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My backyard riders barn has bmorphed into a show barn (Or 'You kids get off my lawn!)

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  • #41
    Originally posted by LexInVA View Post
    Shannypants said it best. Put up or shut up. You might as well just learn to live with the young whippersnappers because they are not going away nor is their money going to dry up anytime soon.

    That's it!

    Both sides of the equation here are reading way too much into the original comments. Now THAT'S ridiculous!


    • #42
      Wow. Have you tried to get to know anyone? I think you'll find most "higher level barns" are full of people who love their horses and the time they get to spend riding just like you do.

      Most barns I've been to, show barn, boarding barn, backyard barn or otherwise are full of incredibly supportive people who are kind and not judgmental. It doesn't seem like you've given the new crowd a fair chance, and I'm sure they can tell you're not happy they're around.


      • #43
        OP please reread your original post slowly and out loud to yourself and take a deep breath....Do you not sound a tad whiney by the end of your rant....

        I think we all get that you feel out of step with the new mix of people at your boarding barn...Yeah, we get that you feel like the young things are looking down their nose at you for some real or imagined reason of your own making....You are older and have experienced horse things that these young upstarts should apparently envy you for....

        But you lost me when you inferred/implied ( whatever !) that you somehow needed to change your style to feel accepted.....Ummmmm...No...Don't get that one....Honestly my daughter who is as laid back as they come and does not show prefers to ride in her breeches...She finds them more comfortable...Me...Have always worn chaps with jeans....That is my comfort zone...My point is to each their own....

        The minute you start to measure yourself for schooling and everyday riding by the perception of the outfit you wear and the fanciness of the tack you are using...Well is just sounds like these things are a bigger deal to YOU than anyone else...

        If you don't like the feel of the barn, I suppose it may be time to hunt for new digs with your own kind.....

        Just Food For Thought.
        Crayola Posse: Mulberry


        • #44
          I think the poster who said, "you're insecurity is showing" said it best. OP, I'm sorry for that...but yes, I'm sure every person here has felt snubbed by a horse person wearing nicer clothes and/or leading a more expensive horse and/or driving that huge glamor-rig. But if you were secure in your horse, horse-things and horse-self, you would have laughed (hopefully to yourself) at the younger girl's presumptuousness that you are ignorant of horses because of your attire and moved on.

          And maybe just said, "Oh, ok, thanks!" with a smile.
          COTH's official mini-donk enabler

          "I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl


          • #45
            Originally posted by Chief2 View Post
            I don't even deal with any of the drama anymore. Mr. Chief2 says it is because I am bombproof, but really, 99.9 percent of the dramas at boarder barns resolve themselves perfectly well if you just stay out of them. There will always be snarky people somewhere in the mix. My point of view is, I pay the bills in full on the 1st of each month and have for decades. I am going there for my horse, and leaving all of my problems behind me. I wear what I want (as long as it is safe around horses), I spend as much time as I want with my horse, and I care for him in the best manner I see possible. Beyond that, the roof could fall down around my ears, and I couldn't care less about it. There's always someone showboating or grandstanding, someone else demanding attention for things they could perfectly well fix on their own, and at least a few boarders with perpetual look-at-me syndrome. Who cares??

            If the place is right for your horse, providing good health, safety and great amenities, then continue on with boarding him there. Use the amenities, train to your heart's content or let him be a pasture potato if that's in the works. If the owners really don't want you there, they'll ask you to leave. Until then, assume you're not the problem, leave your own problems at home, and go enjoy your horse.
            *Sue claps long and loud* Chief2 for President Most obvious reply would have been "thanks for the warning" or even possibly "that's a pity, he looks quite nice". Did you say anything at all? Maybe 20yo snobby is off on another forum wondering what to do about snobby 40 year olds who think they own the place because they've been there forever and are too stuck up to smile and say hello?


            • #46
              I'm a guy, grew up at barns and have watched the female Kabuki dances since I was a little kid. They're fun to watch and don't really understand the fuss.

              There will always be skinnier, cuter, bigger breasted, more expensive horses, better cars, nicer trailers, cuter butts, firmer this and that, better tack and more wonderful husbands paying for everything...I've seen more women who had it great obsessing about the one or two facets of their life that suffered in the comparison with what someone else had ("Comparisons are odious").

