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were you able to spend the money?

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  • were you able to spend the money?

    I lost my young ottb unexpectedly this weekend. He was my show horse, my retired ottb's companion, my fox hunter, everything. I'm coming to terms with what happened. He got sick, it was untreatable, the wonderful people at new bolton did absolutly everything they could and i'm forever grateful to them for treating him with dignity and respect in his final hours.

    of course life doesn't wait for grief. i'm having to file his insurance information and they want to send me his mortality check. i know i'm going to get another horse, i'm going to keep riding, and if anything i want a companion for jay.

    i just can't get past the idea of using the money to buy a new horse. it just feels like dirty money, blood money. i've thought about donating it to CANTER (where i got him from) or using it to pay off my credit cards, its just hard to use it to buy a new horse like; thank god my horse died so i had all this money to buy my new horse. it just feels wrong

    is this a situation where time will allow me to make the right decision? what would you do?
    http://www.clarkdesigngrouparchitects.com/index.html - Lets build your dream barn

  • #2
    Give yourself some time to grieve. Put the money away someplace ... a savings account, a CD. Once your mind is more settled the right thing to do with the money will present itself.

    *star*, who offers her sympathy
    "Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."
    - Desiderata, (c) Max Ehrman, 1926


    • #3
      I am so sorry for your loss .

      As to the check and buying a new horse...if you use the insurance money to get a new horse you are paying it forward by giving a good home to a deserving horse, and we all know there are not nearly enough good homes. Each horse that passes through our lives teaches us something we can carry forward to our interactions with the next one. Honor your lost friend by being the best care taker you can for your next horse
      Auventera Two:Some women would eat their own offspring if they had some dipping sauce.
      Serious Leigh: it sounds like her drama llama should be an old schoolmaster by now.


      • #4

        Buying another CANTER horse so they have a good home seems like almost a thank you to your previous horse! Or a continuation of sorts...but in a really good way!
        Sorry! But that barn smell is my aromatherapy!
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        • #5
          I'm sorry for your loss.

          Hang onto it for a bit and see how you feel in a month...two...three.

          Choosing to think about it later is still a choice. You don't have to "deal" with it today. Just set a time in the future when you can revisit the idea.

          It's not blood money. If you died and your life insurance policy paid out to your family, would you want them to use it and not feel guilty? That's what it's for...you didn't take out a policy and kill him to collect. It was just a flukey sad situation.

          I'm sorry.
          A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

          Might be a reason, never an excuse...


          • #6
            paying up credit cards is a good idea! Always.

            You can then save the money you are not paying in interest and stuff towards a new friend.

            Biggest hugs.


            • #7
              If you don't or won't need to use the money, then a donation is a wonderful idea.
              Another would be to put it in the bank until the pain sets back some, and see where you are. An opportunity, horse-related or not, may arise that you would like to take advantage of, and having the funds on hand could make all of the difference. I am sure your horse knew you loved him, and that's really the most important thing. I'm sorry for your loss.
              "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." Albert Einstein



              • #8
                Money is money. You paid for the insurance policy, and now it's paid out. I don't see how it's disrespectful to your horse to use it! Especially if you were going to use it to buy a new horse--as said already, you're using your loss to give another horse a good home. That seems more like honoring his memory.

                Though the grimly practical (and familiar with finance charges) me says paying off credit cards is also rarely a bad idea. Maybe use it to pay off your debt, and if there's leftovers, donate it to CANTER or another such rescue organization?
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                • #9
                  When I was in a similar situation I didn't feel that way at all. While I grieved for the horse, I saw the mortality check as "horse" money-that should be spent on a horse. When you do all that you can, there is no need to feel guilty.


                  • #10
                    Give yourself a little time!! Hugs too!!!

                    I don't think paying off your CC's is a bad idea at all, but if you wanted to wait a while, the stick it in a CD!!
                    Friend us on FB


                    • #11
                      MC, I'm so sorry for your loss. So sorry. Just set the $$ aside and see how you feel in a month or two. Don't make any decisions right now.
                      I tolerate all kinds of animal idiosyncrasies.
                      I've found that I don't tolerate people idiosyncrasies as well. - Casey09


                      • #12
                        First so sorry for your loss, and second so proud of you for having such a big heart. I know of some young adults who lost their mother recently, and they also are having a hard time with the life insurance money. They don't want it. Can't spend it. At least not yet. And I am very proud of them for feeling that way, especially in this day and age when people are so materialistic.

