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Non-Pregnant Check In!

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  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>This may seem like a selfish question but.....Does anyone wonder what it will be like when we're older, I'm talking 70, 80, 90+ for those of us who live that long, and we never had children? Who will be around to visit with us or help out when we can't do the things we use to?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
    I have thought about this before. I came to the conclusion that even if you have kids, there is no guarantee that they will visit or help take care of you when you are old. I know some people who are estranged from their kids and haven't seen them or talked to them in years.

    IMO, you shouldn't have a kid just because you want a caretaker in your old age! You can cultivate friends and other family members to do this. Also, make sure you have money in your retirement to pay for your own care.

    "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"
    \"So shines a good deed in a weary world\" - Willy Wonka


    • Why does it have to be about who is more selfish or who is following the crowd? Someone with kids said they resent the feeling they get from childless folks that kids are an anchor, and I expect, those without kids resent being called selfish, or told that they are missing something in their lives, implying a lack or fulfilment.

      We, all of us, I hope, have lives that are enriched by activities and by families that take any number of forms. Turning it into a competition over which of those experiences, or what form your family takes, is better or more enriching, seems pointless. We should be comfortable with our individual choices, revel in our families whatever form they take, and wish others the same joy.

      All of us were, at one time or another, a child. I thank my lucky stars for the adults, some who were parents, some who were childless, that were kind and caring enough to have shared their lives and resources (emotional, financial, and equine) with me. It was freely given, not wrenched from them through some burden of expectation. I suffer from the not uncommon regrets that I too rarely told them how grateful I am, and now many of them are gone, so it is too late.

      I marvel at the job that the moms in my family do (I have 18 or so nieces and nephews), at their never-ending passion for their kids and the heartache that passion sometimes causes them. I feel for all moms that they get so much of the blame and so little of the credit for every move their kids make.

      I marvel at RolexH, at her seemingly endless optimism and fearless joy in her son. Sh makes me more humble.

      I do not have children. It was a decision made by my husband and myself. I have never regretted it and believe it was the best decision for the two of us. My decision about what to do with my life is in no way a comment or a judgement of other's choices, but sometimes is misconstued as just that, for which I am sorry

      [This message was edited by cbv on Jan. 07, 2003 at 11:24 AM.]


      • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pt:
        BTW, it's my opinion that having children in expectation of having caretakers in your old age is a false hope and a very selfish reason to have kids. Now, having an excuse to get a pony...that makes a bit more sense!

        Cheers and the right of self-determination to all.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

        Well I dunno about anyone else but that is exactly the reason I want a few mini-mes someday- so I can buy some ponies and braid ribbons into their hair for the shortstirrup!

        Seriously, I do want a child, maybe two. I'm just a maternal person (I think I'd be a good parent, and I KNOW my SO would be a fantastic father). But I've quite enjoyed reading this thread and agree with most of you about the weird societal "child standard" that says you must be strange to not want to add to the gene pool. Sometimes I wonder if that attitude is really based in feelings of jealousy... I know a lot of people who have kids, who love them dearly but think they may have made a mistake. Perhaps the "you're not having kids? what's wrong with you?" attitude is just about making themselves feel normal and "better" when in reality they're not as peachy and happy as they want to be.

        I'm definitely not saying all parents are unhappy with their choice (and I think MOST are, and wouldn't trade it for anything), but I think the ones who most have issues with people who happily choose not to be parents may have issues of their own that they're avoiding by laying criticism elsewhere.

        If someone else has already said that, my bad for not reading the entire thread!

        **and people say gov't employees are useless... HA!**
        "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

        My CANTER blog.


        • I certainly have no intention of laying any kind of guilt trip on anyone who chooses not to have children. I don't walk in anyones shoes but my own. I am only contributing to this tread to share my own personal story, which is just a titch different. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. Didn't plan on getting pregnant. Got pregnant. Yes, I had a choice to stay pregnant. I chose to stay pregnant. My choice entirely.

          I am not saying that anyone childless is more selfish than I, heck I am one of the most selfish people in the world. It is I who should have the all about me me me as their signature, not Velvet.

          There are times now that I crave, desire, fight for my me time. And Gawd help anyone who interfers with my me time.

          I understand both sides of the coin.

          I'm not much for other peoples kids. While I will certainly be curtious to them, I don't want to take them home with me. But my kid is my kid. And because I made the choice to have her, I will certainly try my hardest to do what's best for her.

          Again, I hope I haven't come across in a demeaning manner, that certainly was not my intent.


          • The thread name is non-pregnant check-in. Well, I am non-pregnant and intend to stay that way. I was part of the never wanting kids group for many, many years so I can understand the pressures of family and society about having children. I still look at my kid sometimes and think what the heck am I doing with a baby? It seems very bizarre.

            I have zero problem with people who don't have kids and I totally understand their decision. I do not think it is the least bit selfish to not want kids. What is selfish are women who spit out kid after kid just so they can get more welfare or women who intentionally get pregnant to 'trap' a man. Making a decision to not have a kid because one does not have the time/money/whatever for one is not at all selfish.


            • Hey, Goldentoes! Get into carriage driving. That way you can have all the cute ponies you want, without the addition of kids!

              Just kiddin', don't flame me!


              • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by drifting cloud:

                IMO, you shouldn't have a kid just because you want a caretaker in your old age! You can cultivate friends and other family members to do this. Also, make sure you have money in your retirement to pay for your own care.

                I certainly wasn't suggesting that this would be a REASON to have kids. Just something I've thought about as a result of me not ever wanting any kids.


                • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pt:
                  Good grief!

                  This thread is a share-your-voice sort of support thread for those who choose not to have children. Please note, we aren't on the Pregnancy thread sniping at those who choose to have children. So, Mrs. Mouse and any parents who have decided to read this thread, why are you here? Why are you interfering with the right of the childfree to have a little bonding experience? And why, oh why, especially if you think you made the best possible decision for yourselves, are you taking this thread as an attack or a threat on your decision, which it certainly is not?


                  Maybe because the thread is titled NON-PREGNANT check in, which has nothing to do with being childless??? It just means you are not pregnant now!
                  Man plans. God laughs.


                  • <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pt:
                    Hey, Goldentoes! Get into carriage driving. That way you can have all the cute ponies you want, without the addition of kids!

                    Just kiddin', don't flame me!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                    That sounds perfect!!! :P Now to convince my SO, who wants 9 boys so he can fill out an entire little league team (I have to have three sets of triplets, as the theory goes... ha!)

                    **and people say gov't employees are useless... HA!**
                    "smile a lot can let us ride happy,it is good thing"

                    My CANTER blog.


                    • OK Flash44 - I stand corrected on the title of the thread.

                      Not on the tone of some of the parental posts, however.

                      I can have horses and ponies without kids. Hoorah Hoorah!


                      • When the insinuation is made that those who choose to parent are somehow leaping like lemmings into a pit of social conformity, some will, understandably, become rather defensive. I'd also offer that discussion is always more dynamic when varying opinions and experiences are proffered. And then, of course, when children, as an outright group, are dismissed as tantrum-prone brats with no self-control or manners, well, surely, you can understand why some would be sensitive.

                        Much as many of us are offended by the assumption that ALL riders must be either wealthy or crazy, that all TBs are high-strung and crazed; as much as we protest the thought that you can buy yourself a berth on an Olympic team - there have been equally-offensive assumptions made about children and parenting. That's why we've chosen to post on this thread.


                        • I warned you guys... we're not here to debate the merits of having (or not having) kids.