              So what is a 20-something gives you the "hairy eyeball"...she's riding someone else's horse, she's the help. Owners can dress however they want. It's the waiters who have to wear the suit, not the customer.

              Easier said than done, I know....just relax, it's always fun when one of the SYT (sweet young thangs) discovers you know an amazing amount and have experience they've never imagined...and ya' know what? Who cares what they think....
              "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


              • #47
                Originally posted by Trakehner View Post
                I'm a guy, grew up at barns and have watched the female Kabuki dances since I was a little kid. They're fun to watch and don't really understand the fuss.


                • #48
                  I was actually thinking about this thread last night as I'm the newb at the barn.

                  I've only met a couple of people thus far and it's been interesting. In fact last week I met woman 1 who was quite nice and we rode together. Then this weekend woman 1 and woman 2 (who I'd not met before) were there and were rather rude to me. Then yesterday, woman 2 was super friendly and nice til woman 1 showed up and again, cold shoulder from both. Weirdness.

                  Both are retired I believe...older than me by likely 20 years or so. I wondered if they look at me and think similar because I show up in full seats and tall boots? I do it because frankly, I feel more workman like when I'm in my "uniform". If asked, they'd find that my brand name breeches have all been bought second hand. And I got my boots on sale for 50 at Rolex. My horses are nothing fancy, but they're well cared for and loved. I work pretty hard to have what I've got but I surely can imagine that they resent just a little that there's someone now to share a ring with--who is there for a few hours, not just a few minutes. Oh well. I like to ride. I have two horses. It takes time.

                  And then I think back to when I was apprenticing with a trainer. I think about how some of the owners/riders treated me. Like I was crap because I didn't own the horses I was riding. What they didn't know was that I did own a couple horses, took care of them on my own, but had an opportunity to learn from someone so I took it.

                  Or I think of the day when I showed up to watch a friend take a lesson on my horse. Expensive-ish training barn. She was half leasing my mare. We drove up together and I helped her tack up. I helped her mount and then stood there watching--admiring the pair for a moment. That's when a woman I'd never met called to me, "Groom! What are you doing standing there! I need my stirrup fixed!"

                  People sure do seem to make a lot of assumptions.

                  By the way--I did shorten the lady's stirrup...then I excused myself "to go watch my horse in the lesson." She turned a few shades of red...so at least she had SOME sense of reality going for her.

                  Ah well. No point really.
                  A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

                  Might be a reason, never an excuse...


                  • #49
                    Forgive me if I missed it, but I don't see anywhere in the original post where the poster asked for advice on how to handle things.

                    Frankly Venture, I think NOT reacting to the young woman with the uberhorse shows class and restraint. Coming here to vent instead and think up clever things that you probably won't say was just fine by me. Your post and the hordes that have followed have been a good chuckle.
                    "The Threat of Internet Ignorance: ... we are witnessing the rise of an age of equestrian disinformation, one where a trusting public can graze on nonsense packaged to look like fact."-LRG-AF


                    • #50
                      As Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

                      Unless there's a written dress code at the barn, if they give you a "look" because of your attire that's their problem not yours.


                      • #51
                        This situation could be turned around and become very advantageous. The right attitude and a few calculated choices might make your barn life very happy indeed.
                        I would start by stopping by a doughnut shop on Saturday morning and pick up a dozen or two and if you are feeling really generous a gallon of OJ. Take them to the help at the barn and remark to them as your dropping them off " I see how hard you guys work and thought that you might enjoy these." Same goes for some cold sodas or an extra sandwich or two from Subway.
                        By introducing yourself to the help you will break down boundaries and reduce the friction caused by the new barn boarders. You might find yourself in need of assistance someday and a friendly relationship with a groom may be invaluable. Sometimes my grooms finish their job with me and make some extra money clipping , blanketing or wrapping another boarder's horse.
                        I think that your defensiveness and judgement might be adding to the tension you feel and how much you need to PROVE yourself. Then one sideways glance pushes your insecurity button and OFF YOU GO. Stop it and accept not only the change but how well it might turn out if you can see the silver lining. I believe that there are so many upsides of a down situation that we never recognize because we are so invested in the wrath.
                        Or you can leave and find a barn you are comfortable in with boarders you relate to.


