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Non-Pregnant Check In!

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  • 7 years ago if you had asked my parents, grandparents, aunts, unles, friends, etc. if I would ever have children...They would have died laughing hysterically while simultaneously peeing their pants. Then I almost died. I was rushed to the hospital with internal bleeding, unbeknownst to me, they removed a ruptured tumor that had engulfed my uterus and one side of my fallopian tubes. I had no blood pressure but before I passed out for the final time I begged to wait for my husband to get there. Fortunately I had an angel with me as well as a stud doctor (I still have a secret crush on him, but don't tell TB dad) who saved my life. Then I got the news..You won't have children. Not that I ever wanted them but I didn't want that taken away either. So I practiced no methods of birth control and a year later I went to the doctor for a severe case of the flu and viola, he told me I was expecting. I had this baby (who screamed for the first 6 months of his life) and 18 months later I was pregnant again. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME???? I kept defying odds, but I was loving every minute of it. Now, I am the mother of three beautiful happy children. I have 2 dogs, a cat, a hamster, and a very moody mare. I ride 4 days a week and I wouldn't change a thing. My life is very hectic but I find time for me. That's what's important.

    Kids are a pain and they get on your very last fragment of a nerve, but they are truly the most incredible little beings. Now, in my old age (30S) I am looking forward to having a new little foal to add to the brood. Life couldn't be better Everyone has their opinion and I am pro choice for everything, but don't make hasty decisions, you never know what card you might be dealt.

    Spellers of the world untie
    \"If mamma ain\'t happy, ain\'t nobody happy\"

    Comment


    • NHWR......Bravo. *clap, clap clap!****

      Well said, and thank you. That's what I was trying to get at.

      Elippses Users Clique........
      Co-Founder Occularly Challenged Equine Support Group
      Ellipses users clique ...
      TGFPT,HYOOTGP

      Comment


      • I'm not pregnant. I don't plan to be in the future (I'm 48 ) but I do have two semi-grown kids (ages 14 and 19).

        To Saratoga: I also went the "natural" route with midwives at a birthcenter. I'd recommend it to any woman in good health and trust in her body's abilities. Yes, it's painful, but, like someone else said, it's pain with a purpose--it's healthy pain .

        I've *never understood the logic behind it being "selfish" not to have kids. It's selfish to have kids if you don't really want them! Having and raising kids is a bittersweet experience--lots of wonderful, intimate moments with kids and partner, but also lots of stress and psychologically-challenging moments too.

        At this point in my life, I'm very happy to have much more free time to do what I want (like learning to ride HORSES and owning HORSES); more quiet time with my husband; and more quiet time for me .

        Comment


        • Well, I'm not pregnant and won't be again. I have a two year old so I know what it means to take care of her and try to ride my horse. But I enjoy it. But there was a lot of thought before I got pregnant. I'm not one of those who follow the trend or just because baby are so cute. Times aren't always good now and I worry about her future. That is more important and just having a baby. I had her natural and breastfed her for 8 1/2 month. But it's nice to share the love of horses with someone. But I do think there are way too many babies born where there wasn't too much thought behind it. It's everybodies choice but it's another human being that is brought into this world and another human being that wants to have a safe and healthy live.

          Comment


          • I've talked Mr. Stash out of it. I think the best persuasion was to walk around the mall at Christmas time--all those little kids, screaming and throwing fits because they don't want to talk to Santa, they DO want that toy, they don't want to listen to their parents...Egads, instead of showing the the VD movies during sex education classes, maybe they should take high schoolers to daycares to babysit for a few hours.

            ~Disclaimer:
            The opinions expressed in this post are not neccessarily the views of this poster.~
            ~This is *way* more fun than doing something productive~

            Comment


            • Well, horse became the way of life when I was a teenager, training, then teaching , then met hubby when I was 30. We wanted to wait until we were settled(house , stable job etc) well I am soon to be 39(yahoo, I make the oldies but now hubby works away from home, and I have become a problem broodie..so probably no kids. May adoption in a couple of years if we EVER manage to find a place in the same town. Until then, I breed mares, make beautiful foals and buy my two nephews loud, nasty presents that make their parents cringe

              Leslie Maurer
              Jump The Moon Sporthorses
              Home of Echo Shea (arab sporthorse) and Outrageous Fortune(overo Pinto RPSI)
              http://www.jtmsporthorses.com
              Leslie Dobson
              Jump The Moon Sporthorses

              Comment


              • Children are actually a lot like horses

                They behave to the minimum standard of their handlers. If you don't like how kids are acting, don't blame them... Rag on the parents.

