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How to handle unwanted advances by barn workers? ***UPDATE***

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  • Original Poster

    #41
    vxf111 - where is your barn?

    no lurkers last night - the lights to the trailer were off, so I suppose they were out...
    my car just died, so when it is repaired and I can get back to the barn (hopefully tomorrow!) I will try all of the above suggestions! Hell, I'll throw so much crap at 'em something has to stick? Will keep you "abreast" of the situation!

    My horse bucked off your honor student!

    Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

    Comment


    • #42
      We had a 20 year old creep at my old boarding barn for awhile and he always oggled at me. Creepy.....h eventually stole my digital camera, stole the barn owners car and drive it a few thousand miles while they were out of town, then hid it in the hay barn with a broken transmission. Let's just say he didn't last long!

      ~*Lindsay*~
      An aspiring photographer specializing in dressage, eventing, and hunter/jumper digital photography.

      ~*Co-founder of the COTH Photographer's clique*~
      Lindsay

      Check out my blog at http://lindsayberreth.com

      Comment


      • #43
        At my barn now, the workers are a very nice married couple who happen to be mexican but speak some english..... I don't get much in the way of flirting here.

        But, at my old barn, I can vividly remember the younger mex guys lurking around me everytime I groomed my horse. And one time, it was a good day to clean his sheath, at least a quick run over.....

        You can imagine my embarassment when they clearly turned this very normal horse care procedure into some kind of sexual insinuation. ICK.

        I hate situations like yours, moving might be a great idea, but i know its pretty hard to find the right place.

        martha
        Proud member of the * Hoof Fetish & the NervousNellieWorryWart* cliques!

        Comment


        • #44
          and if that doesnt work get a job in law inforcement and wear your gun.
          more hay, less grain

          Comment

          • Original Poster

            #45
            INS! Great idea!
            And now that I think of it, I do have an aquaintance who is a sheriff's deputy in the county where I board...think I'll give him a call...how perfect...he could cruise up in his car and uniform!
            hate to say it, but I bet we'd see "scattering"!

            My horse bucked off your honor student!

            Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

            Comment


            • #46
              Am I the only one offended by some of this??? [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif[/img]

              __________________________
              A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men...
              FairWeather
              CANTER West Virginia

              Comment


              • #47
                No I am as well. I am really shocked that certain people would so callously describe people as "them" and "dirty"....We are talking about people and you may not want to go out with them...but please refrain from subcategorizing people in racist terms.
                "All life is precious"
                Sophie Scholl

                Comment

                • Original Poster

                  #48
                  By "dirty", I mean the guys rarely bathe...literally... By "them", I mean the guys as a group. I am not attempting to be racist or un-PC...I have tried to use the terms "barn crew", etc. and I only mention their nationality because there is a language barrier. And I said "scatter" because just three weeks ago we had to call the sheriff out to put down a doe that had been hit by a car and partially paralyzed and when the barn workers saw the cruiser pull up they really did scatter into the woods and only returned after he was gone.
                  I am taking into account the cultural differences as a poster mentioned earlier (providing a link for further info) because the differences ARE the reason for the problems, IMHO. If the guys were American I certainly would have no problem in addressing the issue! No offense is intended. Sorry if I have offended anyone. I am just trying to prevent a bigger problem...I would be uncomfortable with three guys lurking around and sneaking up on me at night in the barn NO MATTER WHO THEY WERE! Hell, I've even been frightened once by a FEMALE barn worker who intimidated several of us into leaving.

                  My horse bucked off your honor student!

                  Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                  Comment


                  • #49
                    Gambit. I feel your pain. Two years ago at my old barn two of the Creepy barn workers followed me out of the barn driveway. Not unusual, but then they started to follow me home. I turned into my neighborhood and so did they, so I freaked called my parents to tell them the situation. I didn't want them to know where I lived, so I drove through my neighborhood and back to the main road. Then I decided to make a couple of quick turns and take some short cuts, and they followed every move. Eventually I had to pull out of other cars just to "lose" them. Didn't want to be stopped with them behind me. The whole time they were just laughing and smiling, who knows what they had planned.

