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Non-Pregnant Check In!

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  • Non-Pregnant Check In!

    Okay, since there's a topic out here for pregnant women, I thought I'd start one for those who are not, and those who never will nor want to be.

    How many of you are not, don't hope to be, or never can be?

    I never have been because I never met a guy that I wanted to marry and have one with, and I was also obsessed with working with horses and a kid just wasn't even an option if I had found the right guy (I had a couple of offers). Now I can't even imagine having one and dealing with all the issues of pregnancy and then later changing diapers and having my free time curtailed.

    I guess I never saw the fascination with having kids. I have friends who ran out, got married, and pounded out a few kids right away. Good for them. But why does it seem that you're considered an awful person if you don't feel a driving need to have kids? Why are we penalized by society for not having kids?

    I've seen too many pregnant mares and too many deliveries to want to be preggers. Adoption of an older kid someday might be an option, but I'm just not into the idea of carrying one to term and then dealing with all the baby stuff.

    Okay, so I'm a terrible person. But heck, it's Monday, so it's allowed.

    It's all about ME, ME, ME!!! (The only signature worthy of a real DQ.)
    "And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling." - Capt Reynolds "Firefly"
  • Original Poster

    #2
    Okay, since there's a topic out here for pregnant women, I thought I'd start one for those who are not, and those who never will nor want to be.

    How many of you are not, don't hope to be, or never can be?

    I never have been because I never met a guy that I wanted to marry and have one with, and I was also obsessed with working with horses and a kid just wasn't even an option if I had found the right guy (I had a couple of offers). Now I can't even imagine having one and dealing with all the issues of pregnancy and then later changing diapers and having my free time curtailed.

    I guess I never saw the fascination with having kids. I have friends who ran out, got married, and pounded out a few kids right away. Good for them. But why does it seem that you're considered an awful person if you don't feel a driving need to have kids? Why are we penalized by society for not having kids?

    I've seen too many pregnant mares and too many deliveries to want to be preggers. Adoption of an older kid someday might be an option, but I'm just not into the idea of carrying one to term and then dealing with all the baby stuff.

    Okay, so I'm a terrible person. But heck, it's Monday, so it's allowed.

    It's all about ME, ME, ME!!! (The only signature worthy of a real DQ.)
    "And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling." - Capt Reynolds "Firefly"

    Comment


    • #3
      I get really frustrated when I see other people having children because they feel like they should. Like it is part of the chain of events that someone must go through in life. I think it is great when people make an educated, thoughtful decision not to have kids. If it isn't right for you, for whatever reason, then you shouldn't do it. I have a child. It was right for me and my husband, but let me tell you, raising a kid is the hardest job on the planet. If a person isn't 100% in to having the child and the lifelong responsibilities that come along with it, then it isn't the right decision for them.

      Velvet- I think you have a lot of good points. I don't think you are a terrible person. You're a horsey Mommy and that is an important job too.

      "I never met a donut that I didn't like."

      Comment


      • #4
        Ooh! Me, me, me!!
        I'm not a kid person. I don't want children. I'm lucky enough to have found a guy who shares the same view. Maybe my viewpoint is selfish, but I'd rather spend my money on horses, traveling, skiing, cars, and other such material things Of course, like Cashmere said above, maybe this isn't selfish because I recognize that I'm not ready for such a responsibility. Besides, it was frustrating enough house-training my puppy - lord knows I wouldn't have the patience to deal with a child. Besides, who wants to raise a child to grow up in this crazy world of ours? (can you tell I'm a cynic?!)

        Sometimes I get annoyed when I tell people that I don't want kids, and they say "Everyone says that now - you'll change your mind later.". Yeah, maybe I will (which is why I haven't made a permanent fix!). But it bugs me that some people seem to be on a crusade to persuade me that I really WILL want a child later on in life when I tell them that I don't.

        I do like some kids. I like the ones whose parents instill a sense of responsibility, respect, and manners. I loff my cousins (4 under 11 yrs old) for this reason. I was never able to babysit when I was younger - I didn't have the patience to deal with the brattier ones. But the nicest thing (for me) has always been giving the kids back to the parents and going home to my nice, peaceful house with my BF and my dog
        "These are my principles. If you do not like them, I have others." --Groucho Marx

        Comment


        • #5
          N ope, Not me either! Neither my SO nor I are child people, and although I sometimes feel guilty that my parent's won't ever have grandchildren( I'm an only child) they are great about it and respect my decision!