                Ask my kids about whining and they will tell you "The only kind of wine my mom allows comes in a glass."
                See those flying monkeys? They work for me.

                Comment


                • I like all my "kids" to have FOUR legs, lol!!

                  So far, I've not felt any of the must-have-kids urges that so many of my friends feel/felt. I don't even really enjoy playing with any of my friends' kids! I don't rule out the possibility of wanting (human) kids at some point, but it will only be because I've met someone that I want to have a family with them, not because I've always had any independent urge to have kids. For now, my dog and my horse are plenty, thank you very much!

                  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                  (formerly known as "GreyMareMom"!)

                  Comment


                  • Oh I can't stand it anymore, I've got to post! I have never wanted kids, ever. Never played with dolls always wanted to have horses and dump trucks.

                    I think it's soooo funny when someone (a parent) tells me I have no concept of how wonderful it is to be a parent. That I am truly missing out on the greatest joys of life. To that I respond "Spphhfftt"

                    My heart tells me my greatest joy is the spiritual bond I have with my horses. Now that is an amazing feeling! But I do understand it's 'different strokes for different folks'.
                    Everything is questionable except my love for this horse...

                    Comment


                    • Hi - not pregnant now either (husband heaves sigh of relief) - we have a 22 month old who is a blast, although last night at dinner @local mexican joint I nearly drowned him in my margarita when he pitched his little tractor across the place! Saratoga - I HATED being pregnant, hated delivery (although the drugs were helpful and at times amusing) but I love my little guy - who already has provided me the opportunity to have 4 ponies for his benefit!! See Percy in the Aiden auction! I bred a Percy baby for him - too cute. I could see having another one, but hate the thought of missing yet another hunting season to barf daily - sometimes 6 times. I am serious - they handed me the child and I had to say, "Please take him back, as I am going to throw up now." However, he is a trouper, as I dragged him home from the hospital a day early to deliver a foal, and took him with me to half the breeding farms in MD and VA. Maternity leave that coincided with breeding season was a good thing. Wouldn't trade him for the world, but I totally respect those who choose to focus elsewhere - I see too many kids who are "accessories" instead of the focus of their family, and that is sad too. As long as everyone is happy, that is what matters - I hope nobody feels pressured either way.

                      Comment


                      • I was one of those people who was not going to have children. I played the selfish card to it's fullest. It's still in my deck.

                        Call it fate. Call it devine intervention. Call it whatever you like, I found myself pregnant. Sometimes it's just ment to be.

                        Pregnancy for me, most of the time was a bummer. I was not a particularly happy pregnant woman. But it was amazing feeling that baby move around.

                        Labor, it hurts. There are no two ways around it, it hurts. It's different and hard to put into words what it's like. Different from an injury, one because the pain is not constant, there are breaks between the labor pains. Two, you are so ready for that baby to come out that you don't really care that much about the pain. You have resigned yourself to the fact there there will be pain. But there are great drugs to ease that and basically erase the pain. Just insist on getting the drugs early enough.

                        I have found that parenthood runs the gambit of emotions. There are such extreem highs and such extreem lows. And just when you want to through junior out the window, he does something so special. You question everything you do. How many years will my child have to sit on a therapist couch for what I just did? You wonder if you are raising a conscience thinker or an axe murderer.

                        I agree that there are similar aspects to raising a child, like there is to raising a horse. With a horse and child, you want to instill respect, you want to be able to take that being anywhere and have it behave, you want it to get along with others, you want it to get along in society, you want it to be able to think, but most of all I think you want it to be an individual who has not had all of its being squashed out it and that it has a love of life and a self confidence.

                        My morning ramblings may not make sense or are not complete thoughts, I'm such a terrible writer....but I had one of those charished moments last night with my daughter. She's only 5. She learned one of those life lessons yesterday. And it was painful for her. But it let me know, that yea, I may not be doing so badly in the Mommy department. It reaffirmed my thoughts that my child does indeed have a conscience. And although I hate to see my little girl in pain, it was a good night.

                        Comment


                        • Maria,

                          It is hard to let them learn some of those life lessons.

                          MrsMouse, if you find this thread disturbing, absolutely do NOT go look at the old one. I actually have re-read that thread before extending invitations to COTHers to stay at my house. Some people got so vituperative about small people that I actually deleted most of my later posts on the thread and thought that if it were a racial group or gays that they were so hateful about that everyone would be up in arms, but it seems to be the "cool" group to hate...kids.

                          Still not pregnant, and don't ever intend to do that again. I have one incredible child and 4 awesome horses. Kids are an incredible time committment and so are horses. I can handle one child and horses, couldn't handle the time committment of two children.

