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How to handle unwanted advances by barn workers? ***UPDATE***

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  • #21
    Go into the barn and be all sad. Let it slip that you have ringworm (Yo tengo ringworm). Watch them run. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

    A woman should NEVER have to suffer from unwanted advances. Tell them to get the f*^%$ off you. Tell them NOT to touch you. Ever.

    Maybe they've been reading the big boobs or T & A threads?

    [This message was edited by Flash44 on Dec. 19, 2002 at 10:40 AM.]
    Man plans. God laughs.


    • Original Poster

      I'll gladly have herp, ringworn, rainrot, whatever for the sake of being left alone!
      I agree...no touchy! If this was a man (or men) anywhere else but the barn, you bet I'd backhand 'em and tell them to keep the #%$&* away from me...I just don't want Gambit to suffer any ill consequences!
      I like the ideas y'all have suggested!

      My horse bucked off your honor student!

      Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique


      • #23
        my first thought was, "how cute are they and is there hay closeby?"


        You look so careless when they're shooting that bull ...
        Don't you know hearthaches are heroes when their pockets are full?
        When blood is the beverage of choice, the sharpest fangs feed first.


        • Original Poster

          Robby - not your type, I'm afraid...from what I've read on the boards! And they're not very clean! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]
          Veronica - tried to email you...mine is ccoulon@financialnetworkcorp.com.

          My horse bucked off your honor student!

          Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique


          • #25
            I have had the same problems, when I lived in South Texas.
            Mostly because I try to be so nice and cheery and friendly to everyone, it's hard for me to be distant or rude...it really bites me in the butt! And I have blonde hair, which is popular with these particular men.
            It got to the point where I started to hate coming out to the barn to ride, because one or the other would be lurking around me. They would come and talk and watch me and just hang out, and I did NOT like that. And they smelled terrible, which is a horrible thing for me to say and an even more horrible thing for me to judge someone on, but there it is, I can't help it. I tried to be distant, and ignore them, but it didn't work, and it just stressed me out more because of the anger I was carrying around. I had to finally go talk to the barn manager, which I didn't want to do because I was worried about repercussions to my horse. And then for months afterwards I would feel like I needed to hide from these people, it was not fun. However, it did get better, and slowly but surely a working relationship developed again with these people. Thank goodness for the barn manager, he was wonderful, and I wasn't sure how he would be.
            So that's my suggestion. Talk to your barn manager. They may not know what is going on, and they may be able to help....
            Other than that, please be careful. The comment about the boyfriend is good, too. I know you can't avoid a situation in which you are alone with them...can you carry pepper spray or something with you?

            You can't have everything. Where would you put it all?


            • #26
              you could take one of your girl friends to the barn with you, and walk into the barn holding hands or hug each other when they are around. Try to make them think that you "gusta chicas" (like girls).

              This could work well, but it might backfire if they are into lesbians. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

              Seriously, be careful until you figure out something. I didn't like the mental image I got as I was reading your post (3 of them lurking in the shadows and little 'ol you there by yourself). Good idea about carrying some pepper spray or mace with you.

              "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"
              \"So shines a good deed in a weary world\" - Willy Wonka


              • #27
                hmmmm, tell them you are into girls???????? Let me think for a minute.....

                Maybe not such a good idea.

                Heterosexual men and just the *thought* of.....

                don't do it. [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_razz.gif[/img]

                Love my Quarter Horse!

                GA Clique!!!
                Proud Member of the Opinionated Redhead Club! RIP my dear Avery ~3/21/1995-9/21/2011~

                Extreme Cat!!! 2006 OTTB
                Magic Cat - Final Demand


                • #28
                  A friend recently enrolled in Spanish classes which also focused on Latin American culture. I recall her saying her instructor said to appear almost prudish with men you didn't know well, no handshakes, no hi-how-ya-doin's. So, remembering that, I started poking around in the library where I work and on the web for some recommendations:

                  Do's and Taboos Around the World for Women in Business, p131-132, "Mercedes M. Pellet, co-founder of a Maryland computer software company, suggests the following: 'In Latin America, you will greatly enhance your personal safety if you maintain a distant and firm demeanor with all the people you encounter...This means that you do not smile needlessly nor advertise your inability to understand the language..."

                  The Windows on the World: Mexico site also has some good tips towards the bottom of the page.

                  So, hair in a bun, no make-up, wear that wedding band, frown, all make you appear so not approachable!

                  "If you ain't got it in ya, you can't blow it out." Pops


                  • #29
                    Ooh, yes email me and maybe I can set you up with Jeff. As nice as he is, he's a coworker and a LOT older than me and just a friend. So I really can't date him. But that doesn't mean I can't set him up (if he'll let me... never thought to ASK first!?!)


                    "The Son Dee Times"
                    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"


                    • Original Poster

                      Pepper spray - great idea - got it and taking it tonite!
                      Lesbian idea - yeah...they'd probably LOFF that!
                      Talk to barn manager - HA HA HA - he's almost more of a lech than they are - except I know I can outrun his 80 year old ass! (I did get some revenge on him from looking at my boobs all the time - and they aren't much to look at - Gambit bit another horse on the butt which led to the barn owner/manager being trampled by another horse at the gate...gee, you'd think he'd know enough after 80 years to avoid getting caught in the middle of the "swarm" at the gate...he wasn't hurt badly - just bruised! Gamby got extra karottens for that!)
                      joliemom - much gracias!

                      My horse bucked off your honor student!

                      Founder: LOFL (lawn ornaments for life) clique


                      • #31
                        Y'all HAVE to keep us updated on the future happenings of "When Jeff Met Gambit"!!