          Comment


          • #6
            Whoever says you're a bad person for not wanting kids has their own "issues" to deal with. I have a FAR bigger problem with people who have kids without really wanting them or being prepared for the responsibility! Good for you for looking at it for yourself and making a decision you can live with!

            I'm going to be 40 in a couple of years, have one child (who will be 2 next week) and have pangs about having another...doesn't look like we will. Although I often wonder if it might have been better to have started earlier, I know for a fact that I wasn't ready until I was in my mid-30's. Knowing that doesn't make the "pangs" go away, it's just such a personal thing.

            Bottom line is, you have to do what you feel is right in your gut. There will always be times when you wonder, but that's normal, especially with something as "big" as parenthood, DOUBLY especially so for women who are (obviously) seen as "mother figures" for better or for worse. If you're not judging others, then don't let anyone judge YOU.

            "If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
            Kelly
            Bonnie
            Gwen
            Click here before you buy.

            Comment


            • #7
              It is the holy trinity of American society:
              <UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Marriage<LI>Children<LI>Home Ownership[/list]

              If you don't have these three things, or horror of all horrors, you have none of them, it seems you are valued less in society. But this is just the way I've been seeing it lately, so I may be just a wee bit jaded.

              If I meet the right man, and if he wants to have children, and if I'm able to have children or adopt, yes, then I would love to be a mother. If that doesn't happen, that's ok. I can always buy ponies for my nieces!

              Comment


              • #8
                Count me in the list of those who can't imagine ever having kids.

                Maybe I'm just too selfish, but between a career and house, I can barely find time for my horses. Add a child to the mix and noone (including me) would have the time and attention they need/deserve.

                That is not to say that I don't love my friends'/familys' kids and admire the hell out of those who can balance the time/money to make it work, but it's not for me.

                I don't think anyone should have to justify why they don't have/want kids or be made to feel like a freak because of it.
                www.sandbarequinetransport.com

                Proud member of the ILMD[FN]HP and Bull Snap Haters Cliques

                Comment


                • #9
                  Don't get me wrong, Kids are nice, when they belong to other people.

                  I knew from the time I was 18 that I did not want to have kids of my own and thankfully, my hubby agrees with me as well. I have 4 beautiful nieces that I get to see once in a blue moon (ok, my youngest niece is 4 and I have never met her yet) but I do talk to them on the phone, etc.

                  I like the freedom that not having kids allows me to have. I mean, I can volunteer my time and not feel guilty about not being available. I can go away on a moments notice and as long as the cats are fed and someone knows how to reach me if something is wrong with one of the horses I can go.

                  It is all a matter of personal choices and decisions. Some people have told me that I am selfish for not wanting kids, but in all honesty, I don't have the patience for them.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Just call me 7-Up...never had it, never will!

                    My SO and I have decided that having children isn't in our plan. Makes my Mom a little upset but she understands.

                    "All Hail President Kang!"

                    ..."Don't look at me...I voted for Kodos..."
                    Remember...though eagles may soar, weasles never get sucked into a jet engine.

                    Soar like a weasle my friend.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I just got engaged and I'm hoping to get my SO fixed right after the wedding.

                      I tell my friends the only reason I'd want to reproduce is so I could get a pony, and I just don't think that's a good enough reason.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Wanted a herd when I was too young to know better, then decided I never wanted to inflict a childhood like the one I had on another child. In retrospect, it wasn't that ghastly, but I know I had the potential to be an unfair parent, and just didn't want to be. No regrets.

                        I have a close friend raising an adopted child. She loves being a parent, never wanted the biological end of it--good for her! As soppy as I feel about unwanted pets, the same applies to children, there are plenty out there who need a good home.

                        I'm a great advocate of a licensing system for parenthood. I absolutely do not believe that giving birth is a god-given right; biologically, it might be, but not societally.

                        And, give the state of the planet these days, I'm sometimes glad knowing I'm not going to leave some poor younger person to have to live with the mess we're leaving behind. Not a good philosophy for the future of mankind, but sometimes it does give me some small comfort.
                        "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

                        Spay and neuter. Please.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          not pregnant (thank god) but think I want kids one day in the not so near future.... we'll see

                          ~ Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once ~
                          ~ they tease you cause they like you ~

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I am not pregnant. However, I am a proven brood mare, lol! I say "Good for you guys!"