                    But here's the kicker.. My dad calls the owners of the farm (mind you the husband is a retired cop) and they say oh they'll talk to them tomorrow. Well needless to say, I was scared out of my mind, my heart was still racing, so this wasn't exactly acceptable. I had just come home from collegefor winter break and was planning on spending it at the barn, but didn't feel comfortable with them being there. So what the owners eventuallly did was get a women who was fluent in spanish to talk to the "guys", they denied everything and said that they were lost. sure..likely story. They never got repremanded or anything. I guess I should have called the cops when I was being chased.

                    I don't know how barn owners can be so irresponsible by not taking any action. But hey, these are the same people that let me get on a "cold back" horse without telling me about his "problem" and watched me leave the farm in a helicopter. So, you wouldn't expect them to take action on the workers. Especially after the cops came to the barn once to arrest a guy who was trying to show his goods to a little girl.

                    I agree with gambit these guys were dirty and nasty. However not all of the barn guys were, the guys that traveled to the shows with us were the nicest "guys" I have ever met. After traveling all over with them to shows, we became very good friends. In fact, I told one of the show guys about the following incident and the two that committed it got a major lashing en Espanol :

                    "Some people need to buy the winners, others make them."
                    Some people need to buy the winners, others make them.

                    Comment


                    • #50
                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by SillyHorse:
                      <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I just get pissed when someone more powerful than I (be it political power, physical power, etc.) pushes me around when I'm just trying to live my life.
                      <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                      What do you think feminism is all about <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                      Maybe so, and that's as good a definition of feminism as any, but my view on all of that is why must we make an issue out of gender all the time? Abuse of power is abuse of power, and is not always a gender thing...I try to make gender a NONissue instead of an ISSUE. It works for me, FWIW...no offense intended to those who are feminists or otherwise feel differently about gender "issues". [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

                      "If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
                      www.deltawave.homestead.com
                      www.seeliecourt.homestead.com
                      Click here before you buy.

                      Comment

                      • Original Poster

                        #51
                        oh, and did I mention the fact that there are only three workers now because one of them was arrested for aiding a felon by hiding his cousin @ the farm. The cousin had shot another man to death a month earlier in a ballroom brawl. So I am not just making things up in my mind re: danger. I do have a leg to stand on and a reason to be nervous!

                        My horse bucked off your honor student!

                        Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                        Comment


                        • #52
                          It sounds like you need to get you and your horses out of that place! Be careful, please... [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_eek.gif[/img]

                          "If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
                          www.deltawave.homestead.com
                          www.seeliecourt.homestead.com
                          Click here before you buy.

                          Comment


                          • #53
                            Regarding the racial offense....my situation with sheath cleaning and sexual innuendo used the word mexican... which certainly calls "them" out as a ethnic group....

                            And I always feel really uncomfortable when I say something like that - trying my best to put it in the most racially unbiased light....

                            But the truth is - even if many don't like it - *most* barn workers are male mexicans, who frequently don't speak much english. At least in my lifetime horse experience this is what I've seen.

                            On top of that - whether it has *anything* to do with ethnicity or not, these same workers obviously can intimidate female horse people by virtue of the language barrier and totally uncalled-for flirtatous/sexual behavior. Whether we like to bring it up or not, it is a fact that exists.

                            I am torn within myself over how to handle these kind of discussions - but my rational side says - there *are* very real cultural differences. We may be all human and equal, but we *are* different in our backgrounds, communication skills, social skills and what we consider to be acceptable. So to say that "catagorizing" mexican males in this sense is racist, isn't exactly true - to some extent it is a factual cultural difference.

                            I think they do probably understand more than some will let on - frankly, if I were living in some other country where I didnt intend to make close relationships and I found the people amusing to observe, I might keep my fluency to a minimum and simply do my job and be entertained by the natives.

                            It could be a social phenonmenon explained simply because as a foreign, unfluent visitor, you have no invested interested in these people or your place there... you have no reason to follow customary rules of ettiquette, you are a temporary resident and will leave these people behind.

                            It wouldn't be surprising that some single guys who are here to work find it amusing to hit on american girls who can't follow the conversation. It's not even something you could say is specifically "mexican" behavior, this is probably a phenomenon that would occur from *any* foreign 'young' person in that circumstance.

