether or not I'll have enough for board or unexpected vet bills. You'd be amazed at how much weight it takes off your shoulders.

                                  Good luck with whatever you decide to do. You seem like a very mature girl. Look ahead to the future and pick what you think is best for you to get to your goals and still maintain a happy life while getting there.
                                  -Tami-

                                  [Paint It Black - "Kiddo"]

                                  Comment


                                  • I think I am picking up on two weird things through ciber space---

                                    First off-
                                    Wretched parents end at, or before what AA has described? Did someone really say this? Please, raise your hand.

                                    Secondly-
                                    The parents who are speaking up, are you words dripping with pride with how you have raised your children, or how *well* you know their world?

                                    Please, answer me!

                                    Comment


                                    • I think a translation is required, first.

                                      Your questions are so poorly worded and punctuated that I can't figure out what you want to know. Rephrase, please?
                                      In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
                                      A life lived by example, done too soon.
                                      www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/

                                      Comment


                                      • I'm glad you posted that, ESG. I was starting to wonder if I hadn't completely woken up yet, or what?! I didn't get it either.
                                        "Absent a correct diagnosis, medicine is poison, surgery is trauma and alternative therapy is witchcraft" A. Kent Allen
                                        http://www.etsy.com/shop/tailsofglory

                                        Comment


                                        • Originally posted by Emryss
                                          Well, you have a lot of good advice, and I'll add my two cents just for ducks:

                                          I got my first job at the age of 11. I lived in San Francisco (on 40th and Vicente, for those in the area) and my job was on 14th and Taraval. This is many, many city-sized blocks. I took the trolly every day to that job and was never, ever late. If the trolly was late, I hoofed it. Sometimes I even beat the trolly! When I moved to San Jose during high school, I picked up a job 4 1/2 miles from my house. I was lucky then, because I owned a bike. From the age of 11, I bought all my own clothes, my school supplies - everything. My dad and stepmom were harsh (and selfish, but I won't get into that...) and equally as unreasonable as you make your folks out to be. The bad news is that they were a pain to deal with. The good news is that I am very adept at handling pain in the patootie people!

                                          As a parent, I would be ecstatic if my kid came to me with a plan of attack: "Mom, I need need some help. I've applied for a job at Y Place of Business, and I will be taking the bus there, but I'd sure like a ride home because I am nervous about being out late. I'll be happy to pay my share of gas and insurance while I work to get my license. I know I can only work part time at this point because of my course load, so at this time I'll need some extra help with some of these expenses. This is the budget I've made up (present neat, reasonable budget now. Include 10% savings and an interest on money borrowed from parents. They will most likely refuse interest, but it is still the grown-up way to handle your life.) and I'd like your input to see that I'm on the right track. What do you think?"

                                          At this point, expect the lecture about waste and how you are off track in your life. Your job is to keep your mind open and your mouth shut. say "Yes, I suppose you are right." and "What is the better way to handle this?" at the appropriate times. This will be hard. Very hard. Remember, they do have at least 20 years experience on you, and it sounds like they've done a great job in rearing you so far. They must know something!

                                          When you are in the midst of The Lecture, it is helpful to remember that you are trying to impress upon your folks that you are deserving of more money (not entitled - that is very off-putting) and that you are mature enough to handle your life in all its aspects. In othr words, pretend that you are in an interview and you are impressing you prospective boss. Be polite, be thorough, and don't ever forget to thank them even if the answer is no. They will remember that the next time you ask for money and will be more inclined to be charitable.

                                          As far as your horse goes, I can't afford lessons very often on my baby greenie either, and I am way too old to be asking Mom for money. I work with what I know until I can afford a lesson, and then work again. It's not very fast, but it is effective and I don't borrow money. Sometimes I do spend a day grooming in exchange, though!

                                          That was beautifully put, and an EXCELLENT suggestion!!! Go EMRYSS!!!
                                          http://community.webshots.com/album/548368465RfewoU[/url]

                                          She may not have changed the stars from their courses, but she loved a good man, and she rode good horses….author unknown

                                          Comment

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