                          Mel

                          Comment


                          • This may seem like a selfish question but.....
                            Does anyone wonder what it will be like when we're older, I'm talking 70, 80, 90+ for those of us who live that long, and we never had children? Who will be around to visit with us or help out when we can't do the things we use to?

                            Comment


                            • As has been said by many above - good for you if you want to have kids and good for you if you don't. It is a matter of choice, and as long as the choice is yours, power to you.

                              I am so glad to live in a day-and-age and society in which women and couples actually have the choice of whether to have or not have children.

                              I am not only referring to reproductive rights but also economic opportunities for women. It was not so long ago that the only means for a woman to "support herself" was to get married, which in turn meant having children (and lots of them) - whether she wanted to or not.

                              My mother (who is in her 70's) tells stories of when she was in her late teens-early twenties of friends of hers having no choice but to get married in order "to support" themselves. Stories of ten years and eight children later, and desperately poor, selling the family piano, in order to raise the money get a tubal ligation - then a quite uncommon operation and frowned upon by many societal institutions.

                              The fact that women today in our society have this choice, not only in terms of access to birth control and reproductive rights, but also access to ecomonic self-sufficiency is HUGE.

                              Unfortunately, in many societies in the world today women have access to neither. I can only imagine what they are going through.

                              Comment


                              • nhwr: Bravo, very well said. I have found that since becoming a mom, a whole new world has opened up for me. It is hard to explain and something I would never have been able to grasp before I had a kid, but it is wonderful. I suddenly find myself taking immense joy in little things like coming out of the shower and finding Alex, who is 3 months, sitting on my husband's lap laughing and smiling up at him as he makes silly faces.

                                MrsMouse: I also did not make the decision to have a kid based on any expectation that I should. I had been hearing for so many years that I should have a kid that I eventually just tuned it out. After I met my second husband and bought our small horse farm, we decided to try to have a kid. If I didn't get pregnant, we were okay with that. Well, I went off the pill last January and was pregnant in February. First time out of the egg gate! And we have a wonderful little boy to show for it.

                                Saratoga: I had Alex naturally, but not by choice . My labor lasted about 4 hours, with only 1 1/2 of hard, can't move or talk during a contraction, ouch, this hurts like a S.O.B., labor. He was born within 25 minutes of us getting to the hospital. I had planned on going the drug route, but Alex had other ideas. The first push hurt like no pain I could possibly describe. OUCH! Two more and he was out and the pain was gone. Now, three months later, I still remember it hurting so badly that I was screaming because I couldn't help it. But, it is pain with a nice little gift to look forward to at the end .

                                I have often thought that many horse owners would make great moms. When I was still the 'No way am I ever having a kid' cfc, my husband used to point out what a great mom I would make, just look at how well behaved, happy and loved my horses and cats were.

                                Comment


                                • Nikkibaby, kids are no more demanding and selfish than adults are. I'll qualify that remark with the dress scene from Joe Millionaire. Children have to learn about how to act, and a big part of learning for them is trial and error. Also, most parents don't like to "lay down the law" in public, so you may be seeing parents that are trying to get through a rough spot without creating a disturbance, and a child that is taking advantage of that situation.

                                  They are very similar to horses, you may as well say horses are demanding and selfish. I mean really, when was the last time your horse hugged you and said "I love you more than anyone else in the world?"
                                  Man plans. God laughs.

                                  Comment

                                  • Original Poster

                                    NO CHILDREN BASHING ALLOWED!!

                                    Anyone who wants to do that can go play somewhere else.

                                    Now, back to our program.

                                    I don't think people don't have children to feel "special." I think that they don't because of lifestyle choices. Heck, you could just as easily say people have children to feel "special" because they want someone to look up to them and others to admire them while they are pregnant and when they are toting around a baby.

                                    I think in this day and age pregnancy is a choice. No excuses. If you're pregnant, you chose it (Violence aside--I'm not going to discuss those situations, it's just not part of this discussion). If you are not pregnant, you have also made a choice.

                                    I just think it's sad when people think that they NEED to become pregnant to become complete and that others think we who choose not to have children are missing out on something. Okay, so, in your opinion we are. Then again, I think people who never ride horses are missing out on something and people who bungee jump probably think anyone who doesn't is also missing out on something.

                                    We make choices. I just find it interesting to see that there are so many chosing the "non-standard" view these days--and that I'm not alone.


                                    (Disclaimer: As I've said, I think it's great when people have children. I was just posting up a topic for discussion--not trying to start an argument about the merits of other people's children or saying it's a bad thing to have children.)