                            I just think there is a difference between being RACIST and treating another group with an unequal bias or disrespect, and calling out a cultural or factual reality.

                            This is something many women are probably uncomfortable even talking about, because god forbid we say "those mexicans are always hitting on me" - that's borderline racist. We are programmed here not to say or think anything un-PC, but sometimes that clouds reality.

                            How do we discuss this sociological phenonmenon of mexican barn workers and their relationship or interactions with american women? Cause it's real and has an impact on many of us.

                            martha
                            Proud member of the * Hoof Fetish & the NervousNellieWorryWart* cliques!

                            Comment

                            • Original Poster

                              #54
                              <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mcmIV:
                              How do we discuss this sociological phenonmenon of mexican barn workers and their relationship or interactions with american women? Cause it's real and has an impact on many of us.

                              martha<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                              I couldn't have said it better! REALITY!

                              My horse bucked off your honor student!

                              Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                              Comment


                              • #55
                                I just know the majority of Hispanic staff in the horse show world are cherished, caring, devoted, and loyal people who are invlauable to many barns and riders success. And I feel sometimes we are complacant in our categorizing of people in such ways.

                                Similarly working in one of the Worlds largest international organizations and having many amazing friends from Central and South America, nothing described here is any cultural norm for either sex in their behavior or attitudes or beliefs...
                                "All life is precious"
                                Sophie Scholl

                                Comment

                                • Original Poster

                                  #56
                                  Not Hispanics in general...In spite of being lecherly, these guys do a fabulous job with the barn, grounds and the horses loff them.

                                  My horse bucked off your honor student!

                                  Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                                  Comment


                                  • #57
                                    <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by gambit:
                                    So I am not just making things up in my mind re: danger. I do have a leg to stand on and a reason to be nervous!

                                    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                    I guess I just find it strange that you dont mind these people taking care of your animal? [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_confused.gif[/img]

                                    __________________________
                                    A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men...
                                    FairWeather
                                    CANTER West Virginia

                                    Comment

                                    • Original Poster

                                      #58
                                      Not Hispanics in general...In spite of being lecherly, these guys do a fabulous job with the barn, grounds and the horses loff them. So, no, I don't have a problem with them taking care of my horse! They are very caring and nice to the horses, recognize illness and injury...dependable re: feeding time, turnout time, night checks, etc. If my horse was unhappy, I'd know. And he would be elsewhere.
                                      Back in the old days, when I was a junior, barn staff were not mainly hispanic, but black, FWIW. (Or should I say African-American?) Few and far between were caucasians.

                                      My horse bucked off your honor student!

                                      Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                                      Comment


                                      • #59
                                        I have found that being blunt and honest is the best way to deal with a situation like this, no matter what the culture or language barrier is.

                                        You have every right to be yourself. You should not have to turn into a cold person or try to make yourself appear unattractive in order to repel unwanted attention.

                                        Decide what you want to say to them -- somthing like, "I really appreciate that you take such good care of my horse, and that is why I smile at you and say hello. It is only to say thank you. The only connection between us is my horse, and I want to keep it that way." Find someone to help you express this in Spanish if you feel you must, but I am sure that you can make yourself clear to them. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

                                        Forget lying, pretending, etc. Stick up for yourself and be honest to them. It will be a quicker, cleaner resolution with no embarrassing moments afterwards.

                                        Re: feminism: I think a woman should be able to decide for herself how she wants to lead her life, whether it's working 40 or 80 hours a week or staying at home and raising a family. That's my definition of feminism. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

                                        "If you feel you had a bad ride, how do you think your horse feels?"
                                        \"If you feel you had a bad ride, how do you think your horse feels?\"

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                                        • Original Poster

                                          #60
                                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Spunky:

                                          You have every right to be yourself. You should not have to turn into a cold person or try to make yourself appear unattractive in order to repel unwanted attention.

                                          Decide what you want to say to them -- somthing like, "I really appreciate that you take such good care of my horse, and that is why I smile at you and say hello. It is only to say thank you. The only connection between us is my horse, and I to keep it that way." l<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

                                          Yeah Spunky, I don't want to piss them off...just chill them out! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]

                                          My horse bucked off your honor student!

                                          Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique

                                          Comment

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