Dear coach - too bad, so sad, buh-bye...

[talkofthetown]

I'm in, mine was free!

Ditto! Except, when is a free horse ever really free?

[Milocalwinnings]

My "Econo-Nag" was in the *very very low* 4 figures (~$1000)... and I am quite happy with how he's come along.

I think we all should add "I love my Econo-Nag" to our signatures

[Tamara in TN]

[QUOTE]

Very well-written letter.

My situation happened nearly 20 years ago and it still rankles.

I got you beat by 8 years

28 years ago I realized that at the QH show barn near my home,my best friend (whose father helped Magnavox develop the original CD technology)
was the queen of the walk as she not only boarded her horse at the farm, and that she bought the mare them and did the local circuit and took lessons...

welllll she floated on air, while lowly old me with my 12.2 mutt pony who lived 2 miles away and walking to work up the state hwy and doing "stalls for lessons" that there never seemed to be to time for....

yep...I learned that lesson early....the next year, I ran tourists trips for $10/day plus a free dinner from 8am to dark all summer....

and I had never been so happy before or since!!!

best

[pines4equines]

Hay

Testing, testing, just changed my signature to include Econo-Nag...

[Sswor]

Well you're pretty much the exception. Not rare, but trainers like you are not common. I've had two trainers out of five that I can say have that kind of integrity.

Here's hoping my policy of equality will pay off in this economy.

And yes, she actually said "piss ant clients" direct quote. Maybe I should add that line to my advertising,

"Piss Ant Clients Are Welcome Here"

What do you think?

[pines4equines]

Hay

Piss Ant Clients and Econo Nags welcome here...

[War Admiral]

Ditto! Except, when is a free horse ever really free?

Haha true - I'm into him for $2k already and I haven't had him 2 months yet!

[seeuatx]

I wanna be in the Econo-nag clique too.... all 3 of the horses I have ever owned with their price tags combined don't even equal 5 figures

[Chall]

Well, I've been there. But really I want trainers to stay in business! I want the stables to be able to remain stables and not become a new housing development.
And honestly, in another business, I think it would be smart to pay more attention to the accounts that bring in the most money, isn't that just how business goes?
So while I've been disdained at hunter barns with my Arab, even though he performed very well, I also went to a BNT who treated me like gold. And that's how I found that some BNTs are BNTs for a reason.
I hope all stables can remain stables, so that means I want people to succeed. So, lessons learned on both client side and trainer side, but I hope a positive one for both sides.

[asb_own_me]

So while I've been disdained at hunter barns with my Arab, even though he performed very well, I also went to a BNT who treated me like gold. And that's how I found that some BNTs are BNTs for a reason.

Well said :clapping:

I've had a NNT (no-name trainer) and MNTs (medium name trainers) and both ended horribly. The NNT with lying/cheating/stealing/embezzeling/abuse, and the MNTs with one of the couple literally losing their mind, after lying/cheating/not medicating a pre-Cushings horse. Really...lost the mind. Think intensive therapy and nearly committed. The BNTs I'm with now? Fabulous. They have earned those big money clients with five horses in the barn and they treat the rest of us the same way - like we are all important and valued.

[RNB]

Loved your post OP!!! My daughter's last horse was free....so I suppose she won't even be able to find a trainer!!

[matryoshka]

I sold a pony to a lady for her daughter years ago. The daughter was with a local BNT (probably more MNT), and they invited me to watch a couple of shows. I could see similar behavior in the trainer to what is mentioned in the letter, but the mother couldn't see it. Her daughter was being passed over, and mom was oblivious, as far as I could tell. It hurt to watch. I don't know if it was because of the pony or some other reason. Sweet lady, cool kid, not so nice trainer.

I wonder if people sometimes stick with BNT for the prestige rather than for what they are actually learning. When I see some of the riders trained by these people, it seems likely.

The letter was a fun read.

[xeroxchick]

Nasty.

I'll say it again, Nasty.
The only reason to stay as long as you did was to have the prestige of being with this obvious jerk. Just should have left. Hope this makes you feel better, but it makes me glad I don't work with you.

[Transplant]

I wonder if people sometimes stick with BNT for the prestige rather than for what they are actually learning. When I see some of the riders trained by these people, it seems likely.

If showing is like other sports, then that seems likely. I've seen parents want to put their kids in the best program with the best names without looking beyond that. Someone can be the best coach of all time with the best record, but their system may not be right for your child. The most laid back parents I've seen had been professional athletes themselves who were supportive but when their child got passed over or wasn't the favorite, their attitude was 'Tough luck. Its not fair but if you're going to stay in this business, you'll have to learn how to deal with it because it will happen eventually.'