                        • #52
                          Originally posted by Sue from Auckland View Post
                          *Sue claps long and loud* Chief2 for President

                          Thanks for the thought, but I think that's one office I'll pass on.
                          "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein



                          • #53
                            That chip on your shoulder must make riding pretty difficult.

                            As one of the "minions" and "assorted lackeys" who grooms professionally, I am completely APPALLED that you would look so far down on someone simply because of what they do for a job.

                            So I ride someone else's horses. They pay me to do that. As in, it's part of my JOB. I'm not clear how that means I can't ride as well as you? I'm guessing they don't pay me to sit up there and goof off for an hour. I'm lucky enough to get to ride horses way beyond my financial means because of my profession. Goodness knows they're not all saints and I'm not even sure you'd LIKE riding some of them.

                            I'm pretty offended by the attitude shown by the OP, personally. Not enough to really care, but enough to know that these girls probably act the way they do because you spend more time glaring at them and feeling sorry for yourself than you do being a horseperson. I'm sort of disinclined to not be nice to someone who isn't nice to me, no matter how much patience I might have.
                            Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
                            you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.


                            • #54
                              OK, I'm tired and have an early show tomorrow, but i just had to comment on your quote, when the girl said to you look out he kicks and you translated it to be I"m more important than you, yield you peasant.

                              That is so funny I can't stand it, because how many times have all of us felt that way when a new seemingly fabulous new rider and horse came into the barn?

                              I'm sure I would have felt exactly the same way, I'd stomp my feet and say come on you little pip squeak, I'll show you who's fabulous!!

                              Anyway, I feel your pain, just have fun, that's what your there for and don't worry too much. Try something like ask for her opinion on something, and make her feel like you think her opinion is important and she'll probably open up to you and become Your friend, and we can't have enough of those! right!!


                              • #55
                                Originally posted by Summit Springs Farm View Post

                                I'm sure I would have felt exactly the same way, I'd stomp my feet and say come on you little pip squeak, I'll show you who's fabulous!!
                                The girl, as far as I can tell, wasn't attacking the OP in any way except in the OP's imagination of events. I guess she's not allowed to bring her horse through the OP's precious space.

                                Try something like ask for her opinion on something, and make her feel like you think her opinion is important
                                Because the lowly grooms don't actually know anything. Condescension (at least more than is currently being exercised) probably is not a great way to win friends and influence people.

                                But after all, I'm just one of the pip squeaks.
                                Originally posted by PeanutButterPony
                                you can shackle your pony to a lawn chair at the show...so long as its in a conservative color.


                                • #56
                                  I think I know the stable the OP is describing. It is a humble place, and recently, an inc. from elsewhere moved in a huge collection of high-priced sales horses.

                                  According to my pals who still board there for the time being, a couple of the new riders/students have hilariously snooty attitudes.

                                  I mean, come on - How can you be too good for the 'hood, when you are riding in it every day? You're living it, you gotta love it, baby!
                                  Last edited by Sarabeth; Mar. 19, 2009, 09:54 AM.


                                  • #57
                                    Sarabeth- Check your PM
                                    A pussycat of a horse with a chewed off tail won the triple crown, The Cubs won the world series and Trump won the Presidency.
                                    Don't tell me 'It can't be done.'


                                    • #58
                                      Wait, is this the one 5 mentioned in a previous post?


                                      • #59
                                        Sounds like you need to chill out a bit. If you can't let these things roll off your back, you could at the very least address them there. If what she said bothered you so much, you could have said something to clarify her tone. You could have been misreading her all together.

                                        Doesn't matter who you have trained with or what you and your husband have done, they are operating a business and making money while you are at the barn for fun. Of course you have every right to be there as they do, but you probably have a lot more light hearted view of your time at the barn than the people who are working. So take that into consideration when you view them as unfriendly. They are on a mission at the barn, you are there to relax and enjoy your horse. Both situations are OK, but you have to not take it so personally.
                                        Erin and
                                        Instant Karma "Sunny", ShineDown "Liam"

                                        "You can't control the wind, but you can adjust the sails."


                                        • #60
                                          You could just enjoy the fact that a real, live soap-opera has moved in just to entertain you! I always enjoy watching people, and so much the better if they act funny.

                                          Stuck up people really are more fun. They take themselves so seriously. And if they're NOT stuck up, you'll discover it soon enough if you're simply observing them and not judging them.