                            I LOVE my kids, they add a dimension to my life that I never dreamed possible. It is great, but it is a HUGE commitment. I hate to see people have kids and not make the commitment. Adults make their way in the world but kids need guidance. If they are treated like afterthoughts or you are constantly trying to make "quality time" for them, they know they aren't important. That is responsible for more self-esteem and discipline issues than anything that can or does happen at school.

                            I aplaud people who know what they want in life and goes for it. If it is having a family, great. But don't be half a$$ed about it. If you don't want kids, that is great too. You have thought it through, made the decision and have the courage of your convictions. I wish more people would reflect on that option, rather have kids out some mis-guided sense of peer pressure.

                            PS The first time I saw a foaling after my kids were born, I knew that broodmares were really goddesses of power and fertility. I mean, Gawd! it was tough enough with something under 10 lbs.
                            See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I completely do not want to have kids. Unfortunatley, my husband would like to! Not sure how we'll resolve this! I've seen a good number of pregnant friends and seen how horrible their pregnancies were and how painful and icky delivery was! I'm sorry, I don't think kids are worth that sort of agony! I like kids, but in small doses - after a few hours, I'm ready to send them home!

                              Give me puppies or kittens any day, please!

                              I also can't imagine how a kid would fit into my life - I'm 26 now, and am aiming to get into vet school by 2005(to be horse related, I'm planning on going into large animals) 4 years of vet and I'm already 32. By the time I'm settled into a career, I'll be close to 40! No time for kids, sorry!

                              "Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who
                              have the habit of making excuses." -- George Washington Carver

                              Member of the drafties/drafties X clique!

                              Comment


                              • #16
                                <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sparky Boy:
                                I just got engaged and I'm hoping to get my SO fixed right after the wedding.

                                <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                Given the divorce rate and the fact that an awful lot of my friends are getting divorced after what appeared to be iron-clad relationships, I think that if YOU never want to have kids, you should get fixed. If your SO wavers, even in the slightest, then it would be unfair to ask him to do that.

                                I'd love it if Mr. SFVA would get fixed, but he isn't the one dead set against ever having another child. So, I'll be the one to get fixed, and I've had so many people suggest that I use coersion or "make" him do it. I have too much respect for him to try to "make" him do anything like that.

                                I'd get highly ticked off if someone told me that I had to have a baby, or HAD to get fixed, I am a STRONG believer in choice and control over my body. To expect a man to get fixed because it is a simpler medical procedure and using coersion or w/holding of sex to get that is just wrong IMO.

                                Now, if he is 100% in agreement, then I'd expect that he'd want to get fixed if you make him wear raincoats 100% of the time.

                                Now, I'm not pregnant, and won't be, so I'm checking in here!

                                Comment


                                • #17
                                  From someone who can't, It is a different feeling. Learning to adjust that you won't have your own makes you see life at different angle than you did before. Adoption may or may not be in the future, still not ready for decissions like that. My horses have been a great source of comfort during this adjustment period.

                                  Comment


                                  • #18
                                    Don't worry, he is 100 % sure he doesn't want kids. It was HIS suggestion to get fixed. We're just lucky we found each other at this late age with the same desire to remain childless.

                                    Comment


                                    • #19
                                      I am not pregnant now, nor plan to be as my husband is fixed now. That said, I also have two wonderful children who I wouldn't trade for my life.

                                      I support people's right to choose whether they have children or not, I never wanted kids when I was younger, then changed my tune. Lives change, priorities change, there's nothing wrong with it.

                                      I am glad many of you are not going to have children if you don't like them....I just really hope this thread doesn't deteriorate into the "I don't want to have children, and this is why I hate kids" thread that one can dredge up on the search list. It was offensive. I don't wave around why I had kids, it's my business, and the same goes for why one would choose to not have children. Personal preference, leave it at that imo.

                                      Elippses Users Clique........
                                      Co-Founder Occularly Challenged Equine Support Group
                                      Ellipses users clique ...
                                      TGFPT,HYOOTGP

                                      Comment


                                      • #20
                                        I am not pregnant.

                                        R.

                                        You look so careless when they're shooting that bull ...
                                        Don't you know hearthaches are heroes when their pockets are full?
                                        When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.

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