[2bayboys]

I've been on both ends of the spectrum. Years ago I was a penniless working student in a BNT barn and I happened to have a pretty nice horse. BNT could barely give me or my horse the time of day. I managed to get the horse sold while it was in the BNT barn (BNT did not even bother showing up when potential buyers were trying the horse, I did it all) and when I got my nice big check, I politely handed the BNT her commission and left within a week. Interestingly, I learned a lot from that BNT even though I rarely got a lesson, but the life experience has been very useful.

Fast forward many years, I found myself in a barn with a S/MNT and I was the big spender. I took multiple lessons every week, bought a horse out of the barn, showed every weekend. I brought other clients in to the barn. But the S/MNT was so lacking in customer service skills and so obviously chasing the $$ (tried to convince me to buy another horse out of the barn that was so completely unsuitable, ended up leasing same horse to a friend of mine and it was a disaster), that I decided to leave and go elsewhere. Heard through the grapevine that the loss of my monthly check was a big disappointment, but S/MNT and BO didn't have enough sense to see that it could have been prevented. S/MNT and BO proceeded to talk trash about me afterwards.

It's not my job as a client to teach a trainer what they are lacking in business skills or professional demeanor. As a customer, I can shop around and find what works best for me. I agree with those who say the OP should have walked sooner, but I do appreciate the tongue-in-cheek letter and I bet it felt great to write it.

[Lori B]

Excellent point, 2bayboys. It is NOT the customer's job to teach folks in a service business how to do their jobs. I'm sure that the OP would be the first to agree that she should have left sooner; I'll bet it wasn't as obvious what was happening until it had been happening for a while, and even then, if you're kid's happy, you don't want to disrupt their riding unless you have to.

I think the OP's post demonstrates that most riding business customers don't want to move around, don't really seek drama, and will stick around if trainers and farms do a half-way decent job of providing services. I know I'll get flamed for saying so, but I think it's true, in spite of all the true stories of dealing with crazies (both boarders and staff) that BO's will no doubt post in response.

[Dispatcher]

I sold a pony to a lady for her daughter years ago. The daughter was with a local BNT (probably more MNT), and they invited me to watch a couple of shows. I could see similar behavior in the trainer to what is mentioned in the letter, but the mother couldn't see it. Her daughter was being passed over, and mom was oblivious, as far as I could tell. It hurt to watch. I don't know if it was because of the pony or some other reason. Sweet lady, cool kid, not so nice trainer.

I wonder if people sometimes stick with BNT for the prestige rather than for what they are actually learning. When I see some of the riders trained by these people, it seems likely.

The letter was a fun read.

I'm sure they do. There are still many people who ride horses that believe they can BUY their way into being a horsewoman/man. The more money they spend, the better they will be

[LSM1212]

Very well-written letter.
Did you actually send it or just vent here?
This type of trainer needs to get put on notice - if not verbally then in a letter like yours.

My situation happened nearly 20 years ago and it still rankles.

I helped my trainer start her business by pitching in to do things her later "valued" clients would never dirty their hands with.
I took time off work to help her ship horses to shows for juniors whose wealthy parents did nothing except open their checkbooks.

At these shows I acted as part of her "team" until she hired a groom and then started charging us Day Fees + her hotel room + Tack stall.

I bought my first horse from her. Of course she got her commission on the sale and "rewarded" me by lodging my horse in the prestigious 12-stall Show Barn when she leased her own place.
The non-showing rabble were stalled in a separate wing.
She expected me to "move up" and buy another horse from her within a year, even though I told her this was not my intention.

My husband installed alarm & phone systems and PA for her at cost and his "reward" was to be constantly called to repair damage (workers watered the phone in the indoor, mice chewed through alarm wiring) and expect not to charge for his services. Even when a show was held at the barn he was on-call to repair things even though he had classes to show in. Monies were supposed to be deducted from his lessons or board in exchange - that never happened.

When I said "enough" to showing every single weekend all Summer my horse was rehomed in the B Barn. Replaced by a newbie with no riding talent but a BIG bank account....and who BTW "needed" a new horse...
When we still ended up with year-end Reserve awards she was glad enough to take credit at the awards dinner.

At every show we went to she approached me with an offer from another trainer to sell my horse for increasing sums. Of course that would have meant cha-ching! bigger commission for her.
Didn't matter that I kept telling her No Sale - he's a Keeper for me.
(still have him)

Things degenerated to the point where when I finally found a place to move I was afraid she would present me with a final bill padded so much that I'd have a choice of going broke or handing the horse over to her. Fortunately I was able to pay the final bill - I chose not to dispute some of the questionable charges.

