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A question for the gay and lesbian BBers.

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  • soeasy, I believe that is correct - that pedophiles can be male or female, but prey on minors.

    My horse bucked off your honor student!

    Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

    Comment


    • I think you're right SoEasy. That is my understanding of it as well.

      I too would like to know where Eomer met these people!! because I sure wouldn't want to go there!!!

      pt and TBMare - those were great contributions you both made.

      and Eomer, thanks for speaking up... although I totally disagree with your view (being gay), its always important to hear other opinions.

      "Toss me... Don't tell the elf."-Gimli
      You Strike Me Still

      Comment


      • Oh, I'm not trolling, trolling is when you post out of your @$$ to get a resonse. I post what I believe and couldn't care less if people respond.

        As far as how do I know they were gay, I may have jumped to conclusions being an eight year old and all but when a guy try's to stick his dick in your mouth, you sorrta ... guess. When I got older it was pretty much accepted fact that he was a flamer. Why my parents left me alone with him ... *shrugs*. Like I said he was a friend of the family, his mother was a cousin of an aunt or something like that.

        Jair - another was when I was working at the phone company, a guy got fired. During his exit interview he said "oh we know why you're firing me, you're firing me because I'm gay." My boss came out and said "why the hell didn't you tell me he was gay"? I must of looked at him like "how the hell was I supposed to know", because he just walked off. The next winter when I was ski coaching 8 to 12 year olds (both sexes) this guy was trying to get a couple of my racers to go out to his van with him. I confronted him and we never saw him at the area again. There were others and I wouldn't say I knew if I didn't, trust me or not; refer to my opening statement in this post.

        I plan to live forever ...
        ... so far so good.

        [This message was edited by Eomer on Feb. 18, 2003 at 05:27 PM.]
        \"The fool on the hill\"

        Comment


        • LOL, SoEasy!

          Not that I speak from experience (I've always been the reverse - give me mature anyday!), but I think your idea is spot-on.

          But I think what makes someone truly a pedophile is that the perversion is such that the sexual abuse is an ego-feeder/control thing for the manipulator/aggressor. Like so many sex crimes (like rape) is has little to do with sex. It's about the instigator's issues which almost always stem for feelings of inferiority.

          A pedophile is weak as a person, which is why he/she chooses children to victimize.

          Robby

          "Don't mince words, don't be evasive
          Speak your mind, be persuasive"
          Madonna
          When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

          Comment


          • Hi Robby!
            You Strike Me Still

            Comment


            • Eomer ... that is exactly what I meant actually - what happened to you was aggression from a pedophile, and really nothing to do with sex (as Robby says pedophilia and rape are crimes of aggression, not sex).

              Homosexuals form normal loving attachments to other adults, pedophilia is an inabilty to relate to other adults!

              ((Jair, LOG ON))
              Mal:This is the Captain. We have a little problem with our entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence and then .... explode

              Comment


              • You may be right SoEasy, I don't know and truthfully I don't want to. Live and let live, but if I ever catch and "adult" molesting a child I will cheerfully beat them senseless and let the news papers call em what they like.

                Robby, I'm sure I've know many gay's and lesbians but I don't judge people by what they look like or how they talk and, as I've pointed out, I don't think their private matters are my business and would change the subject if they tried to make it mine. Apparently that is obvious because I have had few confrontations in that regaurd. Except for the notable few, which may have been by criminals not gays, though ONE for certain branded himself as such.

                I plan to live forever ...
                ... so far so good.
                \"The fool on the hill\"

                Comment


                • Eomer -

                  I'm very sorry you were the victim of a pedophile. How old was he at the time? Was he a teenager, maybe? Or a full-fledged adult?

                  I ask because I'm not so sure a teen/child thing is clinical pedophilia. Sexual abuse? Absolutely. But in this scenario I think the idea is not only an exploration of one's sexuality, but also a dominance assertion.

                  From what I've read, adolescent apes are prone to simulate sex on younger apes in an attempt to gain dominance. Also, dogs do this as well.

                  Of course, this doesn't matter to you as you still have the trauma/stigma of the act haunting you. But maybe if you understood the dynamics you would at least be more prone to not lump gay men into one deviant category.

                  Robby

                  p.s. Hi Jair!

                  "Don't mince words, don't be evasive
                  Speak your mind, be persuasive"
                  Madonna
                  When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

                  Comment


                  • The point is, we can't just be judging people on outward appearances. That's all I was trying to say, imperfect a judge as I may be. The trama is over, Robby, done and over. He was in his twenties, *shurgs*, I don't harbor ill will twards gays in general, I might (probably have) have drinks, or race bikes with, or ride horses with, or any number of thinkgs with a gay guy because I wouldn't know or care how they hang. but I wouldn't knowingly leave one alone with my grandson. Or any male I wasn't absolutly sure was trustworthy, I guess I should add. So shoot me.