                        "We can talk...or not talk...for hours, and still find things to not talk about!"

                        Book: If you take advantage of her, you\'re going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. Firefly


                        • #32
                          My first reaction was - hire some workers whose advances you would like to receive [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]
                          My second reaction is that the age diff is to your advantage (sorry going downhill rapidly here)
                          My third reaction is swat them into next week!!!


                          • #33
                            Sorry, but this REALLY gets my hackles up. A person should never, EVER have to feel threatened even a LITTLE bit by someone making advances on them, no matter how innocent or friendly they may seem or in fact be. It's a violation of a basic human right, and BULLCRAP to having to pretend to have a threatening boyfriend, be a lesbian, or look "ugly" and unapproachable. YOU are paying to ride at that barn, and those people's salaries are in part paid by YOU. If you are even the tiniest bit intimidated or threatened by them, you're in a way becoming a "victim" of a subtle (or not so subtle) form of hostility.

                            Now before anyone gets excited, let me state for the record that I am in NO WAY into feminism, "sexual harrasment" craziness, or anything like that. I'm WAY not into the "women's movement"...I just get pissed when someone more powerful than I (be it political power, physical power, etc.) pushes me around when I'm just trying to live my life.

                            If you have a little bit of a command of spanish, I would take a couple of lessons from a spanish teacher at your local high school. Learn how to clearly say "Maybe you're just trying to be friendly, but you are making me feel uncomfortable and nervous when you act the way you do." Say this emphatically the next time one of them confronts you, and stand your ground. If they truly are not trying to intimidate or scare you, but rather behaving inappropriately for a lack of knowing better, they will in all likelihood apologize. If not, you need to stop going there alone, make it clear to the barn owner that you feel threatened, and then threaten to move out of there if the problem isn't addressed.

                            Yes, all that sounds like a pain in the ass, but a) you can never be too careful, b) it will lighten your heart considerably if you can put an end to this, and c) if you don't do something you are going to be anxious and miserable every time you go to the barn...not what you want, surely? You CAN do this!

                            Good luck. I've done this a couple of times and the rapidity with which the air was cleared was AMAZING, along with the feeling of that ton of bricks off my shoulders!

                            "If you think your hairstyle is more important than your brain, you're probably right." Wear a helmet!
                            Click here before you buy.


                            • #34
                              It's been said already but I second, trying to get a friend male or female to go with you while you ride, and carry PEPPER SPRAY!!!!!!!!

                              Make sure the pepper spray is very visible when you are carrying it. Believe me, if any of them have had ANY experience getting sprayed before, they are NOT going to want a repeat experience.

                              Oh just a trivia tip...if you ever do come in contact with pepper spray, use lots and lots of COLD water! I tried to cheat and take a warm shower after a pepper spray class in the middle of winter (I was so cold from being outside) big, huge mistake! water got turned to cold really really fast!

                              All gave some...And some gave all...God bless the USA
                              "You are under arrest for operating your mouth under the influence of
                              ignorance!" Officer Beck


                              • #35
                                I have had this problem several times. Of course, it helps that I speak near fluent Spanish and am not afraid to tell whomever is making advances at me that I not only can communicate with him, I also will not tolerate him behaving in that manner anymore. Try the word abogato (lawyer) if you need to. In all seriousness, I would make it absolutely certain though your body language and verbal language that this is not acceptable and bring a friend with you when you come ride as much as possible. If the problem persists, you should tell the barn manager...and frankly, anyone who takes it out on your horse that their help has been acting in an innapropriate and offensive manner to a paying customer is not, in my opinion, any sort of professional I would want to associate with. Good luck, and if you need some Spanish words/ phrases to help you, feel free to email or private topic me.

                                *"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." - Oscar Wilde

                                *Formerly known as Seabiscuit*


                                • #36
                                  How did things go last night?

                                  "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"
                                  \"So shines a good deed in a weary world\" - Willy Wonka


                                  • #37
                                    I was with DeltaWave right up to (and past) where she said she was not into feminism.

                                    Well, I'm into feminism. I think it was Rebecca West who said that people tended to label her as "feminist" because she was not willing to be treated like a doormat.

                                    Don't be treated like a doormat, even an attractive doormat. Be cold and professional with these barn workers, and be clear that it stops there. Conservative clothing, no smiling or laughing (even of the nervous variety), no friendliness. They probably understand more English than you think they do, and you should tell them that your time at the barn is limited and you want to spend it with your horse. If they still make you uncomfortable, then you need to discuss it with the barn manager. I don't care if he is a lech, he needs to be put on notice (does he speak Spanish by the way?)

                                    If this does not get resolved, MOVE. I don't care how great the facilities are. You do have the right to be at a barn where you do not feel threatened. But be smart too, and know when a situation has too much potential for very bad consequences
                                    "The formula 'Two and two make five' is not without its attractions." --Dostoevsky


                                    • #38
                                      Move, come to my barn, and then you can glom on Jeff [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img]


                                      "The Son Dee Times"
                                      "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"


                                      • #39
                                        If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious ...

                                        Oh, wait, wrong song. But if you use four letter words and say them VERY LOUDLY then it usually translates perfectly.


                                        • #40
                                          <BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR> I just get pissed when someone more powerful than I (be it political power, physical power, etc.) pushes me around when I'm just trying to live my life.

                                          What do you think feminism is all about? [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img]

                                          ~ I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
                                          Donald Trump - proven liar, cheat, traitor and sexual predator! Hillary Clinton won in 2016, but we have all lost.