The Grapevine told me she later joined AA and 12-stepped her way back.
Apparently I was not one of the people she felt she owed an apology.
When Tom died she sent her sister to the memorial service.
I guess that was supposed to suffice after 5+ years of "friendship".

Okay, this post hits so close to home, it's eery.

I left my old barn for a very similar reason. I was in good favors until I couldn't be "used" anymore. My friendship was just fine when she was just starting out but once she got other clients in who spent more money than I did and could provide her with bigger and better... bam! I was dropped like a bad habit. And my simple questions and requests were ignored. I found out later that she just didn't want to deal with me anymore. Hmmmm... guess I was of no use anymore? I never expected special treatment though my hubby and I went above and beyond to help her out and get her business up and running (spending alot of our own personal time and money). You'd think we would have been treated alot better. But I was just happy with being treated fairly in the end. HA! Didn't happen. So for that reason and many more, I left. It only took a few months for me to figure this one out and to find a suitable place to move to.

And then about a year after I left, she lost almost all of her other clients as well. IMO, it was one of those cases of a LNT trying to become a BNT overnight. It just ain't gonna happen. It takes YEARS and YEARS to build up a good reputation. Lots of hard work, blood, sweat and tears. And not just mooching off your clients and their horses. And it can come crashing down in a moment. For those who are truly deserving of the BNT title... it comes to them in due time. The good ones treat all of their clients fairly and with respect. The last straw for me was when we were discussing goals (for me) and I asked her what her goals were. And her response was (and this is just paraphrased), "To be the biggest H/J trainer in this area and have all of my clients winning the year end awards... and I don't care what I have to do or who I have to run over to get there." That was the day I decided to start my search for a new place..... very quietly.

But I definately learned alot of life lessons from that situation. And will NEVER put myself if that position again.

At my current barn? I don't expect to receive the same attention as the clients who take 3 lessons a week and go to shows a few times a month since I only take one lesson a week and show maybe 4 times a year. But I do expect my trainer's full attention during my lesson time. And at shows, help me warm up o/f along w/ course walks and strategy talks. And that's what I get... her full attention during those times. So I'm just fine with that. She's my trainer and that's all I expect. I actually like that I have some freedom.

With the old trainer, you couldn't sneeze w/o permission. And during lessons, she was almost always on her cellphone or chatting w/ the rail birds. And at shows, it wasn't much better. She had to spend more time w/ her high $$$ clients and troubled pairs. And I paid a coaching fee for a few "that was good" comments. When really, I could have done better and needed some direction... but enough about that!

My current trainer is also my BM and I know I can call and discuss my horse's care, etc. with her and she'll give me her full attention and address any issues/needs I have.

Business is business.... friendship is friendship. I have many horse friends but I keep everything w/ my trainer/BM as business. Of course we chat a little. How was your vacation? Family? What's new? etc. But we are not "buddy buddy". That was the biggest lesson I learned.

But there is always karma. Unfortunately, the old trainer's name is pretty much "mud" around here after many really bad situations came out. Not sure if she knows this, but she does now if she's reading this! I was lucky that I got out early. Most people who have spoken about her to me, really don't have anything nice to say. It's sad, actually. And for the record, I was actually very good and kept my head down after I left. I didn't even tell my new barnmates where I came from. Only the BM and one boarder knew (she picked my horse up for me). But it was interesting to hear, when the old trainer's name would come up, what other people had to say about her. And it wasn't good. But I kept my mouth shut. Now others? Not so much.

And yes, my old trainer posts/lurks on here. *waving at her* Along w/ a few old clients of hers which have their own stories to tell. And some current ones too, I'm sure.

Hope you are well... I sure am!

[CatOnLap]

well, thanks for the morning laugh with the OP's letter.

Count me in as one of those with the 5 figure take home pay and the free econonag. Frankly even the lowest 5 figure horse is NOT an econo nag, but the most expensive horse in my barn! But then, I don't have a 6 figure boring paycheck like little suzie's mom! I should be so bored!

As for my schmoozing, partying, BN ex-T?
Where are you going to move to next? You've worn out your welcome in half the country already!

[ThreeFigs]

Gee, all my students are housewives or career ladies. None are making fabulous money. In fact, some are in between jobs right now. And their horses? None over 4 figures and everything from rescued Arabs to Drafts and Draft-crosses. I treasure them all.