                                    Now for those who have grown children...do you think you would do it again if you knew how much work was involved before you ever became pregnant?

                                    It's all about ME, ME, ME!!! (The only signature worthy of a real DQ.)
                                    "And I'm thinking you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling." - Capt Reynolds "Firefly"

                                    Comment


                                    • What will I do when I'm 80 if I haven't had children? I will welcome the nieces, who think I'm a particularly cool aunt with my assortment of animals .

                                      Mrs. Mouse, lilblackhorse and others, I apologize if what I said was hurtful; sometimes I'm not so great at putting my feelings into words. Right now, where I am in my life, almost all of my friends are either married or engaged, some have children while others are planning. It's not that I don't want to be married or have children, but rather that I haven't found that person for me, and I don't think I would make a particularly good single parent. It's hard to be at a stage in your life when these things *should* be happening, but they're not.

                                      I love kids. My happiest times were spent working at a riding camp for kids from age 6-16. I'm good with kids, and they seem to like me. I'm the person who invites kids to pet my horse when I ride though the park, who waves to toddlers over a restaurant booth, who likes the 12 year old at the barn better than the 22 year old. So, since I like kids, that often brings about the "When are you going to have kids" question, which brings up the "I'm not married" issue, which then often brings about "Well, your day will come" type of reassurances. However, it is entirely possible that my day won't come, that if I do get married it will be past a practical time to raise children, or the person I marry won't want to have children. Right now, I can't count on raising children either definitely being part of my life or definitely not being part of my life.

                                      Argh, I don't know if this is making any sense. I *can* count on horses always being part of my life; that's a choice I can make with no one else's, uh, "contribution". Hmm, I'm not sure if I made any point at all here, but hopefully this explains where I'm coming from a little better .

                                      Comment


                                      • Aw, Velvet, you said exactly what I was going to say! Nwhr made some wonderful points. Of course, as childless people, we cannot fathom what it must be like to have kids, and I have no doubt that it is extremely rewarding for those of us who decide to do it (for the right reasons, anyway). However, by the same token that no one can know what it is like to be something they are not/have never been, no one can presume to understand someone else's desires or lack of desire for particular things or aspects of life. I'm only 24, so I have no idea what's waiting for me further down the road. I appreciate the fact that families and children are indeed the glue that hold our society together, but should I choose not to have any, it will certainly not be merely because I'm making some sort of individualistic statement, and goddammit if anyone is going to be allowed to make me feel bad about it or to not let me enjoy the solidarity of people who've made similar choices. I think that's more the spirit this thread was started in, rather than out of any desire to bash moms or children . I have never looked down on any mother as someone who's decided to have kids because she feels "incomplete" or just wants to do the accepted thing - in fact, this may come as a surprise, but I have a mom myself, and she's one righteous lady .

                                        Sparky Boy - this may not totally answer your question, but there was a 2002 study done by Dr. Candace Konnert and Sherryl Jeffries on the regret and psychological well-being among elderly childless women. Apparently, those who were childless by choice still rate themselves as having high overall well being, high levels of independence with good environmental mastery, and are unlikely to have child-related regret (certainly, they are as satisfied with life in old age as mothers are). The results are different for those who are involuntarily childless, unless they didn't want kids anyway. Anyone interested in reading it for themselves can look up "Regret and Psychological Well-being Among Voluntarily and Involuntarily Childless Women and Mothers."
                                        "That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!" ~Homer Simpson

                                        Comment


                                        • Good grief!

                                          This thread is a share-your-voice sort of support thread for those who choose not to have children. Please note, we aren't on the Pregnancy thread sniping at those who choose to have children. So, Mrs. Mouse and any parents who have decided to read this thread, why are you here? Why are you interfering with the right of the childfree to have a little bonding experience? And why, oh why, especially if you think you made the best possible decision for yourselves, are you taking this thread as an attack or a threat on your decision, which it certainly is not?

                                          It's pretty obvious that those who are childfree have very different reasons, and different attitudes toward the young of the species. You can't say it's a thread of childhaters. Even I don't hate children - just don't find 'em appealing and don't want 'em in my personal life, thank you just the same.

                                          OTOH, perhaps now some of the parents can get a small taste of what the childfree do get in the way of social pressure in many many instances. And your particular form of participation does represent a subtle type of that pressure.

                                          Don't bother to answer these rhetorical questions. Just exercise your right to not read or participate in a thread.

                                          BTW, it's my opinion that having children in expectation of having caretakers in your old age is a false hope and a very selfish reason to have kids. Now, having an excuse to get a pony...that makes a bit more sense!

                                          Cheers and the right of self-determination to all.

                                          Comment

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