                        However, you honor your buddy with the way that you spend that money. And purchasing (or rescuing) another horse is a perfectly fine way to do that. Also, paying off credit cards and then saving for another horse might feel better to you.

                        Regardless, give yourself some time and some TLC. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))


                        • #13
                          So sorry to hear about your boy. I would invest it wisely and hold onto it until another horse speaks to your heart and you are ready to move on. Paying down credit cards is always a smart thing especially since I know you like to buy ottb's that are cheap or maybe even give a home to a free horse.


                          • #14
                            I often think of this scenario, which thankfully I have not yet had first hand experience with.

                            Truth be told, the reason WHY I have my horse insured is because I would need the money to purchase another one should anything happen to her. So yes, should my horse die prematurely, I would use the insurance money to purchase another horse.

                            So very sorry for your loss.


                            • Original Poster

                              Thanks everyone

                              It's nice finally being able to "talk" about all this. It's hard enough to look out my kitchen window and not see him in the field, last night Jay lifted the gate off of his stall and my friend (who's been taking care of the horses) found him in shorty's empty stall this morning.

                              I don't have a lot of credit card debt, about $1000. If I had more I wouldn't feel comfortable having multiple horses. I set up an ING savings account last fall to put money away for shorty's show season this spring so I think i'll just add the money to that until i'm ready to do something with it.

                              I do agree with what a lot of people have said, using the money to buy another ex-racehorse is like paying it forward and that is comforting.

                              thank you
                              http://www.clarkdesigngrouparchitects.com/index.html - Lets build your dream barn


                              • #16
                                I felt the same way--that was Dobbins blood money paid for by his suffering. How dare I consider gettinga nother horse! And a more expensive one too.

                                I did donate some too my favorite rescue. They were greatful. I did wonder whether I should just not get another horse. But I missed having a face looking for me when I pulled up at the barn so I decided on a beautiful one. The face wasnt attached to a wonderful horse but thats not your problem.

                                You are still greving and cant work beyond that yet. Give yourself time to remember him without crying. When you can do that, let me know. I still cant. Then you will be ready to move to another guy/gal. Your heart isnt all yours anymore and it isnt whole anymore. You will be ready someday. Keep it for when you are and donate what you wish at that time.
                                “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker


                                • #17
                                  So sorry to hear about Shorty, Meredith! He was a nice horse.

                                  I would agree with other posters - put the money away and give it some time, then buy yourself a new horse. Eventually, you'll have fun in the search.
                                  Dodon Farm Training Center - on Facebook


                                  • #18
                                    I'm so sorry Meredith about all the sad stuff right now.

                                    Many years ago, it seemed like every dog I had, had problems. One dog died very suddenly on an evening walk, trotting along beside me & dropped dead. I bought a puppy & she had demodectic mange which can be quite serious. My "old" dog developed heart problems due to being hypothyroid. The other puppy had a deformed tongue. I was spending a lot on vet bills & I was dispairing of ever having healthy dogs.

                                    My mother said to me: These animals find you because they know you will take care of them & do your best for them. Someone brings them to you. It's a good way to look at it. Not everyone would have had two different vets repeatedly for Shorty & then rushed him to New Bolton besides. You did all you could. Shorty would not want you to be sad.

                                    Give it some time & you will feel better. Another animal will call to you because it needs a home & someone to care when it is sick or hurt. It's nice when miracles happen & they pull through (like Tom for us) but it doesn't happen often enough.


                                    • #19
                                      It would only be blood money if you killed your horse to collect it. You tried to save your horse...don't feel guility.

                                      Remember, you paid for this nice insurance policy, so don't feel badly....you did all you could. Hugs.


                                      • #20
                                        Hugs Merdith on your loss of Shorty.

                                        I agree with the posters who say using the money to give another deserving, possibly needy horse a home will be an honor to Shorty, and your other horse needs a companion.

                                        Its not blood money, its just a little bit of compensation for the love and care you gave him.
                                        Lowly Farm Hand with Delusions of Barn Biddieom.
                                        Witherun Farm