                    I plan to live forever ...
                    ... so far so good.
                    \"The fool on the hill\"

                    Comment


                    • I understand you've had some negative experiences Eomer. I'm sorry.


                      I for one dont care who or what you are sexually attracted to. Just be nice to whoever you love.

                      Laura
                      Laura

                      Comment


                      • Just caught up with the thread after my post. Robby, I think you are being too kind by saying Eomer brings a generational experience to the thread that justifies his prejudice. I am 54 years old, married and straight. I don't care how old a person is, it doesn't justify prejudice and stereotyping people. And it is hypocritical for a person to say that because they were a victim all people are like the attacker. When I was in college, I had to scarey experiences with straight men. I still assume most men are nice and had no trouble marrying one! Bigots come in all ages and no age justifies it.

                        Comment


                        • OK, take what I say as you wish, after all I am just a stupid 15 year old

                          My mother told us she was a lesbian when I was about 8 or 9, I dont remember. I didnt really understand when seh told us, so I asked and she said, "It means I love girls, hunny." I remember being puzzled and wondering why it was such a big deal for her to tell us. I grew up with her dating women, actually only one woman, they have been together 9 years this year. I never thought it was an issue and was never embarrassed to be seen in public with them holding hands or what not. Nor was I embarrassed to drive in the car with a rainbow sticker on it. She was my mother, and I was going to love her no matter what. When I was in 7th grade, we moved in with her partner and her children. It was heaven, 7 kids, 2 adults, and HORSES!!! It was always a party! This was, however, where I got my first taste of prejudice. It seems that when you hit 7th grade, everyone turns anti-gay. NO one would come over the house, and people would make homophobic comments around me all the time at school. I didnt care, my best friend was mom's partners kid, and she still is my best friend, and thats all that mattered. I never once was ashamed of my mother, but I never defended homosexuals or stood up to my classmates and their prejudiced comments.
                          Then 9th grade came and I started realizing that hey, shes my mom, and I'm preaty proud of her, standing up to all the adversity she faces, proud of her lifestyle. I love her, she is my mother, and will always be #1 in my book.My opinion of her never changed. I started defending homosexuals, and getting active in my school, trying to change the stereotypes of my classmates!
                          I'm now in 10th grade, and a few good friends, a counselor, the librarian, and I, are starting a diversity club in May. Its about time we educated our school! It is very small and has a history of stereotypical activity.

                          My older sister went off to college 2 years ago, and discovered her sexuality and told us that she was a lesbian as well. Our response? OK, so whats the big deal We love her and her partner, and all that matters is that there is love in the relationship.

                          I would support my friends and family members, and have, regardless of their lifestyle choices. I love them for who they are, not who they choose to love. I only hope that some day I find a love as deep as the one my mom and her partner have. After 9 years, no one has brought them down. Her partner and kids are truly my family, and I am proud to say I have 2 moms. Double the fun!!!

                          Sorry I rambled, but its just my 2 cents!

                          ** Proud member of the Klutz Klique and the Appaloosa Clique**
                          If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
                          ~George Morris

                          Comment


                          • awesome MCS!!!!! Certainly not a ramble,and your are well spoken and very mature in your assessment of this situation.

                            I am glad that your family is happy and all are healthy and that life has treated you well. That's really what we all want in the end I think...plus you got a family with horses! That SOOOOO would have done it for me when I was a kid.

                            I guess as I have gotten older, I ponder a lot about how other people's lives are. Even as I walk the dogs around the block, and peer in windows and look at houses, I wonder what life is like in their houses, in their shoes. Then you see shows like "cribs" and such and see how even MORE different other people's lives are like--then think about those in other countries. In some ways so different, but then others, pretty much the same.

                            Life is what happens when we are busy making other plans. (john lennon)....we are all not so different in the long run. Be happy, enjoy your life and thanks for sharing a poignant story. I am glad you are getting involved in your school, you have a lot to share I bet your mom(s) are really proud of you!

                            Elippses Users Clique........
                            Co-Founder Occularly Challenged Equine Support Group
                            Ellipses users clique ...
                            TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                            Comment


                            • Thanks, I really needed to hear that. I have many emotional/physchological problems and sometimes it really helps to hear people OTHER THAN my counselor telling me to live life and be happy. Easier said than done Im trying though, and getting better. I've found getting envolved and DOING something about it is helping, instead of holding things in and letting them fester and come out in alternate ways (not going to get into that now). I have absolutley NO tolerance for prejudice/ignorance of any kind, and sometimes it just eats away at me and I do things that I end up regretting.

                              I just tell myself to live my life and stop worrying what everyone else thinks.

                              I think my mother's lifestyle has made me a more open, loving person, but has also made me less tolerant of those who are not tolerant.
                              That made no sense HEHE

                              ** Proud member of the Klutz Klique and the Appaloosa Clique**
                              If riding were all blue ribbons and bright lights, I would have quit long ago.
                              ~George Morris

                              Comment


                              • I absolutely agree with the people who said that what goes on in someone else's bedroom is none of anyone else's business unless someone is being abused. In that case, regardless of the gender of the participants, it becomes the responsibility of law enforcement, friends, family, and neighbors to intervene. Socially, I am happy to converse with both males and females, and regard them as separate individuals, not merely units of a marriage. It is just as easy to say, "Ms. Y, I'd like you to meet Jill W and Joan Z," as it is to say, ". . . Jack X and Jill X".
                                The plural of anecdote is not data.
                                Eventing Yahoo In Training

                                Comment


                                • P.S. MCS, you got your post in before me, but what you said makes sense to me.
                                  The plural of anecdote is not data.
                                  Eventing Yahoo In Training

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    I kept reading these boards, but I decided not to post anymore. I was a pot stirrer, and I didn't like that. I changed my name so no one would remember me. I'm not proud of my past.

                                    I may, or may not be a troll. If I was a troll, I did not post this topic to receive answers bout myself or even to make fun of people. We were having a family discussion and people were disagreeing. I knew there were some gay and lesbian posters here, so I decided to post the poll. That is it. It was that innocent.

                                    Before I go back into lurkdom, can somebody edit Eomer's post that says this. "As far as how do I know they were gay, I may have jumped to conclusions being an eight year old and all but when a guy try's to [edited for content by NLAB] ,you sorrta ... guess." I don't think that is very appropriate for the younger BBers.

                                    see ya
                                    see ya

                                    Comment


                                    • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SoEasy:
                                      Eomer ... that is exactly what I meant actually - what happened to you was aggression from a pedophile, and really nothing to do with sex (as Robby says pedophilia and rape are crimes of aggression, not sex).
                                      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                      I actually disagree with this assertion. I know it's the party line on sexual offenders, but I believe that sexual aggression has everything to do with sex. Why else would genitalia be involved? In my opinion, saying that "it has nothing to do with sex" obscures the intimate/interconnected way in which sex, oppression, violence, and dominance work together in our culture. I'm trained as a rape/domestic violence crisis counselor, and also do a lot of training and workforce development in this field, and this view does not make me popular among some of my colleagues, but there it is.

                                      Comment


                                      • It is a fact of our culture that ANY discussion of sex can and does make some people uncomfortable.

                                        It is a fact of my happiness that we have this BB as one of the last places I know of where people can discuss just about anything in an intelligent, adult, HUMANE fashion.

                                        I see no reason why any part of Eomer's post should be edited. He is describing a real experience that happened to him as an EIGHT year old..His trust was abused not merely by the adult who abused him but by the other adults who did not seem to understand that they had put a child in jeopardy.


                                        I would hope that as a parent, I have helped my child to be strong enough, secure enough--loved enough--for the child to trust me, to be able to tell me any experiences that have happened--be they good or bad.

                                        My child seems to have fallen in love with a person of opposite sex. I have to believe that I and the rest of my family would welcome whoever our child chose--precisely because that is the Chosen One. ANd we hope and pray we did a good enough job during the early years that the chosen one is as decent and wonderful as we believe our child to be.


                                        ANd it does seem to me that true love for horses--truly caring about and for their welfare--is somehow related to truly caring about and for the real welfare of other humann beings...including our children..
                                        a certain amount of tolerance is necessary for both loves..

                                        once again--thank you to COTH and thank you to the BB Moderators for this wonderful BB!
                                        one oak, lots of canyons

                                        http://horsesportnews.wordpress.com/

                                        Comment


                                        • After wading through 13 pages of thought provoking posts, a couple things come to mind:

                                          Maybe I'm just naive, but it really bothers me that some people can be so narrow minded that if someone is different or does not fit their ideals of a "person" they will treat them like they are inferior to themselves. Uck! It bothers me extremely. That or the other flip of the coin where you happen to dislike someone who is gay or black when in actuality is has nothing to do with them being different but more in being a jerk.

                                          Me personally, I could care less if you were a cuban/white bisexual midget. (no offense intended) I just wish people wouldn't be such sheep, and think for themselves once in a while and see things for what they really are. (Although I guess that depends on your point of view) Anyways, I guess I'm just saying that in general I wish more people could be more objective in life. Like that will happen!

                                          "Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me I will turn to see fear's path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."~Dune~

                                          [i]Only great sorrow or great joy can reveal your truth.~ Kahlil Gibran
                                          My current project of local food/sustainability http://community.fingerlakesfoodie.com

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